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  • Rap News is back today with an essential communiqué

  • to survey the Presidential charades errr... debates

  • as the people choose a candidate

  • to be the lesser of two evils to rule the planet

  • but before the ballot, there's a fact we should state

  • unbeknownst to many, these actual debates

  • are owned and regulated by the two parties in the race

  • to exclude tough questions and third parties from the slate.

  • To rectify this slight on the democratic way of life,

  • it is with great delight, humility, and frankly surprise

  • that I came to decide that I would be the host of the final debate tonight!

  • So with out further ado, let's get on with it:

  • In the red corner it's the mormon, Governor Mitt Romney

  • in the blue, you can view President Obama on your screen

  • Let's begin with an easy one: the economy

  • - We're left with a forty-seven percent deficit

  • I'll abolish Education and Health to fix it!

  • - Ahh... Listen, Mitt, I err... have to disagree,

  • aaaand you see... err... we actually need a taxing spree.

  • - so neither of you see any sense in cutting

  • the humungous military defense budget

  • - Didn't you read my... uh... poster? FOR-WAR!

  • - Hey, these ain't the questions we chose before...

  • - You mean these "pre-approved" questions? - what the..?!

  • - Mormon help us, this is monstrous!

  • - Can't I get just one teleprompter!?

  • - Let's talk rule of law: what will be your policy?

  • - Well, folks, I have a drone

  • I have a drone that one day, I alone

  • will have the right to assassinate anyone

  • - That's the American drone!

  • I share that drone it includes all of us!

  • - I have a drone: no more habeas corpus;

  • and more powers to detain and resort to excessive force...

  • - and declare war without approval of congress or courts

  • of course, you're just copying what I believe in

  • - Don't let this...uh... War-Is-Peace prize deceive you!

  • I've bombed a whole heap a people to pieces

  • and my first term ain't even completed.

  • - Ah, ok; Israel, will you cease backing its crime and abuses

  • building settlements in Palestine, and...what are you doing?

  • - I'll give Israel this many bombs to attack Iran

  • - I'll give more and nuke Afghanistan

  • - Is there anything you two don't agree on?

  • - Yeah, the best colour for ties...

  • - Blue! - He's wrong!

  • - The best colour for wives... Or the number

  • - The fact that Joseph Smith was a prophet. - bullshit

  • - Do you think it's safe for humans to consume GMOs? - Yes we cancer

  • - What about plans to close Gitmo? - Yes we cancelled those.

  • - And will you prosecute Wall Street? - Yes we ca...

  • - Heck No!

  • - And with environmental and energy crises,

  • how will you steer this ship through these high seas?

  • - Fracking? drilling the Arctic? that's our plan

  • - ...and build the Keystone pipe from the Tar Sands.

  • - do you plan to expand the surveillance state?

  • - Please, our opinions there don't deviate

  • - Ask us about jobs... for the sake of the race

  • - We've gotta have some illusion of a debate...

  • Ask us these questions, Robert, we can't handle this

  • - This is why we exclude third party candidates...

  • - Please Robert... - Robert.... - Robert.... - Robert....

  • - Robert, Robert the debates are on

  • - Oh... just a dream... a wonderful dream... but it's gone

  • ah, the debates, well, I guess I'd better switch them on...

  • - Gentlemen, welcome to you both ... let's start with jobs

  • - Jobs! Elmo make Americans return to working

  • - me allow wedding of Bert and Ernie

  • mmm, blowjobs... - that's against the Bible's teachings

  • - me born in Kenya... me not read this

  • - All right, I think we have another clear - yeah

  • - difference between the two of you - OK

  • - Now, let's move to Health Care where I know there is a clear difference...

  • - Elmocare will make you strong

  • - OmonsterCare is good for money OM NOM NOM NOM

  • Old MacDonald has a Big Pharma Plan

  • - Elmo is happy for lots of people to die in pain.

  • - Alright this is segment three, (- aha) the economy entitlements

  • - Elmo's favourite number is forty seven!

  • - Me like seven! - Seven trillion!

  • - Seven! - You have two minutes

  • - seven - way over the two minutes

  • - aaaawww - over 9 thousand

Rap News is back today with an essential communiqué

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I HAVE A DRONE - Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney [RAP NEWS 16] (I HAVE A DRONE - Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney [RAP NEWS 16])

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    阿多賓 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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