American students scored near the bottom

and that must have hurt, especially because you knew the French children weren't even trying.

"Go on, play with your silly numbers,"

"they tell you nothing of the true nature of the soul"

"I weep for you"

In response to statistics like that...

... and boost our schools relative to the rest of the world.

A 2013 study found no support for the idea that

No Child Left Behind narrowed the achievement gap,

and our scores on the international tests have not only failed to rise

they're slightly down. And I do not want to hear

what that French kid thinks of those results.

"Oh, all this time and all this money"

"and your rise to the top has been, how do you say,"

"a meandering jog on a treadmill."