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  • [music]

  • Mmm, do you think

  • normal people pack suitcases this way?

  • I'm an engineer, not a normal person.

  • That's a lot of clothes

  • just to visit a sweatshop in Elbonia.

  • It's not a sweatshop.

  • It's our overseas

  • manufacturing facility.

  • Look at the company newsletter.

  • See? They're all smiling.

  • And your assignment is to make them stop?

  • If you must know, my team's being sent there

  • to oversee quality control

  • on the production of my pride and joy:

  • The Gruntmaster 6000.

  • Well, while you're there, maybe you can help them

  • develop a written language.

  • You're living in the past, my furry friend.

  • Capitalism has transformed Elbonia.

  • The economy is burgeoning.

  • Nothing like slave labor

  • to perk up the economy.

  • They're making many advances.

  • For instance, did you realize

  • The leading cause of death in Elbonia

  • is no longer black plague.

  • Oh, really?

  • What is?

  • Here we go-- it's... "self-inflicted gunshot wounds"?

  • Must be a typo.

  • [BANGING]

  • Excuse me.

  • What are you doing?

  • I'm rattling the cans.

  • People expect it.

  • Can I ask you a question?

  • As long as it's refuse-related.

  • Oh, it is-- what are the odds

  • that Dilbert can visit a factory in Elbonia

  • and return alive?

  • Oh, I'd say 73- to-one against.

  • 90-to-one if he flies on Elbonia Airlines.

  • 300-to-one if he uses

  • the bathroom in the plane.

  • That's about what I figured.

  • Dilbert's only hope is to remain objective

  • and ignore the plight of the Elbonian people.

  • If he or any member of his team gets involved

  • in their internal affairs or culture...

  • Well, I'd rather not think about it.

  • That's a problem-- he likes to fix things.

  • Well, in that case, he'll need the help

  • of someone who's incapable of sympathy.

  • Someone so cynical that the suffering of others

  • is nothing but a source of cheap entertainment.

  • All right, I'll go.

  • I have something that might help you.

  • Here.

  • By the way, what's the weather like

  • in Elbonia this time of year?

  • Why are you so suddenly interested in Elbonia?

  • Oh, I have my reasons.

  • Hmm... a license to kill.

  • It's better-- you can steal too.

  • [EXPLOSION]

  • [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

  • [SHAKY AUDIO] Elbonians enjoy skiing all year round

  • Except when they're sipping hot toddies

  • at the chalet.

  • Cheers.

  • Then it's "surf's up!"

  • Along one of Elbonia's many pristine beaches.

  • Awesome, dude!

  • You'll find five of the seven great wonders of the world

  • all within easy access

  • by shuttle bus.

  • And when you're done

  • The whole family can relax

  • at our world-famous casinos.

  • And don't forget mud wrestling.

  • Hey, no fighting dirty!

  • In Elbonia, we never close.

  • And so, from sunny, snowy, culturally-enriched Elbonia,

  • we bid you ta-ta--

  • That's Elbonian for "ta-ta."

  • How the heck does this thing work?

  • Where's the needle?

  • There is no needle.

  • No wonder I can't turn it off.

  • [RINGING]

  • Yes?

  • He's not here.

  • Was it for me? No.

  • Are you sure Elbonia is the best place

  • to take my vacation?

  • Have I ever lied to you?

  • And later been detected?

  • When I went to Mexico, you told me to drink

  • as much of the water as I could.

  • That's the exception that proves the rule.

  • Is that WHAT THAT IS?

  • I'll book your flight to Elbonia.

  • Thank you.

  • When you get there

  • remember to wear lots of jewelry

  • and walk around alone at night.

  • Isn't this exciting?

  • I said,

  • isn't this exciting?

  • I couldn't hear you.

  • I was listening to the audio program,

  • "The Sound of Screaming."

  • [SCREAMING]

  • I don't know why it takes three of us

  • to inspect one Elbonian factory.

  • We're a team.

  • Besides, I thought you liked

  • getting out of the office.

  • You don't know me as well as you think.

  • This is the first time I've ever flown first class.

  • Kind of spoils you.

  • I feel sorry

  • for those people in coach.

  • I wonder what the movie is.

  • That is our notorious

  • prison of no escape.

  • And that is our world-famous health spa.

  • I don't know why

  • But I feel a mystical connection to this place.

  • Mmm, mud pie. Good.

  • The mud is calling me.

  • I'll see you later.

  • [LAUGHING]

  • We're here.

  • Where?

  • Welcome to the Hotel Elbonia.

  • Sorry, you can't park there.

  • Diplomatic immunity, my friend.

  • Now tear up the ticket.

  • Now eat it.

  • Now regurgitate it.

  • Good.

  • Wow. Just because you're a diplomat

  • you can park anywhere you want?

  • That's nothing. Watch this.

  • Gun.

  • Now dance for your diplomat. Dance!

  • Now Riverdance.

  • How did you become the diplomat to Elbonia?

  • I was the only one

  • who applied for the job.

  • This isn't exactly Monaco.

  • Diplomatic immunity.

  • MAN:, With all due respect

  • the natives in my country

  • are a primitive and superstitious people.

  • They believe that every time you take their picture

  • you take their soul.

  • Gotcha. Smile!

  • Aah! What did I just tell you?!

  • Hey, hi.

  • What an odd- looking people.

  • It's US... FROM work.

  • Remember?

  • If only I spoke your language.

  • Do you know where the pool is?

  • The pool?

  • Swimmy, swimmy?

  • Ignorant wogs.

  • DILBERT: Wow...

  • The Gruntmaster 6000.

  • MAN: That's the first one off the assembly line.

  • My prototype.

  • [MOANING WITH PLEASURE]

  • And this is where

  • we house the generators that power the factory.

  • As you can see,

  • incentive programs motivate our workers

  • to put forth their best efforts.

  • Why don't they get off the bicycles and walk around

  • to get the pork chop?

  • Shut up! That's crazy talk!

  • Don't listen to her!

  • These working conditions are appalling!

  • Our appalling working conditions

  • are second to none.

  • And over here

  • is where the main housing for The Gruntmaster is forged.

  • Shouldn't there be a guardrail around that?

  • Guardrail?

  • [LAUGHING]

  • What is this, an amusement park?

  • Hey, you stupid, lazy Lefties,

  • show's over-- back to work.

  • Lefties?

  • Yes, of course--

  • That's all they're good for.

  • If it wasn't for the Right Man

  • these Lefties would have nothing.

  • They'd still be sitting in the mud.

  • Right people founded this country.

  • We built this country up from small mud hole

  • to a gigantic mud hole!

  • We made this country what it is.

  • God bless Right Elbonia!

  • So where do all the Right people work?

  • In management.

  • And this is where The Gruntmaster

  • is actually assembled.

  • As you can see, our daycare facilities are second to none.

  • You can't put babies to work on an assembly line!

  • These are not babies.

  • They're toddlers.

  • Oh...

  • You're coming home with me.

  • I didn't know you wanted children, Alice.

  • I didn't, until this moment.

  • How about now?

  • Are those people dead?

  • Technically, yes.

  • But that's no excuse!

  • Get to work, you lazy corpse.

  • I've never seen anything so barbaric.

  • How can the Lefties tolerate it?

  • We have an excellent benefits plan.

  • Like what?

  • If you die, you get time off to attend your funeral.

  • That's it?

  • And the salary of five Grubnicks a month.

  • That's less than a penny.

  • I beg your pardon.

  • It's MUCH less than a penny.

  • Our motto is that work is its own reward.

  • Heyaa!

  • Here you go, little fella.

  • Open wide.

  • [CHUCKLING]

  • We've got to do something

  • about the factory conditions.

  • I'd love to help

  • but I've got a baby to take care of.

  • All right, I just don't want to, okay?

  • So as I was saying, Your Excellency,

  • we're very proud

  • to have The Gruntmaster built in Elbonia,

  • but the working conditions in the factory are abysmal.

  • A what?

  • Abysmal.

  • I've never heard of that word.

  • Unconscionable? No.

  • Heinous?

  • Mm-mm.

  • What?

  • You seem to lean left, my friend.

  • [GUNS COCKING]

  • [CLEARS THROAT]

  • Check, please?

  • The ancient burial lumps are closed.

  • I'm not here for the tour.

  • I'm looting.

  • Diplomatic immunity.

  • Oh.

  • Have a nice day.

  • I can't believe no one wanted this job.

  • It rained for 40 days and 40 nights,

  • and then, naturally, there was a ton of mud.

  • And that's the story of Noah's mud.

  • Tomorrow, Adam and Eve

  • and the Garden of Mud.

  • Wally, I need your help.

  • Old helpful Wally doesn't exist anymore, Dilbert.

  • This is my life now, Dilbert.

  • I am one with the mud.

  • I am THE MUD.

  • The mud is me.

  • I'm naked and I'm muddy

  • and I'm Wally, and it's all the same.

  • From mud I came and to mud I have returned.

  • You came from mud?

  • I don't know. Whatever.

  • Wally, you can't spend your life in the mud.

  • Surrender to the Elbonian mud, Dilbert.

  • There's no right and wrong, just shades of brown.

  • Have you filled out the forms?

  • Yes.

  • Uh-oh.

  • What?

  • It says here, that you are right-handed.

  • So? The official Elbonian

  • adoption policy does not permit mixed-arm-preference adoptions.

  • It is not fair to the child.

  • I switch hit in softball.

  • Let's hope that's enough.

  • Now, fill these out.

  • Hi.

  • Don't mind me.

  • We are the Elbonian Left-handed Liberation Front

  • and slow-pitch softball team.

  • Maybe we should talk.

  • I think that's what we're doing.

  • I mean we should talk about your working conditions.

  • We can talk during the break.

  • When's that?

  • There it is.

  • How can you work like this?

  • Why don't you demand

  • better working conditions?

  • What can we do?

  • The world is stacked against the left-handed people.

  • The books are right-handed.

  • The staplers are right-handed.

  • The desks, tape, bottles, phones.

  • I'm pretty sure you can use

  • any of those things with either hand.

  • That's what they want you to think.

  • If you're going to change anything

  • you're gonna have to organize.

  • Now you've lost us.

  • You know, form a Union.

  • It's called collective bargaining.

  • If your demands aren't met, you...

  • Forget about them?

  • No, you strike.

  • You refuse to work until you get better conditions.

  • We'll do it.

  • We'll follow your leadership and strike.

  • And when the Righties execute you,

  • we will make small plastic statues

  • in your likeness.

  • Look at 'em.

  • Look at 'em slaving away

  • like pack mules.

  • This'll make a great shot.

  • Hey! Everybody!

  • Wave at the camera!

  • Okay!

  • You know, I'm standing right in front of you.

  • Okay, here's my final offer.

  • Designated smoke breaks

  • for anyone who catches fire.

  • Take it or leave it.

  • That's an insult.

  • These people are dedicated, committed, serious.

  • They're not going to cave in

  • no matter how much pressure is brought to bear.

  • They will not return to work until their demands are met.

  • Arrest him!

  • Okay, back to work.

  • You will be read your rights,

  • given a fair trial,

  • then executed.

  • On second thought,

  • since we have no rights and we have no courts,

  • let's go to the execution. Bob?

  • Yes, excellency.

  • They're ready.

  • They aim...

  • Fire.

  • The execution of Dilbert will continue

  • [GROANING] after these messages.

  • Hello, every day Elbonian babies go completely unshaven

  • simply because they are left-handed.

  • Won't you please... stop it!

  • Stop it!

  • Cute, aren't they?

  • For only one Grubnick a day--

  • Let me see that.

  • There! Now, it's gone forever.

  • [SIGHS]

  • That's it!

  • You're on your own!

  • ANNOUNCER: Um, send your Grubnicks to:

  • Shave the Children P.O. Box 6, Elbonia.

  • Remember, a child is...

  • ALICE: Ah, shut up!

  • The old ways are the best ways.

  • Okay, Dilbert, this time we're ready for you.

  • No tricks.

  • No one survives

  • the giant mudball.

  • I did.

  • Shut up.

  • Move it.

  • Out of the way.

  • Diplomat coming.

  • License to kill.

  • "Diplomatic immunity."

  • That's right.

  • Now, give me your clothes.

  • Damn.

  • As the new dictator of Elbonia

  • I've decided to make a few changes around here,

  • and make no mistake about it,

  • these ARE changes for change sake.

  • He's free, and all

  • the workers' demands

  • are hereby met.

  • Hooray.

  • Yah!

  • We're free! Free at last!

  • Ah, sweet freedom!

  • Good to see you.

  • Come right in.

  • Right this way.

  • Hi, welcome.

  • Come on in. Good to...

  • Hey, what's going on?

  • Why's everyone leaving?

  • You just got here.

  • The factory's automated.

  • They don't need us now.

  • We've been down-sized.

  • To how many?

  • One.

  • Um...

  • Can somebody show me how to work this thing?!

  • And then lot's wife looked back and... ZAP.

  • She turned into a pile of mud.

  • The man is a genius, a visionary.

  • I have to get a picture.

  • Say cheese.

  • That's a keeper.

  • Thank you for saving my life--

  • Even though it wasn't in danger.

  • I just couldn't picture you

  • as the official martyr of Elbonia.

  • I was only trying to do the right thing.

  • A misguided exercise at best.

  • What are you doing?

  • I'm taking the mud.

  • Why?

  • Because I've taken everything else.

  • That's cruel.

  • No, that's diplomacy.

  • Let my friend Henry, here

  • explain it to you.

  • Hello, Dilbert.

  • In the world of realpolitik

  • you must see that the infrastructure

  • of Elbonia was built on mud.

  • In a global economy, this is the equivalent of economic suicide.

  • Thus, in order to save Elbonia

  • it must be de-mudded.

  • Dogbert was doing the only logical thing.

  • Oh, of course.

  • Now I see.

  • You do?

  • Yes.

  • I don't even know

  • what I'm talking about,

  • but for some reason it drives the chicks wild

  • when I talk this way.

  • O great mudman.

  • How do you explain this?

  • Is it a sign from above?

  • More like a sign from below.

  • Freakin' little mud boy.

  • Here I am buying trinkets

  • from one of the native merchants.

  • Here I am relaxing by the pool

  • with some of the natives.

  • Here I am flying home, accompanied

  • By a group of vacationing Elbonians.

  • And here I am back at work.

  • By the way, I'm pleased to announce that the production

  • of The Gruntmaster in Elbonia

  • has far exceeded our expectations.

  • We can officially now classify Elbonia

  • no longer a poverty-stricken fourth-world country, but...

  • a poverty-stricken three- and-three-quarter world country.

  • It is my fervent hope to someday visit this exotic land.

  • Oi...

  • Hello, I'm Dogbert.

  • And welcome to Las Elbonia;

  • where gambling and prostitution

  • isn't just legal-- It's mandatory

  • And this week only at the Caesar's Elbonia--

  • The song stylings of Henry Kissinger.

  • music Viva Las Elbonia music

  • music Viva Las Elbonia music

  • music Viva Viva Las Elbonia music

  • Yee-ha!

  • Hiya!

[music]

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ディルバート 01x06 エルボニアン ( スペイン語・英語・スペイン語 CC ) (Dilbert 01x06 Elbonian ( español english portuges CC ))

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    王宏偉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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