BEHOLD, THE FIRST IMPEACHMENT

EVER BASED ON IMAGINATION.

FIRST LOOK AT THIS SAD BUNCH.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LIKE THE LAST SUPPER AT THE

COUNTER AT WENDY'S.

WHEN THEY COULD FIND NO CRIME,

THEY STEAL THE PLOT OF MINORITY

REPORT.

LET'S STOP TRAUMA FROM DOING

STUFF HE HASN'T DONE YET.

BECAUSE THE STUFF THEY HAD ON

HIM WAS GARBAGE.

THE DOSSIER, I WONDER IF KELLY

KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS?

>> IT'S A GOOD TIME TO REMIND

EVERYBODY DOSSIER IS A FRENCH

TERM FOR A LOAD OF CRAB.

[LAUGHTER]

GOTTA LOVE HER.

STILL THE MEDIA GOBBLED UP THIS

DREAM BASED ON DRUNKEN GOSSIP.

A FANTASY DESIGNED YET MICHAEL

MORE HORNY.

REMEMBER BOUDIN HIRED HOGAN TO

DEFILE A BED WHERE THE OBAMA'S

ONCE LEFT ALL OF THE PRESENCE OF

EVERONE DONALD DONALD TRUMP.

ALL THAT WAS MISSING WAS A TOY.

[LAUGHTER]

STILL, THE MEDIA BOUGHT IT

BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO.

IT WAS A DILEMMA FOR ME.

THE MEDIA AND THE DEMS ARE LIKE

A PERSON YOU KNOW THAT'S MAKING

A DISASTROUS DECISION LIKE A

MARRYING CHARLIE SHEEN.

YOU WANT TO SAY NO NO NO NO NO

DON'T DO THAT.

BUT YOU REALIZE THAT PERSON IS

SCREWED ALL OF US AND STAY ONE.

SO YOU SAY DEMOCRATS YOU GO FOR

IT.

RIGHT?

>> AND NOW ADAM SCHIFF.

WHERE YOU FROM.

>> YOU MEAN LIKE TODAY?

IN LIFE I DON'T KNOW THEY DON'T

KEEP TRACK.

>> HAVE USED CHEAT ON YOUR

TAXES.

>> NO APP.

>> APPLE PICKING IF YOUR NAP I

WOULDN'T PICK YOU.

SMACK YOU KNOW I'VE NEVER DATED

A CONGRESSMAN FOR.

>> YOU NEVER WILL.

>> WILL CUT OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE

>> BALLOONS I LIKE TO BLOW THEM

UP IN THE BASEMENT LET THE AIR

OUT.

SEE METAL I LIKE THE OLDER STUFF

LIKE THE BEATLES.

>> I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM

JOINING HER MINOR SONG?

>> SURE.

>> LAUGHTER'S.

[LAUGHTER]

GREG: SO 17 ERRORS ARE MADE IN

THE PFIZER PROCESS BUT THEY WERE

TOLD THERE WERE NO BUYERS.

BUT IF THE ERRORS ALL IN ONE

DIRECTION HOW IS THAT

UNINTENTIONAL?

MAYBE I MEAN I DIDN'T MEAN TO

RUB THAT BANK BUT 17 ERRORS

ALONG THE WAY LIKE SLIPPING AND

FALLING INTO THAT SKI MASK WITH

MY HAND ACCIDENTALLY LANDING ON

THAT DON AND STUMBLING BLINDLY

THE SAVINGS AND LOAN AND BY

CHANCE SCRIBBLING GIVE ME THE

MONEY OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE OR

[BLEEP], WERE THE ODDS OF ME

MAKING ALL OF THE MISTAKES LIKE

THAT IN A ROW.

WHICH IS WHY NO ONE BUYS THIS

CRAB.

THE IMPEACHMENT SATISFIES THE

CRAVING MEDIA, IT KEEPS HELPING

TRUMP IN KEY BATTLEGROUND

STATES.

WHAT IS THAT REMINDER?

THE LAST ELECTION.

REMEMBER IS THE MEDIA WHO HAD

HOURS OF BASHING TRUMP.

THE RESULT?

HE WON.

YET THEY'RE DOING THAT AGAIN

WITH HIS IMPEACHMENT AND

PRETENDING THIS IS SOME SHAM AND

TRUMPS NUMBERS JUST GO UP.

LIKE THE TORY LANDSLIDE IN

ENGLAND.

THEIR REVIEW OF LEFTISM.

IF OUR DEMS WERE SMART, THEY

WOULD TAKE THAT AS A PREVIEW IS

WHAT COULD HAPPEN HERE.

IT'S LIKE WATCHING YOUR BUDDY

TAKE THE DRUG FIRST.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT OUR DEMS AREN'T THAT SMART.

AND THE MEDIA PROTECTS THEIR

STUPIDITY FROM ITS CONSEQUENCES.

NOT LETTING REPUBLICANS OFF THE

HOOK, THEY ALL SHOULD'VE WALKED

OUT OF THAT HEARING BUT BY

SAYING THEY GAVE THE STRAITS OF

CREEDENCE.

IN THE CHARADE IT WAS, ONE

DEMOCRAT EVEN SAID THE

IMPEACHMENT VOTE WAS DELAYED

BECAUSE IT WAS TOO LATE FOR TV

AUDIENCE.

SO HOW DELUSIONAL DO YOU HAVE TO

BE TO THINK THE SOLUTION FOR

YOUR IDIOTIC FARCE IS TO GET

MORE PEOPLE TO SEE YOUR IDIOTIC

FARCE?

RIGHT ADAM?

>> AND NOW ADAM SCHIFF FORGETS

HIS MEDICATION.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU NEED TO RELAX ADAM ♪

♪

[BACKGROUND NOISES]

THAT IS A SWEET SYMPHONY SOUND.

[LAUGHTER]

>> MY GOD IT'S GETTING WEIRDER

AND WEIRDER.

WAS IT TELL YOU IN THE

ESTABLISHMENT MEDIA, AND

ESTABLISHMENT POLITICIANS ARE

ALL TRYING TO THE SAME THING?

THEY THINK THE ESTABLISHMENT IS

UNDER ATTACK AND IT IS.

WHO'D A THOUGHT THOUGH THAT THE

MOST RADICAL FIGURE IN MODERN

HISTORY AS A REALITY TV STAR

WITH ORANGE HAIR?

[LAUGHTER]

WHY NOT LET HIM EXPLAIN IT?

>> I AM THE ONLY POLITICIAN THAT

HAS ACTUALLY KEPT MORE PROMISES

THAN I MADE.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

GREG: WE NEED TO HEAR THAT

AGAIN.

>> I'M THE ONLY POLITICIAN IN

HISTORY THAT HAVE ACTUALLY KEPT

MORE PROMISES THAT I MADE.

[CHEERING]

GREG: WEIGHT THAT MAKES

ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE [BLEEP] BUT

IT'S BRILLIANT.

BUT IT'S A BRILLIANT.

HOW DOES HE MAKE THAT TRUE?

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

SO THE MORE CRITICS ATTACK IN

THE WAY THEY PROVE HIM RIGHT.

POLITICS IS DOWNSTREAM FROM

CULTURE.

SO THIS MASSIVE A RATIONAL

REACTION TO TRUMP ISN'T

POLITICAL AT ALL, BUT CULTURAL.

FOR ONCE THE MEDIA ACADEMIA

ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX AND FEELS

THREATENED AND IMPEACHMENT IS

HOW THE EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED

FIGHT BACK.

BUT AS LIKE THE HARLEM

GLOBETROTTERS, EVERY GAME YOU

KNOW HOW IT'S GOING TO UNFOLD,

YOU KNOW THE OUTCOME, SO WE

WATCH PELOSI FOLLOWING THE OTHER

CLOWNS OFF THE CLIFF ENGAGING IN

ACTUAL ABUSE OF POWER.

WITH DEMOCRATS BOWING THEY WILL

KEEP IMPEACHING UNTIL THE VERY

END.

IT'S LIKE THAT TIRED CLICHE

IT'S LIKE THAT TIRED CLICHÉ

ABOUT PROOF OF INSANITY DURING

THAT SAME THING OVER AND OVER

AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE GETTING THE SAME BAD

RESULT.

WE HAVE A BETTER DEFINITION IS

CALLED LISTENING TO ADAM SCHIFF.

>> AND NOW ADAM SCHIFF TRYING

OUT THE NEW AMAZON ALEXA.

>> HEY BOSS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, I

GOT YOU AND ALEXA.

>> NET THANK YOU I'M ALLERGIC TO

CHOCOLATE.

>> NOW IT'S A DIGITAL ASSISTANT

YOU CAN ASK ANYTHING.

>> NO NO NO THAT'S NOT A MAGIC

EIGHT BALL YOU JUST TALK TO IT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I WOULD LIKE TO ORDER A

PIZZA.

>> NO PUT IT ON THE DESK AND

SPEAK.

ALEXA PLEASE FAX ME SOME MILK.

>> I'M SORRY I CAN'T HELP WITH

THAT.

>> EXCUSE ME I WOULD LIKE SOME

HOT MILK.