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  • Oh boy, the marshals is now a nordstrom. I feel like our days at this mall are numbered.

  • Well, we have $60.00 let's see what kind of Chinese pressed board garbage

  • we can get to replace my grandmother's priceless mahogany table.

  • Dad, look! Santa's here!

  • I want to sit on his lap.

  • Jeeze Chris, come on. You're in high school.

  • I'm gonna ask him for a family trampoline!

  • Holy crap, get your ass up there!

  • You know what Peter?

  • I'll get the table myself and then I might just sit in that car in the middle of the mall and cry

  • Sheesh look at this line.

  • Yeah, no kidding and it's not moving.

  • Me and my adopted son have been waiting quite a while.

  • But... what..? W-why did you... I didn't even ask.

  • So is your son a "biologe"?

  • What is..? I-I'm not.. I-I don't.. I- I don't watch Modern Family. Sorry..

  • Hey Chris, wait here. I'm gonna see what's going on.

  • Hey Muscles. What's taking so long?

  • I'm sorry, sir. This may shock you,

  • but it turns out the seasonal Santa we hired has a drinking problem,

  • and I don't know where to find a replacement on such short notice.

  • Hey, you're a hefty guy.

  • I called you "Muscles"..

  • Would you mind putting on the suit and playing Santa?

  • Just until the shift ends?

  • I'd pay you for your time.

  • Alright, fine.

  • I mean, it's not the first time I pretended to be someone else.

  • I once dressed as a farmer to get a date on farmersonly.com

  • Are you Peter?

  • Yeah.

  • Uh, are you the gross lady who lives in the converted horse trailer?

  • "You don't have to be lonely!"

  • At farmersonly.com!

  • It doesn't say "Whites only", but... yeah.

  • ...and I want a tricycle, and a pony, and an American girl doll, and a drone with a camera, and a gun that fires-

  • Ho ho ho!

  • Yeah, sure. All of it.

  • Alright now go pick up your picture.

  • And before you go crying to your mom,

  • that's my cell phone you're feeling.

  • Hey, what the hell's going on?

  • Oh, Santa! I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was your car.

  • That's right! Now crumple up that ticket!

  • Now eat it

  • All right. Now, we're gonna go to your home, and wait for you to pass it, and then you're gonna eat it again!

  • Hey, honey. This is Santa. He's gonna come in and watch me in the bathroom.

  • Oh, just like the easter bunny did.

  • Exactly!

  • I got a lot of guys coming through here.

  • Bye Santa!

  • Bye strippers!

  • Uh, you can all take your clothes off now,

  • I was just coming in for the spaghetti.

  • Bitch, agh that hurts!

  • Agh.. I'm drunk.

  • Heart's beating fast.

  • Spaghetti angel! I'm making a spaghetti angel!

  • When Italian guys die, they-

  • they turn into..

  • it uh..

  • Peter!

  • Peter Griffin!

  • Peter!

  • We need to talk.

  • Who... Who are you?

  • I'm the REAL Santa Claus!

  • Awesome!

  • Okay, my first wish is for a thousand wishes.

  • Yes!

  • That's not me, that's a genie.

  • Okay, then my first wish is for a genie.

  • Again.. You'd need a genie.

  • How wasted are you?

  • Don't judge me.

  • You live in a bottle!

  • It's a lamp-

  • Ah- and I'm not a genie!!!

  • All right, come on now pal.

  • Seriously, who are you, really?

  • I already told you, I'm Santa Claus!

  • Oh, yeah? Well, if you're santa then

  • what did I ask for for Christmas when I was 12?

  • Nothing, because it was the year you found that penthouse in the woods.

  • *Gasp*

  • You really are Santa!

  • Am I really heavier than you?

  • I-I-I gotta take control..

  • Look! I'm not very happy with you.

  • You can't go around in that suit pretending you're me and acting like a complete jackass.

  • What are you talking about? People love me!

  • They give me free stuff!

  • No, they love me.

  • You're just exploiting my brand for personal gain and destroying my reputation!

  • So there's like... no toilet on the sleigh..

  • So you're- you just... you're just crapping in people's houses, right?

  • You're not hearing me!

  • Stop wearing that suit!

  • Or else.

  • Or else what?

  • Or else, I will put you at the top of my naughty list.

  • You know you're not talking to a little kid anymore, so get the hell out of my face, Santa

  • I like this suit, and I'm keeping it!

  • Now if you'll excuse me

  • You're standing in my strip club spaghetti.

  • I gotta get this home to my family for supper.

  • You better watch out.

Oh boy, the marshals is now a nordstrom. I feel like our days at this mall are numbered.

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B1 中級

ファミリーガイ - ピーターは国の出会い系サイトを使用しています。 (Family Guy - Peter Uses Country Dating Sites)

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    榮得傑 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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