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  • Crikey, what a beautiful snake!

  • Gotcha!

  • Crocodile Hunter!

  • Oh man. This snake is really dangerous.

  • You better don't touch it like this,  or it'll get really angry.

  • Hello!

  • [Harry Potter and the Cup of Plastic]

  • Bernhard!

  • - Yo, yo, yo I'm baking a cup of cocoa ... - Bernhard!

  • Where's my cocoa?

  • I'm thirsty, Bernhard!

  • Rock 'n roll music?

  • Bernhard, you said you'd care for me,  even if I weigh 200 kilograms.

  • Those damn kids with their rock music and Pacman video games!

  • I don't care if my house burns down in the background, because I threw the potholder right into the flame.

  • Yeah, I'll be right there, I'll fuck you up!

  • Just watch out, Grandpa's coming!

  • Man, it's really dusty in here and full of cobwebs.

  • Yeah yeah, you can see that this is where the rockers live.

  • Are you tired of taking care of me, Wormtail?

  • Oh no.

  • No, my Lord, it ... it does not bother me at all.

  • I ... I really love feeding you with baby food and changing your diapers.

  • I ... I think I've developed maternal feelings.

  • I'd love to breastfeed you.

  • - Oh wait, I'm fat, I have breasts! - No!

  • Hello master, here's the pacifier that you wanted.

  • Thank you very much.

  • Can you read me a bedtime story?

  • Yes ... Yes, okay. Okay, listen:  Once upon a time, there was a very tiny cute dog

  • and it was walking through a forest, and everything was beautiful and there were flowers everywhere

  • and then a witch appeared and totally ran it over with a car.

  • Holy shit, a snake!

  • That's just Nagini, for fuck's sake.

  • So, Nagini is either saying there is a man eavesdropping on us at the door,

  • or she's being chased by a strange Australian

  • - called Steve Erwin. - Isn't he dead?

  • I can't really classify her dialect.

  • What now, Master?

  • - Finish the intruder, Wormtail. - Yes, Master.

  • I...

  • I ... I was ...

  • I did not ... well ...

  • Well, I wanted ...

  • Bernhard? Where are you?

  • Harry Potter and the Cup of Plastic!

  • Whenever I watch it, I don't give a fuck about anything!

  • Badly copied, bad quality, badly produced, bad story.

  • Bad beats and bad jokes,

  • I stink when I sweat.

  • Oh yeah ... Pamela Anderson ...

  • Gina Wild ... Heidi Klum ...

  • - Hugh Jackman ... - Harry.

  • What ... why ... why ...?

  • What are you doing here?

  • Ever heard of privacy,  or knocking, huh?

  • What do you want? The door was open.

  • Besides, everyone could hear you downstairs in the kitchen.

  • Wake up, Ron! Wake up!

  • What ... what are you doing here?

  • I thought I'd just come here for no reason at three o'clock in the morning to wake you up.

  • We are going on the trip today, you fuckers!

  • Man, I had such a nice dream

  • about meatballs.

  • - Come on, kids! The trip is starting! - Yay!

  • Come on, let's sing our travelling song.

  • ♫ I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, ♫

  • everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves

  • ♫ I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves... ♫

  • A few hours later and 300 kilometers farther

  • - ♫ I know a song that goes ... ♫ - Mornin'!

  • - ♫ on everybody's nerves ... ♫ - Mornin' Arthur, "how are you"?

  • Yo, I'm quite good, but the kids ran out of steam after 200 kilometers.

  • And "how are you"? Where's your son, anyway?  Didn't he want to come with you?

  • - No harm done.  - G'day, you're the boy who dies at the end right?

  • - Uh-huh.

  • So stupid, ugh.

  • *Lesbian - Cam*

  • Oh my God.

  • You're Harry Potter, right?

  • - Yes. - Hey, don't become too close friends with my son,

  • 'cause he dies at the end of the movie.

  • Okay, thanks.

  • Dad, how long do we still have to go?

  • - Where are we even going for the trip? - I'll only say this: Disneyland...

  • - ...is it not. - Oh my God, no!

  • That cannot be true,

  • - that's even better than Disneyland! A trip to a... - Oh God, no!

  • Shoe! ♫

  • Dad, that must have been insanely expensive.

  • Hey, that whole trip just for an old scruffy shoe?! You're kidding me!

  • Shut up, our family  can't afford more, you fucker!

  • - Okay ... - Guys touch the shoe! - Oh yeah!

  • - I want to touch the shoe, too! - Oh, I want to touch the shoe.

  • - Ew, I touched shit! - Oh, that brings good luck.

  • - Harry, do you want to touch shit, too? - Uhh no...

  • - No, no... - And now the fun begins!

  • How the hell are you doing that?

  • Lol! We let it fly!

  • What ... what was in that shoe? On what sort of trip am I?

  • - God! - And we can fly.

  • What the hell is going on here?

  • - Where ... what is ...? - Hi, I wiped my nose,

  • - do you want to be friends? - Okay.

  • Alright, let's go on.

  • Hey.

  • Hey, what was that right now? Hey!

  • Didn't you think that was abnormal?

  • Hello! Hey, wait for me!

  • Hey, stop ignoring me.

  • - Hey ... - Alright guys!

  • What's going on here?

  • - Buy my fuzzy balls! - Ice cream!

  • - Nut Tarts! - Buy them!

  • - They can fly, they're great! - Candy!

  • Stolen car radios! Who would like to buy a stolen car radio?

  • Dude, it's awesome here!

  • Alright, here we are.

  • This is our tent.

  • Come in, so you can look out.

  • Okay, huii!

  • Huii!

  • Huii!

  • Huii.

  • Huii!

  • - Alright, and now me... - But if the whole family was at home,

  • who arranged the tent?

  • - I want to sit at the table. - Weeweeweewee!

  • - I'll sit too. - Stupid backpack, you.

  • - What did the kids pack in there again?! - My "Mettman" action figure.

  • - Wow. - And stone sandwiches.

  • Oh, that's obviously my favorite dish.

  • - Uhm I'll go to the bedroom. - Me too!

  • And, Harry, what do you think of the place?

  • "Awesomatico".

  • Only the SVW, only the SVW,

  • only the SVW ...

  • Only the SVW,

  • - Only the SVW, the SVW only ... - Wow, I can see our house from here.

  • Well, look at that. The lower class  is one level higher than me.

  • That's so funny, Dad!

  • Oh man, you crack the best jokes, I mean, it's so funny when you think about it!

  • Shut up, it's not even funny.

  • Oh, come on, let's get out of here, ugh.

  • - Argh, my favorite finger! - Oh, there was a fly.

  • I just wanted to scare it away.

  • Thank you...

  • Hey! Only the SVW will be the Quidditch Champion!

  • Werder Bremen!

  • Hey, here they come!

  • Help!

  • Oh, apparently no one has told  SV Werder Bremen,

  • that this is about Quidditch  and not about soccer.

  • Well, and since they couldn't fly, they all had to die.

  • - Werder Bremen! - What the hell, guys!

  • They crashed down!

  • - No, they were flying; they could fly. - They were flying, they flew so high.

  • - Let me...

  • You're absolutely crazy!

  • - You live in a fantasy world! - Haha, Ron is living in the reality.

  • Haha, real life fag!

  • - Lol! Lol! - Rofl, Rofl! Rofl, rofl!

  • - Lol, Lol! Lmao! Rofl! - Lol! Lol!

  • What's going on here, hey?

  • Hey boys! Hey, shut it!

  • Don't you hear that?

  • I think there's a war going on outside!

  • Quick, everybody get out!

  • - Come on, hurry! Oh God, how awful! Hurry up! - Oh God! Oh God, war!

  • Who's even attacking?

  • I'll only say this: The Russians are here.

  • Attention, attention, Ladies and Gentlemen, there is a war going on.

  • - Please run around in circles screaming, thank you. - Oh, alright.

  • - Quick, come here, Harry! - Yeah.

  • - ♫ I walk with my lantern, and my lantern with me, ♫ - Oh shit, a lantern walk!

  • The stars are shining above, and we're shining down here ... ♫

  • - Harry! Harry! - Harry, come here, hurry, come on!

  • Yeah, just one moment, I'll be right there!

  • - One moment... - Harry!

  • Yeah, just a second, I'll come!

  • - Come quickly! - Harry! - Hi! Yeah, I wanted to buy a car radio, just one moment!

  • Now, where was the booth again?

  • My light is out, we're going home, Rabimmel, rabammel, rabum! ♫

  • I love this song!

  • Where should I go?

  • Where do I have to go?

  • I fell, I can't stand up on my own!

  • Help...

  • Help!

  • Help!

  • Oh, I hope we can stop running soon.

  • Help!

  • Yeah, I think that'll be enough.

  • Helga!

  • Helga!

  • No, no, wait, I'm really looking for my girlfriend Helga.

  • - Helga! - Oh man, ugh, you don't get it!

  • - Helga ... - Hey, where are you, you stupid jerk?

  • Ugh, this is what happens when I leave her alone just once.

  • I'll make our secret sign.

  • Ravioli!

  • Well, could that, with a lot of imagination, look like ravioli?

  • Yes!

  • No, Snape ... Stop petting with Dumbledore!

  • - Helga! - Helga!

  • Who's screaming?

  • - Helga! - Helga!

  • - Who is this? - Helga!

  • - Helga! - Where are you?

  • Better get out of here.

  • What's going on, why is everything burned?

  • Did I miss something?

  • Helga!

  • - Who the hell is Helga? - Harry!

  • - Oh God, we have been looking for you for ages! - Yes, for like two minutes, ey.

  • Hey look at the sky, don't you think that looks like ravioli?

  • - Nah. - Use your imagination.

  • Imagination!

  • Hey, relax! Stop this, you are crazy, with your bad sound effects!

  • - Kids, are you allright? - Yes.

  • Hey, it's me, the candy man.

  • - Who wants a lollipop rod? - Shut your trap already!

  • Lollipop rod?

  • - Lollipop rod! Who wants to suck it, huh? Huh? Huh? - Is that licorice?

  • Don't let yourself get involved with that, Harry!

  • - But I like licorice! - That jerk just wants to feel us up,

  • so you better distract him!

  • - Ohh, Superman's flying over there! - Where?

  • That was a good distraction, wasn't it?

  • Because ... because Superman

  • - is a fictional character, and they don't exist at all. - Yo, I got that.

  • You didn't, huh?

  • - Well, I got it! - So nobody wants to suck, huh?

  • Stop! Stop, wait! Just one moment!

  • There's a three-headed monkey standing behind you!

  • Where?

  • Argh, I fell for it again!

  • Argh, no one wants to suck on my lollipop rod!

  • Where else could I go?! I could go to Hogwarts...

  • - Goodbye! - Guys, I have a feeling that this school year

  • is going to be exactly like the last one:

  • People try to rape me, and we fuck people over.

  • But this ravioli sign,

  • it's got some kind of higher meaning.

  • Now it looks like a pretzel.

  • Oh my God, I can't believe it:

  • Smoked turkey bacon is 30% off at Lidl.

  • What a steal!

  • ... something to nosh on?

  • - Do you want something to nosh on? - I do!

  • - Do you want something to nosh on? - Me too!

  • - I do! - Me too, me too! - Well, children?

  • Do you want something to noash on?

  • Yes, me, right here.

  • I'll have large french fries.

  • Here you go, that's one Euro.

  • - But that's not large! - One fry, one Euro!

  • - A Euro, give me one euro! - Okay well, here.

  • - Didn't even get mayo ... - I want, I