Mmm, do you think

normal people pack suitcases this way?

I'm an engineer, not a normal person.

That's a lot of clothes

just to visit a sweatshop in Elbonia.

It's not a sweatshop.

It's our overseas

manufacturing facility.

Look at the company newsletter.

See? They're all smiling.

And your assignment is to make them stop?

If you must know, my team's being sent there

to oversee quality control

on the production of my pride and joy:

The Gruntmaster 6000.

Well, while you're there, maybe you can help them

develop a written language.

You're living in the past, my furry friend.

Capitalism has transformed Elbonia.

The economy is burgeoning.

Nothing like slave labor

to perk up the economy.

They're making many advances.

For instance, did you realize

The leading cause of death in Elbonia

is no longer black plague.

Oh, really?

What is?

Here we go-- it's... "self-inflicted gunshot wounds"?

Must be a typo.

[BANGING]

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

I'm rattling the cans.

People expect it.

Can I ask you a question?

As long as it's refuse-related.

Oh, it is-- what are the odds

that Dilbert can visit a factory in Elbonia

and return alive?

Oh, I'd say 73- to-one against.

90-to-one if he flies on Elbonia Airlines.

300-to-one if he uses

the bathroom in the plane.

That's about what I figured.

Dilbert's only hope is to remain objective

and ignore the plight of the Elbonian people.

If he or any member of his team gets involved

in their internal affairs or culture...

Well, I'd rather not think about it.

That's a problem-- he likes to fix things.

Well, in that case, he'll need the help

of someone who's incapable of sympathy.

Someone so cynical that the suffering of others

is nothing but a source of cheap entertainment.

All right, I'll go.

I have something that might help you.

Here.

By the way, what's the weather like

in Elbonia this time of year?

Why are you so suddenly interested in Elbonia?

Oh, I have my reasons.

Hmm... a license to kill.

It's better-- you can steal too.

[EXPLOSION]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[SHAKY AUDIO] Elbonians enjoy skiing all year round

Except when they're sipping hot toddies

at the chalet.

Cheers.

Then it's "surf's up!"

Along one of Elbonia's many pristine beaches.

Awesome, dude!

You'll find five of the seven great wonders of the world

all within easy access

by shuttle bus.

And when you're done

The whole family can relax

at our world-famous casinos.

And don't forget mud wrestling.

Hey, no fighting dirty!

In Elbonia, we never close.

And so, from sunny, snowy, culturally-enriched Elbonia,

we bid you ta-ta--

That's Elbonian for "ta-ta."

How the heck does this thing work?

Where's the needle?

There is no needle.

No wonder I can't turn it off.

[RINGING]

Yes?

He's not here.

Was it for me? No.

Are you sure Elbonia is the best place

to take my vacation?

Have I ever lied to you?

And later been detected?

When I went to Mexico, you told me to drink

as much of the water as I could.

That's the exception that proves the rule.

Is that WHAT THAT IS?

I'll book your flight to Elbonia.

Thank you.

When you get there

remember to wear lots of jewelry

and walk around alone at night.

Isn't this exciting?

I said,

isn't this exciting?

I couldn't hear you.

I was listening to the audio program,

"The Sound of Screaming."

[SCREAMING]

I don't know why it takes three of us

to inspect one Elbonian factory.

We're a team.

Besides, I thought you liked

getting out of the office.

You don't know me as well as you think.

This is the first time I've ever flown first class.

Kind of spoils you.

I feel sorry

for those people in coach.

I wonder what the movie is.

That is our notorious

prison of no escape.

And that is our world-famous health spa.

I don't know why

But I feel a mystical connection to this place.

Mmm, mud pie. Good.

The mud is calling me.

I'll see you later.

[LAUGHING]

We're here.

Where?

Welcome to the Hotel Elbonia.

Sorry, you can't park there.

Diplomatic immunity, my friend.

Now tear up the ticket.

Now eat it.

Now regurgitate it.

Good.

Wow. Just because you're a diplomat

you can park anywhere you want?

That's nothing. Watch this.

Gun.

Now dance for your diplomat. Dance!

Now Riverdance.

How did you become the diplomat to Elbonia?

I was the only one

who applied for the job.

This isn't exactly Monaco.

Diplomatic immunity.

MAN:, With all due respect

the natives in my country

are a primitive and superstitious people.

They believe that every time you take their picture

you take their soul.

Gotcha. Smile!

Aah! What did I just tell you?!

Hey, hi.

What an odd- looking people.

It's US... FROM work.

Remember?

If only I spoke your language.

Do you know where the pool is?

The pool?

Swimmy, swimmy?

Ignorant wogs.

DILBERT: Wow...

The Gruntmaster 6000.

MAN: That's the first one off the assembly line.

My prototype.

[MOANING WITH PLEASURE]

And this is where

we house the generators that power the factory.

As you can see,

incentive programs motivate our workers

to put forth their best efforts.

Why don't they get off the bicycles and walk around

to get the pork chop?

Shut up! That's crazy talk!

Don't listen to her!

These working conditions are appalling!

Our appalling working conditions

are second to none.

And over here

is where the main housing for The Gruntmaster is forged.

Shouldn't there be a guardrail around that?

Guardrail?

[LAUGHING]

What is this, an amusement park?

Hey, you stupid, lazy Lefties,

show's over-- back to work.

Lefties?

Yes, of course--

That's all they're good for.

If it wasn't for the Right Man

these Lefties would have nothing.

They'd still be sitting in the mud.

Right people founded this country.

We built this country up from small mud hole

to a gigantic mud hole!

We made this country what it is.

God bless Right Elbonia!

So where do all the Right people work?

In management.

And this is where The Gruntmaster

is actually assembled.

As you can see, our daycare facilities are second to none.

You can't put babies to work on an assembly line!

These are not babies.

They're toddlers.

Oh...

You're coming home with me.

I didn't know you wanted children, Alice.

I didn't, until this moment.

How about now?

Are those people dead?

Technically, yes.

But that's no excuse!

Get to work, you lazy corpse.

I've never seen anything so barbaric.

How can the Lefties tolerate it?

We have an excellent benefits plan.

Like what?

If you die, you get time off to attend your funeral.

That's it?

And the salary of five Grubnicks a month.

That's less than a penny.

I beg your pardon.

It's MUCH less than a penny.

Our motto is that work is its own reward.

Heyaa!

Here you go, little fella.

Open wide.

[CHUCKLING]

We've got to do something

about the factory conditions.

I'd love to help

but I've got a baby to take care of.

All right, I just don't want to, okay?

So as I was saying, Your Excellency,

we're very proud

to have The Gruntmaster built in Elbonia,

but the working conditions in the factory are abysmal.

A what?

Abysmal.

I've never heard of that word.

Unconscionable? No.

Heinous?

Mm-mm.

What?

You seem to lean left, my friend.

[GUNS COCKING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Check, please?

The ancient burial lumps are closed.

I'm not here for the tour.

I'm looting.

Diplomatic immunity.

Oh.

Have a nice day.

I can't believe no one wanted this job.

It rained for 40 days and 40 nights,

and then, naturally, there was a ton of mud.

And that's the story of Noah's mud.

Tomorrow, Adam and Eve

and the Garden of Mud.

Wally, I need your help.

Old helpful Wally doesn't exist anymore, Dilbert.

This is my life now, Dilbert.

I am one with the mud.

I am THE MUD.

The mud is me.

I'm naked and I'm muddy

and I'm Wally, and it's all the same.

From mud I came and to mud I have returned.

You came from mud?

I don't know. Whatever.

Wally, you can't spend your life in the mud.

Surrender to the Elbonian mud, Dilbert.

There's no right and wrong, just shades of brown.

Have you filled out the forms?

Yes.

Uh-oh.

What?

It says here, that you are right-handed.

So? The official Elbonian