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  • YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I TRY TO PUT ON THE BEST SHOW POSSIBLE

  • FOR YOU, MY VIEWERS.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) BUT I KNOW I AM LEAVING OUT AN

  • IMPORTANT DEMOGRAPHIC-- ANIMALS WHO WATCH THE SHOW.

  • WELL, THAT CHANGES TONIGHT WITH OUR NEW SEGMENT: "STEPHEN

  • COLBERT'S BEAST REALITY."

  • ( ANIMAL NOISES ).

  • >> SHARK, SHARK!

  • >> Stephen: TONIGHT, I'VE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS IF YOU'RE A

  • FROG, BECAUSE SCIENTISTS IN INDIA HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW SEX

  • POSITION FOR FROGS.

  • IT'S EXCITING NEWS FOR AMPHIBIANS EVERYWHERE.

  • ALSO, ONE LUCKY PIG.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) APPARENTLY, THERE ARE NEARLY

  • 7,000 SPECIES OF FROGS OUT THERE, BUT UP UNTIL NOW, THERE

  • HAD BEEN ONLY HAD BEEN ONLY SIX KNOWN SEX

  • POSITIONS.

  • STILL THREE MORE THAN HUMANS HAVE.

  • LET'S SEE THERE'S...

  • LIGHTS ON, LIGHTS OFF, AND BIRTHDAY.

  • RESEARCHERS CAME ACROSS THE NEW POSITION AFTER SPENDING 40

  • NIGHTS IN A DENSE INDIAN FOREST OBSERVING THE MATING HABITS OF

  • FROGS, WHICH IS GREAT NEWS FOR THOSE SCIENTISTS, BECAUSE WHEN

  • YOU'VE DEDICATED YOUR LIFE TO STUDYING FROGS, YOU DESERVE TO

  • SEE SOMEONE HAVE SEX.

  • THE NEW FROG SEX POSITION-- ( CHEERS ).

  • >> Stephen: YOU ARE APPLAUD AGO I WANT TO REMIND YOU THAT

  • YOU ARE APPLAUDING SCIENTISTS ENJOY WATCHING FLOGS HAVING SEX

  • IN A NONSCIENTIFIC WAY.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE NEW POSITION IS CALLED THE

  • DORSAL STRADDLE.

  • AND WE'RE GOING TO SHOW IT, BUT FIRST, IF THERE ARE ANY TADPOLES

  • IN THE ROOM, YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER WHAT WILL EVENTUALLY BE

  • THEIR EYES.

  • HERE IT IS.

  • WOW.

  • FROGGY WENT A-COURTIN', AND HE DID RIDE.

  • NOW HERE'S THE THING.

  • THIS IS CBS, AND AT THIS POINT I HAVE NO IDEA IF THEY'RE GOING TO

  • BLUR FROGS HAVING SEX OVER MY SHOULDER TONIGHT.

  • I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME AND FIND OUT.

  • THIS ONE HAS TO BE DONE UP AGAINST A ROCK, OR MAYBE THE

  • KITCHEN COUNTER WHEN THE FROG'S ROOMMATE ISN'T HOME.

  • SO THAT'S IT.

  • THAT'S THE NEW POSITION.

  • AND FOR ANY OF YOU UNFAMILIAR WITH THE OTHER POSITIONS, THOSE

  • WERE ALSO ILLUSTRATED IN THE SCIENTIFIC STUDY.

  • SO LET'S REVIEW.

  • AGAIN, FOR SCIENCE.

  • NUMBER ONE: AXILLARY, FROGGY STYLE.

  • NUMBER TWO: IN-GUINAL.

  • THAT'S RIBBIT, FOR HER PLEASURE.

  • NUMBER THREE: CEPHALIC.

  • THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE GOING FOR AXILLARY, BUT YOU BOTH HAD A

  • LONG DAY AT WORK.

  • NUMBER FOUR: GLUED.

  • THAT'S AFTER ONE OF YOU WENT OUT FOR DINNER AT THE INDIAN BUFFET.

  • NUMBER FIVE: INDEPENDENT.

  • THAT IS WHEN YOU'RE SO TIRED FROM THE FIRST FIVE POSITIONS

  • THAT YOU JUST ROLL OVER AND WATCH SEPARATE THINGS ON YOUR

  • PHONES.

  • AND LASTLY, NUMBER SIX: HEAD STRADDLE.

  • FROGS: THEY'RE JUST LIKE US.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) SO CONGRATULATIONS!

  • AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN!

  • I MEAN THIS SINCERELY, AND I DO NOT KNOW AT THIS POINT OF THE

  • DAY WHETHER CBS IS GOING TO BLUR FROGS SPAWNING.

  • SO, CONGRATULATIONS, FROG SCIENTISTS, ON THIS BREAKTHOUGH

  • DISCOVERY.

  • BUT DON'T STOP, BECAUSE THERE IS AT LEAST ONE MORE FROG SEX

  • POSITION WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT.

  • SOME DAY WE'LL FIND IT.

  • THE RAINBOW CONNECTION.

  • THAT ONE IS FOR THE LOVERS, THE DREAMERS, AND ME.

YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I TRY TO PUT ON THE BEST SHOW POSSIBLE

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B1 中級

獣の現実。カエルのセックスポジション (Beast Reality: Frog Sex Positions)

  • 16 4
    VoiceTube に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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