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  • - Hey everybody.

  • I have a wonderful and special guest, Cat,

  • who is channeling Ms. Catriffic and I will link

  • in the description.

  • But she is here to talk with us about ways to know

  • if you're in a toxic relationship.

  • So stay tuned.

  • (upbeat music)

  • So like I said, we're gonna talk about ways to know

  • that you're in a toxic relationship.

  • And the first is

  • - When you're more unhappy than you are happy.

  • - This makes me think because I love "Sex and the City",

  • I don't know if you do

  • - I actually haven't seen it.

  • - (gasp) There is a part of a episode where Samantha

  • is telling Carrie, Carrie's in a bad relationship

  • with Berger, if anybody watched it, and she's like,

  • I think the test of a relationship is how

  • many times are you like this...

  • and how much time are you like this...

  • And Carrie's like, that's not the test,

  • but in essence, I think it really is.

  • - Yeah, it definitely is.

  • I mean, I kind of want to

  • just be like this, like I kind of

  • just want to be like chill.

  • I don't want to be super have to be super happy

  • or if I'm super unhappy that would suck too.

  • I kinda just want to be like mellow

  • In the middle, consistently good.

  • - Yeah and that's, I agree, cause consistency's

  • real important for me.

  • I think straight emoji face. - Straight face.

  • Yeah, just, just, you know, or the little smirk

  • - Smirk.

  • Just a little smirk on the side,

  • I'm chill but I'm flirty and happy. (laughing)

  • People say "Yeah, but when we first started dating

  • it was so good.

  • Or like sometimes it's really, really good."

  • I'm like "Yeah but when it's bad, it's really bad and

  • it's bad a lot",

  • So why are you still dating them?

  • - Yeah, and I think taking note of that,

  • how often, you know, are you down?

  • 'Cause those really, really high times

  • shouldn't, you shouldn't

  • be weighting those stronger if the majority of

  • time you're like gleh.

  • - Exactly.

  • - Now the second is, and this one's actually my

  • personal favorite.

  • - Your favorite...

  • My favorite sign of a toxic relationship

  • (laughing)

  • - But it's one that I can relate to I guess.

  • Cause I've had a friend do this.

  • It's when none of your friends like them.

  • - Oh yeah, that is very relatable.

  • I definitely, this year,

  • had two friends that were in relationships and

  • no one liked their significant other

  • but no one wanted to tell them.

  • And it's like what do you do in that situation.

  • As a friend do you say something or do you not?

  • If it's something, if I feel like the relationship

  • is gonna last and they're like, headed towards marriage

  • or something, I will absolutely say something.

  • - Same.

  • - 'Cause I'm just like, I can't sit back and watch this.

  • But if I feel like it's just going to fall apart on

  • its own cause it's not a good relationship, then I'm just

  • gonna avoid hanging out with you guys so it's pretty clear

  • I don't like them, but I'm not having say anything.

  • - And it's a tough, that's a tricky thing because

  • as a friend, you don't want to lose a friend by saying

  • "You know, I think your girlfriend, boyfriend, whoever

  • is an asshole" or "I don't like them"

  • - Yeah, and you don't, because they're in love,

  • they're gonna pick them over you

  • - Totally. - In the moment

  • And then be like "Oh, we shouldn't have done that".

  • When they break up, they'll come crawling back.

  • - Totally. It's true.

  • Then they're your friend again

  • but it sucks in the time so I like that you weigh

  • and measure that cause that's something I've learned

  • as an adult, if I think she's gonna fizzle out,

  • I'll let it go, but if I--

  • - If they're making a huge life mistake

  • - Yeah, I had a friend that was gonna move

  • to Hawaii with this guy--

  • - I'm actually going to Hawaii next week.

  • - Oh perfect.

  • - Are they still there? (laughing)

  • - But she didn't go because I was like,

  • it's terrible, don't do it

  • Because it was a big life decision and I'm like,

  • that's not good.

  • So I had to speak up.

  • So if your trusted people, the people you keep

  • in your corner don't like the person you're with,

  • there's probably a good reason.

  • Maybe you should talk to them about it.

  • - The third sign you're in a toxic relationship is you

  • are the worst version of yourself.

  • And I feel like we all

  • have been around people in our life,

  • whether it was a friend, a family member,

  • or a relationship that, they just bring

  • this ugly side out of you.

  • And it's just not the best.

  • - It's horrible.

  • I think it's bad too because it's like you're so

  • entrenched with them, or at least that was my experience.

  • Now I'm making it personal because I had a relationship

  • in high school that was so intense that it like,

  • I couldn't see out of it,

  • but I didn't like who I had become.

  • Once I broke, we had our first round of breakups,

  • 'cause there were multiple, (laughing)

  • - As we do - Which is so wonderful

  • I had noticed I didn't like myself anymore

  • and my best friend actually told me,

  • speaking of the last one, she was like "I don't really

  • like being around you.

  • You're not the Kati that I knew".

  • And I was like "Oh my gosh."

  • - You completely change.

  • It's just usually that is a

  • true sign of something toxic.

  • It's poisoning, changing

  • who you are, ruining something that's good.

  • Whereas the opposite, if you're in a good relationship,

  • they're gonna bring out the best sides of you

  • and challenge you to be a better person and push you

  • and you know, hold you accountable.

  • Whereas the other situation is just kinda,

  • it's not good and it's hard sometimes to look

  • in the mirror and be like,

  • "Is this person making me worse or better?"

  • And to be honest with yourself and be ugh.

  • - I know sometimes it's hard to be honest with yourself.

  • But someone that you're with,

  • who you love and want to spend time with,

  • even a friendship relationship,

  • should be someone who challenges you to be better.

  • - And I think that just because you're going through

  • a season where someone is

  • making you the worst version of yourself

  • doesn't mean you have to break up.

  • You could just acknowledge it and be like

  • We're being horrible people right now and

  • we need to get our act together if we want to stay together.

  • And start changing the ways we treat each other,

  • the way we interact, or whatever.

  • Work on it

  • - I also want throw in that it's

  • not any one person's fault.

  • Oftentimes it's just the combination of the two.

  • I'm not gonna say the guy I was in a relationship with

  • all those years ago--

  • - It's all his fault, he brought the worst sides out of you.

  • - No, it was us together was not good.

  • - A bad recipe. (laughing)

  • - (laughing) It was.

  • It was real bad.

  • The final sign to know that you're in a toxic

  • relationship is abuse.

  • I think this is an important thing

  • and obviously we could talk a lot about it.

  • I have a video about emotional abuse, you can click here

  • and also physical abuse and you can click there.

  • I'll put the links in the description,

  • but for today's video, we're just gonna talk about

  • them briefly and I think the first for me is physical abuse.

  • If they're hitting you in any way.

  • I don't care if they were drunk.

  • I don't care if they were high.

  • I don't care if it had been a really big fight.

  • No one should physically, you shouldn't have

  • physical altercations be part of your relationship period.

  • So if that's happening,

  • I think it's a good sign you need to end the relationship.

  • - Yeah, absolutely.

  • In contrast to that, also emotional abuse

  • is something that people don't realize it's just as

  • effective or painful as physical abuse.

  • Emotional abuse, that trauma can stay with you

  • for the rest of your life and give you complexes

  • that are so hard to get rid of.

  • - Totally...

  • - It's just as important.

  • If you recognize or people are telling you

  • you're in an emotionally abusive situation,

  • that's, you need to get out.

  • - This can be done so cattaly,

  • that's the bad part of it for me.

  • A lot of people wind up in

  • these relationships and don't notice.

  • It can be overstepping your boundaries all the time.

  • Sharing your personal information,

  • not respecting when you're saying no,

  • you don't want to have sex.

  • But you're like "It's not rape because we are

  • in a relationship."

  • Also controlling money.

  • Or controlling what you do, where you go.

  • We've all had those friends that are in

  • relationships where the guy or the girl is like

  • "I don't want you going out with them" or

  • "you can't see them" or "why aren't you home?"

  • Incessantly texting - Ugh...

  • This is making me cringe so hard right now.

  • - 'Cause it's so icky, it's like ugh.

  • That kind of goes back to all our other signs.

  • If your friends don't like them,

  • that's usually,

  • they're gonna be the first ones to pick up on it

  • because often when we're in a relationship

  • or if we're in that bubble, we don't see out.

  • The one thing I want to get across is

  • if any of these are you, don't feel like

  • anything's wrong with you

  • or you should be embarrassed or ashamed.

  • We've all been through similar situations.

  • These are just some healthy, happy reminders

  • that you're worth it and you can be in a healthy,

  • wonderful relationship where you

  • spend all your time like this (smiling).

  • - Or like this.

  • - Or yeah, a little smirk. (laughing)

  • - Flirty smirk.

  • - I hope you found this helpful.

  • I know a lot of us are in relationships

  • or hoping to be in relationships,

  • and know that each and everyone of you deserves

  • to have a happy, healthy relationship with the little,

  • just the little smirk.

  • (laughing)

  • We did the video over on Cat's channel

  • where we talked about five reasons why you might be single.

  • So click over here and I'll put a link in the description

  • to her channel and our video.

  • Definitely check it out.

  • She has wonderful things on her channel.

  • Like this video, give it a thumbs up if you like it

  • and leave in the comments.

  • Let us know what other signs.

  • Maybe we missed some.

  • What other red flags are there?

  • We want to protect all our wonderful Kinions

  • and make sure we're all in happy, healthy relationships.

  • And I will see you next time.

  • (laughing)

  • - We just did the exact same action at the exact same time.

  • Okay. That was funny.

  • - Is that the dog snoring?

  • - Yes. (laughter)

  • - It was like whir. - Beta.

  • (whistling) Sometimes I don't even hear it anymore.

  • Sorry to wake you guys up.

  • You'll fall back asleep in two seconds.

  • I'm sure.

- Hey everybody.

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毒のある関係の4つの兆候|ケイティ・モートン&キャット・バルデス 治療 離婚 結婚 アドバイス (THE 4 SIGNS of a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP | Kati Morton & Cat Valdes treatment divorce marriage advice)

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    Hhart Budha に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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