WISDOM, AND INTRIGUE OF THE GODS OF THE ANCIENT GREEK PANTHEON.

>>I AM ZEUS. GOD OF THE SKY, THE WEATHER, AND FATE.

COME TO ME ALL THOSE WHO QUESTION THEIR DESTINY.

>>I AM APHRODITE. GODDESS OF LOVE, PASSION, AND BEAUTY.

I WILL FIND LOVE FOR THE LOVELESS.

>>I AM POSEIDON. GOD OF THE RIVERS, SEAS, AND EARTH QUAKES.

BEWARE THE ELEMENTS. >>I AM ARTEMIS.

GODDESS OF WILD ANIMALS, DISEASE, AND CHILDREN. COME TO ME FOR ALL ANIMAL ATTACKS,

DISEASE ATTACKS, AND CHILD ATTACKS. >>I AM DEMETER.

GODDESS OF AGRICULTURE. FARM, AND I WILL BE THERE.

>>I AM MASTOS. GOD OF SENSIBLE SPENDING.

NO ONE HAS LISTENED TO ME FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS.

>>I'M BARBATRONUS. GOD OF AGING.

YOU WILL AGE WHETHER I DO ANYTHING OR NOT. >>I AM MINOSCURUS.

GOD OF THE KIND OF GRASS THAT COWS EAT. COME TO ME IF YOU'RE A COW.

>>I AM IMBECILIA. GODDESS OF STUPIDITY.

COME TO ME WITH YOUR BAD DECISIONS AND I WILL MAKE

THEM MORE STUPIDER-ERLY. HEH.

>>I AM KILGERBON. GOD OF ALL REAL AND ANIMATED CATS.

I WILL ONE DAY RULE THE EARTH! >>I AM RANTHALEON.

GOD OF ROBERT DOWNEY JR. YOU'RE WELCOME.

>>I AM FINNESIA. GODDESS OF NICHOLAS CAGE. I AM WAY SORRY.

>>I AM JARUBADINKA. GODDESS OF RIDICULOUS NAMES.

ALL BABIES BORN IN 2014, COME TO ME A TEN YEARS

WHEN YOU'RE BEING RELENTLESSLY TEASED. >>I AM GRETTERGORN.

I LIKE SPORTS. WAIT, WHAT ARE WE DOING?

>>I AM GOBARIUM. GOD OF SAYING, "GO BURY 'EM,"

WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHAT TO DO WITH CORPSES. >>I AM DESDONIA.

GOD OF THE WALK-MAN AND MINI-DISC PLAYER. I'M SEVERELY DEPRESSED.

>>I AM CANTUS-SHEPANTUS. GOD OF UNFINISHED-- WAS THAT A BIRD?

>>I AM HEMALORUS. GOD OF RUNNING OUT OF TOILET PAPER. FEAR ME.

>>I AM MORGAN FREEMAN. GOD OF NARRATION.

AND WE ARE THE GODS OF THE ANCIENT GREEK PANTHEON.