字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -Well, my new poll numbers are in, and it's not looking good. There's only one thing left to do -- make cold calls to normal, everyday Americans and try to win back their support. [ Line ringing ] Congratulations, you're speaking to Donald Trump. I'm calling undecided voters who are way less rich and way less successful than me. What poor loser am I speaking to? [ Cheers and applause ] -Mike Bloomberg. -Wait a second. The Michael Bloomberg of Bloomberg News and Bloomberg TV? -That's right. -And "Bloomberg Med" and "Chicago Bloomberg" and "Bloomberg 3: Tokyo Drift"? -Sure, Donald. -Well, this is fantastic. I was gonna ask you for your vote, but now that I have you on the phone, how about I just ask you some questions like an interview? Even a stable genius like me would like to pick Mike Bloomberg's very smart, very huge brain. -You know I'm running against you, right? -Like I said -- very dumb brain. It's a teeny-tiny, very small brain. Okay, let's get started -- Why exactly are you running for president? -Well, I've joined the race to return our country to sanity and honesty... [ Cheers and applause ] ...so we can be proud of America again, and step one is giving you a New York goodbye. [ Cheers and applause ] -Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What's a New York goodbye? -Sending you back to Queens in a Yellow Cab while Times Square Elmo flips you off. [ Laughter, cheers and applause ] -Wow. That's very mean, Mike. Very mean. Very nasty. Very nasty. Very nasty answer. Didn't expect that from you. Very, very nasty. Next question -- What makes you think you'd be a better president than me? And you can't cheat and use facts. [ Laughter ] -Well, let's see -- I'm a self-made businessman, a proven leader, and a New York icon, whereas you just play those things on TV. [ Laughter, cheers and applause ] Plus, I was mayor of the greatest city in America with the greatest audience in the world. [ Cheers and applause ] -Well, I do love New York City mayors. I even keep one as a pet. Good boy. Good boy. Good boy. But, anyway, this is the big leagues, Mike, the bigly big leagues, so let me ask -- What would you do if you got to sit where I'm sitting? -Well, first, I'd wipe the KFC grease off the seat... [ Laughter ] ...maybe take some of those Kid Rock posters off the walls, and then I'd tackle key issues like climate change and gun safety and income inequality... [ Cheers and applause ] ...which would mean raising taxes on billionaires. -Wait. I'm gonna have to pay more in taxes? -No, I said billionaires. [ Laughter, cheers and applause ] -That was a low blow, Mike. I'm actually a very successful person just like you. I've created and run many beautiful businesses, and none of them have failed... besides the casinos. -And the university? -Oh, yeah. -And the magazine. -That's right. -And the steaks. -Uh-huh. -And the water. -Forgot about that one. -And the board game. -I did that? -And the vodka. -Pour one out. -And the airline. -Okay! Okay! Okay! Let's change the subject! I don't like this. I don't like this game. [ Cheers and applause ] Here's one more very perfect, very important question -- Are you watching the Super Bowl this weekend? -Yes, I am. Actually, I have a 60-second commercial airing during the game. -Really? Me, too. What's yours about? -It's about an important issue facing our country right now and how I can use my experience as a mayor and business leader to bring America forward. -Cool. In my commercial, I get really angry, then I eat a Snickers bar and turn into Betty White. [ Laughter ] -Well, it's been a fun interview, "Mini" Mike. That's my nickname for you, by the way, Mini Mike. Do you have any nicknames for me? -Well, usually, I just call you that [bleep]. [ Laughter ] -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop that! I've heard enough. I've heard enough. I guess you learn a lot of colorful words in New York City. Rudy! No! Rudy! I got to go, Mike. Rudy just peed on the carpet. No, Rudy! Bad boy! Rudy!