ONE TIME, ON TWITER

I HEARD ARIANA WAS PREGNANT

SO I GOT PREGNANT SO WE COULD BE PREGNANT AT THE SAME

TURNS OUT IT WAS JUST A RUMOR

ARIANA GRANDE TOLD ME MY HAIR LOOKS SEXY PUSHED BACK

SHE'S NOT WRONG

ARIANA BROKE OFF AN ENGAGEMENT

SO I FOUND A GUY TO PROPOSE TO ME

AND I BROKE OFF AN ENGAGEMENT

I HEARD SHE'S A LESBIAN NOW

AND DATING SOME CHICK CALLED AUBREY

IT'S FUCKING SICK

I HEARD THAT IF YOU RECORD HER SNORING

AND PLAY IT BACKWARDS

IT SOUNDS LIKE FANTASIA

ARIANA SAYS HONEST TO GOD KNOCK ME OUT

SO I DECIDED TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE

IT WAS AWESOME

♪ THOUGHT I'D END UP WITH SEAN ♪

♪ BUT HE WASN'T A MATCH ♪

♪ WROTE SOME SONGS ABOUT RICKY ♪

♪ NOW I LISTEN AND LAUGH ♪

♪ EVEN ALMOST GOT MARRIED ♪

♪ AND FOR PETE, I'M SO THANKFUL ♪

♪ WISH I COULD SAY, "THANK YOU" TO MALCOLM ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE WAS AN ANGEL ♪

♪ ONE TAUGHT ME LOVE ♪

♪ ONE TAUGHT ME PATIENCE ♪

♪ AND ONE TAUGHT ME PAIN ♪

♪ NOW, I'M SO AMAZING ♪

♪ SAY I'VE LOVED AND I'VE LOST ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I SEE ♪

♪ SO, LOOK WHAT I GOT ♪

♪ LOOK WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME ♪

♪ AND FOR THAT, I SAY ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN' GRATEFUL FOR MY EX ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (NEXT) ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN'... ♪

♪ SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I AIN'T WORRIED 'BOUT NOTHIN' ♪

♪ PLUS, I MET SOMEONE ELSE ♪

♪ WE HAVIN' BETTER DISCUSSIONS ♪

♪ I KNOW THEY SAY I MOVE ON TOO FAST ♪

♪ BUT THIS ONE GON' LAST ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HER NAME IS ARI ♪

♪ AND I'M SO GOOD WITH THAT (SO GOOD WITH THAT) ♪

♪ SHE TAUGHT ME LOVE (LOVE) ♪

♪ SHE TAUGHT ME PATIENCE (PATIENCE) ♪

♪ HOW SHE HANDLES PAIN (PAIN) ♪

♪ THAT SHIT'S AMAZING (YEAH, SHE'S AMAZING) ♪

♪ I'VE LOVED AND I'VE LOST (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I SEE (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LOOK WHAT I'VE FOUND (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ AIN'T NO NEED FOR SEARCHING, AND FOR THAT, I SAY ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (THANK YOU, NEXT) ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN' GRATEFUL FOR MY EX ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (THANK YOU, NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (SAID THANK YOU, NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (NEXT) ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN' GRATEFUL FOR MY EX ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN'... ♪

♪ ONE DAY I'LL WALK DOWN THE AISLE ♪

♪ HOLDING HANDS WITH MY MAMA ♪

♪ I'LL BE THANKING MY DAD ♪

♪ 'CAUSE SHE GREW FROM THE DRAMA ♪

♪ ONLY WANNA DO IT ONCE, REAL BAD ♪

♪ GON' MAKE THAT SHIT LAST ♪

♪ GOD FORBID SOMETHING HAPPENS ♪

♪ LEAST THIS SONG IS A SMASH (SONG IS A SMASH) ♪

♪ I'VE GOT SO MUCH LOVE (LOVE) ♪

♪ GOT SO MUCH PATIENCE (PATIENCE) ♪

♪ I'VE LEARNED FROM THE PAIN (PAIN) ♪

♪ I TURNED OUT AMAZING (TURNED OUT AMAZING) ♪

♪ SAY I'VE LOVED AND I'VE LOST (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I SEE (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LOOK WHAT I'VE FOUND (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ AIN'T NO NEED FOR SEARCHING ♪

♪ AND FOR THAT, I SAY ♪

I MEAN, HE WAS REALLY CUTE YA KNOW

REALLY CUTE

AND IT WAS, IT WAS

REALLY BIG

HM

WELL I'VE ONLY GONE OUT WITH ONE GUY THAT

HAD A BIG FRONT TOOTH AND

I LIKED IT 'CAUSE HE NEVER GOT ANYTHING STUCK IN THE FRONT TEETH

HM

BUT, HAVE YOU EVER GONE OUT WITH SOMEONE THAT HAD NO TEETH AT ALL?

NO

♪ IVE GOT SO MUCH LOVE GOT SO MUCH PATIENCE ♪

♪ LEARNT FROM THE PAIN ♪

♪ TURNED OUT AMAZING ♪

♪ SAY I'VE LOVED AND I'VE LOST (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I SEE (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LOOK WHAT I'VE FOUND (YEAH, YEAH) ♪

♪ AIN'T NO NEED FOR SEARCHING ♪

♪ AND FOR THAT, I SAY ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (THANK YOU, NEXT) ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN' GRATEFUL FOR MY EX ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (THANK YOU, NEXT) ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT (SAID THANK YOU, NEXT) ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN' GRATEFUL FOR MY EX ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT ♪

♪ I'M SO FUCKIN' GRATEFUL FOR MY EX ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT ♪

♪ YEAH, YEE ♪

♪ THANK YOU, NEXT ♪

♪ YEAH, YEE ♪

♪ ♪