I'M GOING TO QUIZ MEMBERS OF OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE ABOUT THINGS

THAT HAVE HAPPENED SO FAR IN THIS SHOW.

IF THEY ANSWER RIGHT, THEY GET A PRIZE.

IF THEY ANSWER WRONG, THEY HAVE TO FORFEIT THEIR SEAT TO ONE OF

THE MORE DESERVING AUDIENCE MEMBERS, WAITING JUST OUTSIDE IN

OUR "LATE LATE SHOW" BULLPEN.

THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO CAME ALL THE WAY TO OUR STUDIO FOR THE

TAPING, BUT UNFORTUNATELY GOT TO THE LINE TOO LATE, AND WERE

TURNED AWAY.

WILL THEGET TO SEE TODAY'S SHOW AFTER ALL?

WE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.

NOW WHO WANTS TO PLAY?

WHO THINKS THEY'VE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION?

LOOK AT THIS GUY.

VERY BOLD.

COME THIS WAY, SIR.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> I'M GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> James: I'M VERY WELL.

YOU'RE VERY CONFIDENT.

YOUR HAND WENT STRAIGHT UP AS TO SAY I'M PAYING ATTENTION.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

>> BRISBANE.

>> James: WHAT BRINGS YOU TO LOS ANGELES?

>> I'M ON A HOLIDAY WITH MY DAUGHTER.

>> James: ARE YOU REALLY?

YOU'RE GOING ALL THE WAY AROUND THE WORLD?

>> YEAH.

>> James: ARE WE AT THE START OR END?

>> END.

>> James: WHAT A WONDERFUL THING TO DO WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU

THOUGHT YOU'LL COME AND WATCH A LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW BUT IF YOU

GET THIS WRONG YOU'LL BE WATCHING FROM THE PARKING LOT.

>> YES.

>> James: STILL FEELING AS CONFIDENT AS YOU WERE WHEN YOU

PUT YOUR HAND UP?

>> BRING IT ON.

>> James: OKAY.

IS THIS YOUR DAUGHTER HERE?

>> IT IS.

>> James: HOW DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO DO?

>> PRETTY WELL.

>> James: REALLY, OKAY.

LET'S FIND OUT RIGHT NOW.

SO HERE'S YOUR QUESTION, DURING THE GUEST CHECK IN WITH ILIZA

SHLESINGER WE MET HER DOG.

WHAT WAS HER DOG'S NAME?

>> TOTO.

>> James: LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> THIS IS TOFU.

>> James: YOU WERE SO CLOSE AND YET YOU CLEARLY WEREN'T PAYING

ATTENTION AT ALL.

NOW ALL THE ATTENTION WILL BE ON YOU TO FAREWELL I'LL HAVE YOU

SING ALL BY MYSELF ON YOUR WAY OUT.

READY, SING.

>> ALL BY MYSELF.

DON'T WANT TO BE ALL BY MYSELF.

>> James: LET'S BRING IN THE STAND-BY.

OKAY.

WOULD WOULD LIKE TO PLAY?

ANYONE ELSE.

LET'S SEE.

LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

OH, REALLY, ARE YOU FEELING CONFIDENT, COME THIS WAY.

COME THIS WAY FOR ME RIGHT HERE.

WHERE YOU FROM?

>> CHRISTINA FROM THE PHILIPPINES.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN LOS ANGELES?

>> I GO TO BOSTON COLLEGE AND VI

VISITING MY FRIEND, LILLY.

>> James: WOW, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE SMUG ABOUT IT.

>> I'M EXCITED TO BE NEXT TO YOU.

>> James: I'M FROM PHILIPPINES, I'M FROM BOSTON, WHAT'S THE NEXT

QUESTION.

GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE.

WHO CARES.

SO WHAT DO YOU STUDY IN BOSTON?

>> COMMUNICATIONS.

>> James: WOW.

NOW, YOU'RE IN COMMUNICATIONS AND LOT OF COMMUNICATE'S ABOUT

LISTENING.

SO HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION DURING THE SHOW?

>> I THINK I HAVE.

>> James: I THINK I HAVE.

MAYBE I HAVEN'T.

EITHER WAY, WHO GIVES A [BLEEP] ABOUT THIS STUPID SHOW.

HERE WE GO.

I HOPE YOU HAVE.

LET'S FIND OUT.

FOR THIS QUESTION I'M GOING TO GIVE THE SETUP TO A CHOKE FROM

-- JOKE FROM OUR MONOLOGUE AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE

PUNCHLINE.

THIS IS A JOKE I TOLD IN THE STUDIO NO MORE THAN 10 MINUTES

AGO.

HERE'S THE SET UP, OF COURSE ON SATURDAY JOE BIDEN WON THE SOUTH

CAROLINA PRIMARY WINNING CAPTURING NEARLY 50% OF THE VOTE

TO WHICH BIDEN SAID -- OH, MY GOD.

>> I REALLY WISH -- >> James: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS

IS HAPPENING TO ME.

I WENT TO THE STUPID SHOW.

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT THE PUNCHLINE MAY HAVE BEEN?

>> HE SAID TWO PROBLEMS -- >> James: LET'S HAVE A LOOK AND

SEE TO WHICH BIDEN SAID, DUH, THE OTHER 50% IS NORTH CAROLINA.

OH, NO, LOOK AT THAT.

YOU WEREN'T EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE.

YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL.

NOW AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE LIKE THE LAST PERSON.

I'M KIDDING, I'M SENDING YOU OUT THE EXACT SAME WAY.

LIGHTS, MUSIC.

>> ALL BY MYSELF DON'T WANT TO BE ALL BY MYSELF.

>> James: LET'S BRING IN THE STAND-BY.

>> THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

WHO ELSE WOULD LIKE TO PLAY ANYBODY AT ALL?

ANYBODY?

LET'S HAVE A LOOK AROUND HERE.

DECIDEDLY FEWER PEOPLE THAN AT THE START I WANT TO COME TO THIS

LADY BUT FIRST, DO YOU WANT THE [BLEEP] OR THE CROTCH.

YOU WANT THE [BLEEP]?

OF COURSE YOU DO.

DRINK IT IN.

>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> I'M ANNIE FROM NEW ZEALAND.

>> James: WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

WHAT PART ARE YOU FROM?

>> AUKLUND.

>> James: WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING?

>> ART.

>> James: STUDYING ART.

HOW MUCH ARE YOU ENJOYING BEING IN AMERICA?

>> WE WENT TO SIX FLAGS.

THAT WAS GOOD.

I LIKE THAT.

I'VE BEEN ON ONE ROLLER COASTER.

>> James: YOU SEE, I'VE BEEN TO AUCKLAND SO I APPRECIATE HOW SIX

FLAGS IS AMAZING.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO HERE IN THE UNITED STATES?

>> EAT CANDY.

>> James: EAT CANDY?

>> YEAH, YOU'VE GOT REALLY GOOD CANDY.

>> James: ARE YOU TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A 12-YEAR-OLD?

IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?

IS THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

YOU'RE LIKE SIX FLAGS AND CANDY.

>> AND PAINTING ALL DAY.

>> James: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?

>> SINCE START OF JANUARY.

>> James: YOU HAVE TO GET OUT A LITTLE BIT MORE.

THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD TO EXPERIENCE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO TONIGHT LIKE A BOUNCY HOUSE OR

SOMETHING?

>> GOING MINI GOLF.

>> James: YOU'RE GOING TO MINI GOLF?

WHAT'S HAPPENED TO STUDENTS?

WHEN THESE TWO WERE STUDENTS THEY WERE OFF THEIR HEADS ON

COCAINE.

THEY DIDN'T KNOW IF IT WAS CHRISTMAS OR WEDNESDAY.

I TRUST YOU TO GO OUT AND EXPERIENCE SOME NEW -- DON'T DO

WHAT THEY DID.

DON'T TAKE THE LEVEL OF DRUGS THEY TOOK BUT YOU KNOW, HAVE A

COUPLE DRINKS.

HAVE A DRINK AT MINI GOLF.

>> I'LL HAVE SOME SHERRY.

>> James: OKAY, LET'S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

IN THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME I ASKED THE FIRST CONTESTANT ABOUT

EL SLES SLES'S DOG.

>> ILIZA SHLESINGER'S DOG.

WHERE WAS HE FROM?

>> AUSTRALIA.

IT'S NOT DAN, IS IT?

I HAVE TO SAY DAN BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE THERE IS.

>> James: YOU CAN MAKE ANOTHER GUESS.

IT MAY BE DAN.

IN TRUTH, I DON'T REMEMBER.

SO I CAN'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT REMEMBERING.

>> I'M GOING WITH DAN.

>> James: I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT RAGER YOU'RE

THROWING.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME AND WHERE YOU FROM?

>> JAMIE FROM AUSTRALIA.

>> James: YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION SO NOW ALL THE

ATTENTION WILL BE PLACED ON YOU.

CASEY, LIGHTS, GIVE US THE MUSIC, SING AND LEAVE.

>> ALL BY MYSELF.

>> ALL BY MYSELF.

>> James: THAT WAS WERE YOU PAYING ATTENTION.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MARK WAHLBERG AND ILIZA SHLESINGER.