Use the toilet roll instead!

Why?!

I went to panic buy and bought too many toilet rolls

and they're all going to be expired soon.

There's an expiry date for toilet rolls?

Just use them!

Have you wondered why you bought so many rolls of toilet paper?

Many of you would have seen images like

this and this and this and many more

But have you ever wondered why people panic buy toilet papers

of all things during a disaster?

Or even a “disaster” like this COVID-19,

which is made out of False Evidence Appearing Real?

(Background) What’s False Evidence Appearing Real?

Well, I don't know, so let us know what you think

in the comment section below.

Moving on, let us explain why people panic buy toilet paper

during a disaster, and this is not just based on our theories,

even though we do have a lot of them

but let's listen to the experts for this

Let's go!

Hello?

I said let's go!

Don't follow, forget it!

*manly snores*

In case you didn't know, there are actually four reasons

why people buy toilet rolls during a disaster

instead of something else like

I don't know, clothes?

I mean, I still do buy a lot of clothes during this period of time

but that's another topic for another day

You see, according to Dr Dimitrios Tsivrikos,

an expert in consumer and behavioural science at the University College London

the size of it contributes to the panic buying.

He said and I quote, “The bigger they are, the more important we think they are."

I know; it sounds quite bizarre

and I know it doesn't really make sense

But like a wise old man once said

"Big things are more expensive!"

Exactly

And we tend to associate things that are expensive to be more important.

Another expert also pointed out that due to its size,

it’s easier for shelves to be emptied out

and so we think that the product is even more important than

it actually is

And we also think that,

"Oh, shit, the shelves are being cleared out

I need to buy now!"

That's basically what happens

So, he also said,

"Seeing something small, like

for example, hand sanitiser,

get bought from the shelf is nothing unusual

Because it's just a small hole

that'll eventually get filled up by other products

But if we talk about something big, like toilet rolls

that's massive

That massive amount of shelf space

cannot be readily replaced by other products

That's also why rice is sold out so fast

because it's big and it looks important

but other than size,

what other factors contribute to this highly irrational behaviour?

Herd mentality

What is herd mentality, you ask.

Don't worry, we've created this scene for you

Hello, do you guys want chicken rice?

Guy A: No

Others: No

Then do you guys want rice with chicken?

Guy A: Yes

Others: Yes, of course!

You see how illogical that situation is?

The question asked is the same,

but the answers are totally different

simply because we’re all “monkey see monkey do”

This is even worse for someone who’s been to NS

Here, let us go interview someone who’s been through NS

Let's go!

Host: So, what is the "monkey see monkey do" behaviour in NS?

So when I was in BMT

Basic Military Training

Then the Enick told one of the company guys

to come down to take something

The guy didn't inform us and just went down himself

The rest of us went down because it was "Enick's instruction"

You know, in the army, Enick is king

So we followed

I told my friends and my friends told their friends

Then the whole company went down

After that, it turned out that

the Enick just wanted to borrow a lighter!

The company sat down there for two hours

Two hours just because we thought the Enick wanted us to fall in

In the army, we can do a lot of things in two hours

You young people ah (???)

So how much are you paying me for this interview?

Host: We'll discuss that later

Okay, because if you pay me more, I'll talk more

So should I continue to make up stories-

-I mean, I mean-

So you can see that it’s essentially a monkey see monkey do kind of thing

Associate Professor Nitika Garg from the University of New South Wales, said,

"They think if this person is doing it

my neighbour is doing it

there’s got to be a reason and I have to do it too!"

So, it’s not that we’re naturally drawn to

white butt-wiping paper in a crisis;

it’s that we feel like we have to because other people are doing it.

Sadly, that's the truth

And you know what human beings like the most?

No, it's not money

but close

It's being in control

When there is an epidemic

aside from taking precautions,

there’s really nothing you can do to

guarantee that you'll never ever contract the disease

Of course, there are some ways that you can avoid doing

For example, like, not touching your face-

(Background) Cher, Cher, Cher, she touched her face

I never

I saw, I saw, she touched her face

You then touch your face lah

I got no face what (HAHAHA)

Toilet paper~

But anyways, this takes away all our control from the situation

And because humans are such control freaks

we can't handle it

So, what do we do next?

Purchase something practical

Niki Edwards, School of Public Health and Social Work,

Queensland University of Technology, views toilet paper

as a symbol of control.

She said, "We clean up and tidy up

It deals with a bodily function that is somewhat taboo.”

Basically, stockpiling toilet paper is something that we do

as a compensation for what we have no control over

and we compensate by maintaining control over something we can

the cleanliness of our butts.

Humans are essentially irrational. Didn’t you know that?

(Background) No

Okay, now you know

And it’s precisely this illogical thought that leads to the next expert’s views

Perception of Scarcity

In case you didn’t know, toilet paper does not cure

the Covid-19 virus, nor does it prevent infection or kill the virus.

Psychologist Emma Kenny pointed out that when we buy toilet paper

we’re not actually reacting to the epidemic

rather we’re “reacting to the fear of what’s going to happen if people all panic buy”

I know, mindblown, right?

This, in turn, creates panic buying which feeds the whole cycle, she said.

You may have read articles about supermarkets being wiped out

along with pictures of empty shelves

which would probably lead you to panic and grab whatever you

can lay your hands on at the nearest supermarket

So, if let's say you were to hear that

supermakets in Singapore today are running out of toil-

(Background) Wait, wait, wait!

(Background) Singapore supermaket ran out of toilet paper?

No,no, no. I was just giving an example

(Backgound) No! I need toilet paper!

(Background) My butt is dirty!

*Whispers* Lights, ok

So as I was saying

we tend to buy toilet paper because we keep reading about

news that supermarkets are running out of toilet paper

and we fear that that would not be enough left for us

It's just like a man who had a headache and Googled his symptoms

and somehow managed to convince himself that he had brain cancer

Yeah, blame the Internet for that

Now, there’s still one more reason why people are panic buying toilet paper

Throughout history, there have been cases

when toilet paper went out of stock in supermarkets

The latest one being Taiwan, when in 2018,

forest fires actually caused the prices of toilet paper to balloon

I know, it's insane, right?

And there are actually many more cases of such incidents

You can ask Google about it

Hey Google

Can you please list down the periods

of when toilet papers actually ran out of stock?

(Google) Hey idiot from Goody Feed

did you know that you can use water to wash your butt

instead of toilet paper?

So, from now on, please do yourself a favour

and don't anyhowly hoard toilet paper

You're just wasting money

Instead, get something useful

Hey Google

What do you buy during an epidemic?

(Google's son) I think you shouldn't buy anything but

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