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  • HEY, EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME BACK!

  • HEY, JON!

  • >> Jon: HELLO!

  • >> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN

  • EMMY AND TONY WINNER YOU KNOW FROM "BLOODLINE," "WHEN THEY SEE

  • US," AND HIS ONE-MAN SHOW, "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."

  • PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOHN LEGUIZAMO.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> YEAH, YEAH.

  • NICE TO BE HERE.

  • >> Stephen: ALWAYS NICE TO SEE YOU.

  • THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

  • GOOD TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH OLD JOHNNY LEGEZ.

  • >> LIVE!

  • >> Stephen: WATCH IT.

  • >> THEY WARNED ME, "DON'T SAY THIS.

  • DON'T SAY THAT."

  • >> Stephen: THEY'RE OVER THERE WITH A DART AND WILL GET YOU

  • RIGHT IN THE NECK.

  • YOU HAVE DONE A LOT OF BROADWAY, STANDUP.

  • HAS IT EVER GONE SIDEWAYS ON YOU?

  • >> ON THE BALCONY, ONCE SOMEBODY THREW UP ON THE LADY'S MINK COAT

  • -- >> Stephen: SOMEBODY IN THE

  • BALL CONNIE OF YOUR THEATER-- >> THREW UP ON THE LADY IN A

  • MINK COAT, AND I HAD TO DRY CLEAN HER COAT.

  • >> Stephen: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DRY CLEAN THE COAT?

  • >> IT WAS MY THEATER AND MY SHOW AND I WAS ON STAGE.

  • AND I WAS ON STAGE AND I COULD HEAR PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN THE

  • BATHROOM AND THEY LEFT THE PANTIES.

  • FROM NOW ON I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE, "PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR

  • PHONES, I'M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR MINK COAT TO BE CLEANED, AND

  • TAKE YOUR PANTIES IF YOU HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM."

  • >> Stephen: WAS THIS DISTRACTING TO THE ODD YEENS

  • JUDGE IT WAS DISTRACTING TO ME.

  • THEY DIDN'T CARE.

  • I'M LIKE, "WHO IS HAVING MORE FUN THAN I AM?"

  • >> Stephen: THAT LEADS TO MY QUESTION BECAUSE WHEN YOU WERE

  • HERE IN JULY, YOU SAID AT THE TIME, THAT YOUR ANGER AT SEEING

  • THE WAY TRUMP WAS BEHAVING WAS GIVING YOU-- YOU CALLED IT

  • "TRUMP RAGE MADE YOU HORNY."

  • >> YEAH, IT DID.

  • I HAD ALL THIS EXTRA ENERGY.

  • AND I WAS, YOU KNOW... MY POOR WIFE.

  • AND-- >> Stephen: YOU SAID, "YOU

  • WANTED TO PROCREATE AND BUILD A LATINO ARMY."

  • >> YEAH.

  • I'M TIRED NOW.

  • >> Stephen: I'M QUOTING.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) MR. LEGUIZAMO-- I REMIND YOU

  • YOU'RE UNDER OATH.

  • WHAT IS THE RAGE OF YOUR HORNY RAGE AFTER THE SPEECH.

  • >> THERE WAS A LOT OF PIMP TENSE UP THERE.

  • SO I FELT VERY-- YEAH, NOT SO MUCH.

  • THE RAGE IS GONE.

  • NOW I'M MORE CREATIVE.

  • SEX TAKES AWAY YOUR CREATIVITY ANYWAY.

  • >> Stephen: IT DOES?

  • >> YEAH, LIKE BOXERS, THEY DON'T HAVE SEX.

  • THEY HAVE TO ABSTAIN SO THEY CAN BEAT THUR OPPONENT S.

  • >> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING BOXING IS CREATIVITY?

  • I KNOW IT'S A SWEET SCIENCE, BUT NOT CREATIVITY.

  • >> IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF ORGASMS, YOU DON'T HAVE AS MANY BOOKS OR

  • SHOW S.

  • >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA PICASSO GOT.

  • >> I CAN CHECK THAT ON GOOGLE.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CAN LOOK AT HIS PAINTINGS!

  • >> YEAH, YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: THE WOMEN ALL HAD, LIKE, FIVE BREASTS.

  • >> DON'T YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE A LOT OF GREAT SEX YOU'RE NOT AS

  • CREATIVE.

  • >> Stephen: UHM...

  • >> I KNOW HOW I FEEL.

  • LIKE, WHEN I'M PENT UP, I CREATE A LOT MORE.

  • >> Stephen: WE'RE LIVE.

  • WE'RE LIVE RIGHT NOW, AND I'M-- >> SORRY, WE'RE OFF TOPIC.

  • >> Stephen: WE'RE DANCING VERY CLOSE.

  • >> I'M GOING TO GO HOME AND NOT BE CREATIVE.

  • >> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK MORE ABOUT THIS.

  • >> IN PRIVATE.

  • >> Stephen: I WANT TO BREAK SOME NEWS, SOME PEOPLE DO NOT

  • KNOW THIS, YOU ARE THE LATEST MEMBER OF THE YANG GANG.

  • >> YES, I AM.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE DEAL?

  • >>?

  • DO YOU NEED $1,000?

  • >> MY SON NEEDS $1,000.

  • HE TALKED ME INTO IT.

  • >> Stephen: YOUR SON IS A FAN.

  • >> HUGE FAN.

  • >> Stephen: I GET ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHO MY KIDS ARE

  • ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT, TOO?

  • >> AND HE CONVINCED ME WITH ALL HIS PLANS, HEALTH CARE FOR ALL,

  • AND TAKE IT FROM PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES AND GET MORE HEALTH

  • CARE WORKERS.

  • HE'S GOING TO TAKE FROM THE BIG TECH COMPANIES AND GIVE $1,000

  • TO EVERYONE.

  • I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, SON, YOU WANT THAT $1,000, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU

  • I'M GOING TO JOIN THE YANG GANG."

  • >> Stephen: I LIKE GETTING ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT WHO MY

  • CHILDREN ARE ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT.

  • IT'S THEIR WORLD.

  • WHAT HAVE WE GOT LEST OF LEFT IN US.

  • >> NOT MUCH.

  • >> Stephen: WEEKS.

  • >> DAYS!

  • PLUS HE'S THE LAST PERSON OF COLOR LEFT.

  • SO I HAD -- >> Stephen: OH, MR. YANG,

  • THAT'S RIGHT.

  • >> MR. YANG, A LITTLE COLOR.

  • >> Stephen: THE DEMOCRATIC FIELD USED TO BE FAR MORE

  • DIVERSE-- >> AT THE BEGINNING.

  • >> Stephen: AND NOW IT'S MORE LIKE ME.

  • >> WHICH IS NICE, IT'S NICE.

  • >> Stephen: NOTHING WRONG.

  • >> I JUST LIKE BEING INCLUDED A LITTLE BIT MORE.

  • >> Stephen: WHO DO YOU EXWHRAIM BLAIM?

  • DO YOU BLAME THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY OR THE VOTERS AND DONORS?

  • IT'S BASED UPON DONATIONS AND POLLING.

  • SO WHERE DO YOU LAY THE BLAME AT TOM PERES?

  • >> EVERYBODY WANTS TO LAY IT ON TOM PERES.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LAY THE BLAME.

  • I GUESS THE VOTERS, THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THE

  • CANDIDATE THAT CAN BEAT TRUMP.

  • >> Stephen: SO THEY WANT A SAFE CHOICE.

  • >> THEY WANT A SAFE CHOICE.

  • THEY DON'T WANT ANYBODY WHO IS GOING TO SHAKE THINGS UP AND

  • MAYBE NOT GET THE INDEPENDENCE, NOT GET THE MODERN REPUBLICANS

  • SO EVERYBODY IS PLAYING IT SAFE.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE DISASTER DOWN IN IOWA?

  • BECAUSE THAT WAS-- >> WHAT'S A CAUCUS ANYWAY?

  • IS YOUR CAUCUS BIGGER THAN MINE?

  • WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST CAUCUS?

  • >> Stephen: IT DEPENDS ON?

  • >> >> NOBODY WANTS A LITTLE CAUCUS.

  • >> Stephen: IT DEPENDS ON HOW CREATIVE I'M FEELING, JOHN.

  • >> OH!

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> CAUCUS SIZE MATTER S.

  • >> Stephen: IT DOES, IT DOES.

  • WE JUST LEARNED THAT.

  • >> CAUCUS SIZE MATTER S.

  • >> Stephen: IT DOES.

  • YOU DON'T VOTE, YOU GET IN A ROOM AND PEOPLE RAISE THEIR

  • HANDS AND THEY COINCIDENT THEM.

  • >> RIGHT, RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY SIMPLE WAY TO VOTE.

  • >> IT'S VERY OLD FASHIONED AND ANALOG.

  • >> Stephen: EXACTLY.

  • IT'S LIKE AN OLD TOWN HALL MEETING.

  • >> BUT THEY HAD AN APP THIS TIME, AND THAT ALL WENT HAYWIRE.

  • AND WE DON'T KNOW.

  • THEY'RE SOMEWHERE ELSE-- NEW HAMPSHIRE ALREADY.

  • WE VOAM 62% OF THE VOTE IN!

  • >> Stephen: YEAH, I MEAN DO YOU HAVE SUGGESTION HOW TO MAKE

  • IT EASIER?

  • >> LET'S NOT GO TO IOWA.

  • WHY IOWA?

  • THEY DON'T REPRESENT AMERICA.

  • WHERE WHY ARE WE THERE?

  • >> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED THERE ISN'T SOME MACHINE TO MAKE

  • IT EASIER.

  • >> BANKING, OUR MONEY SYSTEM WORKS.

  • WHY CAN'T WE DO THE SAME THING WITH BANKING FOR VOTING.

  • I HAVE A PIECE OF CARD, A PIECE OF PAPER AND PAPER TRAIL AND WE

  • ALL FEEL GOOD.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT IF YOU GO TO YOUR ACCOUNTANT AND THERE'S NO

  • FREEDOM LEFT IN IT?

  • YOU'RE OVERDRAWN.

  • >> WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE TECH COMPANIES AND TAKE MORE

  • MONEY FROM THEM YOU.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE A ONE-MAN SHOW, WHICH WE TALKED ABOUT

  • BEFORE BUT IT'S ON NETFLIX AND AUDIBLE.

  • IT'S CALLED "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS."

  • >> WHY MORONS.

  • >> WE'RE ALL MORONS, ESPECIALLY ME, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT

  • MY LATIN HISTORY.

  • IT WAS "LATIN HISTORY FOR DUMMIES," AND THE COMPANY SUED

  • ME AND THEN IT WAS "LATIN HISTORY FOR IDIOTS," AND THEY

  • SUED ME.

  • THEY TOLD ME CEASE AND DESIST.

  • WHAT DO WE SAY IN NEW YORK, MORON.

  • AND REX TILLERSON CALLED TRUMP A MORON.

  • >> Stephen: YOU DO AN IMPRESSION OF YOUR SON IN THIS

  • SHOW.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: DOES HE GIVE YOU NOTES ON THE IMPRESSION?

  • >> MY SON HATES MY IMPRESSION OF HIM.

  • HE SAID, "DAD, YOU MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ISSUES."

  • I SAID I'M A 55-YEAR-OLD PLAYING A 12-YEAR-OLD."

  • MY DAUGHTER, TOO, HATES IT.

  • SHE GOES, "I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, DAD.

  • EXPIVMENT GO, "YES, YOU DO."

  • >> Stephen: YOU MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN ARTIST AND

  • ENTERTAINER.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF AN ARTIST MORE THAN AN

  • ENTERTAINER.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE FOR YOU AND WHY IS IT

  • IMPORTANT?

  • >> ENTERTAINERS ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND THEY HELP US ESCAPE,

  • RIGHT, AND WE NEED THAT IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES.

  • BUT AN ARTIST IS POLITICAL.

  • WE STICK OUR NECK OUT.

  • WE TAKE RISKS.

  • WE CALL PEOPLE ON THEIR-- I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO-- ON THEIR

  • STUFF, CALL THEM OUT.

  • WE CALL THEM OUT.

  • >> Stephen: NICE CATCH.

  • >> GOOD CATCH.

  • IF IT WAS A LITTLE LATER, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CATCH

  • MYSELF, BUT I WAS STILL AWAKE.

  • SO, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT ARTISTS DO.

  • ARTISTS RISK TO HELP US GET ACROSS THE NEXT EVOLUTIONARY

  • HURDLE.

  • >> Stephen: THE NEXT EVOLUTIONARY HURDLE.

  • >> CULTURAL EVOLUTIONARY HURDLE.

  • >> Stephen: CULTURAL.

  • OKAY, I I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO GROW SOMETHING NEW.

  • >> LET'S HOPE NOT.

  • YOU DON'T WANT ANOTHER APPENDIX.

  • >> Stephen: WE COULD USE ANOTHER CAUCUS.

  • WE RACED EACH OTHER FOR THAT ONE.

  • JOHN, LOVELY TO SEE YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

  • >> I GAVE MY HAND LIKE TRUMP.

  • >> Stephen: "LATIN HISTORY FOR MORONS" IS AVAILABLE ON

  • NETFLIX AND AUDIBLE!

  • JOHN LEGUIZAMO, EVERYBODY!

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE AUTHORS OF "A VERY STABLE

  • GENIUS," PHILIP RUCKER AND CAROL LEONNIG.

  • STICK AROUND.

  • THANKS, MAN.

HEY, EVERYBODY!

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B1 中級

ジョン・レグイザモそもそもコーカスって何? (John Leguizamo: What's A Caucus Anyway?)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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