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  • it's the video is just like It's so mean.

  • All this just so mean Watching Disney Plus the other day and I was watching my favorite TV show from childhood, which was Lizzie McGuire.

  • I haven't seen it since I was 8 to 12 years old.

  • I feel like that's when it was really big, and I was so excited.

  • I just put on the first episode, and by the end of it I was quite at unease and a little bit actually greatly dismayed at what I saw and the entire premise of the first episode of one of the most influential shows during my childhood and probably so many other women's young childhood that's a little bit redundant.

  • So many other young women's childhood was about women being mean to other women.

  • It was about girls being mean toe other girls.

  • It was essentially Kate the mean girl being pit against Lizzie's best friend and while simultaneously also Lizzie because, you know they're affiliated, and it was just a full on cat bite like that was prank.

  • War is being mean to each other and the catalyst of this even fight waas through a catty remark of saying that this girl stuffed her bras.

  • So I was so dismayed and sat in to know that this was the type of television programming, and they call it programming for a reason.

  • It's being downloaded into us, no matter how fictitious TV or film might be.

  • This is mainstream media.

  • This is something that's being digested and consumed by the masses.

  • So all of this, that one episode of Lizzie McGuire then let me Teoh, right this instagram posts.

  • And if you follow my instagram, you've seen it, says Conscious Sisterhood.

  • I was never taught sisterhood as young women.

  • We were indoctrinated with the idea that other women were our competition, that one woman success, prettiness, thinness or intelligence took away from our own from seeing young Disney Channel star is continually pitted against each other in media to cementing the idea that a caddy mean girl must exist in all high school narratives and teen movies, we were told to gossip and tearing one another down.

  • Thio not be like other girls.

  • It's only through my adulthood and my own life experience that I've learned success is never a zero sum game.

  • The more you support, the more to come around that another woman's strength and beauty on Lee highlights my own, and that the ultimate strength behind our universal sisterhood, regardless of biology or sex, lies behind our ability to be incredibly vulnerable and compassionate, Dedicated to all the beautiful, resilient woman in my life.

  • Hashtag conscious sisterhood.

  • So what is Kati?

  • Google gave me the definition deliberately hurtful in runs remark spiteful.

  • For example.

  • These are sarcastic digs, passive aggressive comments, thinking that other woman are your competition in an unhealthy manner, identifying that you're not like the other girls, that being not being not like women is a good thing is a positive thing.

  • These women are so terrible.

  • All your friends are guys.

  • This is, Ah, slut shaming.

  • This is a lot.

  • It's a lot time pack and I will be the first to tell you that I have definitely said some of these statements.

  • I'm not like the other girls.

  • A youtuber called Tiffany Ferg actually has a video on.

  • I'm not like the other girls ideology and how she just really breaks out all of that.

  • It's a great video.

  • It mildly inspired this video, so I would definitely check it out and I'll leave it.

  • Leave double.

  • Oh, how has this been enforced by TV and movie tropes?

  • Consistently and consecutively, The Disney Channel, the very popular cult classic, mean girls influence an entire generation of women.

  • Not to be able to say thank you to a compliment because of this one scene.

  • I could not say thank you to another woman because I was so afraid that it was a fake compliment.

  • I can't tell you how many women I know are not able to take a compliment because of one scene in a movie.

  • The tabloids.

  • A lot of those magazines, like Star and People were always talking about, You know, Hilary Duff's stealing this man or his Lindsay Lahan being with Aaron Carter, uh, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, blah blah, being pit against one another, one I have never seen, shall above versus Kyle Massey or Justin Timberlake and Usher being at war one with one another.

  • It was always women pit against other women.

  • And while, of course, there are toxic male gender norms and also heteronormative ideals that are placed on non binary people that are really toxic, an ideal, I think, the one about women is so important because it's a lot of women also perpetuating this onto other women.

  • But we'll talk about why that is, in late a few moments.

  • But so famous caddy mean girls or characters that you probably grew up with and that you probably know Regina, George, of course.

  • Kate Saunders.

  • If you watched losing, require what else?

  • Ah, Blair War Waldorf.

  • I've never really watched classical Blair Waldorf.

  • And honestly, I'm gonna throw this out there.

  • There are very much so catty mean girl characteristics to a lot of mainstream celebrities that are prominent today.

  • Taylor Swift So much of her earlier work that predates this new white feminist agenda Ah, was a lot about pitting women against other women.

  • Taylor stuff, to me is a perfect example of someone who perpetuates victim mentality while at the same time simultaneously making other girls the enemy because you are different or the outlier and therefore are inherently better or superior.

  • For example, her huge hit single You Belong With Me.

  • It goes from the idea of this person wear short skirts.

  • I wear T shirts, she sure captain and I'm on the bleachers and I will.

  • I totally was a tailor so fan during the red era in 1989 s o.

  • This is and I also believe that women are not to blame or at fault for any of this.

  • I'm just using all of these as like cultural examples of where we see things catty, mean girls, trope kind of Alan alive in modern day society or in at least mainstream media.

  • So you belong with me is the perfect embodiment of that.

  • I'm not like the other girls.

  • Therefore I'm inherently different and better and more superior to them or then then superior to them.

  • One of the biggest examples of catty mean illnesses.

  • Also, slut shaming is also putting women down for their sexuality when men are totally not so.

  • If you see a little theme here, it's all going to lead to the patriarchy.

  • But we'll get to that in a bit so flush.

  • Amy is a huge thing and I think Taylor Swift and one of her song is called Better than Revenge.

  • It literally go.

  • She's not a saint.

  • She is not what you think.

  • She's an actress.

  • Whoa!

  • She's better known for the things that she does on the mattress soon she's gonna find stealing other people's toys on the playground will make you many friends in mind.

  • Bad Blood is supposedly about Kitty Perry and her just having a feud, and I actually genuinely loved bad blood until I realized that it was about a woman.

  • Reason why this all is like Kati singleness is because it insinuates that, like women's value is attached to their sexuality and sexual activity and that, uh, like that women are not your friend.

  • Where is like I'm sure that women have not been her friend, but it's not because they're women.

  • It's because maybe their own character flaws, but it has nothing to do with a specific gender.

  • The girl is not an awful person, cause she's a girl.

  • She just might be an awful person.

  • And to talk about what she does on the mattress and what kind of skirts she wears is completely invalid.

  • Those are not the very so reasons why this person has been unkind to you.

  • Taylor's with.

  • I did watch Taylor So snooze documentary called Miss Americana, and I was pleased to say that it seemed like she did a lot of self introspection, washes away because she had this to safe.

  • I'm trying to be as educated as possible on how to respect people on howto de programmed the misogyny in my own brain, toss it out, rejected and resist it like there is no such thing as a slut.

  • There is no such thing as a bitch.

  • There is no such thing as someone who's bossy.

  • There's just a boss now making intersectional.

  • Another example that I remember listening to a lot during my M o phase was misery business by Pam or we also listen to this yesterday when we have, like a M o carpool karaoke, and I listened to that song.

  • I was up, all appalled that I was singing this stuff in 2007 and let me just remind me so goes, well, I never It's one of the most slut shame me most like pitting women against women's songs I've ever heard during the space.

  • It's like, Well, I never meant to brag.

  • I got him where I want him now.

  • It was never my intention to brag.

  • Steal it all away from you.

  • There's a lot of like stealing and theft that has to do with men that I also think is extremely problematic and toxic.

  • Second chances They don't ever matter.

  • People never change once.

  • Ah, whore, you're nothing, Maur.

  • I'm sorry.

  • That'll never change.

  • Well, there's a 1,000,000 other girls who do it just like you, looking as innocent as possible to get to who Liar?

  • Afi's air refused.

  • And if you watch the video, I remember being like, well, came out.

  • And I think, 2007.

  • What is it?

  • 2020 13 years ago, 30 years ago?

  • Probably like 12.

  • I was like, 12 at the time, and I remember thinking like, Wow, of course there's like a mean girl but she is equally as meter like, I think at the end she d stuffs her bra and then, like, slaps her face, getting rid of all of the makeup.

  • And it's just a lot of unkindness treated with a lot of unkindness.

  • It's It's the video is just like it's so mean all this just so I mean, so who is to blame for all of this?

  • Now?

  • I wanna use the word blame very lightly because blaming other people or other instances allows you to live in this victimhood mentality, which then gives away your power leaves you in a state of disempowerment.

  • That's totally not the aim of this entire video.

  • This is more so the root cause of it.

  • Where does this come from?

  • Where does this stem from?

  • This all falls under the beautiful umbrella of the patriarchy.

  • This is not to be confused with Miss Sandri, Not about hating mad Lame.

  • You're resenting men.

  • It's more Soviet.

  • The idea of this is a beautiful graphic that I remember reading when I was, like 15 on Rookie, which is an old publication that was a huge fan of by Tabby Givens in a very precocious 11 year old fashion blogger who made a beautifully feminist publication that was very new wave for its time.

  • And the diagram goes, I do this thing and it's kind of cool some dude, but this girl does it, too.

  • What if she's better at it than I am?

  • Then I would be worse than a girl at something.

  • This is humiliating, emasculate their stones the size of my Penis.

  • I've got it.

  • I will compare took other girls on Lee.

  • If you compare girl's toe, other girls, they will not be compared to boys like me.

  • Hence, there is no way I can be wet.

  • Worse that a girl worse than a girl at something society catches on Secret Valley High Book, Siri's Disney Channel.

  • A lot of this stems from internalized misogyny, the idea that femininity is something that's wrong or native women are so often identified with such negative characteristics.

  • Women are emotional.

  • Our fragile are weak.

  • Are, uh, logical women are catty again.

  • It's the idea that if we're too busy fighting one another, then how will we ever take down the oppressor or the patriarchy?

  • We don't.

  • So it's a beautiful thing, but the patriarchy has put into place to keep us all down.

  • I think this like can be really easily exemplified in the idea that you know when a man cheats, women fight against one another.

  • But who is the genuine true issue?

  • Here It is the man who played not only one of you, but both of you, under this assumption that you guys don't know about each other.

  • If one or the other party knows about the other woman, obviously that your fault.

  • Andi, I understand.

  • I understand why you would fight then, but Even then, the issue is the man who's facilitating this.

  • The issue is the man who's exercising his power, his dominance in such a way over to women.

  • And I think if you wanna live in this idealized world where women have no need for reparations for what's been happening to us, while we have made a lot of strides in women's rights, I would like to remind you that we that a woman's body and also just a human's body, a person's body is not a political playground.

  • And it's not something that should be politicized.

  • And yet women's bodies are consistently historically have always been treated as such as a political playground for the fact that abortion can still be illegal.

  • And it's like this body of mine is not something that this body of mine is not offered debate in a political courtroom up in D.

  • C.

  • This is my body, and what I choose to do with it is my choice.

  • And I believe that every woman who has been wrongfully, uh, impregnated through rape, their sexual assaults has every right to do whatever she chooses me.

  • And if that's not the case, has its still every right to do whatever she treated with her body.

  • Now it would be such a different story of men could get impregnated one in it.

  • And in 2019 a woman still only earns 79 cents to a man's dollar pay Trickery allows women to compete against one another because it takes away from the real competition, which is like men.

  • Oh, are the competition for equal rights, By the way, it's kind of like I was in college at u C.

  • L.

  • A.

  • I took a lot of classes on the history of Korea and the Division of Korea and the possible reconciliation of the Koreas.

  • And many historians and political advocates who studied this said that, honestly, many of the East Asian countries, such as Japan and China, mainly I don't really support or are excited for, essentially for the reconciliation of the Koreas, because economically they would be such a powerhouse, also, socially and politically, it would be totally a totally different animal to deal with.

  • And as messed up as it sounds, it sounds almost beneficial for Thea other countries for the Koreas to be on Korean.

  • By the way, This is why I mentioned this for the Cree is to not be united.

  • And in that same way, the more that we oppress people and oppress people within their own minority groups within their own sections and their communities, the, uh slower that they are thio really identifying the actual problem at hand, or the majority party that has the most power and had, I guess, or the, um or not the problem, but more so maybe the dominant party with the most privilege in power.

  • Though we can point fingers, I think that the main point of what I'm trying to say with this is that it's not our fault.

  • We don't have to take blame for this.

  • That's not our fault that we have been unkind to other women.

  • It's not our fault that women have been unkind to us.

  • It's a huge, larger ecosystem of issues and problems.

  • This is to say that it's almost a natural, reactive, adaptive response to being treated unequally to being discriminated against.

  • Two, not earning the same amount of money for the same amount of work.

  • Oppressed groups or minority groups have been the victim of a lot of discrimination and kindness and have been barred from many other opportunities and privileges as the dominant party.

  • And so therefore, there's going to be a lot of internalized anger, misogyny, resentment on and it comes out in different places.

  • And I think that a lot of this isn't this behavior isn't naturally, inherently female.

  • I think this is what I read in a Cheryl Sandberg article about, uh, debunking the myth of catty women.

  • And it says this behavior isn't inherently female.

  • It's a natural way we react to discrimination where we belong to non dominant group.

  • Fearing that their late about their group isn't valued, some members distance themselves from their own kind.

  • I'm not like other girls.

  • They internalize cultural biases and avoid affiliating with groups that are seen as having low status like women.

  • This whole caddy mean girl trope is almost similar to that of the extremely problematic and toxic trope of the angry black role narrative.

  • Now black people have historically politically and systemically been marginalized and oppressed.

  • It's very valid that such a a group of people would be angry, says that black people are inherently angry where no, they're like the victims and have been oppressed for centuries, and therefore it is a very valid and natural response to having been treated that way systemically, historically again.

  • And in that same way this catty, mean girl really, really perpetuates that.

  • The idea that women are inherently Katty are inherently evil are inherently cruel to one another when more so, it's a natural, adaptive response to being oppressed by the patriarchy.

  • What Sheryl Sandberg said, it's like it's not inherently female this behavior, because, ah, lot of what I see as we've gotten older and have as generations have progressed, obviously, because with the whole new idea of girl supporting girls and intersectional feminism, I do feel that women have become a lot kinder to one another, especially with conversations like these, but more so I see that this becomes displaced and a lot of gay men and the gay men community.

  • There's a lot of internalized misogyny, a lot of unkindness to another, because gay men have also historically been oppressed and have been discriminated against and then treated unequally.

  • Though this behavior isn't inherently female, it's a natural response to being a part of the non dominant party.

  • My only issue with the Cheryl Sandberg being is actually says being catty is a myth, statistically, that women in the workplace have been able to like, grow or have been able to have more upward mobility through other women's Theo's and stuff.

  • But I also believe I did read her but lean in.

  • I do believe that it was a very white centric white feminist view.

  • I realized that a lot of this is also women who have a mother wound women who first felt unkindness from other women through their own mothers.

  • While it's great to, you know, debunk this catty women in the workplace, I think it comes from a pure white sector place.

  • Because not only did mine immigrant mother have to do have to deal with the plight of migration and learning a whole new culture, she also had to do with the oppression of just being a woman.

  • On top of that being a racial minority.

  • It's a lot of trauma and a lot of wounding and a lot of deep, deep unpacking.

  • So I think in the same way that we believe that you know, like my mom's mom had diabetes and my mom's mom's mom had diabetes.

  • There are like emotional, almost genetics that get passed down to us in a way and what you don't he'll obviously gets passed on to another.

  • A lot of the women of color who have displayed a lot of, you know, canniness towards me.

  • I noticed that they have their own what I call mom trauma.

  • You know, we all have, like, our own issues with our own mothers, and so many of our moms have not been healed and treated from how their moms have treated them.

  • It starts at the home.

  • It starts with your own mom.

  • It starts.

  • And in the same way a lot of men have their own issues with.

  • I think they're male relationships because of their father, maybe an absent father and abusive father, A critical father.

  • I was believed, but in the sense of like, I didn't allow myself to be bullied.

  • But I was definitely the recipient.

  • I don't want to be a victim because it just happened so heavy.

  • But I was a recipient of a lot of unkindness from other girls in school.

  • I remember the day got into you, Celia, which is like a lot of people where I where I come from.

  • It's like a predominantly Asian American community, very competitive about school, and u C L A is like somewhere you really want to go.