YOU FOR COMING TO VISIT US IN

NOT-SO-SUNNY LOS ANGELES.

IT'S BEEN RAINING HERE FOR TWO

DAYS NOW.

IT RAIN PED YESTERDAY, AND THEN

THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED, IT

RAINED AGAIN TODAY.

I'M THINKING ABOUT SUING THE

SKY.

TODAY IS THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY

OF THE MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON.

TEN YEARS AGO TODAY, CAPTAIN

SULLY SULLENBERGER LANDED THE

PLANE SAFELY IN THE RIVER AND

EVERYONE GOT OFF SAFELY.

IF THIS HAPPENED TODAY, YOU KNOW

TRUMP WOULD HAVE BLAMED AMERICA.

THEY PROBABLY NEVER IMAGINED

THAT TEN YEARS LATER, THE HOST

OF CELEBRITY APRESENT TIGS PRENT

FORCING THEM TO HAVE A YARD

SALE.

THERE'S STILL NO END IN SIGHT.

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO A LITTLE

SOMETHING TO HELP THOSE WHO

AREN'T GETTING PAYCHECKS.

SO EVERY NIGHT WE'VE BEEN GIVING

JOBS AT THE SHOW TO ONE OF THE

800,000 FEDERAL WORKERS OUT OF

WORK.

TONIGHT WE ARE GIVING WORK TO

TWO FEDERAL WORKERS, THEY ARE A

MARRIED COUPLE.

PLEASE WELCOME MICHELLE AND

FERNANDO.

TELL EVERYONE HERE WHERE YOU

WORK OR WORKED, I GET.

>> WE WORK FOR THE IRS AS

CUSTOMER SERVICE

REPRESENTATIVES.

.

>> Jimmy: IRS CUSTOMER, SUDDENLY

THEY'RE HAPPY THAT YOU'RE OUT OF

WOURK.

DO YOU GET A DISCOUNT ON YOUR

TAXES?

DO YOU FILE A JOINT RETURN?

IS THAT WISE?

>> YES, IT'S WISE.

>> Jimmy: IF YOU AREN'T AT WORK,

DOES THAT MEAN FEWER PEOPLE ARE

GETTING AUDITED BY THE IRS?

>> I'M NOT ABLE TO ANSWER THAT

QUESTION.

>> Jimmy: ARE YOU ABLE TO ANSWER

THIS?

DO YOU HAVE ANY DEPEND ENTSS,

CHILDREN.

>> YES.

>> Jimmy: I HEARD YOU WERE GOING

ON VACATION, TO FRESNO BUT YOU

WEREN'T ABLE TO GO BECAUSE YOU

DIDN'T HAVE YOUR PAYCHECKS, WE

CALLED AND THEY ARE GIVING YOU

TICKETS TO BOTH THE PARKS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THERE YOU GO, WE'RE LASS GALSO G

TO GIVE YOU A JOB TONIGHT.

THIS IS NOT A HANDOUT SITUATION,

YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR THIS.

SO TED DANSON IS ON THE SHOW,

AND ONE OF AMERICA'S MOST

BELOVED ACTORS.

BUT THIS IS SAD.

TED DANSON DOESN'T HAVE AN

ENTOURAGE.

HE HAS NO PEOPLE.

COME ON OUT HERE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, TED.

THANK YOU FOR, SO TED, WHY

DON'T, YOU'RE A BIG STAR, WHY

DON'T YOU HAVE AN ENTOURAGE?

>> I'VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE.

I JUST NEVER COULD FIND THE

RIGHT PEOPLE.

>> Jimmy: GREAT NEWS, I GOT THE

RIGHT PEOPLE FOR YOU RIGHT HERE.

>> HERE WE ARE.

>> Jimmy: MICHELLE AND FERNANDO.

>> GO WITH TED AND FOLLOW HIM

AROUND ANG AND AGREE WITH

EVERYTHING HE SAYS.

>> COULD WE GO OUTSIDE?

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN IT RAINS.

>> WE DO TOO!

>> Jimmy: EVERYBODY'S A WINNER

HERE.

>> JIMMY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY

HI TO GUILLERMO, I LOVE

GUILLERMO.

>> WE LOVE GUILLERMO, TOO!

>> OKAY.

OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME.

>> Jimmy: OPEN THE DOOR FOR TED,

THERE YOU GO.

THAT'S HOW IT GOES.

PERFECT.

[ APPLAUSE ]

YOU KNOW, ONE REAL NEGATIVE

EFFECT OF THE SHUTDOWN, LONG

NUMBERS AT THE AIRPORT.

TSA WORKERS HAVE BEEN CALLING IN

SICK.

MORE THAN TWICE AS USUAL MISSED

THEIR SHIFTS YESTERDAY OPTING TO

STAY HOME AND FRISK THEIR

FAMILIES I GUESS.

BUT THIS IS THE LINE IN ATLANTA

YESTERDAY.

AND SOMEBODY SHOT THIS VIDEO AND

PLACED IT ONLINE.

THIS IS THE LINE BEFORE THE TSA

LINE.

IT'S SO LOCHKNG IT GOES ALL THE

THROUGH THE AIRPORT, OUTSIDE,

INTO THE DESERT.

YOU SEE, IT STRETCHES ALL THE

WAY TO INDIA, OKAY?

SO THIS IS A REAL, THIS IS A

REAL INCONVENIENCE.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M WORRIED

ABOUT?

I'M WORRIED ABOUT WHEN THE

SHUTDOWN IS OVER AND THE TSA

AGENTS COME BACK TO WORK EXTRA

FIRED UP TO SEARCH US BECAUSE

THEY HAVEN'T DONE IT IN A WHILE.

YOU GOT TO PROTECT YOUR

CAVITIES, FOLKS.

THE FEDERAL WORKERS ARE GOING,

DONALD TRUMP MADE HISTORY, THE

FIRST U.S. PRESIDENT EVER TO

CONGRATULATE HIMSELF ON PLACING

A FAST FOOD ORDER.

HE TWEETED, GREAT BE BEING WITH

THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS CLEMSON

TIGERS.

BECAUSE OF THE SHUTDOWN I FED

THEM MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF FOOD, I

PAID, OVER 1,000 HAMBURGERS, ET

CETERA.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HAMBURGERS.

HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?

THE E AND THE U AREN'T EVEN NEAR

EACH OTHER ON THE KEYBOARD.

IT'S LIKE IN THE MIDDLE OF

TWEETING HE HAD A STROKE OR

SOMETHING.

OR, IS IT POSSIBLE HE THOUGHT

THEY WERE CALLED HAMBURGERS

UNTIL TODAY?

HE TOOK THE TWEET DOWN AND

CORRECTED IT, BUT NOT BEFORE HE

GOT TROLLED BY AMONG OTHER

PEOPLE, BURGER KING.

DUE TO A LARGE ORDER YESTERDAY,

WE ARE OUT OF HAMBERDERS TODAY.

PUT THE TWEET UP AGAIN FOR A

SECOND.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT I LOVE MOST

ABOUT THIS, THE FACT THAT HE

WRITES HAMBERDERS OR "I PAID".

THE TWEET SAID IT WAS OVER 1,000

HAMBURGERS, BUT THE SOURCE

INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE CLAIMS

THE NUMBER OF BURGERS WAS MUCH

LOWER THAN THAT.

>> WE HAVE PIZZAS, WE HAVE 300

HAMBURGERS.

>> Jimmy: HE HAS TO LIE ABOUT

EVERYTHING.

HE CAN'T HELP IT.

OR MAYBE HE'S THE OTHER 700

HAMBURGERS HIMSELF.

THE OSCAR NOMINATIONS DON'T COME

OUT UNTIL NEXT WEEK.

BULL AS F

BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED WE

ALREADY HAVE THE BEST PICTURE.

THIS, TO ME, IS THE BEST PICTURE

OF THE YEAR.

[ APPLAUSE ]

THE HAPPIEST HE'S BEEN SINCE KIM

KARDASHIAN VISITED.

THIS IS IMAGE YOU SEE WHEN YOU

TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDFOLD IN "BIRD

BOX

BOX."

IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S A SUPER

VILLAIN WHO SET UP A TRAP TO

CATCH HIMSELF.

BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT HIM IT TO K

HOW TO SPELL HAMBURGERS.

WE WENT OUT ON THE STREET TO SEE

IF WE COULD FIND ANYONE WHO

COULD SPELL IT.

♪ ♪

>> HI THERE.

SPELL HAMBURGERS.

>> CAPITAL H, LOWERCASE A,

M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> HAMBURGERS?

H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S?

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-E-R-S?

>> NO!

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S?

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S?

>> HAMBURGERS, OKAY,

H-A-M-B-U-G-E-U-E-R-S.

>> THAT WAS WORSE.

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S?

>> PICTURE A HAMBURGER IN YOUR

HEAD.

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

H-A-M-B-U -- NO, E-R-G-U-E-R-S?

>> NO.

>> NOWHERE CLOSE?

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-U-S?

>> NO.

>> M-AH-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> START FROM THE TOP.

>> OKAY.

H-A-M.

B-U-R-G-U-E?

>> H-A-M-B-U-R-G-E-R-S.

>> HOW ABOUT HOT DOG?

>> HOT DOG IS AN EASY ONE.

H-O-T-D-O-G.

>> ALL RIGHT, CLOSE ENOUGH.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Jimmy: MEANWHILE IN THE

SENATE, DAY ONE OF TWO-DAY

CONFIRMATION HEARINGS FOR

WILLIAM B

WILLIAM BARR.

HE SAID MUELLER SHOULD BE ABLE

TO CLEAT OMPLETE HIS WORK AND WI

NOT LET PERSONAL OPINIONS

INFLUENCE THE RUSSIA

INVESTIGATION.

>> WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A

CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH MR.

MUELLER?

>> I WOULD SAY WE ARE GOOD

FRIENDS.

>> WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU

UNDERSTAND HIM TO BE A

FAIR-MINDED PERSON?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> DO YOU TRUST HIM TO BE FAIR

TO THE PRESIDENT AND THE COUNTRY

AS A WHOLE?

>> YES.

>> WHEN HIS REPORT COMES TO YOU,

WILL YOU SHARE WITH US AS MUCH

AS POSSIBLE?

>> CONSISTENT WITH REGULATIONS

AND THE LAW, YES.

>> DO YOU BELIEVE MR. MUELLER

WOULD BE INVOLVED IN A WITCH

HUNT AGAINST ANYBODY?

>> I DON'T BELIEVE MR. MUELLER

WOULD BE INVOLVED IN A WITCH

HUNT.

JO

>> Jimmy: WE'LL SEE.

ALL WE KNOW IS IN THE MOVIE

HE'LL BE PLAYED BY JOHN GOODMAN.

OVER THE SUMMER HE WROTE A

LETTER UNSOLICITED TO ROD

ROSENSTEIN SHARPLY CRITICIZING

THE INVESTIGATION.

AND NOW WE FIND OUT HE'S CLOSE

FRIEND OF ROBERT MUELLER.

WHAT IF BACK WHEN IT WAS OBVIOUS

TRUMP WAS GOING TO FIRE SESSIONS

HE WON'T TO HIS BUDDY AND SAID I

NEED AN ATTORNEY GENERAL I CAN

COUNT ON.

YOU WRITE A LETTER, SEND IT TO

ROSENSTEIN AND LET ME HAVE IT.

SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT ME.

HE'LL SHOW IT TO THE PRESIDENT.

THE PRESIDENT WILL NOMINATE YOU

AND WILL NAIL THIS GUY. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT IF