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  • THERE ARE SO MANY DECISIONS TO MAKE FOR A SHOW LIKE THIS.

  • THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I COULD TALK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

  • SO MANY THINGS HAPPEN IN THE WORLD.

  • BUT SOMETIMES I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND.

  • I CANNOT DECIDE WHAT WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ON THE SHOW, SO

  • SOMETIMES I LEAVE THOSE DECISIONS TO ONE OF MY TALENTED

  • PRODUCERS OR SOMETIMES I LEAVE THAT DECISION TO MY GOOD FRIEND

  • JACK DANIEL'S.

  • AND A LOT OF TIMES I LEAVE THAT DECISION TO RANDOM CHANCE.

  • THIS IS...

  • >> Audience: WHEEL OF NEWS!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, LONGTIMERSS

  • OF "WHEEL OF THE NEWS" KNOW WE HAVE INSTALLED A GIANT SPINNING

  • WHEEL IN THE CEILING OF THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER WITH IMPORTANT

  • NEWS TOPICS LIKE "POLITICS," "ENTERTAINMENT," AND "FREE

  • SPIN."

  • WHEREVER THE WHEEL LANDS, THAT'S THE STORY I TALK ABOUT.

  • AND TO OPERATE IT, I JUST PULL A HIGH TECH LEVER, WHICH IS HELD

  • UP BY MY UNDER-THE-DESK GUY, BRENDAN.

  • COME ON OUT HERE, BRENDAN!

  • GIVE IT UP FOR BRENDAN, EVERYBODY.

  • BRENDAN.

  • BRENDAN, I COULD NOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU.

  • BRENDAN, YOU KNOW,UN, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU ARE A CREDIT TO LEVER

  • HOLDERS EVERYWHERE, AND I ADMIRE YOUR SKILL AND DEDICATION.

  • >> THANKS, MAN, THAT MEANS A LOT.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, GET IN THE HOLE, GET IN THE HOLE.

  • GET DOWN THERE.

  • ARE WE READY TO DO IT?

  • ARE WE READY?

  • >> WAIT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE A BIG MAN FOR SUCH A TINY HOLE, BRAND AN,

  • I HAVE TO SAY.

  • WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO START GREASING YOU UP PRETTY SOON.

  • ARE YOU READY TO DO THIS, BRENDAN?

  • >> I'M READY.

  • >> Stephen: LET'S SPIN IS ITT!

  • CRIME!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PEOPLE LOVE THE CRIME STORIES.

  • IN CRIME NEWS, A LITTLE GIRL IN RENO, NEVADA, RECENTLY WITNESSED

  • AN ATTEMPTED ARMED ROBBERY OF A CONVENIENCE STORE.

  • NOW THE GIRL'S OKAY, AND SHE EVEN OFFERED TO HELP POLICE BY

  • DOING THIS DRAWING OF THE SUSPECTS.

  • THAT'S HIM ON THE LEFT.

  • AND THIS PICTURE OVER HERE ON THE RIGHT IS EVIDENTLY HER

  • SISTER BEING BITTEN BY A SHARK.

  • THIS IS AN ALL-POINTS BULLETIN, FOLKS.

  • EVERYONE, BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A MAN WITH EITHER HAIR OR A HAT,

  • NO KNEES, AND 5:00 SHADOW THAT IS WIDER THAN HIS FACE.

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • ALL RIGHT, LET'S SPIN-- EXCUSE ME, SIR.

  • YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR.

  • >> WHO, ME?

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • WERE YOU AT A CONVENIENCE STORE IN RENO RECENTLY?

  • >> NO.

  • NOPE.

  • JUST A BIG FAN.

  • WHOO!

  • WHEEL OF NEWS!

  • SPIN AGAIN!

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, THAT CHECKS OUT.

  • THAT CHECKS OUT.

  • SORRY, SORRY.

  • HERE WE GO, NEXT STORY.

  • FOOD NEWS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: MY GOOD NIGHT!

  • >> Stephen: IN THE WORLD OF FOOD, THERE'S A NEW

  • PLANT-BASED DRINK ON THE MARKET CALLED RIPPLE THAT, ACCORDING

  • ITS MANUFACTURER, IS SOMETHING CALLED PEA MILK.

  • THAT IS GREAT NEWS IF YOU ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT, OR IF YOUR

  • DOCTOR SAYS YOU SHOULD BE DRINKING MORE PEA.

  • MILK SUBSTITUTES HAVE NOW OFFICIALLY GONE TOO FAR.

  • FIRST, WE MILKED THE SOY, AND I SAID NOTHING.

  • THEN WE MILKED THE RICE, AND STILL I REMAINED SILENT.

  • NEXT, WE MILKED OUR NUTS.

  • ALMONDS, CASHEWS, COCONUTS.

  • NEXT THING WE KNEW, WE WERE EVEN MILKING OUR MUSCLE AND OUR

  • "OF MAGNESIA."

  • AND NOW WE'RE BEING ASKED TO DRINK PEA MILK.

  • WELL, I FOR ONE UBELIEVE-- LOOK OUT!

  • >> AHHH!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

  • >> Stephen: I'M SURE HE'S FINE.

  • I'M SURE HE'S FINE.

  • NO, I'M SURE HE'S FINE.

  • I'M SURE HE'S FINE.

  • LET'S SPIN IT!

  • SUDDEN, HEARTBREAKING AWARENESS OF MORTALITY!

  • SUDDEN, HEARTBREAKING AWARENESS OF MORTALITY!

  • JIM, LET'S PUT FIVE SECONDS OF AWARENESS ON THE CLOCK.

  • ( BUZZER ) OKAY!

  • SPIN HER AGAIN!

  • SNACK NEWS!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A GREAT AMERICAN TRADITION HAS

  • FALLEN.

  • I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT CRACKER JACKS.

  • I HAVE A BOX EVERY TIME I AM AT THE BALLPARK.

  • IT SPRINKLES OVER MY NAWCHOSE.

  • IT'S DELICIOUS.

  • RECENTLY, CRACKER JACK CRACKER JACK-SLAPPED US WITH THE

  • ANNOUNCEMENT THAT CRACKERJACK IS GETTING RID OF THE TOY IN THE

  • CRACKERJACK BOX.

  • APPARENTLY, INSTEAD OF A PRIZE, YOU GET A

  • STICKER WITH A Q.R. CODE ON IT THAT TAKES YOU TO AN ONLINE

  • GAME.

  • IT COMBINES KIDS' TWO FAVORITE THINGS: DELAYED GRATIFICATION

  • AND NOT GETTING TOYS.

  • IF YOU ASK ME, THIS IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO CRACKER JACKS

  • THING TO HAPPEN TO CRACKER JACK SINCE...

  • TO HEAR THE PUNCHLINE, SIMPLY SCAN THIS Q.R. CODE.

  • THEN WHEN YOU GET TO THE WEB SITE, CONFIRM YOU ARE OVER 18

  • AND ENTER CODE "CRACKERJOKE," THEN, AFTER A 30-SECOND CHASE

  • SAPPHIRE CREDIT CARD AD, LAUGHTER IS YOURS!

THERE ARE SO MANY DECISIONS TO MAKE FOR A SHOW LIKE THIS.

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ザ・レイトショー・ホイール・オブ・ニュース Vol. (The Late Show Wheel Of News, Vol. V)

  • 18 3
    VoiceTube に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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