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Hey guys, it's Mario here.
And, no, I'm just kidding, it's not Mario,
it's Madison!
Madison and Mario.
But there is Mario Kart in the background,
so you're getting double your Mario pleasure
for double the fun today.
I'm just guest-starring on Mario's channel.
I actually just ran into Mario.
I haven't seen this guy ever.
We've known each other for a long time virtually,
thinking like five or six years virtually,
we used to do some work together, and he knows
a lot of the same people that I know,
but we're finally here.
It's M and M in the flesh.
Back together again for the first time.
And today, we thought we'd talk to you
about this interesting idea of why you--
You specifically, you,
Specifically you.
You, dude, like you watching this video
need to quit porn right now, immediately.
Drop the magazine in your left hand,
drop the lube from your right hand,
and stop instantly.
Don't take another beat.
(Mario laughs)
Not one more beat.
Drop it right now, okay?
This is the moment.
The moment you've been waiting for.
The motivation of why you should do it.
I know it's so pleasurable.
I know it fills the void in your heart
and it makes you happy in those moments
of aloneness and uncertainty.
A little stressed about work?
Pick up some porn, fap it out.
Little stressed about that date you got coming?
Don't worry, the porn's there for you after.
Always there, welcoming you back in, slowly.
It's very, very comfortable.
You gotta get rid of it, you gotta get rid of it.
So my first time that I thought on this
is my first, I'll tell you
the story of my first porn magazine.
(laughs) It's a pretty funny story.
I was 14 years old, and when I was 14,
I went to this place called Sunset Depiner,
it's like a convenience store,
and there was this old Indian guy,
and if you paid him, like, an extra $10,
he would slip the porno magazine in a brown paper bag.
I remember I got my first Playboy,
and I went to the parking garage, the parking lot,
and I got this Playboy, and me and my friend, we read it.
And it was like, amazing.
I had Cindy Crawford on the cover.
Dude, I love Cindy Crawford.
I still love her.
She has, like, a Master's in chemistry.
She's so fucking smart.
Did you have a sticky page, like?
I think it was sticky because it had glue on it,
but not, no, I didn't make it sticky.
You never get a used magazine, you know,
like imagine, it's like, used magazine,
you're like, why is this page, it's like (laughs).
Yeah, why is it sticky?
Who did this?
Does it come sticky, or was it the guy at the store?
I think this one was glue.
I think it was glue this time.
And so we unstuck the page,
it was Cindy Crawford in the layout,
and she was just beautiful.
She wasn't even naked, she just had, like,
a little cleavage thing, and I was like,
damn, I love her so much.
And so my buddy took the porn magazine,
and we said, okay, we're very smart kids.
There's seven days in a week.
So we have to divide it equally.
He takes it for four days, I take it for three days,
and then we reverse the cycle.
I get it for four days, he gets it for three days,
I'm like, genius.
So the first night he takes it home
and I call him up, like (imitates phone dialing)
I'm like, yo, how was it?
Was it everything you dreamed of?
Was it everything you had imagined it could be?
And he's like, it was beautiful!
I read all the articles.
'Cause, like we actually read the articles,
'cause we were kids.
And that was my first porn experience.
It opened my eyes, and I saw the light.
And the clouds parted and all that stuff,
and I was like, yes!
Porn.
And then, you know, I dabbled in it every once in a while,
you know, I dabbled here and there.
And I enjoyed it, but it was never, like, fully my thing.
I always kind of wanted to go out and earn
the womens, I always wanted, like, self respect
when I got the womens, so I didn't--
You were advanced, man, that's advanced thinking,
you know, that's really, really advanced.
Like, most guys, I remember, like,
where I'm in high school, you know,
nobody even thought about the girls, you know.
When you have, it was all the fighting for the magazine,
because, oh, there's plenty of girls,
but there's only two magazines, you know,
and it's, like, really weird,
because, I mean, back where I'm from,
it wasn't really that common.
There was only like, it was actually quite hard
to get some good-quality stuff.
Marketed in the van.
Back in the day.
The van was strong for the market.
Exactly, so it's like, the pure economy, you know,
I know guys would give, selling the used ones,
the old ones, even some stuff from, like, the '60s,
from old German stuff coming in there--
Creepy.
Super weird.
Like, you don't want, yeah,
you don't wanna read that kind of stuff,
but one of the reasons why we wanted to make this video
is that, you know, it's a very deep rabbit hole.
A lot of guys get caught up in this.
It kind of escalates.
You don't really think it's a big deal,
but all of a sudden, it turns into this nasty habit,
because you're constantly reinforcing it,
and it feels good.
Like, I mean, it always feels good, right?
What is gonna be likely to stick, right?
It's something that you really, really enjoy
that gives you a burst of pleasure.
You're constantly doing it any time you feel bad.
Bam, you get addicted, right?
So it is a tough addiction to get rid of.
There's this whole community out there,
and that's one of the reasons why it
inspired us to do this video,
because we were just talking about that,
and there's this whole community of guys
that really struggle with this,
and it destroys your life, man.
Like, I mean, think about it.
You're all guys, you're interested in fitness,
you're interested in business,
you're interested in, like, meeting the right girl,
and all those dreams, you know,
end up being like a fap in a magazine
or, like, watching some kind of website,
there's like paid subscriptions and all of that.
All of your dreams--
Destroys your life, man.
All of your dreams go into a Kleenex.
Yeah, I mean (laughs)
and this is really why it's so important.
I mean, we wanna discuss this, wanna bring this out.
Because also, the first thing what I personally know,
I mean, from talking to a lot of guys,
is this is kind of that taboo topic, you know,
nobody wants to talk about it.
And everybody knows it's happening,
but nobody's really addressing it.
And that's one of the problems,
because nobody's really willing to admit,
hey, I have a problem with this.
And it can be a big deal, I mean,
we did a video, a couple of videos,
and like, no-fap and all of that,
but what's your overall take, I mean,
what have you seen guys really,
I mean, have you seen some cases, like hard cases,
that ended up down this rabbit hole,
and they can't recover, they can't
get a proper girlfriend anymore.
Yeah, absolutely.
'Cause I do dating advice and stuff,
and I'm a dating coach, I've been traveling
the world, 39 countries, I've done so far
39 cities and talked to tens of thousands
of guys face-to-face, four million online.
Hashtag humblebrag.
So I've had guys come up to my programs,
which is called a bootcamp,
where I take them out to bars, lounges, cafes,
and I teach them how to talk to women,
I'm basically Hitch, and I'm, like,
the little angel on their shoulder,
and I tell them what to do, what to say,
and how to do it, et cetera.
And one of the things I notice is
these guys are just so addicted to porn
there's no actual fire in the belly.
And I'll explain what I mean.
As a young guy, okay, let's say you're 20.
20 to 25.
You're in the most ambitious part of your life.
You literally have energy to work for days nonstop.
When you get to be a little older, like I am,
I'm in my mid-30s now, or you get to be 30,
your energy level kind of naturally goes down,
and you're not as hungry and ambitious.
You still have these goals, but you don't have
this internal fire in the belly,
driving your soul to really get something
and achieve your goals and have success.
So what I find from the guys that have this porn addiction
is that they want the girlfriend,
they want to work out, but their brain
is not wired in a way to actually help them pursue it,
because their brain is geared towards
instant gratification versus delayed gratification,
all right, so instant gratification
or delayed gratification.
Anything in life you want comes,
that's of value, comes from delayed gratification.
You know, stable finances, great health,
eating, working out, if you watch Mario's channel,
you know all about that, right?
That's why you're here.
And porn is such an instant gratification
that you don't learn to fight your personal demons,
your personal challenges, to get through them
and get the girl that you actually want
or talk to her or approach her
or go through those rejections,
and those rejections are part of it.
I see a lot of people these days,
for example, in business, a lot of people who say,
"I wanna be an entrepreneur."
That's the expression these days.
Entrepreneur.
Me and Mario were actually at a speech the other day,
and this guy's like, "I wanna be, I'm an entrepreneur."
And we're like, okay, how many people do you employ?
None.
Okay, can you move?
No, I can't move.
What do you actually do?
It's like, oh, we do some web,
you know, nothing.
There's really no clarity.
It was complete, like, in his mind,
he was an entrepreneur, but he really wasn't,
because he didn't start businesses and fail enough.
If he started and failed enough,
started and failed, started and failed,
started and failed, he would've had
a really clear idea about what it takes
to actually be an entrepreneur.
He didn't even know his job role.
So same thing with girls.
If you wanna have the girl of quality in your life,
the actual girlfriend who's worth keeping around,
you gotta go on a lot of dates that don't go anywhere.
Have a lot of dates that are useless,
a lot of dinner dates that she just
eats the dinner and goes away.
You gotta have a lot of those,
but you don't have that drive and passion
and fire to go for it, and jump into the unknown
because you've, all of your mojo,
all of your chi, all of your life force
has been ejaculated into a Kleenex, right?
So that's the issue, I find.
And also, to add to that, what I see as a result of it
is when those guys finally get a girlfriend,
or get a girl in their life that they like,
dude, they can't even, let's say rise to the occasion.
Their little, little, little Mario Tomic student
is it tah-mic or toe-mic?
Little Mario tah-mich.
Little Mario Tomic student
cannot rise to the occasion, wink, wink,
if you know what I'm saying.
He can't rise up, because he doesn't know what to do.
It's like all the anxieties there,
imagine, haven't been with a girl in, like, months,
months and months, and you finally get her alone,
she's in your bedroom, you're so nervous,
and you're freaking about it,
and you're like, she's here, she's here,
and you're so caught up in your mind
about, you haven't had a girl in a long time,
and when's the next time you're gonna get a chance--
You have these expectations that you know,
I need to do like four hours of these weird poses,
and it all has to be like a porn movie--
It has to be perfect.
And it's just like the magazine,
and then, like, I don't know, if I can't lift her up
and put her against the wall like the--
With one hand, that's why we're lifting,
like that's why we got into this whole game, right?
Squats.
Squats.
And deadlifts, clean and jerk, clean and jerk chick,
like, they think, I can't do that!
Then it's not realistic,
and I don't know if I'll get a chance again,
and your mind's so wrapped up in this porn fantasy
that you can't actually connect
with the human being in front of you, right?
What makes a good video between two guys in a video
is I'm actually, like, looking at each other
and talking with each other,
and like, shooting a couple jokes back and forth
and connecting with the person they're with in the video.
So when you're with that girl,
you can't connect with her
because you're used to porn connection,
which requires you to just kind of zombie out
and just get stimulated, not actually
interact with the person being vulnerable in front of you,
so guess what?
You have no connection?
(whistles) Little you doesn't rise to the occasion,
and you cannot perform.
She's disappointed, and you're like, dang,
it builds more pressure for the next time.
And more pressure.
And more pressure, and more pressure.
It's just this downward spiral, as we say.
It's a vicious cycle, because every time,
I mean, every time we don't rise up to the occasion,
if we wanna use that term, I mean,
the proper term is erectile dysfunction,
or your wiener doesn't work, or however you wanna call it,
but every time that does happen,
you know, it's another huge dent in your confidence,
right, and you cannot get rid of that easily.
So this can easily turn that vicious cycle
where it reinforces that type of thinking,
well, you're even more stuck in your head now.
And you can't get out of that,
and people are getting into these loops,
and I mean, it cause depression,
you aren't gonna perform really well at your job,
or guess what, you're not gonna be able
to take care of your health
if you're constantly thinking,
well, this, I cannot please my girlfriend,
I cannot please a girl, I can't do this, right,
because it is a part of being a man,
being a guy, part of us is always like,
well, if I need to get stuff done
I'm gonna get stuff done, especially when
we're talking about relationships
and pleasing your girlfriend or your wife or whoever it is.
That's really who we are.
Part of us is about that.
So when you feel that, it really starts to
kind of be toxic on other areas of your life,
and overall, I mean, when we talk about,
let's say, even getting a girlfriend to begin with,
you're not gonna go outside of your house
and go through that pain of actually meeting people,
because you can easily just turn on the TV,
turn on whatever website, just get a magazine,
I don't think magazines are popular anymore,
more like mobile apps now,
the guys use, like, Tinder or something, or apps,
you're just like, oh, the picture, let me see,
but I mean, whatever it is, right,
the key that we're talking about here,
you wanna wire your brain to be able
to go through a certain amount of resistance
before you get rewarded for something.
This is the same thing in the gym, I mean,
you're not gonna just magically wake up one day
and you're shredded just because you went to the gym once
and it was a really good workout.
It's gonna be a process.
And one thing I wanna talk to you a bit about here as well
is you know this whole idea of how we're
talking about this as one specific area,
but it's really weird how it affects
your business and your health.
I mean, a lot of guys that have watched
this channel, for example, you guys
know my emphasis on the big three, right,
you wanna develop your business,
you wanna develop your relationships,
you wanna develop your fitness.
Now, if you're so bad at one area,
which porn can destroy you in your relationships,
that's really gonna cause a massive amount of stress.
I think I read, actually, some nice research, recently,
that relationships with people is the fastest way
to reduce stress and just kind of live your life at ease,
versus having no contact with people,
and I feel like, I wanna get your thought on this,
I mean, 2017 and soon to be 2018, and so far,
I mean, we just see a trend where more and more
people are disconnected with their reality,
and guys don't even go out anymore to meet up with girls.
I mean, they don't go to coffee dates anymore,
you know, it's like all online, more or less,
and is that kind of reinforcing this issue,
where we can't necessarily connect with people?
Like, it's really hard to connect with someone,
because I heard your seminar, you talked about how
now it's all about fast screening.
You know, it's like screen fast, yes or no,
like in or out, like, it's just surface-level.
Is that really what's going on?
Yeah, that's a really good question.
I think about that a lot.
I think porn is part of it, and right now,
in this day and age, dating is dead.
The idea of dating is dead,
and porn kind of reinforces it, right?
You know, for example, you open up your Tinder right now,
there is thousands of local singles in your area
waiting to meet you.
And it kind of creates this false sense of opportunity,
where you're just like, I can just,
these girls, I can just run through them,
there's just so many, I can have any one
I want whenever I want, which isn't really true.
So the depth of our relationships is kind of gone.
There's a really great book that was written on this.
I haven't read it yet, but I've
kind of dabbled in the interviews.
It's called Date-onomics, by Jon, or Jonah Birger.
In this book, he talks about now there's so many
women that are very, very educated,
going to school, and their careers
and ambitious ladies and they're independent,
like little Beyonces, and now they're not dating these guys
who are just guys who work in construction
or the regular guy who's a carpenter.
So now there's so many single women out there
that it creates a false sense of available partners to you.
And porn does the same thing in your mind,
it creates a false sense of available partners to you.
You're not actually gonna be happy.
It sounds crazy to say this,
and I'll explain it in a second.
You're not actually gonna be happy
until you have a solid group of relationships
that include females in your life.
I'll give you some examples, okay?
So I, this is always, I say this,
and it always sounds like I'm complaining,
and people are gonna be like, oh, sad Madison,
but it isn't really, it's kind of
to illustrate something, right?
So I grew up with very, very,
in a poor family, I can remember moments where,
moments where the TV would be cut off,
or electricity would be cut off, you know, sniff, sniff,
and then when I got older and I started working with RSD,
you know, RSD, we have some properties
and we have, like, mansions that are kind of like all over,
and so for a year, I lived in a $10 million mansion
in Hollywood Hills.
I traveled to, like, 20 different countries
or some shit like that, it was ridiculous.
And after about three weeks,
the novelty would wear off of the travel.
The airplanes wouldn't be as cool.
The hotels wouldn't be as cool.
The mansion, I'd be like, there's no warm water today!
Who used all the hot water?
Complaining in the mansion, right?
The novelty wears off, and what really lasted
was the relationships.
No matter what situation you're in in life,
if you have quality relationships around you,
it'll make you happy.
If you're sitting alone on a bed of cash,
and you have no relationships, you're miserable, right?
Look at some of these child actors
that don't know who to trust.
They don't know who their friends are,
because they made a lot of money when they're young,
now they're older, they don't know
who their real friends are, and they're miserable,
and they go drug addictions and rehab,
and you could think of people like,
unfortunately, like Amy Winehouse, or Robin Williams, right?
Great, amazing actors or performers that everybody loves,
but the relationships were not strong around them,
and they just fell into depression.
Philip Seymour Hoffman, the list
goes on and on and on and on.
The guy from Linkin Park, Chester, who just recently
I think committed suicide about a month ago, right?
Like, I love this music!
I listen to Jay-Z and Linkin Park--
Yeah, it's amazing, man.
It's amazing.
It's such a shame, such talent and potential,
and it probably was for one of those reasons,
I mean, relationships--
Couldn't--
Yeah, he had no reason to,
you know, he didn't think he has a reason to be here.
Couldn't see the way out, right?
'Cause, think, he has the money, they have the money.
They have the fame, they have the quote, unquote girls.
But they don't have the relationships
that can help them to feel like there's a meaning to it all,
put it all in perspective, so we live in a day and age
where relationships are so scarce,
all of our contacts are, like, touch and go, touch and go,
you know, and because of that, when you get into porn,
just to kinda wrap it back here,
when you get into porn, you're like,
you have a bunch of shallow relationships
with imaginary people.
Who's your favorite porn star?
Who do you imagine you would have
your most intimate moment with,
who is not even really there, okay?
At least with me and Mario--
Yeah, they don't even know that you exist,
like doesn't even know that you exist.
She has no idea that you're even,
you have this intimate moment with her, okay?
At least with me and Mario, you might see us in person,
you might come out to an event and meet us in person,
enjoy our contact, it'll make an improvement in your life.
And we're like porn, it's gonna be
like porn at the event for sure.
I mean, like, 100%, right?
(both laugh)
Well, we'll see, I don't have the six-pack like Mario,
so we'll see, but you can meet us
and have some sort of relationship with us and our material,
but when you have a relationship with porn material,
there's not actual, there's no actual engagement
from the other side there, right?
Like the porn star is not--
You're living in a story that you've kinda
made up yourself, and you keep telling yourself
this story and living this story,
and this story all the time,
and it's easy to keep lying to yourself,
because the story gets better and better,
because it's same as in your head, right,
if you have these crazy expectations
of a girl, how she's supposed to be,
that she's this perfect girl without actually
trying to get to know her, you're gonna be
in trouble eventually, you know, maybe
it's gonna hit you in six months or a year
as, like, hell, I don't know who that person is,
because you had this whole story in your mind,
you didn't even bother to meet the person.
This is probably what happens through porn, I think,
I mean at least who's like super deep into it,
it confuses the expectations what reality is,
what reality's supposed to look like, you know,
it's like, oh, you're suddenly in a train,
and then 10 minutes later, you're like, I don't know,
I mean, it's actually possible, you know,
and if we talk like RSD and all that,
but that's not every day.
It's not like every day that's gonna happen.
And guys think that this magical moment
is gonna happen to them, because
what happens in porn, right?
The girl approaches you and all this stuff happens.
And you're just, like, waiting there.
Have all these hopes, you know,
it's gonna magically work itself out,
and never take the action to improve yourself,
never take the action to really get to know someone,
to take initiative, and it really screws you over, man.
Yeah, I see it all the time.
The guys coming through the programs that I have,
and they're like, they're done.
They can't realize what would happen in real life anymore.
When I think about, there was
a situation I wanted to mention.
By the way, if you notice Mario's comment,
it's spoken like a guy that's actually had relationships.
Right, it's like, you know,
when you have to caress the motherfucker
and the skeletons in the closet, it's like,
he's learned to reconciliate the parts about a person
that might not be so positive,
but to kind of reconciliate them in his mind
and have a real relationship with somebody.
And that's what you get--
But it's same for me, dude, like same for you.
Everybody, every one of us, I mean,
every girlfriend I ever had, she's a fucking rock star.
I'm a really hard guy to be with,
'cause I'm a workaholic, I really do my own thing,
I'm very independent, and that is super hard
for some people, so you gotta know yourself as well,
so you can kinda have that forgiveness toward yourself,
so you can then actually acknowledge other people as well,
because if you think you're perfect,
then you're gonna really have a hard time meeting someone,
because you're always, oh,
she's not good enough or whatever.
You never desire to go deep,
because you don't know yourself.
You can't forgive yourself for your mistakes,
I mean, that's really from my experience,
you know, I was always perfectionist,
you know, like hit it hard all the time,
and at some point we realize, dude, I made so many mistakes,
like you gotta really live with that, you know?
I think that's where it comes from,
knowing yourself, then you can actually
know someone else better.
I like what you're saying.
It's like what he's saying, if you guys understand,
it's like he's saying this idea of, in marketing
we call it going horizontal versus going vertical.
So going horizontal is like covering many topics
in marketing or covering many, many business strategies
or many conversations.
Going vertical is picking one and going deep on it, right?
So right now, we're going vertical on this idea of porn.
And then we can go vertical on this idea
of deep relationships, and vertical on this idea
of erectile dysfunction, and we're going,
the whole point is you go vertical on your relationships.
You go deep with the relationships with a girl,
and you get grounded from it,
and you become more of a developed dude,
who actually becomes more attractive to girls.
You could probably get those girls
that are in the porn at some point,
because now you've done that, right?
But if you're just going horizontal,
horizontal, horizontal, horizontal, horizontal,
you're kind of like this spineless guy
who's just like a leaf in the wind,
and any girl that comes along,
you kind of just dabble over to her,
float over to, and you become incredibly,
incredibly unsatisfied, because your soul as a man
is not satisfied.
You never meet that girl who's like,
you never meet the girl who's the girl who comes over
and cleans the house every once in a while,
like the feminine creature who comes over
and makes you spaghetti on Thursday, just because she can--
Gives you a random massage sometimes
because she realized that you're super tense,
and she kind of kneaded, you know,
it's just someone that does really good deeds
for no reason, you know, other than
just to help you out a little bit, right?
Now, I wanna ask you a question which is,
which I think is really cool.
When is porn allowed?
Like if you're in a relationship,
and I know a lot of guys have this kind of--
See the smile on my face?
I'm like--
Yeah, I know, like, when would you say porn
turns from something that's really destructive,
which is, let's say that lonely guy in his basement,
his mom's basement, like no life, doing nothing,
and it's like watching porn,
but let's say on the other side,
someone that's like, really on point,
doing really well in fitness and business,
and they have a steady relationship.
How would you introduce porn to the relationship,
or is there any benefit to that?
Yes.
'Cause I know, I know, it's--
Yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
One of the first things that I do when I meet a girl,
and they always ask me this question.
I go, "Would you let Rihanna go down on you?"
I always ask that fantasy kind of question,
and usually she'll go like, "Ew, no,"
or "Maybe."
'Cause I think Rihanna's built to be like
the lesbian couple in the relationship.
Like, Rihanna's like the butch in the relationship,
and you're meant to be, if you're a lady,
you're meant to be the feminine
creature in the relationship,
and then I also ask the second question, I go,
"Would you return the favor?"
And she goes, "Yeah."
I'm like, we should go on a date.
'Cause the girl I'm dating, right,
she should be able to kind of have this fantasy
about what she wants to do,
be able to express her fantasies,
and I love that when I'm seeing a girl.
I love a girl that's sensually and sexually
open to experimentation and to be honest with herself.
The honesty is the biggest thing, too,
'cause if you're with a girl
and you can't be honest sexually,
then you're just gonna be fantasizing
about some other girl the whole time,
or she's fantasizing about some other dude.
So I think there is a place for porn in a relationship.
I think it's great for couples to watch it together.
I think in the future, I haven't done this yet,
but I'd like to make a porn with a girl that I'm dating
and then watch it with her and have sex with her
while we're watching each other on the camera, on the video,
that would be amazing.
That would be so dope.
That might be a little narcissistic.
I'm not really sure.
It could be a little crazy--
Who cares?
Who cares?
But it'd be awesome.
It'd be awesome to do--
YOLO, right?
YOLO, YOLO.
I'd love to do that, that sounds like a fun adventure.
And I want to do it so badly, but I think,
maybe I'll just start with regular porn, I don't know.
Watching it together, seeing, like exotic locations
or getting cool ideas of things you could do
to spice up the relationship a little bit.
I think porn in a relationship has its place.
The thing is this, you wanna make this distinction.
Don't use porn as a supplement for the relationship.
It's like, you know, if you're working out,
don't wanna use supplements to replace the working out.
Or the lack of working out.
Use porn kind of as a nice little occasional spice
every once in a while, something that you kind of
add it to the mix once in a while
just for fun and for experimentation
and just spicing things up.
But don't use it to replace bad sexual communication,
and to replace you not wanting to pleasure her
or her not wanting to pleasure you,
to replace this, it'll be very bluntly, like she's like,
"I don't go down on you unless it's your birthday,"
or something like that, right?
Like, porn is not gonna fix that,
but if you have an open communication,
an open dialogue, and can further enhance
the depth of that relationship that you guys have,
so I think there is a place for porn in a relationship.
I personally wanna experiment with it a little bit more,
I've done some crazy things that I'm not
gonna mention here on camera (laughing).
Thankfully, it's on his YouTube channel.
So it's okay, but there's definitely a place for it,
and I think if you're gonna be with anybody long-term,
you have to be able to see there's gonna be
a wave to your relationship,
there's gonna be times when you guys are just
very, very vanilla, cut-and-dry, basic,
basic sexuality, and then it's gonna be a time
where you guys get a little crazy,
a little more wild, and try new things,
and you're gonna go through those phases,
and it's natural to have that
as two people together, because those phases are
gonna come, and if you wanna stay together,
you need to go through those phases together.
That's the idea, rather than just like,
I have some porn fantasy in my mind
and now my girlfriend won't do it,
so I resent her and I have this fantasy that she won't do,
and I'm like, upset that she won't do it now,
I'm thinking about some other girls
that don't even exist, I'm thinking about
that girl at my work, I just wanna sleep with
this girl at my work, and now I'm angry at my girlfriend,
and she, usually this whole dialogue
going on inside your mind,
and your girlfriend has no idea, right?
Versus if you just communicate with her honestly
from the beginning, before you even got in the relationship,
very key, before you even got in the relationship,
so she knows what kind of guy she's dating,
then at least she can be open to the idea of,
hey, do I wanna date this guy that has
really, really interesting sexual needs?
Yeah, be that guy, right?
That's a mistake I think a lot of guys make,
is they hide a lot of stuff upfront,
so they don't kind of frontload their personality,
so they have to now invent these stories
how they got into it all of a sudden,
or kind of make up excuses, or never able to mention stuff.
Like, if you're a guy that dates a lot of girls,
like say you have, you're a guy, I mean,
it's not like you dated a lot of girls, right,
you wanna be open about that, you know,
guys think that's kinda shameful,
guys think like, oh, I watched some porn,
I really enjoyed it, guys think that's really shameful,
but it can actually play to your advantage.
I mean, you can be that guy, you know,
because guys don't really talk about that.
Guys are kinda like ashamed of it,
but if you kind of introduce it in a really cool way,
I think you can get away with it in a positive way,
actually, you can turn it into an advantage,
and overall, what you said there, you know,
guys kind of stop being sexual in a way, right,
they kind of just leave it be,
and then they have all these fantasies running around,
and they never really turn any
of those fantasies into reality,
which is a big issue, because your relationship
is gonna start suffering.
It is not just about being friend to friend, you know,
it's man to woman is extremely important.
But definitely wanna get more of your thoughts
on those crazy things,
we can do that after the video, right?
(laughing)
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, let's do that
after the video.
I'll tell those
stories after.
I want you to be like, whoa, I got one crazy story,
like, oh, damn, like I don't know, you're like damn.
It's like, thank you for not telling
that story on my channel.
He's gonna appreciate it.
But yeah, see what Mario was saying.
To kind of wrap that back in, like you don't want
to resent your partner, if you ...
Most divorces, I think, happen because
people feel like they can't be honest.
They feel like they can't share their fantasy
with their partner, and because of that,
they resent each other.
It's like, for example, you wanna be in a band,
and your biggest thing is you wanna be in a rock band,
you wanna be a guitar player,
then you get married and you can't do it,
and your wife's like, don't do it,
and then you resent your wife because of that,
and you get divorced.
You know, these resentments build up.
Great book to read on this is Radical Honesty,
where it talks about before you get into any
kind of relationship, you have to have a very, very
honest, vulnerable, hardcore conversation with people
about what the expectations are.
As long as you set expectations and
manage expectations in advance,
then everything is very, very clear,
and people, you know, it's not your fault
if they're disappointed, or it's not your fault
if it doesn't work out, 'cause you were very clear
about the expectations, you managed those.
So I would definitely recommend you guys
check out that book on radical honesty.
It will change your life, because if you aren't--
It's a great book.
Yeah, it's absolutely amazing, definitely applies,
not just in relationships, it applies for everything.
You guys, I mean, it's amazing.
Better friends, better business, and like everything.
Everything, just being a little bit more open
about certain things will really go a long way.
Like, it's amazing.
Imagine, 'cause imagine if you're not like that.
You're just, like you said,
living a fantasy life in your head with people.
They don't even know what's going on.
They're not telepathic, they don't understand
what you're going through, so you're
dividing yourself from them.
And one other thing, guys, you know,
with radical honesty, I wanna give a spin to that book.
It's kind of like a little bit off-topic,
but it's same with radical honesty with yourself,
so not just with people, but be
radically honest with yourself.
Because if you're messing up right now,
and you're down that rabbit hole
and stuck in that vicious cycle,
negative spiral of porn, be radically honest with yourself.
Is it happening, how much is it happening,
what is really going on?
And that in itself, that self-awareness
that you know that you're messing up,
it's gonna stop you from messing up further
in a lot of cases, just that awareness, you know,
oh, crap, 'cause a lot of this stuff,
when it turns into subconscious behavior
and turns into a habit, you don't really notice.
Now, a lot of people, they are for example drinking
or something like that, grabbing
a boatload of soda throughout the day
in terms of diet and nutrition,
because I know all you guys are interested in that,
but people even forget that.
They've done some actual research,
and they show people video footage of their behavior,
and they cannot recall that they've done it.
Because after so much repetition,
it becomes something you do and who you are
and don't really remember it anymore
because your brain wants to put everything on autopilot.
And that's one way it does it,
is conserve energy just to forget it.
Never really gets the attention, right,
so you never really know what's going on.
And that's to encourage like radical honesty with yourself
and especially in the relationship,
and to begin with it's gonna make you
so much more of an interesting guy
in general, to be super honest about pretty much every,
it's kinda fun, you know, meet all the guys,
and it's like, I'm assuming, even for friendships,
like when you meet guys, it's always the same story.
But you meet that one girl or that one guy
who's super honest about a lot of things,
yeah, it's all of a sudden more interesting.
It's more interesting to hang out with,
because they're kind of open about a lot