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  • WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW.

  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> Stephen: SO HERE WE ARE.

  • HERE WE ARE, TRUMP WAS NOT REMOVED FROM OFFICE, WHICH WE

  • NEVER REALLY THOUGHT HE WOULD BE.

  • SO WHAT NOW?

  • WITHER THE REPUBLIC, SOME PEOPLE FEEL THAT NOW THERE IS GOING TO

  • BE NOTHING TO HOLD HIM BACK.

  • TRUMP UNLEASHED, OFFER THE RAIL, A, THAT'S NOT A LEASH, IT IS

  • JUST A REALLY LONG TIE.

  • AND B, THERE WERE NEVER RAILS.

  • NOT EVEN THOSE LITTLE BUMPERS THEY PUT IN FOR KIDS TO BOWL,

  • NOTHING.

  • BUT TRUMP'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE.

  • AND THIS MORNING TRUMP BEGAN HIS TOXIC VICTORY SHAMBLE AT THE

  • MOST APPROPRIATE PLACE FOR VENGEANCE, THE NATIONAL PRAYER

  • BREAKFAST.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, THE PRAYER BREAKFAST IS THE ANGRIEST

  • MEAL OF THE DAY.

  • TRUMP CLEARLY HUMBLED BY HIS IMPEACHMENT, BEGAN WITH A VERY

  • CONTRITE FIST PUMP.

  • HE REALLY SEEMED TO, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT.

  • HE WANTS TO CHERISH THAT MOMENT, MAKE IT LAST FOREVER.

  • LET'S GIVE THAT TO HIM.

  • JIMMY, CAN WE LOOP THAT, PLEASE?

  • (LAUGHTER) YES, THERE HE IS.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> Stephen: THERE HE IS, HE IS REALLY, REALLY JUST MILKING THE

  • MOMENT.

  • NOW DO NOT REUSE THAT FOOTAGE FOR YOUR OWN FILTHY PURPOSES, DO

  • NOT.

  • BEFORE THINGS GOT STARTED TRUMP CONTINUED HIS GLOATING BY

  • HOLDING UP A NEWSPAPER WITH THE HEADLINE "ACQUITTED" THIS IS AN

  • HISTORIC MOMENT.

  • WE REMEMBER LIKE HARRY TRUMAN HOLDING UP THE PAPER SAYING

  • "SUCK IT DEWEY."

  • THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER OF THE BREAKFAST WAS A MAN NAMED ARTHUR

  • BROOKS WHO HAD AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE OF FORGIVENESS.

  • >> MY FRIENDS, THAT IS THE THEME OF THIS BREAKFAST TODAY, LOVE

  • YOUR ENEMIES.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SENTIMENTS.

  • AND SO APPROPRIATE FOLLOWING THE DEVICIVE IMPEACHMENT.

  • THE PRESIDENT IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED THAT WITH THIS.

  • >> ARTHUR, I DON'T KNOW IF I AGREE WITH YOU.

  • BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ARTHUR IS GOING TO LIKE WHAT I AM GOING TO

  • SAY.

  • >> Stephen: SORRY, I'LL A LITTLE HOARSE RIGHT NOW BUT WHEN

  • I'M AROUND SO MANY CHRISTIANS THE DEMON JUST POPS OUT, YOU

  • KNOW.

  • FACTUS SUM SICUT HOMO SINE ADJUTORIO INTER MOTUUOS LIBER.

  • SO NOT A LOT OF LOVE AND FORGIVENESS AT THE PRAYER

  • BREAKFAST, SPECIFICALLY TOWARD UTAH SENATOR MITT ROMNEY SEEN

  • HERE AFTER ONE CHOCOLATE MILK.

  • (LAUGHTER) ROMNEY WAS THE ONLY REPUBLICAN

  • WHO VOTED TO CONVICT TRUMP AND HE JUSTIFIED HIS DECISION BY

  • CITING HIS OATH TO GOD.

  • TRUMP ALSO ATTACKED NANCY PELOSI WHO SAID SHE PRAYED FOR HIM AND

  • HERE IS HIS TWO-FER ATTACK.

  • >> I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO USE THEIR FAITH AS JUSTIFICATION FOR

  • DOING WHAT THEY KNOW IS WRONG.

  • NOR DO I LIKE PEOPLE WHO SAY, I PRAY FOR YOU, WHEN THEY KNOW

  • THAT THAT IS NOT SO.

  • >> Stephen: WAIT, HOW CAN HE KNOW WHAT SOMEONE IS REALLY

  • PRAYING.

  • OH NO, DID HE GET THE RUSSIANS TO HACK GOD!

  • (LAUGHTER) BUT, JUST HAD A MENTAL IMAGE

  • BECAUSE THAT'S NOT GOOD FOR ANYBODY, GOD HAS SEEN ALL THE

  • PEEPEE TAPES.

  • NOW EVEN WHEN THE PROMPTER TOLD TRUMP TO TALK ABOUT HIS FRIENDS

  • HE COULDN'T HELP BUT BRING UP HIS ENEMIES.

  • >> FOR THIS CHERISHED TRADITION ARE A LOT OF FRIENDS IN THE

  • AUDIENCE.

  • THAT AND THE ENEMIES AND THE ALLIES.

  • AND WE HAVE THEM ALL.

  • WE HAVE ALLIES, WE HAVE ENEMIES, SOMETIMES THE ALL AYE-- ALIS

  • WITH ENEMIES BUT WE JUST DON'T KNOW IT.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE PARANOID BUT TRUMP SAYS

  • HE IS A CHRISTIAN AND HE IS JUST ECHOING THE LORD'S WORDS AT THE

  • LAST IS UPPER.

  • TRULY I TELL YOU, ONE OF YOU WILL BETRAY ME, AND ST MITT

  • ISCARIOT, GET HIM!

  • THEN TRUMP FORGOT ABOUT THE PRAYER THING ALL TOGETHER AND

  • JUST LAUNCHED THE RAMBLE ON THE MOUNT.

  • >> OUR UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS ARE THE BEST IN THE HISTORY OF OUR

  • COUNTRY.

  • WOMEN, BEST IN 71 YEARS SO, WE'LL YOU HAVE THERE SOON, SOON

  • IT WILL BE.

  • >> HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO THE WOMEN.

  • >> Stephen: YES, YOU DO HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO THE WOMEN.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) USUALLY THAT IS PART OF THE

  • SETTLEMENT.

  • NOW TRUMP'S PERFORMANCE WAS SO IN APPROPRIATE THAT EVEN FOX

  • NEWS SUMMED IT UP AS TRUMP SLAMS OPPONENTS AT NATIONAL PRAYER

  • BECK FAST.

  • THAT IS THE WORST PRESIDENTIAL HEADLINE SINCE NIXON DROPPED

  • DROP KICKED BABY PANDA AT NATIONAL ZOO.

  • TRUMP'S PITY PARTY MADE ANOTHER PIT STOP.

  • SHORTLY AFTERNOON TODAY IN EAST ROOM OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

  • TRUMP CLAIMED THAT EVERYBODY HAD IT IN FOR HIM FROM THE VERY

  • BEGINNING.

  • >> WE HAD THE WIMP HUNTS, IT STARTED DPSH-- THE WITCH-HUNT,

  • IT STARTED FROM THE DAY WE CAME DOWN THE ELEVATOR.

  • >> Stephen: IT WASN'T AN ELEVATOR.

  • EVERY ONE KNOWS IT WAS AN ESCALATOR, FOR PETE SAKE.

  • YOU WERE RIDING ON IT!

  • YOU WERE ON THE DAMN-- HA HA.

  • WE GOT YOU NOW, MR. PRESIDENT.

  • THE WHOLE THING WAS A WEIRD EVENT.

  • IT WAS, WHEN YOU WATCHED IT YOU WEREN'T SURE WHAT TO MAKE OF IT.

  • YOU COULDN'T PIN DOWN EXACTLY WHAT THE THING WAS.

  • AND EVIDENTLY THE PRESIDENT AGREED.

  • >> AND THIS IS REALLY NOT A NEWS CONFERENCE, ST NOT A SPEECH.

  • IT IS NOT ANYTHING.

  • >> Stephen: THIS, THIS AIN'T NO PARTY, THIS AIN'T NO DISCO,

  • THIS AIN'T NO-- THIS AIN'T NO FOOLIN AROUND.

  • THE POINT IS I'M A PSYCHO KILLER AND I'M BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE.

  • NOW-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> Stephen: IT'S LIKE DURING WARTIME, IT'S LIKE DURING

  • WARTIME.

  • SINCE THIS IS A WHITE HOUSE EVENT IN THE FORMAL EAST ROOM,

  • TRUMP WAS AT HIS MOST PRESIDENTIAL.

  • >> FIRST ONE THROUGH, RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA.

  • IT WAS ALL BULL [BLEEP] >> Stephen: WOW, I KNOW I

  • WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT FOR YOU PEOPLE AT HOME, WE HAD TO

  • BLEEP THAT LAST WORD.

  • BECAUSE CBS HAS HIGHER STANDARDS THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

  • STATES.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

  • >> Stephen: WE CAN'T, WE CAN'T, I CAN'T, WE CAN'T, WE

  • CAN'T BROADCAST STUFF LIKE THAT.

  • THAT IS WHY THE NEW YORK HAD TO CHANGE THE TITLE OF THE NEW HIT

  • SITCOM BOB [BLEEP] ABISHOLA.

  • (LAUGHTER) AND PEOPLE AT HOME ARE LIKE I

  • WOULD WATCH THAT.

  • EVEN THOUGH, EVEN THOUGH IMPEACHMENT IS OVER, HE COULDN'T

  • RESIST TALKING ABOUT THE YOU KRINNIAN PHONE CALL.

  • >> THINK OF IT.

  • THE PHONE CALL.

  • A VERY GOOD PHONE CALL.

  • I KNOW BAD PHONE CALLS.

  • >> Stephen: OH, I'M SURE YOU DO, MR. PRESIDENT.

  • THEY ALWAYS START WITH, I SWEAR I'VE NEVER MET HER BEFORE.

  • AND THEY END WITH, OKAY WHERE DO I SEND THE CHECK.

  • THEN TRUMP IT UP COMPLIMENTED-- (APPLAUSE)

  • SURE, WHY NOT, WHY NOT.

  • >> Jon: THE PEOPLE VOTE.

  • >> Jon: BIG FANS-- .

  • >> Stephen: THEN TRUMP COMPLIMENTED ONE OF HIS BIGGEST

  • DEFENDERS IN CONGRESS.

  • >> WHEN I FIRST GOT TO KNOW HIM JIM JORDAN.

  • WHEN I FIRST GOT TO KNOW JIM I SAID HUH, NEVER WEARS A JACKET.

  • WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

  • HE IS OBVIOUSLY VERY PROUD OF HIS BODY.

  • >> Stephen: JIM, WHAT'S THAT LIKE, I ISN'T SEEN MY JUNK SINCE

  • 1986.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THING IS -- IS EVERYTHING GOOD?

  • TRUMP KEPT TALKING ABOUT JIM JORDAN'S RECORD.

  • MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN JIM JORDAN WOULD LIKE HIM TOO.

  • >> THIS GUY.

  • SO HE'S THE NCAA MEETING A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WHEN HE WAS

  • IN COLLEGE, WRESTLING CHAMPION, NCAA, THAT MEANS IN ALL OF

  • COLLEGE, YOU ARE THE CHAMP, YOU ARE THE BEST.

  • HIS RECORD WAS RIDICULOUS.

  • NOBODY COULD BEETD HIM.

  • >> Stephen: JIM WRESTLED HARD AND HIT THE SHOWERS.

  • YOU CAN LOOK IT UP, JUST DWOOGEL JIM JORDAN, WRESTLING AND

  • SHOWERS.

  • YOU WILL LEARN EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT JIM.

  • WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

  • MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG IS HERE.

  • STICK AROUND.

WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW.

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トランプ氏は、彼は2つの攻撃的な、奇妙なスピーチで変更されていないことを証明しています。 (Trump Proves He Hasn't Changed In Two Aggressive, Bizarre Speeches)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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