yesterday, intended to hide our nation's pornography

from future generations of Americans. -This act will ensure

that the inhabitants of ensuing centuries

will judge us based on our contribution to literature

and the arts rather than on our vast porn collection.

Just imagine the look on some future archeologist's face

when he unearths 'Grandma Likes it Hard' volume III,

and you will understand why we must act.

The newly created US Porn Stashing Agency

will be tasked with carrying out the project.

According to the chief director of the US Porn Stashing Agency

all internet porn sites will be hidden behind a portal

disguised as an unremarkable business site

called Qualitative Consulting. -To gain entry to the pornography,

US citizens will have to use the password 'catnap',

all lower case, one word 'catnap', but please

don't write that down anywhere.

Individual porn collections will be moved

to several dozen fake mountains in southern New Hampshire.

There will be an interracial mountain, a barely-legal mountain.

At the base of each mountain there will be a hidden door

where any American can enter, no questions asked.

The agency also unveiled a video to help Americans understand

how these new policies will affect their porn

The Porn Stashing Agency will store all pornographic materials

under piles of old camping equipment inside cardboard boxes

with the word Canada written on them. -I'm from the year 3000.

That way future historians will think we're just holding on to it for Canada.

And for citizens who make their own home sex tapes,

the new policy requires they begin all recordings

with at least 5 minutes of C-Span footage

so future viewers will just get bored and stop watching.

Previous Congressional proposals to make the nation

seem more impressive, including plans to scatter the nation

with opera playbills, treat Usain Bolt as an average speed human,

and blame the massive amount of idiotic internet discourse

on a few faulty robots all failed to gain popular support.

Next up we'll talk to that pilot who heroically crash-landed a plane

into Maureen Dowd.