so much going on right now.

The Democratic primary is in full swing.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

[ Cheering and applause ]

What else?

Samsung just introduced

their new folding phone.

I don't know if you saw that.

And Carl's Jr. Is rolling out

its new Thickburger.

[ Cheering ] It has an entire patty

of fried cheese.

[ Laughter ] There's a lot to go over.

Let's just jump in and cover it all at once.

It's time for a "Newsmash."

[ Suspenseful theme plays ] [ Cheering and applause ]

♪♪

First up, the Democratic primary.

Right now, Bernie Sanders is riding high

after his big win in New Hampshire.

It looks like voters are starting to fall in love,

which is perfect, 'cause it's almost

Valentine's Day.

[ Laughter ] It's the holiday

when we celebrate romance, we exchange chocolates, flowers,

and cute cards that open and close, kinda like

Samsung's new folding phone.

[ Laughter ] It bends like an oldschool flip phone.

When it opens, it's flat.

But when it's folded --

Oh, she thick.

[ Laughter and applause ]

[ Cheering and applause ]

Carl's Jr.'s new big fried cheese Thickburger

is now available and you can mix and match it with any sides.

It's all a bit much and people might end up

not wanting any of them. It's kinda like the

Democratic primary.

[ Laughter, ohs, and applause ]

Joe Biden's campaign is really struggling.

If he doesn't turn it around, fast,

he might have to

Fold. It might seem [ Laughter ]

like old technology, but the new Samsung phone

costs $1,400.

Which is about how much money you'll have to pay

to get a reservation on Valentine's Day.

[ Laughter and applause ] It'll all be worth it

at the end of the night,

when you get real close to that special someone.

Unless, of course, one of you just ate

a big fried cheese Thickburger.

You need some time to digest.

It has over 1,000 calories and some people are saying

eating one is asking for trouble,

just like doing last-minute shopping at 7-Eleven for

Valentine's Day.

[ Laughter and applause ] Be careful.

If you don't get her the right gift,

she'll tell you to get

Bent. The screen [ Laughter ]

measures 6.7 inches, which is also the same height as

Pete Buttigieg. [ Laughter ]

Rising in the polls,

he's currently placed at a rock solid

Number 2.

[ Laughter ] So, in conclusion,

good luck moving on.

Good luck turning it on.

Good luck gettin' down.

Good luck keeping it down.

[ Cheering and applause ]

[ Fresh cheering and applause ]

That's right, you guys!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and,

just a word of advice to any tourists in the audience:

If you see a man on Sixth Avenue

wearing a diaper and shooting arrows,

that's not Cupid.

[ Laughter ] That's right.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and you can tell romance is

in the air here in New York City.

Earlier today, I saw a hot dog vendor

cutting his health code violations into little hearts.

It was really sweet. [ Laughter ]

Meanwhile, tomorrow, the temperatures here

could be as low as 17°.

[ Audience oohs ] That's fun, 'cause, when the mood is right,

what's sexier than having to take off

eight layers of clothes?

[ Laughter ] It's like, "Hold on a second.

Hold on. Hold on one minute.

These are my overwear.

These are my underwear, then my overwear."

[ Laughter ]

Back in Washington, not everyone is in a loving mood.

Trump spent the morning

attacking Mike Bloomberg on Twitter

and called him a "mass of dead energy."

[ Laughter and oohs ]

When he heard that, Mike Pence was like,

"Hey, that's my nickname!"

[ Laughter ]

In response, Bloomberg tweeted at Trump and said,

"Behind your back" people are laughing at you.

Trump called it fake news, then spent the next hour trying

to look behind his own back.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheering ] [as Trump] Who's laughing? I can hear laughing.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Trump is actually in a lot of fights.

Last night, his former chief of staff John Kelly spoke

at an event and harshly criticized him.

Trump then tweeted about Kelly, saying,

"like so many X's, he misses the action."

[ Laughter and oohs ] Ew.

Then, all of Trump's exes were like,

"Trust us, we don't miss the action."

[ Laughter ]

Some 2020 news.

There's another Democratic debate next week in Las Vegas.

Yep, Pete Buttigieg w ill spend the week prepping,

while Bernie and Biden will spend three straight nights

at the nickel slots.

[ Cheering ] [as Sanders] Jackpot, 75 cents!

[ Laughter and applause ]

And I saw that the chairman of the Iowa Democratic Party

resigned last night.

He actually submitted his resignation letter in November.

We're just only getting the results now.

[ Laughter, cheering, and ohs ]

[ Applause ] -Okay.

Started there.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is crazy: Amazon founder Jeff Bezos

just bought a house in California for $165 million.

[ Oohing ] The house has everything:

nine acres, two guest houses, a nine-hole golf course,

and best of all, a pretty sweet above-ground pool.

[ Laughter and applause ]

And, finally, this is going viral:

A photo of two mice fighting on a subway platform

just won a big photography award.

Take a look at this.

[ Laughter ]

The photo is so popular, they're gonna turn it

into a movie called

"Stuart Little: Fight Club Edition."

[ Laughter and applause ] We have a great show!