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  • LET'S GET STRAIGHT INTO THE HEADLINES!

  • BIG NEWS FOR TOMORROW NIGHT'S DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

  • IN LAS VEGAS.

  • AS OF THIS MORNING, FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR, BILLIONAIRE MICHAEL

  • BLOOMBERG HAS OFFICIALLY QUALIFIED TO PARTICIPATE.

  • HE'LL BE SHARING THE STAGE WITH THE OTHER CANDIDATES FOR THE

  • VERY FIRST TIME.

  • GO ON, ONE MORE.

  • >> YAY!

  • >> James: YEAH.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) YOU'RE RIGHT!

  • HE DID IT!

  • HE DID IT!

  • HE DID IT!

  • IT'S A GOOD OLD FASHIONED FEEL GOODRICHS TO RICHES STORY!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MICHAEL BLOOMBERG IS JOINING THE

  • DEBATE.

  • SO IF YOU WEREN'T PLANNING ON WATCHING THIS BEFORE, THIS WON'T

  • CHANGE THAT.

  • BLOOMBERG IS 78 YEARS OLD.

  • THAT MEANS FOUR CANDIDATES ON THE DEBATE STAGE WILL BE IN

  • THEIR '70s.

  • IT WILL BE LIKE WATCHING COACHELLA FOR PEOPLE WHO WEAR

  • COMPRESSION SOCKS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AS FOR BERNIE SANDERS -- IS

  • STARTING TO FEEL THE PRESSURE FROM BLOOMBERG.

  • YESTERDAY, HE ATTACKED BLOOMBERG BY TWEETING OUT THIS PHOTO OF

  • THE EX-MAYOR LOOKING VERY FRIENDLY WITH DONALD TRUMP.

  • I KNOW IT LOOKS BAD, BUT TO BE FAIR TO MICHAEL BLOOMBERG, IF

  • YOU GO TO ANY GOLF COURSE, THERE'S A 90% CHANCE YOU'RE

  • GOING TO RUN INTO DONALD TRUMP.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) CAN WE SEE THAT PICTURE AGAIN?

  • LOOK AT THAT.

  • THAT'S THE EXACT MOMENT MICHAEL BLOOMBERG THOUGHT, "WELL, I

  • MEAN, IF THIS IDIOT CAN DO IT."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • IT'S A PRETTY DAMAGING PICTURE, SO I UNDERSTAND WHY BERNI WOULD

  • TWEET THAT PHOTO OUT.

  • AND LOOK, I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GET AHEAD OF THIS BEFORE IT

  • INEVITABLY LEAKS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I JUST LIKE ALL THE COOL

  • CLOTHES.

  • I DO.

  • MOVING ON, HERE'S A CRAZY STORY.

  • THE CITY OF LAKELAND, FLORIDA HAS SHUT DOWN PART OF A CITY

  • PARK DUE TO A RATHER UNUSUAL ANNUAL EVENT.

  • CAUTION TAPE WAS PUT UP AROUND AN AREA OF THE PARK TO KEEP

  • VISITORS AWAY FROM A, "SNAKE ORGY."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YES.

  • TURNS OUT, THESE ANACONDAS DO WANT SOME.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, RIGHT NOW IN

  • FLORIDA, IT'S THE SNAKES' MATING SEASON.

  • AND THEY HAVE ORGIES.

  • ONCE THE ORGIES ARE OVER, EXPERTS

  • SAY THE SNAKES WILL GO THEIR SEPARATE WAYS.

  • AND IF THEY RUN INTO EACH OTHER AT THE GROCERY STORE LATER, THEY

  • SHOULD JUST TRY TO ACT COOL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, HERE'S AN

  • INTERESTING STATISTIC FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE MORE

  • SUCCESSFUL WITH ONLINE DATING.

  • OVER 60% OF ONLINE DATERS HAVE LANDED MORE DATES AFTER PUTTING

  • THEIR DOG IN THEIR PROFILE PICTURE.

  • BY THE WAY, THE GUY WHOSE PROFILE PICTURE IS HIM POSING

  • WITH ALL HIS PET LIZARDS?

  • STILL SINGLE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SURE, THIS SEEMS CUTE NOW, BUT

  • THIS IS ALSO THE FIRST STEP TO BECOMING ONE OF THOSE COUPLES

  • WHO ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER THROUGH THEIR DOG.

  • LIKE, "SPARKY, WILL YOU ASK MOMMY TO PASS THE REMOTE?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) "SPARKY, WILL YOU TELL DADDY

  • THAT MOMMY DOESN'T WANNA WATCH TV RIGHT NOW?"

  • ( LAUGHTER ) "SPARKY, WILL YOU TELL YOUR

  • MOMMY THAT SHE IS SUFFOCATING ME?!"

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, 39% OF PEOPLE SAID THEY HAVE ALSO

  • BORROWED A DOG TO POSE WITH IN THEIR DATING PROFILE.

  • NOW, YOU HAVE TO BE REALLY CAREFUL HOW YOU ASK FOR THAT

  • FAVOR.

  • YOU CAN'T BE, LIKE, "HEY, DAVE, I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN

  • A WHILE.

  • CAN I BORROW YOUR DOG?" ( LAUGHTER )

LET'S GET STRAIGHT INTO THE HEADLINES!

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バーニーはラスベガスの討論会の前にブルームバーグを追いかける (Bernie Goes After Bloomberg Ahead Of Vegas Debate)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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