JOSE MOURINHO: Good luck...

(CROWD CHEERING) MAURICIO POCHETTINO: (SINGING TO THE TUNE OF "GOLD" BY SPANDAU BALLET) # It's a goal!

JOSE MOURINHO: Goal?!

MAURICIO POCHETTINO: # Eriksen scored a quick goal!

JOSE MOURINHO: Oh no...

# 11 seconds? You assholes!

# This game's still retrievable...

# But no more conceding!

# An own goal?!

PHIL JONES: Murgh! JOSE MOURINHO: # Phil Jones - you stupid asshole!

# Why are you kissing that pole?

# You are remedial...

# That's it! You're leaving! #

PHIL JONES: Murgh! No! JOSE MOURINHO: Yeah! Go!

PHIL JONES: Murgh! JOSE MOURINHO: Go!

PHIL JONES: Murgh! JOSE MOURINHO: Go!

PHIL JONES: Murgh! JOSE MOURINHO: Go! (PHIL JONES GROANS IN DISAPPOINTMENT)

ANTONIO CONTE: (SINGING) # At last the "Batsman's" gone...

# Look at this dreamboat we signed...

# His hair... his beard... He is so fine...

# Was only a year ago...

# We had a striker with a leathery face... DIEGO ATLETICOSTA: What?!

ANTONIO CONTE: # Now this sexgodfrog lights up the place!

BOTH: # Conte's in love with you! ANTONIO CONTE: # Oh, I'm in love with you!

# You're better than that Spanish goofball!

# My Willy is standing so tall # OLIVIER GIROUD: Your Willy must be tiny! I can't see a thing!

ANTONIO CONTE: I meant Caballero!

EDDIE HOWE: That's a goal!

ANTONIO CONTE: Goal?! EDDIE HOWE: (SINGING) # Wilson - he scored the first goal!

ANTONIO CONTE: # Oh no...

# 1-0? You dozy assholes!

# This game's still retrievable...

# But no more conceding!

EDDIE HOWE: # Practically an own goal?!

ANTONIO CONTE: # Courtois - you stupid asshole! #

Another goal?! EDDIE HOWE: From a player you sold!

ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: (SINGING) # You are remedial...

# That's it! You're leaving! #

ANTONIO CONTE: No! ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: Yeah! Go!

ANTONIO CONTE: No! ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: Go!

OLIVIER GIROUD: No! ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: Go!

OLIVIER GIROUD AND ANTONIO CONTE: No!

ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: Go!

PHIL JONES: Murgh!

ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: Welcome to Chelsea!

ANTONIO CONTE: Oh, f***k this, I resign!

ROMAN ABRAMOVICH: Yes!

DEAN: Make sure you're following us on Twitter because we've had a revamp.

And we're going to be tweeting a lot more during the day and during the games, chucking up lots of new stills, some gifts,

some comments, some polls, though not the kind of poles Phil Jones was kissing last night and replying to you guys as well.

Head there now, the link is below, it's @442oons, Adios!