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-THE NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARIES WERE A MEDIA CLUSTER[BLEEP]
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AND "THE DAILY SHOW" NEWS TEAM WAS THERE TO BE A PART OF IT.
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AND WHEN THE CAMERAS STOPPED ROLLING,
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WE CONFRONTED OUR COLLEAGUES
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WITH SOME HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS.
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-I FEEL LIKE WE ALL DID AN AMAZING JOB.
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WOULDN'T YOU SAY THAT?
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-I WOULD SAY, ABSOLUTELY.
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-DO YOU THINK MAYBE WE COULD WIN A PULITZER?
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-MAYBE NOT. PROBABLY NOT. NO.
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-YOU ARE A REP...OR...TER.
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-CORRESPONDENT.
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-CORRESPONDENT. CORRESPONDENT. ME TOO.
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I'M A CORRESPONDENT AS WELL.
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AND YOU ARE ON THE...
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-THE AIR. -ME TOO.
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-OH, MY GOD. SO MUCH IN COMMON.
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-YEAH.
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-YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF INTERVIEWS.
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WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP SOMEONE FROM INTERRUPTING YOU?
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-KEEP THEM FROM INTERRUPTING --
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-I MEAN, LIKE, IF IT'S LIKE A REALLY CRAZY SITUATION.
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ANY TYPE OF EVENT LIKE THAT,
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HOW DO YOU KEEP PEOPLE FROM INTERRUPTING YOU?
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-YOU CAN'T REALLY KEEP THEM FROM --
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-BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A TOTAL DICK MOVE
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IF I JUST KEPT INTERRUPTING YOU.
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-YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW...
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-WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU, LIKE, GO HOME AT NIGHT
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AND YOU CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP
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BECAUSE YOU JUST FEEL SO SAD AND DEAD INSIDE?
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-I, UH...
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-JOURNALISTICALLY SPEAKING.
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-JUST TRY TO THINK OF ANOTHER STORY.
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-'CAUSE YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON AND YOU DESERVE TO LIVE AND TO GO ON
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AND BE THE BEST JORDAN YOU CAN BE.
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-YEAH!
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-DON'T YOU JUST WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND SAY TO YOURSELF,
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"I AM SO GOOD AT MY JOB.
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I DID SUCH A GREAT JOB TODAY"?
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-UM...NO.
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-YOU DON'T WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND SAY,
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"WOW, I'M REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND REALLY TALL AND REALLY BLACK
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AND I'M SO GOOD AT JOURNALISM"?
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YOU DON'T DO THAT EVERY DAY?
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-I MEAN, I'M NOT BLACK -- THAT PART.
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-THAT'S TRUE. THAT IS TRUE.
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-WHERE DOES A BROTHER HAVE TO GO TO GET SOME BLOW AROUND HERE?
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-I DON'T DO DRUGS.
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-NEITHER DO I.
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BUT IF I HAD TO GET SOME, WHERE WOULD I GO?
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-I HAVE NO IDEA.
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-NEITHER DO I. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT WOULD BE.
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-WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING TONIGHT? -TEQUILA.
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-TEQUILA.
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I WANTED YOU -- I WANTED TEQUILA.
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YOU KNEW I WANTED TEQUILA.
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-YOU SAID WATER.
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-NO, I TOLD YOU I WANTED TEQUILA.
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SHE'S DRINKING TEQUILA.
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YOU [BLEEP] KNEW IT!
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-OKAY, I'M SORRY.
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-THIS WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN HOLDING H2O LIKE AN IDIOT.
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-HOW DO YOU SNAPCHAT TO REPORT THE NEWS?
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-WELL, YOU SNAPCHAT, AND THEN IT GOES AWAY IN LIKE 15 SECONDS.
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-YEAH, EXACTLY.
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I THOUGHT SNAPCHAT WAS USED TO TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR DICK
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AND SEND IT TO OTHER PEOPLE SO THEY WOULD DISAPPEAR --
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THERE'D BE NO EVIDENCE.
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-I AM NOT GOING THERE.
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-I DON'T DO DRUGS.
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-I DON'T DO DRUGS EITHER, RIGHT?
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I JUST GOT THESE ROLLING PAPERS.
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SOMEBODY GAVE THEM TO ME, ALL RIGHT?
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BUT I'LL HEAD OVER TO THAT TALL GUY WITH THE SUIT, RIGHT?
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-[ CHUCKLES ]
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-I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.
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I'LL SEE YOU IN THE STALL. OR "NOT SEE YOU IN THE STALL."