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字幕の修正報告
>> I'M DR. RHODE AND THIS IS DR. CHRISTIANSON.
WE KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT THIS PAST WEEK.
WE APPRECIATE YOU BEING HERE. >> YES THE FACT THAT YOU THREE
WERE WERE DEAD FOR 55 MINUTES. MAKES YOUR NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE
OF GREAT INTEREST TO THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY.
>> WE WERE JUST GAL PALS ON A ROAD TRIP, TOOK A WRONG TURN
INTO A LAKE NOW WE ARE MEDICAL MIRACLES.
>> INDEED. NOW AFTER YOUR CAR BECAME
SUBMERGED AND YOU LOST CONSCIOUSNESS, WHAT WAS THE
FIRST LUCID MEMORY?
>> MY SOUL WAS LIKE GENTLY LIFTED OUT OF MY BODY BY A
BEAUTIFUL GLOWING BEING. IT SAID "I AM YOUR GUARDIAN
ANGEL, YOU ARE SAFE WITH ME." AND THEN WE JUST FLOATED UP AND
OUT OF THE CAR. >> MY ANGEL SAID, TAKE MY HAND,
DEAR CHILD, WE FLOATED UP PRETTY HIGH.
BUT I WASN'T SCARED. I JUST FELT LIKE INFUSED WITH
THIS WARM, LOVING ENERGY. >> AND, YOU MS. RAFFERTY.
>> YEAH, UM, SIMILAR CONCEPT. EXCUSE ME.
DIFFERENT EXECUTION. MY ANGEL SAID, I'M KEITH, HOLD
ON. AND HE VIOLENTLY YANKED MY SOUL
UP OUT OF MY BODY BY THE WAISTBAND OF MY SWEAT PANTS.
>> DID YOU ALSO FEEL LOVING ENERGY?
>> NO. WHAT I MOSTLY FELT WAS THE
PINCHING OF AN EPIC LADY WEDGE. BUT I WAS BEING, YOU KNOW, AIR
LIFTED BY THE CROTCH OF MY SWEAT PANTS.
IT WAS JACKED UP INTO MY COO-COO.
>> I SEE. AND THIS OCCURRED WHILE YOU WERE
FLOATING? >> YEAH, I WOULDN'T CALL IT A
FLOAT. KEITH WOULD RATCHET US INTO THE
AIR AND QUICK 5-FOOT SPURTS FOLLOWED BY SUDDEN STOPS.
I DON'T THINK I WAS ROLLING WITH THE
EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. >> I SEE.
>> NOW AFTER YOU ALL LEFT YOUR BODY, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
>> I WAS IN A TUNNEL. AT THE END THERE WAS A BRIGHT
GLOW BECKONING ME FORWARD. JUST INTO THE LIGHT WITH MY
ANGEL. I DIDN'T KNOW IT FELT LIKE I WAS
IN PSALMS. >> THE YEAH, THE CLOSER I GOT TO
THE LIGHT THE MORE MY HEART FILLED WITH LOVE.
>> WHAT? THESE TWO CINDERELLAS ARE GOING
TO THE BALL. MEANWHILE,
CUT TO MY TUNNEL, A 6-MILE-LONG STEEP SLOPE THAT KEITH MADE ME
RUN DOWN IN FLIP-FLOPS, AND MY -- MIND YOU, MY
SWEATS WERE SO STRETCHED OUT THEY KEPT FALLING.
I HAD TO KICK THEM OFF. NOW I'M FULL DONALD DUCKING IT.
I'M GOING DOWN A 45 DEGREE DECLINE HANGING OUT.
>> WHAT OCCURRED WHEN YOU ALL REACHED THE END OF THE TUNNEL?
>> IN THE LIGHT, I SAW MY MAMA, SHE SAID, "I'M ALWAYS WITH YOU
BABY." AND I HUGGED HER.
AND NEVER WANTED TO LET HER GO. >> I SAW MY GRANDADDY.
HE TOOK MY HAND. HE DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING. WE JUST SMILED AND HAPPY CRIED.
WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING IT WAS!
>> WELL. AGAIN, I STRAY FROM THE PACK
HERE. SO -- I GET INTO MY LIGHT.
OUT COME THOUSANDS OF DOGS. ALL SIZES, ALL BREEDS.
JUST DOGS. JUST RUNNING AROUND, PLAYING,
YAPPING. NIPPING AT EACH OTHER.
I'M SPORTING NO PANTS. SO I'M FIGHTING OFF A GAGGLE OF
COLD SNOUTS. TRYING TO SNIFF MY DRAINER AND
MY STAINER. LOOK, AT LEAST SOMEBODY'S
INTERESTED, RIGHT? >> NOW DO DOGS HAVE A SPECIAL
SIGNIFICANCE IN YOUR LIFE? >> OH, NO, NO, NO.
I THINK KEITH BOTCHED AND SENT ME TO DOG HEAVEN.
BY THIS POINT IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR, KEITH WAS LEARNING ON THE
JOB. >> DO ANY OF YOU REMEMBER THE
MOMENT YOU ESSENTIALLY CAME BACK TO LIFE?
>> YEAH, MY ANGEL SAID TO ME, "IT'S NOT YOUR TIME."
CRADLED ME LIKE A BABY. TOOK ME BACK DOWN AND GENTLY
PLACED MY SOUL BACK INTO MY BODY.
>> YEAH, YEAH, IT FELT LIKE BEING
TUCKED INTO BED BY MY MAMA. >> NOW I'M ACTUALLY A LITTLE
TICKED OFF. BECAUSE MY ANGEL, JAMMED MY SOUL
INTO MY BODY LIKE HE WAS SHOVING A CARRY-ON INTO A CROWDED
OVERHEAD BIN. I WAS LIKE, "KEITH, BUD MAYBE
COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT GAME PLAN HERE."
AND, HE KEPT SAYING NO, I CAN MAKE IT
FIT. THEN HE WAS USING HIS ELBOWS TO
JAMMING ON MY SOUL. >> WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WAS SO
DIFFICULT? >> MY THEORY IS THIS -- KEITH
ACCIDENTALLY GRABBED ONE OF THE DEAD DOG SOULS AND STUFFED IT
INTO MY BODY. I AM PRETTY SURE THE SOUL OF A
SCOTTISH TERRIER SET UP SHOP IN MY LEFT KNOCKER.
>> WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT? >> WELL, WHENEVER THE DOORBELL
RINGS, MY KNOCKER GOES CRAZY. PARDON ME, SHARON.
IT'S LIKE THIS. BRR-BRR.
>> NOW WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DEMONSTRATE ON YOURSELF?
>> I DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE HIM UP. >> THIS IS ALL VERY FASCINATING.
IF YOU WILL FOLLOW ME, WE WOULD LIKE TO DO SOME LIGHT BRAIN
MAPPING. >> ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST MAKE IT
QUICK. BECAUSE I THINK SOMEONE IS UP
NOW. SIT.
SIT. [ APPLAUSE ]
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Near-Death Experience - SNL

75 タグ追加 保存
刘一生 2019 年 4 月 6 日 に公開
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