WHILE A BLOG POST OR BOOK GETS WRITTEN INDICATING THAT THERE

ARE PARENTS OUT THERE WHO FEEL LIKE THEY MAKE THE WORST

DECISION OF

THEIR LIVES BY DECIDING TO HAVE

CHILDREN.

RECENTLY THERE WAS THIS INSANELY GOOD PIECE IN THE

GUARDIAN WHERE A REPORTER SPOKE TO A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE

WHO OPENLY AND TRANSPARENTLY TALK ABOUT HOW THEY REGRET

HAVING KIDS.

WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

SOME PEOPLE PUSH

BACK ON THIS NOTION AND CRITICIZE AND RIDICULE THEM,

OTHERS FEEL A SENSE OF RELIEF BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING THROUGH

THE SAME THING AND THEY THOUGHT

THEY WERE ALONE.

LET ME GIVE YOU THE DETAILS ON SOME OF THESE

INDIVIDUALS.

THERE WAS THIS ONE WOMAN, HER NAME IS VICTORIA

ELDER.

SHE RESPONDED TO A QUESTION ON THIS WEBSITE CALLED

QUORA.

QUORA IS WHERE PEOPLE ASK A QUESTION AND PEOPLE ONLINE

TO ANSWER IT.

SHE RESPONDED WITH THE POP FOLLOWING ANSWER.

SHE

DIDN'T HIDE HER NAME IN THE POST AND SHE WAS JUST OPENLY TALKING

ABOUT WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH.

OF

COURSE SHE GOT HATE.

SO PEOPLE OF COURSE CRITICIZED HER.

>> AT SOME POINT THAT KID IS GOING TO GROW UP AND READ THAT.

THAT IS A LITTLE PROBLEMATIC.

I LIKE THE GUTS OF BEING ABLE TO

SAY THINGS PEOPLE ARE GOING TO

CRITICIZE.

IT IS SUCH A FORBIDDEN TOPIC.

YOU ARE A

MONSTER IF YOU SAY IT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE THINKING IT AND WE

SHOULD HAVE AN OPEN DISCUSSION

ABOUT IT SO PEOPLE MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS.

IT DOESN'T MEAN

DON'T HAVE KIDS, IT MEANS SOME

PEOPLE LOVE KIDS.

>> I

THINK WOMEN LIKE VICTORIA ARE HEROES FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.

THE REASON I SAY THAT IS BECAUSE

HAVING CHILDREN IS NOT A DECISION I TAKE LIKE LATELY.

I

LIKE TO WEIGH THE PROS AND CONS.

YOU CAN MAKE DECISIONS IN YOUR

LIFE AND THEN CORRECT THE COURSE IF YOU FEEL YOU'RE GOING IN THE

WRONG DIRECTION.

BUT ONCE YOU

HAVE A KID, YOU HAVE A KID.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT.

THAT IS A

RESPONSIBILITY AND COMMITMENT

YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I APPRECIATE

PEOPLE WHO BREAK THE MOLD AND

SHARE THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS ROMANTICIZED IMAGE OF HAVING

KIDS.

HER DAUGHTER IS 18 YEARS OLD NOW.

>>SO SHE JUST READ IT NOW.

>>I THINK HER DAUGHTER RESPONDS WITH WHAT HER MOM MEANS.

HER MOM

LOVES HER A LOT.

IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH A

MOTHER'S LIFE HAS CHANGED BECAUSE YOU GIVE UP AND

SACRIFICE A LOT JUST SO YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS KID.

LET ME

GIVE YOU SOME MORE.

>> THIS GROUP IS NOT KEEPING IT 100, THEY ARE KEEPING IT 1000.

>>THEY ARE.

>>SOME PEOPLE FEEL LIKE MONSTERS IF THEY CAN'T IMMEDIATELY FALL

MADLY IN LOVE WITH THEIR KIDS THE MINUTE THEY ARE BORN.

THE

MOVIES AND ALL OF SOCIETY TELL YOU THAT THE MINUTE THEY COME

OUT YOU HAVE NEVER FELT A LOVE LIKE THIS.

FOR SOME OF US THAT

DOES HAPPEN, BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO IT DOESN'T HAPPEN WHICH IS A

LOT, THEY THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM.

IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A MONSTER, THAT IS JUST WHO YOU ARE AND

THAT IS OKAY.

>> THERE ARE SO MANY FACTORS AT PLAY.

OBVIOUSLY POSTPARTUM

DEPRESSION HAS A LOT TO DO WITH

WHETHER OR NOT A MOTHER CAN BOND WITH THE CHILD.

THERE IS ALSO

THE ISSUE OF NOT REALIZING AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO

SACRIFICE A LOT WHETHER IT IS YOUR CAREER, YOUR FREE TIME,

YOUR BODY.

AGAIN YOU GO ON INSTAGRAM, THESE NEW MOMS ON

INSTAGRAM, IT IS LIKE OH MY GOD I JUST HAD A KID LIKE TWO HOURS

AGO, LOOK AT MY ABS.

>>SO, WHO IS THAT?

>>PEOPLE LOOK AT THAT AND THEY THINK YEAH, I'M GOING TO POP

THIS BABY OUT AND IT WILL BE FINE.

BUT FOR THE VAST MAJORITY

OF WOMEN THEY DON'T HAVE ABS

BEFORE OR AFTER THE BABY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING?

I WANT TO

GIVE YOU MORE.

HERE IS A FATHER'S POST I THINK

IS

FASCINATING.

>> YOU DO HAVE TO KEEP IT REAL, EVEN IF YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS AND

DON'T REGRET IT IT IS STILL A

GIANT RESPONSIBILITY.

YOUR LIFE IS DEFINITELY DIFFERENT THAN IT

USED TO BE.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A WHOLE OTHER HUMAN

BEING.

THEY CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES FOR A LONG TIME.

YOU

HAVE TO TEND TO EVERY POOP,

EVERY CRY.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING.

SOME PEOPLE DO

IT MORE EQUITABLY, BUT LET'S KEEP IT REAL.

THE MOTHERS ARE BURDENED WITH IT SO MUCH MORE.

>>YES, AND THAT WAS COVERED HERE.

THERE WAS A WOMAN WHO

DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO HAVE KIDS,

SHE WAS 38.

SHE HAS A HUSBAND, AND HER HUSBAND WANTED ONE.

SO

SHE MADE IT WORK AND HAD A BABY.

THEY HAD AGREED AHEAD OF TIME

THAT THEY WOULD SPLIT THE

PARENTING 50-50.

AND SHE WAS LIKE IT WAS SO NAœVE.

HER

FRIENDS HAD WARNED HER AHEAD OF TIME.

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW

PROGRESSIVE YOUR HOUSEHOLD IS,

NO MATTER WHAT THINGS TEND TO FALL BACK INTO TRADITIONAL

GENDER ROLES INSIDE THE

HOUSEHOLD.

ALSO I WANT TO READ A QUOTE THAT SHE ALSO GAVE ABOUT

WHY SHE HATES PARENTING SO MUCH.

>> THESE PEOPLE ARE KEEPING IT TOO REAL.

>> ONE FINAL QUOTE.

OH MY GOD.

THAT IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT

PERSPECTIVE TO SHARE.

PEOPLE LIKE ME NEED TO KNOW.

THIS IS

THE OTHER SIDE.

ONE SIDE IS THE SEXY INSTAGRAM MOM WITH THE

SIXPACK.

>>THE OTHER SIDE IS THAT CONNECTION TO ANOTHER HUMAN

BEING AND A FEELING THAT IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO EXPERIENCE

IT IS TRULY UNLIKE ANY OTHER

FEELING YOU HAVE EVER FELT.

THIS LOVE IN THIS CONNECTION.

I FEEL

TERRIBLE SAYING IT BECAUSE IT IS

SO CHEESY.

BUT IT IS TRUE.

A FEELING I NEVER FELT BEFORE.

THE

BEST ARGUMENT MY WIFE EVER MADE

WAS HEY, YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE ALL OF LIFE AND YOU CARE DEEPLY

ABOUT IT AND THAT IS PART OF THE REASON WHY YOU ARE CONCERNED

ABOUT HAVING KIDS BECAUSE YOU

WON'T GET TO DO AS MUCH.

WE KNEW THAT GOING IN.

SHE SAID PART OF

EXPERIENCING LIFE IS EXPERIENCING HAVING A KID.

IF

YOU HAVE NEVER LIVED THAT, HAVE

YOU REALLY LIVED LIFE?

IT WAS SUCH A GREAT POINT AND SHE WAS

RIGHT.

AND I HAVE LOVED IT.

THAT WAS THE OTHER SIDE, NOT THE

STUPID MOM WITH THE ABS.

BUT HAVING SAID THAT THERE IS A

PRICE.

WOMEN YOU HAVE TO BE REALISTIC.

EVEN IN MY

RELATIONSHIP WHERE WE BOTH HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR MOST OF OUR

MARRIAGE.

SHE MADE MORE MONEY

THAN I DID WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED.

SHE WAS A SOCIAL

WORKER.

I MADE VERY LITTLE MONEY.

SO SHE CARRIED US FOR A

WHILE.

THEN WHEN SHE GOT PREGNANT, I CARRIED US, BUT SHE

HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KID AND NOW SHE IS BACK AS A FULL-TIME

THERAPIST.

I WOULD COME HOME AND I MIGHT CHANGE FOR DIAPERS IN A

ROW AND I AM GOING AROUND LIKE I AM FUCKING ROCKY.

>>YOU JUST MADE A REALLY GREAT POINT.

YOU WILL FEEL LIKE A

CHAMPION BUT SOCIETY WILL ALSO

LOOK AT YOU AS A CHAMPION.

WHEREAS PEOPLE WILL SAY O HE IS

SUCH A GOOD DAD, HE CHANGED A DIAPER ONCE A WEEK.

FOR WOMEN IT

IS MORE ABOUT RIDICULING OR CRITICIZING THEM IF THEY ARE NOT

DOING A PERFECT JOB RAISING

THEIR KIDS.

THERE IS ALSO THAT DOUBLE STANDARD.

JUDGMENT FOR THE MOM, AND A LOT OF APPLAUSE FOR THE DAD.

>> THE BAR IS SET SO LOW FOR DADS.

AS LONG AS YOU ARE THERE

AND YOU ARE NOT A MANIAC, EVERYONE IS LIKE PAT ON THE BACK

BIG GUY.

YOU EVEN LIKE YOUR KIDS.

AND FOR MOMS, IF YOU ARE

NOT JUGGLING THREE DIAPERS AT A TIME THEY ARE LIKE WHAT IS WRONG

WITH YOU?

IT IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT UNFAIR STANDARD.

JUST

BE MINDFUL OF IT.

JUST MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION.

I HAVE

FRIENDS WHO HAVE KIDS WHO SAY IT IS THE GREATEST DECISION THEY

EVER MADE.

I HAVE FRIENDS THAT DON'T HAVE KIDS AND ARE

ECSTATIC.

THEY TRAVEL THE WORLD,

THEY ARE IN PARIS FOR SIX WEEKS.

I AM LIKE OH MY GOD THAT IS SUCH

A GREAT LIFE.

WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT.

EVEN THOUGH THESE PEOPLE ARE KEEPING

IT TOO REAL, AT LEAST THEY ARE LETTING YOU KNOW THE OTHER SIDE

AND THAT IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD

KNOW.