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  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

  • >> HI!

  • HELLO!

  • THANK YOU!

  • VERY NICE!

  • WHOO, WHOO!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN ENGLAND, WE JUST GO, HMM...

  • ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY NICE TO BE HERE.

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • WHEN YOU GO COMEDY, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS SET YOUR STOOL OUT

  • AT THE START BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, TO GET YOUR VIBE ACROSS BECAUSE

  • YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME AND THINKING, YEAH, SHE'S HOT BUT

  • WHAT'S HER VIBE, YOU KNOW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO I GUESS THE THING TO TELL YOU

  • ABOUT ME SO YOU GET MY VIBE IS A LITTLE WHILE AGO I PUT ON MAKEUP

  • TO SKYPE A BABY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.

  • I'M AT THE AGE NOW WHERE I NEED TO DIDE WHETHER I HAVE BABIES,

  • AND I DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE A YEAR AGO, I DIDN'T WANT KIDS AND NOW

  • I THINK, MAYBE I JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT KIDS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MY NEPHEWS ARE COOL.

  • AT CHRISTMAS ONE OF MY NEPHEWS LEANS IN AND SAID DID YOU KNOW

  • THAT JESUS WAS A BOOK BEFORE HE WAS A FILM?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN HE GOES, JUST LIKE

  • HARRY POTTER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) CUTE.

  • THE OTHER THING IS I HAVE BEEN IN A MAN BA FOR EIGHT YEARS.

  • I MEAN, WELL, THE THING IS FOR NOW, LET THE DOG SEE THE RABBIT.

  • THAT'S AN ENGLISH PHRASE, IMAGINE A DOG AND A RABBIT AND

  • YOU'RE HALFWAY THERE.

  • I WAS IN A MAN BAND AND I DID FANCY SKATE BOARDERS.

  • I THINK YOUR TASTE CHANGES AS YOU GET OLDER.

  • WHEN I WAS REALLY LITTLE, I WANTED TO MARRY MY DAD.

  • ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I'M GLAD I DIDN'T BECAUSE

  • HE'S AGED REALLY BADLY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO YOUR TASTE DOES CHANGE

  • BECAUSE NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ME NOW IS KINDNESS,

  • AND OBVIOUSLY WHAT'S MORE FUNNY, YOU KNOWSOMEONE CREATIVE, BUT

  • NOT WITH THE TRUTH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU NOTICE A GUY THAT -- YEAH,

  • MAYBE HE PLAYS THE GUITAR, BUT HE WAITS TO BE ASKED.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I THINK THERE'S A QUESTION, WE

  • WANT THEM TO BE NICE GUYS BUT THEY THINK WE WANT THEM TO EARN

  • MONEY AND HAVE MASSIVE STRONG.

  • SO I WANT MY OWN MONEY.

  • I'VE HAD A LOVELY TIME WITH SOME TINY ONES, ACTUALLY.

  • AND I THINK IT'S JUST A CASE OF HAVING A CAN-DO ATTITUDE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO, YEAH, LET THAT BE A LESSON

  • TO US ALL.

  • YEAH!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHY NOT?

  • ( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.

  • YEAH.

  • I'VE HAD A LOVELY TIME.

  • I THINK MEN THINK THAT WE'RE MORE BOTHERED ABOUT IT THAN WE

  • ARE BECAUSE I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND PHOEBE THE OTHER WEEK AND

  • SHE SAID I'VE HAD A LOVELY TIME WITH PEOPLE WITH NO PENISES.

  • I'M, LIKE, I THINK WE CALL THEM WOMEN, PHOEBE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WILL SAY THAT I THINK

  • EVERYONE'S WATCHING TOO MUCH PORN.

  • SORRY.

  • NOT THE FIRST TO SAY IT, I SUPPOSE, BUT THE REASON I THINK

  • THAT IS BECAUSE, BACK IN THE DAY, IF YOU GOT TOGETHER WITH

  • SOMEONE -- OKAY, WE'RE ALL FRIENDS NOW --

  • ( LAUGHTER ) -- IF YOU GOT TOGETHER WITH

  • SOMEONE BACK IN THE DAY, THEY DIDN'T GO TO GAVALIA AS AN

  • OPTION.

  • WOULD THE LADY CARE FOR STRANGULATION?

  • NO!

  • NO!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I GET WE WANT TO TAKE RISKS IN

  • LOVEMAKING, BUT I CAN GET THAT ADRENALINE SPIKE FROM WALKING

  • HOME IN LONDON.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO I DON'T NEED THAT, YOU KNOW.

  • IT'S NOT JUST ME, IS IT?

  • AM I JUST GIVING OFF THAT SAUDI NO, THEY CHECK WHEN THEY SEE THE

  • HOPEFUL FACE, WELL, MAYBE.

  • I'M NOT DROPPING A ROCK ON THEIR BULLET GOING, I THOUGHT YOU

  • MIGHT JUST, YOU KNOW -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • I THINK WHAT I NEED TO DO IS NOT DATE THE YOUNGER MEN.

  • NO OFFENSE.

  • I SEE WOMEN LAUGHING.

  • YES!

  • HOW OLD HERE?

  • WE HAVEN'T GOT TIME.

  • NO, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THEY CAN'T.

  • SEE, I DON'T KNOW, I WANT TO GO OUT WITH AGE-APPROPRIATE MEN NOW

  • WHICH IS NEW FOR ME BUT I WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I'M REALLY

  • YOUNG.

  • IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK YOU'RE YOUNG, THIS IS WHAT YOU

  • DO.

  • ANYONE AT A PARTY, SO YOU GUYS ARE AT THE PARTY WILL BE JUST,

  • LIKE -- I'LL JUST BE, LIKE, OH, HEY, SO WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO

  • TO?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • YOU CAN USE THAT AT HOME.

  • I DID THAT, THOUGH.

  • SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE, AT THE SAME TIME.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU.

  • IF ONE MAN'S LAUGHING AND IT'S JAMES CORDEN, FINE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I'LL GIVE YOU TWO TIPS AND I

  • WILL BE O OFF BACK TO THE OLD COUNTRY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S ANOTHER TIP.

  • THIS ONE'S FOR WOMEN.

  • SORRY.

  • AND GIVE THEM SOMETHING.

  • OKAY.

  • IF YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU'RE IN A MALE-DOMINATED ENVIRONMENT AND

  • THE MEN AREN'T LISTENING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO HIGH-PITCHED,

  • WHATEVER, WHAT YOU DO -- LET'S SAY YOU'RE IN A MEETING AND THE

  • MAN AREN'T LISTENING, JUST START EVERY SENTENCE WITH "WHEN I WAS

  • A SEX WORKER..."

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.

  • OKAY.

  • LAST TIP, THIS ONE'S FOR EVERYONE, OKAY, THIS IS A REALLY

  • GOOD TIP IF YOU SORT OF GET INTO ANY TROUBLE AT ALL YOU CAN USE

  • THIS, IT'S UNIVERSAL, BECAUSE I SPILT COFFEE ON SOMEONE'S HEAD.

  • IF SOMEONE IS MAD ABOUT YOU FOR ANYTHING AT ALL, YOU PUT YOUR

  • HAND ON THEIR SHOULDER AND YOU SAY, I DON'T THINK THIS IS ABOUT

  • ME, IS IT?

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT'S GOING ON FOR YOU AT HOME?

  • YOU HAVE BEEN SO LOVELY!

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪

  • >> James: LOU SANDERS, EVERYBODY!

  • "SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW STEP-MUMMY" IS ON TOUR NOW.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

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A2 初級

ルー・サンダース スタンドアップ (Lou Sanders Stand-Up)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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