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  • Total War has been my go-to series for re-enacting scenes from Lord of the Rings ever since the

  • movies came out. Butwhich is best?

  • (Obviously not Rome 2). There's only one way to find out. I shall

  • compare them in a controlled and fair environment. For this I have chosen play as the English

  • and to crush the French, rating how fun it is to do so in each and every game.

  • Of course, this does mean that I may have to skip the Japan-only Shogun titles -and

  • possibly the Warhammer ones- but what's the point in playing a Total War game without

  • the British any way? So today, I'll be trying out Medieval: Total

  • War. The oldest of the series (apart from Shogun), and the very first that I bought.

  • Those were good times: I got it as a combined deal with Morrowind for £30. Pound-for-pound

  • the best deal since I got these TWO DEADLY SHOOTERS for ONE BULLET PROOF PRICE.

  • LET'S BEGIN. Good old Medieval: Total War. It may have

  • been basic but knew it was total war, not a 2% bonus micromanagement simulator. No,

  • this title kept it simple, letting you focus on the things that really mattered. Like invading

  • countries and forcing incestuous family trees. But first things first: before I can think

  • about France, I must first unite my own island. And get used to the controls, which are quite

  • a bit different from the later games. I couldn't work out how to get units to

  • leave their castles for a while, then accidentally got my King stuck in there as well.

  • But with all that figured out, I was ready to take over the world, starting with Wales.

  • The battle would be long and hard. Many men would fall. Equipped with longbowmen and some

  • of the wettest, slipperiest and most miserable hills in the world, they'd rek my armies

  • and delay my attack on France. So I bribed them instead.

  • The plus points of this approach are that I get to keep my own army, PLUS a new one!

  • The down-sides are that it costs 2,000 florins

  • and I get Wales.

  • But it's probably best to get some practice of the battles in, so I launched an attack

  • on Scotland, led by the King himself!

  • To maximise my archers' range, I chose to fight when the weather would be clear all

  • day. But rememberthis is Britain. Having maximised my chances, now all I had to do

  • was to find the enemy. I found them hidden in the trees. I kind of

  • expected them to jump out at me as I went past them, but they seemed happy camped there,

  • allowing me to gain the high-ground and to launch barrage after barrage of arrows into

  • their ranks, which was a tad hindered by the rain.

  • It took them long enough, but they eventually responded and we became engaged in TOTAL WAR.

  • My foot-soldiers were my major weakness, comprising of peasants who stood no chance against their

  • hardened warriors. But I had horses, and the King himself flanked the enemy and charged

  • into their rears, sandwiching the Scottish. But then another bunch of Scotsmen sandwiched

  • MY horses between them. Things got messy and I tried to get my horses to retreat. But they

  • weren't having any of it. I was honestly expecting my King to die any second.

  • Even though they had a pretty good advantage, having their general die immediately made

  • the rest of them give up and run away, meaning that I had secured the whole of Britain for

  • myself. But a difficult choice lay ahead. Should I,

  • the King of England, be a ruthless dictator, or a fair and just leader? After all, it was

  • I who had invaded their lands so why should they-

  • *Sound of death, destruction and the lamentations of the women*

  • Onto France. It was truly a blessed day for England. Not

  • only had I secured the island, but the Pope paid me for being a good Christian and my

  • Son came of age, ready to be tossed into the battlefield as cannon fodder! I married him

  • to both of his sisters to ensure the bloodline remained pure, and planned my assault on France.

  • Turns out England used to be pretty awesome and had already taken over most of Western

  • France. The French mostly resided in the East, though strangely also held onto Brittany.

  • Clearly this is the first place I want to attack- though it's guarded by a pretty

  • formidable general. I decided to play it smart for now by reinforcing

  • what I had first by securing everywhere with forts and to research people with actual weapons

  • to be my main foot soldiers. Also, the bloody Welsh were at it again with another, bigger

  • army that I had to deal with. ...but I had a problem. I didn't have enough

  • money to bribe Wales, but also I didn't have a big enough army to comfortably beat

  • them with. So instead, progress slowed to a crawl. I built farms and all that boring-ass-shit

  • instead, spamming the end turn button as my money replenished and then was spent again,

  • over and over. But the time wasn't wasted. I remembered

  • a lot about the game's mechanics. Countries came to me requesting alliances, and in general

  • there was great peace and prosperity across the worldapart from when Germany attacked

  • France and was then excommunicated. That was something I'd have to bear in mind for when

  • I finally decided to attack them myself. This is kind of sad, but being a fan of Lord

  • of the Rings I always made a big effort to ally with Aragon. So of course, I accepted

  • without a moment's notice when they requested it this time.

  • Spamming the end turn button, I knew the clock was ticking. The French would troll me by

  • saying how happy they were, and sadly the King of England eventually died too, replaced

  • by one of his many illegitimate sons. I was eventually rich enough to bribe Wales

  • again, amassing a large and well-equipped army with it. And I prepared for my attack

  • on France. And for now at least, the royal family was

  • doing a good job of keeping their perversions secret. The incest was starting to take effect

  • too as the royal family evolved to the next level!

  • I began researching buildings that could produce exotic units. Or at least, not just your average

  • farmer. I lowered tax rates in far-out regions so I could move their armies to the front

  • line without fear of rebellion. My troops from England landed in Flanders

  • to face the French King's army, while my already-France-based troops teamed up against

  • Brittany. My English troops didn't even get a fight

  • since the French just ran away. But those in Brittany had nowhere to go and a battle

  • broke out between 2 high-ranked armies. I approached them slowly, across the hills.

  • Their 2 almighty ballistas managed an impressive ONE kill before they were overrun and destroyed.

  • With so much Calvary it was easy for me to create a pincer, trapping their army in the

  • middle. The right flank alone could hold its own but

  • it was the left that really pushed them back. At this point it descended into a massive

  • raging brawl. But I was the victor and their army, scattered in all directions.

  • It's kind of hard to see because the controls are SO BAD. But I'm doing my best here,

  • honest! This fight, it wasn't even close. Some of

  • them regrouped and I had to hold my own with just a handful of units while the rest rushed

  • to help from across the battlefield. But they all handled themselves beautifully and I crushed

  • their army, claiming Brittany for my own. But what happened next was even better. Countries

  • from across the world all wrote to me letting me know that they had chosen my side and suddenly

  • the French found themselves very lonely. And to top it all off, the POPE blessed me and

  • my Christian ways and decided that France had some how broken a treaty and that he would

  • no longer be friends with them. Jeez… I kind of felt sorry for them. Poor

  • France. But I had to keep the momentum up! I launched

  • 3 more attacks the following year. The first to lay siege to the castle at Brittany. I

  • auto-resolved this one since it was 2 EZ. The second the French just ran away. But the

  • third became a surprisingly close battle. There was a damn lake in the middle of it

  • and the enemies kept running away. It resulted in my armies being spread too thin, then my

  • generals got caught up in a fight that they didn't want to run from and I ended up losing

  • pretty much all of them. The enemy didn't come off much better. He

  • sent some brave 1-man armies against my urban militia and dealt WAYYY more damage than he

  • should have done. And then the second 1-man army arrived.

  • It was a messy brawl. When my main general fell, those engaged in combat quickly ran

  • away. But luckily my reserve footmen finally made it to the frontline and finished off

  • the stragglers. I had won the battle, but it was a very costly

  • victory. I had secured 3 more provinces and ransomed

  • back important prisoners for a HUGE load of moneybut then the Pope decided I had had

  • enough fun and threatened me with excommunication. This meant I had 2 turns to get out of French-owned

  • provinces before the Pope tells the whole of Europe to DESTROY me.

  • And so began another boring period where I built up my armies and shifted them to the

  • front-line, waiting for the excommunication timeout. I began to get some pretty decent

  • units and commanded a siege that I couldn't be bothered to do properly and sustained heavy

  • losses, but here's what such a battle looks like in case you were interested.

  • Admittedly when I agreed to this battle I thought I was the one in the castle, defending

  • against the French. But sadly, that wasn't the case- I don't think they've attacked

  • me once so far. Poor French. They had pimped their fortress out with catapults, ballistas

  • and burning oil which they poured on my army. I lost a decent general amidst the commotion.

  • All in all I think this would have been one of the better battles to have autoresolved.

  • Any way, eventually the Pope forgot about my aggression and I could set to work destroying

  • what looked very much like the final French province, guarded by a decent army and the

  • King himself. What should have been an epic 6,000-strong

  • battle was marred by poor camera controls and trees. Which, when coupled with bugged

  • and sticky- feeling units under my command, made me just ramp up the speed and turn it

  • into a huge bloodbath. The battle raged on but the quality of my troops and the fact

  • that I had like, twice the number, resulted in an easy victory where the French ran away.

  • The French were no more. A once powerful faction, crushed beneath the boots of the English.

  • I had done it in 62 years! Could have done it sooner, I guess. But I chose to play it

  • smart. To pick my battles and to invest in decent units. And to not get excommunicated.

  • This has been Medieval Total War. First released in 2002, it is kind of showing its age. The

  • battles are annoyingly unresponsive and I can appreciate the improvements they've

  • made in more recent titles. I like the difference the quality of the units makes- get a decent

  • soldier and he'll destroy weaker ones. Something I feel has been toned down too much in the

  • newer games. But while the battles feel dated, the campaign

  • map is as fun as it's always been. Diplomacy is lacking. There's not a lot of depth.

  • And autoresolving battles normally means you lose. But there are things this title does

  • well and that the newer games could learn from- most notably, the decisions you make

  • in this game feel meaningful and you see the consequences of them just minutes later. Future

  • Total War games slow to a crawl and you've normally forgotten what decisions you made

  • before they start to pay off. Plus, the buildings you can have in this one feel like stuff you

  • want to build! Build a castle? It looks like a castle for the rest of the game and really

  • helps in sieges! Get a decent sword making place? You're rewarded with REALLY good

  • units well before everywhere else does. I love this and have had many great stories

  • to tell after just a few hours of gameplay. Plus the family trees are awesome. I give

  • this game 7/10.

Total War has been my go-to series for re-enacting scenes from Lord of the Rings ever since the

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2kliksphilip VSフランス - 中世。総力戦 (2kliksphilip VS the French - Medieval: Total War)

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    wei に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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