Unsettling scalp-sniffing fetish Promotes stalking

Scene does not include lapdance. High school student has Rear Window poster…

yeah right. Uncle Ben picks up a perfectly solved Rubix

Cube and then puts it back messed up! Peter Parker uses Bing?

Dr. Curt Cockings How and why is he surfing the search results

inside an iFrame on the Bing page? Oscorp uses Disney ride narration for exposition

purposes. Peter’s love interest conveniently also

works for the bad guy. Nonexistent full-color floor-to-ceiling hologram

technology. Peter bumps into the one shady dude with papers

related to his father’s work. Peter perfectly mimics a complicated security

touch-screen gesture after watching from 50 feet away.

Floor-to-ceiling holograms, but no security cameras.

Peter willingly walks into a room with hundreds of spiders, which no one would ever do.

Spider bite sounds like a cracking whip. Yehaw. Skateboard reappears after not having existed

the entire previous sequence. Peter uses Bing again!

Nonexistent floor-to-ceiling hologram-that-you-can-touch technology.

More uncle ben lectures about responsibility. Long-abandoned underground wrestling ring

perfectly positioned to give Peter costume inspiration.

Wait—is it Christmas time in this movie? Random microchip in a cell phone equals police

scanner. Why are all these random citizens gathering

outside the police station? Peter uses Bing for a third freaking time.

Magic car-door key-code decoder gizmo. Peter somehow knows exactly which car this

dude is going to steal. Supporting role given to C. Thomas Howell,

but no Bruce Campbell. Spiderman takes off his freaking mask.

Police captains don’t issue arrest warrants, judges do.

This rat lizard puppet is stupid. Ridiculous pied piper lizard effect.

“Property of peter parker” plot device. WTF is up with those wounds? He only got them

a few minutes ago. Peter takes the mask off… again.

Cell phone reception in the sewers. Evil villain lair conveniently left unattended

Custom-built presentation software seemingly created solely to provide crucial plot details.

Exposition by police radio Use of the phrase Mother Hubbard

Peter’s mask comes off again!!! Exposition by helicopter pilot.

Turning the cranes should be the new Jumping the shark.

Bro-bonding eye contact moment. Spiderman is not a parade. You do not need

to stop traffic for Spiderman. Canisters of liquid nitrogen should not be

stored on rooftops. Worst. Secret. Identity. Ever.

Crazy whipping liquid nitrogen tube conveniently lands right in Spiderman’s hand.

Villain change of heart cliché. Fatally wounded, but still time for a moral

lesson. The funeral invitation read: black tie, black

umbrellas only. These ladders do not begin to provide enough

height or support for a painting of this scale.