[football game playing on TV]

-Hey guys. The food's getting cold.

Dinner's ready.

-Go, go! -Guys, the food's getting cold.

[all cheering loudly]

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-We thank you for this food at our table.

We thank you for everyone sitting around this table.

And we'd like to thank you for--

-You're welcome. -Peace.

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-You know, isn't it funny?

This one meal could feed a whole village in China.

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-Happy Thanksgiving! -Merry Christ...ma...

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-Ah, so, who's doing dishes?

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[door opens]

-Ho, ho, ho! -Hi, happy Thanksgiving.

-Son of a b--

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-Dad, Mom... I'm gay.

[both gasp]

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-Oh hey, Ryan, did you get the yams?

-The yams? Oh, yams.

I thought you said "ironing board."

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-Dad, Dad... I'm straight.

[both gasp]

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

[gun cocks]

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-Dad, I'm Mom.

[both gasp]

-Things that ruin Thanksgiving

-So, bad news.

We both lost our jobs,

so there won't be any Thanksgiving food this year.

-No food?

How can there be no food? It's Thanksgiving.

-Well, also, you're adopted.

-What? No, that can't be true.

-Oh no, no, it's okay. We're getting a divorce anyway.

-That doesn't even make sense.

Why are you just telling me this right now?

-But you know what? Let's just go enjoy the day

and watch some good old-fashioned Thanksgiving football.

-You guys don't even watch football.

How am I supposed to enjoy this day

when I know all this is happening?

-You're not watching it, silly.

You're playing.

-What?

-Things that ruin Thanksgi-- Teehee!

-So what did you guys think about my Thanksgiving video?

What? [chuckles nervously]

[guns cock]

-(Justin Bieber) Ba--

[laughter]

-So what did you guys think about my Thanksgiving video

on Thanksgiving?

[laughter]

[both gasp]

-Oh wait, sorry, I was too late.

-Yeah! [laughter]

-'Kay, let's just go and enjoy the day

and-- watch some good old Thanksgiving--

-That's good. "Good old-fashioned Thanksgiving--"

-Calling it right now, this next idea is an extremely dumb idea.

-What?

-Let's do it.

-Take two.

What?

[laughter]