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WE'RE STILL OVER HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE MORE MONOLOGUE.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMEDIANS, JOHN MULANEY, WILL BE OUT HERE
IN JUST A MOMENT.
VERY TALENTED.
NOW, FOLKS, WHILE IMPEACHMENT WAS GOING ON IN WASHINGTON,
D.C., TRUMP WAS IN DAVOS, SWTS, WHERE HE HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE
THIS MORNING.
ONE REPORTER ASKED IF HE PLANNED ON ATTENDING HIS TRIAL.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I WOULD LOVE TO SIT IN THE FRONT ROW AND STARE AT THEIR CORRUPT
FACES.
I'D LOVE TO DO IT.
( AS TRUMP ) "I'D LOVE TO STARE AT THEIR
CORRUPT FACES, AND IT'S LIKE GAZING IN A MIRROR.
SO BEAUTIFUL.
DEMOCRATS ARE NICE, TOO.
DEMOCRATS ARE NICE, TOO.
ONE OF THE ARTICLES AGAINST TRUMP IS SOMETHING CALLED
OBSTRUCTION OF CONGRESS, BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSE IS WITHHOLDING
ALL THE MATERIALS NEEDED TO INVESTIGATE TRUMP'S UKRAINE
SCHEME.
APPARENTLY, TRUMP'S PRETTY PROUD OF THAT CRIME.
>> I THOUGHT OUR TEAM DID A VERY GOOD JOB.
BUT, HONESTLY, WE HAVE ALL THE MATERIAL.
THEY DON'T HAVE THE MATERIAL.
>> Stephen: HE'S BRAGGING ABOUT THE THING HE'S ON TRIAL FOR!
( AS JUDGE ) "HOW DOES THE DEFENDANT PLEAD?"
( AS DEFENDANT ) "YOUR HONOR, THE DEFENDANT
PLEADS-- HA-HA-HA YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!
I KILLED 'EM ALL!
ALSO, NOT GUILTY."
TRUMP ALSO HAD SOME WORDS OF PRAISE FOR HIS PERSONAL
ATTORNEY, RUDY GIULIANI.
>> RUDY GIULIANI IS SOMEBODY THAT I THINK THE PRESS HAS BEEN
VERY UNFAIR TO.
GREATEST MAYOR IN THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK.
HE KNOWS CORRUPTION, REALLY, BETTER THAN ANYBODY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YEAH, THAT'S KIND OF
THE PROBLEM.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S LIKE SAYING THANOS IS AN
EXPERT AT POPULATION CONTROL.
TRUMP WAS ALSO INTERVIEWED BY "MARRIAGE STORY."
>> THERE IS SOME QUESTION ABOUT THIS CHINA DEAL, SOME PEOPLE
FEEL IT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH TEETH.
>> ARE YOU READY?
WE HAVE TREMENDOUS POLICING.
WE HAVE A POLICING ASPECT OF THIS DEAL THAT'S THE STRONGEST
ANYBODY HAS EVER HAD.
IF THAT HAPPENS, I'LL TERMINATE THE DEAL.
I'M NOT A BABY.
>> Stephen: YEAH, TRUMP'S NOT A BABY.
HE HAS TROUBLE WITH STAIRS, THROWS FITS WHEN HE DOESN'T GET
HIS WAY, AND HE'LL ONLY EAT FRENCH FRIES AND CAKE.
HE'S A TODDLER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THEN TRUMP SQUELCHED OVER TO AN INTERVIEW WITH CNBC'S JOE
KERNEN, WHERE HE EMPHASIZED THAT IT'S UP TO THE GOVERNMENT
TO PROTECT INNOVATORS, ESPECIALLY ONES LIKE ELON MUSK.
>> DO YOU HAVE COMMENTS ON ELON MUSK?
>> I WAS WORRIED ABOUT HIM, BECAUSE HE'S ONE OF OUR GREAT
GENIUSES, AND WE HAVE TO PROTECT OUR GENIUS.
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO PROTECT THOMAS EDISON.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: MR. PRESIDENT, SIT
DOWN.
I HAVE SOME AWFUL NEWS ABOUT THOMAS EDISON.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO BREAK THIS TO YOU.
OF COURSE, A LOT OF DEMOCRATS ARE TRYING TO REMOVE TRUMP FROM
OFFICE WITH AN UPCOMING ELECTION, INCLUDING FORMER SOUTH
BEND MAYOR AND GUY WATCHING YOU SLEEP ON AN AIRPLANE, PETE
BUTTIGIEG.
THROUGHOUT MAYOR PETE'S CAMPAIGN, HE'S STRUGGLED TO
GARNER SUPPORT FROM AFRICAN AMERICANS, SO ON M.L.K. DAY, HE
STOPPED BY THE BROWN AND BLACK PRESIDENTIAL FORUM, WHERE HE WAS
ASKED A SIMPLE, BUT FUN QUESTION.
>> IF ANTONIA AND I INVITED YOU TO A POTLUCK OR BARBECUE,
WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING?
>> IS IT A BREAKFAST POTLUCK?
>> Stephen: NO!
THAT'S NOT A THING.
( LAUGHTER ) "COME OVER SATURDAY MORNING.
WE'RE THROWING SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS AND OATMEAL ON THE GRILL!"
AFTER CLARIFYING THAT NO, THIS IS NOT A BREAKFAST COOKOUT,
MAYOR PETE SETTLED ON THIS ANSWER.
>> IT'S GONNA BE CHIPS AND SALSA.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: NICE EFFORT.
THAT'S ONE STEP ABOVE BRINGING PAPER PLATES YOU STOLE FROM THE
BREAK ROOM AT WORK.
PLUS, YOU'RE THERE TO ATTRACT AFRICAN AMERICANS.
YOU'RE PANDERING TO THE WRONG MINORITY.
( AS MAYOR PETE ) "CHIPS AND SALSA, THAT'S YOU
GUYS, RIGHT?
NO?
BAGELS?
KIMCHI?
HELP ME OUT HERE."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN MULANEY.
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?