Wait a minute...

You guys aren't the real Avengers!

What the hell?

Parker, I thought I told you to stay home tonight.

W-why are you guys robbing ATMs?

Avenging doesn't pay as well as we were led to believe, kid.

I've got gambling debts.

Well this is super awkward for me cos now I gotta arrest you guys!

[LAUGHS]

I should not have laughed.

I realize that now.

Did Liz get a new top?

Can't tell.

She's wearing a sweater over it.

Should probably stop staring before it gets creepy though.

Yeah.

Too late.

You guys are losers.

Isn't that right, Mr Mugglestein?

"That's right, Michelle!

You're the coolest girl in sch--"

[CRIES]

At least I'm not a loser!

One size fits all.

OH GOD!

TOO TIGHT! TOO TIGHT!

[SCREAMS]

So, to become an Avenger, are there, like, trials?

There's *a* trial.

What does baking have to do with being an Avenger?

We already have people who can fight crime.

What we don't have is a decent friggin' pastry chef!

Peter!

You still with us?

Sorry, I was just...

watching "Captain America: Civil War" on my laptop.

Peter, you can't watch a movie that's set in a universe which you yourself occupy.

That's called a "trailer paradox".

Unlawful entry!

OH MY GOD!!!

I'd have never come to this pool party if I knew at some point I'd get wet!

Dude, you just damaged 500 bucks' worth of Lego!

You're the Spider-Man.

No, I'm not!

You were on the ceiling!

Was I?

Or... was it you who was on the ceiling?

And have been your whole life.

You just blew my mind.

Do you eat flies and small insects?

No.

Step one of my fitness challenge:

Inject yourself with a special super-soldier serum.

That's pretty much it.

Do you know him too?

Stole his shield.

Peter Parker, if you're watching this, can I please have my shield back?

He-he's obviously referring to a different Peter Parker.

Peter Parker from Queens?

AKA The Spider-Ma--

Hey, who threw that?

Are you venomous?

I don't think so.

The rich and the powerful, like Stark -

they don't care about us!

Adrian?

Your care package from the Tony Stark Cares Foundation just arrived.

Put it with the others.

Forget the flying monster guy.

There are people who handle this sort of thing.

Flying-Monster-Guy-Busters, for example.

If you mated with Black Widow, would she eat you afterwards?

It'd be worth it.

Wait for me!

Almost missed the boat.

May I see your ticket?

Thwipp it good!

Things are about to get "ferry" unstable!

Spider-Man!

You gotta help me, please!

I'm a little busy at the moment...

Oh I see!

You get yourself a fancy new suit and now you think you're "all that"?

You superheroes are all the same!

You all the damn same!

Don't worry, ma'am.

*I'll* save you.

Unbelievable!

A woman was almost drenched.

I'm gonna need the suit back.

But I'm nothing without this suit!

If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it.

Of all people, dude!

See how you like it!

AAAARGH!!

I'm Stark naked!

Don't mess with me.

I'm Batman.

I mean Birdman.

I mean... The Vulture!

Sorry.

Played a lotta winged characters - sometimes I get a little...

Ruffled?

Yeah.

Polly want a cracker?

Don't push me, kid.

But yes.

[BIRD-WHISTLES]

I'll do anything to protect my family.

Meet the newest member of the family, Spider-Man!

Takes after his Daddy!

My imaginary friend's up there!

Hey, where are you going? Come back!

Things aren't so bad!

OK, now they're bad.

Just... don't do anything in the air.

That's my playground.

I know I say this every trip...

but this is the last time I fly economy.

[COUGH] Sorry, sir.

All we have left is the fish.

Well, what a surprise!

OK Peter.

You can do this.

It's all about confidence.

[DIALLING PHONE]

Hello?

H-Hi- Hi- Hey!

Is that Natasha?

Who is this?

I-It- it's me! Uh, S-- Peter Sparker!

Sp- Speeder-Man! Spider Park--

Uh- Peter Parker!!

I don't recognise any of those names.

W-we met last year at Leipzig airport?

The one in Germany

Mr Stark's friend from Queens.

You know - Spider-Man!

The Big S&M!

Oh god...

Oh right. The web guy.

Yeah!

Well, I... do other things than just webs, but yeah!

How did you get my number?

Uh, Mr Stark gave it to me.

I'll have to remember to thank him for that.

So how can I help you, Pedro?

Peter- uh Peter.

Well look, here's the situation:

I've got my school's Homecoming Dance coming up in a few weeks and...

I was kinda wondering if... you would...

y'know, wanna... go with... come with...

me... to... it.

You want me to be your date?

Well I mean think about it - we have so much in common!

Both superheroes, both with arachnid based code names, both fought for team Iron Man...

I know you ultimately betrayed us, but hey! What happens in Leipzig stays in Leipzig.

Plus, the theme is fancy dress, so we could wear our actual superhero suits

and no one would know!

I can't wear my suit to a dance.

That thing does not breathe.

Every time I peel it off after a hard day's avenging

my whole body is glistening with sweat.

[WEB SHOOTS] Huh--!

Oh god...

What was that?

Uh, oh nothing...

I just, uh... accidentally pressed the trigger on my web shooter - that's weird.

Also, Pierre, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I kind of have a boyfriend.

It's a long-distance relationship at the moment but I want us to stay exclusive.

Well... would he even have to find out? I mean...

from what Mr Stark tells me, he's somewhat unreachable?

Trust me.

You don't want to risk it.

He suffers from what some have described as a short temper.

Well... can I at least bring a long a photo of you and tell people we're going out?

Look Pietrov, I'm gonna have to call you back.

I just got out of the shower and I'm all soapy and dripping.

[MULTIPLE WEB SHOOTS] Uhhh...!

What's going on over there?

Uhhh, nothing! I gotta go! [HANGS UP]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???