B1 中級 1733 タグ追加 保存
(music )
Hello, my name is Leo Lytel
I am fifteen years old
and I'm single
I've been single...let's see here...pretty much my whole life
Pretty sure it's because I'm unemployed, I live at home with my parents and I don't have a car
These are all big red flags, it's why I don't get much attention on match.com
I do however have a lot of success on tinder
where I am a buff 28 year old Georgetown medical student.
with a Porsche and a trust fund
Now, I'm a teenager
so I'm in that awkward phase of life, I'm kind of a mutant creature
part adult, part child
but I look back on the early years of childhood fondly
y'know those good old memories like when you get in the van and it turns out the man doesn't have any candy
course, nowadays candy won't cut it, we're in the 21st century
you need something like free wifi to up the anti
that's really all a kid wants any more, speaking from experience
and uh...
I wanna thank my mum and dad
for being so supportive of my comedy
my mum helps me book gigs
and uh my dad helps me write my material
so, I like to think I'm pretty far along in the entertainment industry because
I've got two things a lot of people strive to have.
I have a Jewish writer
and my agent is a girl I used to sleep with
I'm leo Lytel
well its great to be here, I'm that excitied I'm beside myself
good evening everyone, we're the nelson twins
My names Justin
and this is my identical twin sister Sharon
we should tell you a bit about ourselves
we come from a small country town in New South Wales called Walbundrie and we used to be apprentice bakers
which in a coincidence because we're inbred
I nearly spit my tea
Walbundrie was a small town it had one shop, one pub and one prostitute
mom found it pretty tough working three jobs
Our mom didn't even know she was having twins until she was six months pregnant
and our dad was even more suprised
cos he had been in jail for three years
being twins we can send each other telepathic messages
but telstra found out about it
and it is now included in our cap plan
it's really frustrating knowing what each others thinking
we once played a game of rock, paper, scissors that lasted 3 years
I really hate going through airport security at the moment but I love flying
cos every time we catch a flight somewhere, I always sit at front of the plane and he seats at the rear then I tell the gay flight attendant to meet at back in 5 mins.
Thank You
Don't worry, I know what you are thinking.
Harry Potter has had a nasty quidditch accident.
Do you know what I can't stand
Sorry... Sorry, let me reemphasise.
Do you know what. I can't stand
But look on the bright-side
I have never had to queue at Disney Land
I am just going to throw a disclaimer out there.
If I do get too energetic.
Please stop me.
I want to keep my benefits.
Otherwise otherwise, how would I heat the Jacuzzi.
I'm joking. I'm joking.
It's a pool.
I was..eh..I was at the eh...
At the cinema seeing the new Jame Bond film the other day.
And it got me thinking you know.
Maybe I would have liked to have had a go at, you know, being James Bond.
But obviously I am a bit inhibited.
Ah Mr Bond, I have been expecting you.
No Lift



1733 タグ追加 保存
Shaowei Lu 2017 年 6 月 27 日 に公開
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  2. 2. リピート機能


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