>> Stephen: IT'S KIND OF NICE, YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, 00:00:26.759 --> 00:00:29.328 align:start position:0% HE CAN KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP FRESH.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK, YOU KNOW, HE'S BEEN AROUND FOR A WHILE AND

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE SHOCKED BY HIM ANYMORE, HE POPS UP AND

SCARES THE ( BLEEP ) OUT OF YOU. 00:00:38.003 --> 00:00:38.905 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) HE'S, LIKE, LEATHERFACE BUT WITH

MORE LEATHER AND WAY MORE FACE. 00:00:41.173 --> 00:00:45.745 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) FOR INSTANCE, OVER THE WEEKEND,

SEX CRIMINAL JEFFREY EPSTEIN WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS NEW YORK JAIL 00:00:49.048 --> 00:00:53.386 align:start position:0% CELL.

NOW, HE APPARENTLY, THEY SAY -- AND I GUESS THEY WOULD KNOW, 00:01:01.527 --> 00:01:04.831 align:start position:0% THOUGH THEY CAN'T SAY HOW -- ( LAUGHTER ) 00:01:04.864 --> 00:01:06.032 align:start position:0% COMMITTED SUICIDE, WHICH IS SURPRISING BECAUSE, THREE WEEKS 00:01:06.065 --> 00:01:07.467 align:start position:0% AGO, HE WAS FOUND UNCONSCIOUS WITH MARKS ON HIS NECK.

HOW THE MARKS GOT THERE, THE AUTHORITIES DID NOT SHARE WITH 00:01:08.868 --> 00:01:10.003 align:start position:0% THE PUBLIC. 00:01:10.036 --> 00:01:13.573 align:start position:0% AND YET, EPSTEIN WAS LEFT ALONE AND NOT CLOSELY MONITORED.

NOW, MAYBE HE WAS JUST IN ONE OF THOSE PRISONS THAT REALLY VALUES 00:01:15.141 --> 00:01:19.579 align:start position:0% INMATE PRIVACY! 00:01:19.612 --> 00:01:23.716 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) LOVELY. 00:01:23.749 --> 00:01:24.851 align:start position:0% THEN AGAIN, EPSTEIN KNEW A LOT OF POWERFUL AND IMPORTANT 00:01:24.884 --> 00:01:26.319 align:start position:0% PEOPLE, INCLUDING ALAN DERSHOWITZ, FORMER NEW MEXICO 00:01:26.352 --> 00:01:28.754 size:78% position:39% GOVERNOR BILL RICHARDSON, PRINCE ANDREW, AS WELL AS 00:01:28.787 --> 00:01:32.325 align:start position:0% PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON AND PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP. 00:01:32.358 --> 00:01:33.793 align:start position:0% IT'S A WHO'S WHO OF "WHO'S JEFFREY EPSTEIN?

I'VE NEVER MET JEFFREY EPSTEIN." 00:01:36.362 --> 00:01:41.701 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) THIS HAS SET OFF A WAVE OF WILD 00:01:41.734 --> 00:01:43.436 size:84% position:42% CONSPIRACY THEORIES ONLINE. 00:01:43.469 --> 00:01:46.639 align:start position:0% THE SORT OF STUFF THAT ONLY UNSTABLE TINFOIL HAT LOONS COULD 00:01:46.672 --> 00:01:51.444 align:start position:0% POSSIBLY BELIEVE, SO DONALD TRUMP. 00:01:51.477 --> 00:01:55.314 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 00:01:55.347 --> 00:02:00.153 align:start position:0% ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TRUMP FANS, THEY'RE COMING 00:02:00.186 --> 00:02:00.553 align:start position:0% AROUND! 00:02:00.587 --> 00:02:01.888 align:start position:0% COMING AROUND! 00:02:01.921 --> 00:02:05.024 align:start position:0% BECAUSE A FEW HOURS AFTER EPSTEIN'S BODY WAS FOUND, TRUMP

SHARED A TWEET AND VIDEO THAT CLAIMED WITHOUT EVIDENCE THAT

FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON AND FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE 00:02:10.829 --> 00:02:15.001 align:start position:0% HILLARY CLINTON WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR EPSTEIN'S DEATH. 00:02:15.034 --> 00:02:16.869 align:start position:0% ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) REALLY? 00:02:16.902 --> 00:02:18.604 align:start position:0% REALLY? 00:02:18.637 --> 00:02:19.872 align:start position:0% THAT'S YOUR THEORY? 00:02:19.905 --> 00:02:22.542 align:start position:0% I'M NOT SAYING THE CLINTONS DON'T HAVE ANY POWER-- HE COULD 00:02:22.575 --> 00:02:25.611 align:start position:0% DEFINITELY GET A RESERVATION AT ANY RESTAURANT IN NEW YORK

CITY, PARTY OF FOUR, 7:00 ON A SATURDAY -- MAYBE NOT -- BUT 00:02:28.747 --> 00:02:32.218 size:81% position:41% MASTERMINDING A SCHEME TO ASSASSINATE A HIGH PROFILE 00:02:32.251 --> 00:02:37.823 align:start position:0% PRISONER IN MAXIMUM SECURITY FEDERAL CUSTODY? 00:02:37.856 --> 00:02:41.928 align:start position:0% THEY COULDN'T EVEN MASTERMIND A VISIT TO WISCONSIN. 00:02:41.961 --> 00:02:47.066 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 00:02:47.099 --> 00:02:51.804 align:start position:0% ( PIANO RIFF ) BUT TRUMP CLEARLY THINKS IT'S 00:02:51.837 --> 00:02:52.872 align:start position:0% THE LOGICAL ANSWER. 00:02:52.905 --> 00:02:54.407 align:start position:0% (AS TRUMP) "FOLLOW ME DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE 00:02:54.440 --> 00:02:58.110 align:start position:0% HERE. 00:02:58.143 --> 00:02:59.311 align:start position:0% OKAY?

WHO HAD THE MOST TO GAIN FROM EPSTEIN'S DEATH BESIDES ME WHO 00:03:01.247 --> 00:03:06.252 align:start position:0% IS ON VIDEOTAPE PARTYING WITH HIM AND YOUNG WOMEN? 00:03:06.285 --> 00:03:08.054 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) AND WHO CONTROLS ALL FEDERAL 00:03:08.087 --> 00:03:09.088 align:start position:0% PRISONS? 00:03:09.121 --> 00:03:10.623 align:start position:0% THE PRESIDENT. 00:03:10.656 --> 00:03:12.959 align:start position:0% BILL CLINTON! 00:03:12.992 --> 00:03:14.493 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY? 00:03:14.526 --> 00:03:16.429 align:start position:0% WHAT? 00:03:16.462 --> 00:03:16.996 align:start position:0% ME? 00:03:17.029 --> 00:03:19.465 align:start position:0% HOW? 00:03:19.498 --> 00:03:21.000 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) DIDN'T THEY HEAR WHAT I SAID ON 00:03:21.033 --> 00:03:21.434 align:start position:0% THAT BUS? 00:03:21.467 --> 00:03:26.706 align:start position:0% THIS IS INSANE." 00:03:26.739 --> 00:03:29.875 align:start position:0% YES, IT IS INSANE, MR. PRESIDENT.

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS PUSHING A DANGEROUS 00:03:31.109 --> 00:03:32.345 align:start position:0% AND COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED MURDER CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT HIS 00:03:32.378 --> 00:03:34.981 align:start position:0% PREDECESSOR. 00:03:35.014 --> 00:03:40.686 align:start position:0% IT REMINDS ME OF F.D.R.'S IMMORTAL WORDS: 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:43.990 align:start position:0% >> THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS -- 00:03:44.023 --> 00:03:44.724 align:start position:0% HERBERT HOOVER! 00:03:44.757 --> 00:03:50.496 align:start position:0% HE'S A LIZARD ALIEN! 00:03:50.529 --> 00:03:50.996 align:start position:0% THEY WALK AMONG US! 00:03:51.030 --> 00:03:54.133 align:start position:0% RUN!" ( LAUGHTER ) 00:03:54.166 --> 00:03:59.572 align:start position:0% ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MISS THAT MAN.

THIS CAME RIGHT ON THE HEELS OF TRUMP'S VISITS TO DAYTON, OHIO 00:04:00.873 --> 00:04:03.376 align:start position:0% AND EL PASO, TEXAS. 00:04:03.409 --> 00:04:05.845 align:start position:0% IN A TIME OF NATIONAL TRAGEDY, WE LOOK TO THE PRESIDENT TO 00:04:05.878 --> 00:04:07.780 align:start position:0% CONSOLE A NATION.

BUT DONALD TRUMP WAS LOOKING TO HEAL A DEEPER WOUND: HIS EGO. 00:04:15.187 --> 00:04:16.489 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) AIDES SAY THAT WHEN TRUMP DOES

SOMETHING THAT HE BELIEVES HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRAISED FOR,

SUCH AS WEDNESDAY'S VISITS TO THE CITIES, HE GROWS FURIOUS 00:04:20.859 --> 00:04:22.061 align:start position:0% WHEN HE DOES NOT RECEIVE ACCOLADES. 00:04:22.094 --> 00:04:26.065 align:start position:0% (AS TRUMP) "I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY TO ALL 00:04:26.098 --> 00:04:31.504 align:start position:0% THOSE SUFFERING HERE IN DAYTON, YOU'RE WELCOME. 00:04:31.537 --> 00:04:35.474 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SMILE?" 00:04:35.507 --> 00:04:37.443 align:start position:0% ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THIS WOULD EXPLAIN WHY, ON HIS 00:04:37.476 --> 00:04:40.579 align:start position:0% WAY TO EL PASO, AFTER TRUMP SAW NEGATIVE NEWS COVERAGE, HE 00:04:40.612 --> 00:04:43.149 align:start position:0% SCREAMED AT HIS AIDES TO BEGIN PRODUCING PROOF THAT, IN EL 00:04:43.182 --> 00:04:45.151 align:start position:0% PASO, PEOPLE WERE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. 00:04:45.184 --> 00:04:48.287 align:start position:0% BUT NOT ONE OF THE EIGHT PATIENTS STILL BEING TREATED 00:04:48.320 --> 00:04:53.225 align:start position:0% WANTED TO MEET WITH THE PRESIDENT. 00:04:53.258 --> 00:05:00.666 align:start position:0% ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (AS SURVIVOR) 00:05:00.699 --> 00:05:02.768 size:84% position:42% "I JUST SURVIVED A NATIONAL TRAGEDY, DON'T MAKE ME MEET 00:05:02.801 --> 00:05:05.538 align:start position:0% ONE." 00:05:05.571 --> 00:05:14.246 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:15.748 align:start position:0% THAT'S REALLY GOT TO BE A BLOW TO TRUMP'S EGO. 00:05:15.781 --> 00:05:17.750 align:start position:0% (AS TRUMP) "THEY DON'T WANT TO MEET ME? 00:05:17.783 --> 00:05:19.251 size:84% position:42% WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? 00:05:19.284 --> 00:05:23.022 size:84% position:42% A CHAMPIONSHIP SPORTS TEAM? 00:05:23.055 --> 00:05:23.856 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) I EVEN BROUGHT A TABLE OF 00:05:23.889 --> 00:05:26.258 align:start position:0% CONGEALED BIG MAC." 00:05:26.291 --> 00:05:33.032 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) "IT CONGEALS INTO ONE LARGER 00:05:33.065 --> 00:05:33.799 align:start position:0% MAC. 00:05:33.832 --> 00:05:35.468 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )

TO COMPENSATE, ADMINISTRATORS BROUGHT BACK TWO PATIENTS WHO

HAD ALREADY BEEN DISCHARGED WHO EXPRESSED A WILLINGNESS TO MEET 00:05:39.705 --> 00:05:41.707 align:start position:0% WITH THE PRESIDENT. 00:05:41.740 --> 00:05:42.908 align:start position:0% THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A STRANGE CALL. 00:05:42.941 --> 00:05:44.610 align:start position:0% (AS PATIENT ON PHONE) "WHAT'S THAT, DOCTOR? 00:05:44.643 --> 00:05:49.715 align:start position:0% YOU NEED ME TO COME BACK TO THE HOSPITAL? 00:05:49.748 --> 00:05:53.619 align:start position:0% THERE'S AN INFECTION? 00:05:53.652 --> 00:06:02.194 align:start position:0% AND IT WANTS A PICTURE WITH ME?" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 00:06:02.227 --> 00:06:05.498 align:start position:0% ( PIANO RIFF ) THE PRESS WERE NOT ALLOWED 00:06:05.531 --> 00:06:08.067 align:start position:0% INSIDE THE HOSPITAL, BUT CELLPHONE VIDEO SHOWED TRUMP

CONSOLING THE SURVIVORS IN THE ONLY WAY HE KNEW HOW: BY TALKING 00:06:11.303 --> 00:06:14.206 align:start position:0% ABOUT HIS EL PASO RALLY FROM FEBRUARY. 00:06:14.239 --> 00:06:18.177 align:start position:0% >> THAT WAS SOME CROWD. 00:06:18.210 --> 00:06:24.150 align:start position:0% NK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. 00:06:24.183 --> 00:06:25.284 align:start position:0% >> WE HAD TWICE THE NUMBER OUTSIDE. AND THEN YOU HAD THIS 00:06:25.317 --> 00:06:26.452 align:start position:0% CRAZY BETO.

BETO HAD LIKE 400 PEOPLE IN A PARKING LOT AND THEY SAY HIS 00:06:27.853 --> 00:06:29.088 align:start position:0% CROWD WAS WONDERFUL. 00:06:29.121 --> 00:06:30.489 align:start position:0% >> STEPHEN: A BEAUTIFUL SENTIMENT, WHICH IS WHY EVERY 00:06:30.522 --> 00:06:32.024 size:81% position:41% TIME I HEAD TO A FUNERAL I CONSOLE THE FAMILY WITH MY 00:06:32.057 --> 00:06:34.760 align:start position:0% STRAIGHT A'S REPORT CARD FROM 8TH GRADE. 00:06:34.793 --> 00:06:35.861 align:start position:0% PRETTY GREAT. 00:06:35.894 --> 00:06:37.062 align:start position:0% PRETTY GREAT. 00:06:37.095 --> 00:06:49.442 align:start position:0% ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE, I 00:06:49.475 --> 00:06:51.944 align:start position:0% TID NOT MAKE ONE A IN EIGHTH GRADE. 00:06:51.977 --> 00:06:53.612 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE PATIENTS INVITED BACK 00:06:53.645 --> 00:06:55.147 align:start position:0% TO THE HOSPITAL TO MEET THE PRESIDENT WAS AN INFANT BOY WHO 00:06:55.180 --> 00:06:58.851 align:start position:0% LOST BOTH HIS PARENTS IN THE SHOOTING.

THIS IS AN UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY THAT WILL ALTER THE CHILD'S LIFE 00:07:03.722 --> 00:07:06.392 align:start position:0% FOREVER, SO, NATURALLY, IN THE PHOTO, TRUMP 00:07:06.425 --> 00:07:07.560 align:start position:0% IS SMILING, AND GIVING A BIG THUMBS UP. 00:07:07.593 --> 00:07:08.427 align:start position:0% WHO DOES THAT? 00:07:08.461 --> 00:07:09.662 align:start position:0% (AS TRUMP) "HEY, WHO'S GOT TWO THUMBS AND 00:07:09.695 --> 00:07:10.529 align:start position:0% PUTS THEM UP AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME? 00:07:10.562 --> 00:07:11.797 align:start position:0% THIS GUY."

AND HIS CRITICS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO NOTICED THE WEIRDNESS. 00:07:12.965 --> 00:07:13.932 size:88% position:44% SUCH PICTURES HAVE CONCERNED WHITE HOUSE AIDES, WHO HAVE 00:07:13.966 --> 00:07:15.200 align:start position:0% ENCOURAGED HIM TO STRIKE A MORE EMPATHETIC TONE.

WHAT HIS AIDES DON'T UNDERSTAND IS THAT TRUMP HAS ONLY ONE PHOTO 00:07:16.301 --> 00:07:19.004 size:81% position:41% POSE AND HE USES IT WITH EVERYONE -- BEAUTY PAGEANT 00:07:19.037 --> 00:07:22.107 align:start position:0% WINNERS, DICTATORS, OTHER DICTATORS, LIL' JON AND TACO 00:07:22.140 --> 00:07:27.179 align:start position:0% BOWLS. 00:07:27.212 --> 00:07:29.248 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) (AS TRUMP) 00:07:29.281 --> 00:07:31.484 align:start position:0% "I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, TACO BOWL." 00:07:31.517 --> 00:07:35.121 align:start position:0% ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )