LOTTO TICKET.

AND, AGAIN, FOR THOSE JUST JOINING US, I'M GOING TO WIN.

ANYBODY WANT TO SEE THE WINNING NUMBERS?

RIGHT THERE.

KA-POW!

THERE IT IS!

NOW, ALARMINGLY, THERE SEEMS TO BE ONE THING STANDING IN MY WAY:

OTHER PEOPLE BUYING TICKETS.

I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

AND SOME OF THEM AREN'T EVEN AMERICANS.

>> EXCITEMENT IS GROWING INTERNATIONALLY.

THOUSANDS OF CANADIANS ARE POURING INTO THE U.S. TO TRY

THEIR LUCK.

>> THE CANADIANS, THEY'RE COMING LIKE CRAZY HERE FOR THE LOTTO.

>> I'M GONNA TAKE MY CHANCES JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

WE COME HERE AND DROP A LOT OF MONEY ON A REGULAR BASIS.

WE SHOP IN THE U.S. A LOT, SO WE GIVE TO YOU.

IT'S TIME TO GIVE BACK.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NO ONE DISPUTES THAT

CANADA GIVES US A LOT, FROM THEIR DELICIOUS SYRUP TO THEIR

FINEST GOSLINGS.

BUT YOU ARE PLAYING WITH FIRE HERE, CANADIAN WOMAN, BECAUSE I

PROMISE YOU, IF ONE OF YOU MOOSE-MUNCHING ICE-HOLES WINS

AMERICA'S BILLION-DOLLAR POWERBALL, DONALD TRUMP WILL BE

ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL VOTE FOR HIM!

I WILL VOTE FOR HIM!

BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN THE U.S. AND CANADA

AND MAKE THE POWERBALL WINNER PAY FOR IT!

SO AN AMERICAN HAS GOT TO WIN THIS THING, AND PEOPLE ARE

DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR ADVICE FROM THE EXPERTS, LIKE

SEVEN-TIME LOTTO WINNER RICHARD LUSTIG, A MAN WHO STRUCK

IT SO BIG IN THE LOTTO, HE CAN FULFILL HIS LIFELONG DREAM OF

CONTINUING TO PLAY THE LOTTO.

>> THE QUESTION THEY ASK IS, "WHAT CAN I DO?

WHAT CAN I DO TO GIVE MYSELF A BETTER CHANCE OF WINNING?"

>> Stephen: YES, THAT'S THE QUESTION I'M ASKING!

>> THIS IS GOING TO SOUND BAD, BUT THIS IS THE ONLY ANSWER--

BUY AS MANY TICKETS AS YOU CAN AFFORD.

>> Stephen: "BUY AS MANY AS YOU CAN AFFORD."

OKAY, GOT IT.

SOUND ADVICE.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT, BUT YOU HAVE TO BUDGET FOR

THE ESSENTIALS-- FOOD, RENT, SCRATCHERS, THE PONIES, CAMEL

STRAIGHTS.

NOW, SOME MIGHT SAY THERE'S NO WAY TO GAME A COMPLETELY RANDOM

SYSTEM AND THAT YOU'RE FAR BETTER OFF SAVING OR INVESTING

YOUR MONEY.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE CALLED SUCKERS.

( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE TAKING THEMSELVES OUT OF

THE GAME, AND LEAVING ALL THEIR DAUGHTERS' LUCKY BIRTHDAYS FOR

YOU TO PLAY.

SO WHILE I'M GOING TO CLEARLY WIN THIS ONE, HERE ARE SOME

"LATE SHOW" POWERBALL TIPS.

AND KEEP IN MIND THAT THE TIP IS THE MOST SENSITIVE PART OF THE

POWERBALL.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

( CHEERS ) >> Stephen: DON'T ENCOURAGE

ME?

OKAY, "LATE SHOW'S"" POWERBALL TIP NUMBER ONE-- PICK ONLY

WINNING NUMBERS, BE IT 8, 11, 39-- YOUR CHOICE, BUT PICK THE

ONES THAT WIN.

TIP NUMBER TWO: KNOW WHAT NUMBERS ARE.

A LOT OF FOLKS LOSE BEFORE THEY EVEN PLAY BECAUSE THEY PICK AN

AMPERSAND OR THE EMOJI FOR EGGPLANT.

THOSE ARE NOT NUMBERS.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT THIS IS.

TIP NUMBER THREE: IF IT'S SMART TO BUY AS MANY TICKETS AS YOU

CAN AFFORD, THINK HOW SMARTER IT IS TO BUY MORE THAN YOU CAN

AFFORD.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE MONEY, YOU ASK?

THE GUY IN THE FUTURE.

THAT GUY'S LOADED BECAUSE HE JUST WON THE LOTTERY WITH TIPS

ONE THROUGH TWO.

NEXT, TIP NUMBER FOUR: IF YOU WANT TO BE A LOTTERY

WINNER, START ACTING LIKE A LOTTERY WINNER.

BUY ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS MATCHING JEEPS.

PICK UP AN EXPENSIVE PILL ADDICTION.

START SCREAMING AT YOUR LOVED ONES, "I'M NOT A DAMN BANK!"

THEN WAKE UP IN A RADISSON BATHROOM UNDER A PILE OF NAKED

STRANGERS, EMPTY THE MINI BAR INTO YOUR POCKETS, AND SLINK

BACK TO YOUR JOB AT THE VERIZON STORE.

BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THAT PAYCHECK TO BUY MORE LOTTO

TICKETS.

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP OF ALL:

HAVE THIS LOTTERY TICKET BECAUSE THAT POWERBALL IS ALL

MINE!

I'LL SEE YOU AT THE RADISSON!