WELCOME YOU, TO WHAT WE BELIEVE, WILL BE A VERY EXCITING

PRESENTATION. >> WELL, IT BETTER BE.

THIS PROJECT IS, WHAT, $18 MILLION OVER BUDGET?

>> UH, YES, BUT THANKS TO YOUR PATIENCE AS WELL AS YOUR

INVESTMENT WE ARE THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE NEAR COMPLETION ON THE

X5 PROTOTYPE. >> NEAR COMPLETION?

SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE GOING TO SEE HERE?

>> WELL, IF ALL GOES WELL, EXACTLY WHAT WE PROMISED.

USING EEG CENSORING AND BRAIN INTERFACING WE WILL DO WHAT HAS

NEVER BEEN DONE, SCAN THE HOUSEHOLD PET'S MIND TO

TRANSLATE HIS THOUGHTS INTO WORDS.

NOW THE SUBJECT TODAY WILL BE MY OWN DOG, MAX.

LOOKS LIKE HE'S READY. >> LET'S SEE IT.

>> MAX, HERE WE GO. >> EEG SIGNAL 100%.

VITALS ARE NORMAL. OKAY.

WE HAVE MIND LINK. >> OKAY, MAX.

THIS IS IT. MAX, SPEAK.

[ GIBBERISH ] >> BRILLIANT.

>> HANG ON. IT WORKED.

I SWEAR, JUST BOOST THE SIGNAL, MAX, SPEAK.

>> WOOF, WOOF. HI.

I'M MAX. IT'S ME, MAX.

>> OH, MY GOD. >> I LIKE TO PLAY BALL.

I LIKE PURPLE BIRD IN THE WINDOW.

>> LOOK, I THINK HE MEANS THE PIGEON.

HE'S NEVER SPOKEN THIS MUCH BEFORE.

MAX, WHAT ELSE DO YOU LIKE? >> I LIKE PARK, AND LEASH, AND I

LIKE TRUMP. HE'S MY MAN.

>> WAIT. WHAT?

>> WHAT DID YOUR DOG JUST SAY? >> IT MUST BE A TRANSLATION

ERROR, SOME KIND OF GLITCH. >> THERE'S NO GLITCH.

DONALD TRUMP IS OUR PRESIDENT. HE CARRIED THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

FAIR AND SQUARE. >> THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.

DID YOU KNOW YOUR DOG LIKES TRUMP?

>> HE DOESN'T. >> I ABSOLUTELY DO.

I KNOW TRUMP HAS ISSUES, BUT ONE BIG CHANGE IS BETTER THAN

BUSINESS AS USUAL. >> OKAY, MAX, NO.

YOU DROP THAT RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T LIKE TRUMP.

>> THE DOW IS UP 2700 POINTS SINCE HE WAS ELECTED.

WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE? >> YOUR DOG IS A MONSTER.

>> NO, HE'S NOT. JUST, LET ME TALK TO HIM.

MAX, I'M SORRY. BUT YOU'RE JUST A DOG.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

>> EXCUSE ME, HELEN, BUT YES, I DO.

STINKING HELMET. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUT THIS ON

ME. IT'S JUST THAT CONDESCENDING

ATTITUDE THAT MADE PEOPLE WANT TO VOTE FOR TRUMP IN THE FIRST

PLACE. >> GET OVER HERE, MAX.

THIS IS CRAZY. OKAY?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SAYING THIS.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.

>> AND AS YOUR FRIEND, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR TAX DOLLARS

GOING TO HEALTH CARE FOR ILLEGALS.

>> YOUR DOG IS A JACK ASS. >> NO!

MAX, LISTEN, TRUMP IS BAD. TRUMP IS A RACIST.

>> WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE?

YOU NEVER BROUGHT ONE INTO OUR HOUSE ONCE.

>> REALLY? >> NO.

MAX, THAT IS NOT TRUE. >> IT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE, HELEN.

PLUS, TRUMP IS THE ONLY ONE THAT ISN'T OWNED BY WALL STREET.

>> WHAT? OH, MY GOD.

ARE YOU INSANE? MY HEAD'S GOING TO EXPLODE.

WHAT ABOUT HIS RECORD ON WOMEN'S RIGHTS?

DON'T YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A CHOICE OVER OUR OWN BODY?

>> YOU DIDN'T AFFORD ME A CHOICE WHEN YOU CUT OFF MY BALLS.

>> MAX! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

YOU'RE JUST A DOG. YOU'RE JUST A DOG AND YOU PEE ON

THE FLOOR. >> AND YOU MASTURBATE OUT OF

BOREDOM. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO

DO WITH WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

>> WHOA. >> MAX!

>> YOU JUST ASSUME THAT BECAUSE I'M A TRUMP SUPPORTER THAT I'M A

XENOPHOBIC RACIST. >> NO, I DON'T.

YOUR BEST FRIEND AT THE DOG PARK IS A CHIHUAHUA.

>> SO? >> THAT MEANS HE'S FROM MEXICO

AND TRUMP WANTS TO KICK THEM OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

>> IF AQUITO WAS BORN HERE, HE HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

THIS IS A NATION OF LAWS. >> ALL RIGHT, STAND BACK.

I'M GONNA SHOOT HIM WITH THE GUN I CARRY.

>> DON'T MISS. >> OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

I CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION WITHOUT YOU LIBERAL

SNOWFLAKES -- >> ENOUGH!

ENOUGH, ENOUGH. SHUT UP, MAX.

JUST SHUT YOUR DUMB MOUTH. >> UH, THAT CONCLUDES THE

DEMONSTRATION. OBVIOUSLY WE HAVE SOME MORE WORK

TO DO. >> OBVIOUSLY.

>> YEAH. THIS WHOLE PROJECT IS ON THIN

ICE. THAT DOG IS A PROBLEM.

>> IT'S OKAY, MAX. I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

WE JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO RESPECT EACH OTHER'S POINT OF VIEW, I

GUESS. NOW, LET'S GO FOR A WALK.

OKAY? PUT YOUR HAT ON.

IT'S COLD. THERE YOU GO.

IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE CUTE, YOU LITTLE DUMBASS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]