You've got a '65 Chevy Malibu

With automatic drive

A custom paint job, too

I'll trade you for my old wheelbarrow

And a slightly used sombrero

And I'll even throw in a stapler, if you insist

Craigslist!

I'm on Craiglist, baby, come on!

Yeah

Well, we shared a quick glance

Saturday at the mall

I never took a chance

Never approached you at all

You were a blonde half-Asian with a bad case of gas

I was wearin' red Speedos and a hockey mask

Come on, let's find that love connection that we missed

On Craigslist!

Yeah, Craigslist, come on!

I'm on Craigslist

Oh, baby, maybe you are too!

Be bom ba chomb cadonk bin bam boo!

An open letter to the snotty barista

At the Coffee Bean on San Vacente Boulevard:

I know there were twenty people behind me in line

But I was on a cell phone call with my mother

Didn't you see me hold up my index finger?

That means, "I'll order my soy decaf hazelnut latte in just a couple minutes"

So, what's with the attitude, lady?

No tip for you!

Got a trash can of Styrofoam peanuts

You can have 'em for free

You can drop by on the weekend

And pick 'em up from me

But the trash can ain't part of the deal

Only givin' you the peanuts

Get real!

Don't have no Hefty bag, so bring your own

Don't bug me with questions on the phone

Don't ask for help, don't waste my time

And don't complain, 'cause they won't cost you a dime

Just ask yourself:

Do you want my Styrofoam peanuts?

You can have my Styrofoam peanuts

Do you want my Styrofoam peanuts?

You can have them all

They're on Craigslist, yeah!

Craigslist!

Ow, baby, come on!

I'm on Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist!

I'm on Craigslist, Craigslist, Craigslist, now

Craigslist!