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動画の字幕をクリックしてすぐ単語の意味を調べられます!
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-Fantastic. Well, I'm glad you're
in a great mood, because these are pretty scary times.
[ Laughter ] I don't mean politically.
I mean how Facebook and Instagram
went down for hours yesterday.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
Did you guys notice that last night?
Both Facebook and Instagram were out for millions of people.
And Tom from MySpace was like, "I'm back in the game, baby!
Let's go!" [ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
Honestly, though, it was terrifying.
I had no idea Instagram was down until I was out to dinner,
and everyone was just walking around the restaurant
with their plates going, "Look."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
"Do you like it?"
[ Laughter ]
"Do you have a short comment about it?"
[ Laughter ]
But the Facebook and Instagram outage
affected people all over the world.
Some people wound up going on Twitter instead.
Even Facebook was tweeting.
[ Laughter ] -What?
-They said, "We're aware that some people
are currently having trouble
accessing the Facebook family of apps.
We're working to resolve the issue as soon as possible."
Yeah, Facebook tweeted. Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
And Twitter saw their tweet,
they actually decided to post on LinkedIn.
[ Laughter ]
They said, "We're aware that some people have free time
now that Instagram and Facebook are down.
Feel free to apply at Twitter, which is still up and running."
[ Laughter ] Well, LinkedIn saw that --
[ Cheers and applause ]
LinkedIn saw that and decided to update their Tinder bio to say,
"We're aware that our site is all about work,
but sometimes you just want to Netflix and chill."
[ Laughter ]
But then Netflix saw that, they went on Yelp
to write a review that said, "We are aware LinkedIn
used our slogan without our permission,
and they best get our name out their mouth.
One out of five stars."
[ Laughter and applause ] -Wow.
-And then, Facebook finally came up.
And Snapchat posted, "Is anyone aware I still exist?"
[ Laughter ] And that's just -- that's sad.
-Sad.
-Here's another big story.
This morning, Beto O'Rourke announced
that he's running for president.
[ Cheers and applause ]
At first, Beto wasn't sure if he wanted to,
but then he felt weird being the only Democrat
not running for president.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah, I heard Beto's already
the 15th Democrat to join the race.
Debates are gonna be like the first episode of "The Bachelor."
A limo pulls up, people just start piling out,
like, "Hi! Nice to meet you. I like walks on the beach."
People don't know much about Beto yet,
but he's a pretty young guy. He's 46 years old.
Or as Bernie Sanders put it,
"I've got cough drops in my pocket older than him."
[ Laughter and applause ]
This guy's already getting a lot of buzz.
In fact, Beto's on the cover
of the latest issue of "Vanity Fair."
Take a look at this. Ooh, yeah.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
Not afraid to say it -- he's a good-looking guy.
But if you're looking for a cool, handsome
candidate to vote for, just remember,
Joe Biden's gonna announce any day now.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Bom, bom ♪
-But even though he just announced his campaign,
Beto's already out on the trail today.
He was in Iowa talking to voters in a coffee shop.
Said some interesting stuff, but to be honest,
I was kind of distracted by how much he moves his hands
when he talks. You see this? Watch this.
-My wife, Amy, who's back in El Paso, Texas.
And she's getting them ready, feeding them,
and then taking them to school.
I, even though this is the first day, miss them terribly.
[ Laughter ]
-His Fitbit thinks he takes 3 million steps a day.
-Wow. -It's insane.
Like, "Wow!" He's all over the place.
Even the President noticed that he does this.
Check out what Trump said in the Oval Office today.
-Well, I think he's got a lot of hand movement.
I've never seen so much hand movement.
I said, "Is he crazy or is that just the way he acts?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Hang on a second. Can Trump really
criticize someone for the way they move their hands?
I mean, just look at him.
-They go to a wall, and then, they go around the wall.
They go around the wall and in.
The red, right? The red, beautiful red.
[ Growling ]
Ah, ah, ah.
Pew pew pew!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Some more big news for Trump today.
After he declared that national emergency
to get money for his border wall,
the House passed a resolution against it.
Then, today, the Senate also voted against it.
Which means now if Trump wants to keep his national emergency,
he's got to issue a veto.
And earlier today, he sent a tweet,
and this is real. It just said, "Veto."
[ Laughter ]
It's the first veto by tweeto. -Yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Finally, this is a crazy story.
In Tennessee -- You gotta hear this, dude.
-This is good. -In Tennessee,
a food-delivery guy was arrested
after he got angry about a bad tip.
And he may have overreacted a little bit.
Listen to this.
-Last month, Webb dipped his man-parts in salsa
because he was mad about an 89-cent tip.
[ Laughter, audience groans ]
-So in the end, two people were mad about the tip.
[ Laughter ] -Oy!
[ Rim shot ]
[ Applause ]
-At Taco Bell, they call that the number four.
Yeah. [ Laughter and applause ]
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-That's just insane. -Oh, my God, that's nuts.
[ Laughter ]
コツ:単語をクリックしてすぐ意味を調べられます!

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Trump Vetoes via Twitter to Get His Border Wall

184 タグ追加 保存
Charlie Chen 2019 年 3 月 16 日 に公開
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