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>>Russell Peters: This happens to me, more often, than not, now, at my age.
I'm 45. I'll be 46 this year, and--
You know, after 40, it's a completely different life.
[To audience member] How old are you Omar?
33, yeah, you don't know, yet.
[Laughter]
Let me tell you something, Omar.
Like, say you're 39, today,
and then 40, tomorrow--
it's a completely different life, you'll lead.
It's-- It's like a warranty, on a car.
[Laughter]
The minute you hit a hundred thousand,
the transmission falls out. Just--
[Laughter]
That's what happens. The minute you hit 40, shit breaks, out of nowhere.
[Low laughter]
Like, you-- you have to listen to your body, after 40. You can't just ignore,
what your body tells you.
When you're young, 33, if I was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna jump off the stage!"
If I was 33, I'd be like, "Uh, don't do it!"
But then I'd jump, and then my body would be like,
"Alright, fine."
"You're 33. You can jump off the stage."
[Low laughter]
But at 45? Fuck that! If I was like, "I'm gonna jump off the stage," my legs would break,
before I hit the ground.
[Laughter]
Your body goes, "Fuck you, asshole!"
[Mimicks breaking sound]
[Laughter]
After 40, man-- I'll tell you what,
[Old southern man voice] "I'll tell ya hwat!"
When I, uh--
[Low laughter]
When I turned 40, this guy came up to me, and he goes,
[Raspy voice] "Hey Russell, now that you're 40, remember this. Two things;
After 40, never waste a hard-on,
and never, trust a fart.
[Laughter]
And the "trusting a fart" thing, is so much more important, than you think!
[Laughter]
Now, trusting a fa-- Like tr-- Like--
When you're young, you can fart-- You're 33! You can just walk around,
[fromp fromp fromp-- fromp fromp fromp fromp fromp]
Hey guys, did you hear about the [FROMP]
and then you just, keep it--
[fromp fromp fromp frompfromp fromp]
You could have, little fart games, if you want.
"Pull my-- [FROMP] and then--
[Laughter]
After 40, you don't have the "fart freedom," that you had before that.
After 40, you fart, in sections. Just--
[bip bip bip bip bipbip]
[Laughter]
You let little bits out, at a time.
[bip bip bip bip bipbip bip bipbip bipbip bip bip bip]
'Cause you wanna make sure, its air. You wanna feel it, the whole way.
Air. Air. Air. Air. Air. Air. Air.
The minute you feel too much heat,
Abort!
[Yelling] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! This is not a test!
[Laughter and Applause]
♪ ♪
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"Turning 40" | Russell Peters - Almost Famous Outtake

165 ジャンル 保存
luca3466 2017 年 6 月 19 日 に公開

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