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  • (APPLAUSE)

  • WHAT?

  • WHAT?

  • I NOTICED SOMETHING.

  • THE AUDIENCE AT THE DEBATE LAST

  • NIGHT WAS SILENT FOR 90 MINUTES,

  • EXCEPT FOR A COUPLE OF SMALL

  • LAUGHS.

  • IT WAS JUST LIKE WHEN I THOESD

  • ACADEMY AWARDS.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Paul:

  • ♪ I LOVE YOU ♪♪

  • >> Dave: ALL RIGHT.

  • BETTY RUSSELL.

  • IS BETTY RUSSELL HERE?

  • HELLO, BETTY.

  • >> NICE TO MEET YOU.

  • DAVE WHERE YOU FROM?

  • >> POINT PLEASANT, NEW JERSEY.

  • >> Dave: POINT PLEASANT, NEW

  • JERSEY.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: AND IS THAT ON THE

  • SHORE?

  • >> YES, IT, IS JERSEY SHORE.

  • >> Dave: IS THAT FAR FROM HERE?

  • >> NO.

  • >> Dave: YOU WORK DOWN THERE?

  • >> NO, I'M RETIRED.

  • >> Dave: YOU WORK THERE?

  • >> NO, I'M RETIRED.

  • >> Dave: GOOD FOR YOU.

  • CONGRATULATIONS.

  • ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW OR TELL US

  • SOMETHING?

  • >> BOTH.

  • >> Dave: BOTH.

  • >> SHOW AND TELL.

  • >> Dave: TELL US FIRST AND THEN

  • SHOW US.

  • >> I WENT TO MY HIGH SCHOOL

  • JUNIOR PROM WITH JACK NICHOLSON.

  • >> Dave: WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A

  • MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

  • WHOA!

  • YOUR JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL PROM.

  • >> UH-HUH.

  • >> Dave: YOUR DATE WAS JAKE

  • NICHOLSON, THE ACTOR?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Dave: WOW?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Dave: YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL

  • TOGETHER?

  • >> GRAMMAR SCHOOL AND HIGH

  • SCHOOL.

  • >> Dave: DO YOU STAY IN TOUCH?

  • >> YES.

  • THIS IS FIRST ONE, OUR JUNIOR

  • PROM PICTURE.

  • >> Dave: LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> Dave: JACK.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • WHOA.

  • LOOK.

  • LOOK AT THIS.

  • TALK ABOUT A BABE.

  • MAN.

  • NICE GOING, BETTY.

  • YESIRREE.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> THE SECOND PICTURE I HAVE TO

  • SHOW YOU IS FRIDAY NIGHT AT OUR

  • 50th CLASS REUNION.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: THAT'S TREMENDOUS.

  • VERY NICE.

  • OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT.

  • CONGRATULATIONS.

  • COME ON DOWN HERE.

  • BETTY RUSSELL, SHE HAD A COUPLE

  • DATES WITH JACK NICHOLSON.

  • YOU KNOW, ODDLY, YOU LOOK BETTER

  • IN THE MORE RECENT PHOTOGRAPH

  • THAN YOU DID IN THE OLDER

  • PHOTOGRAPH.

  • THE TWO OF YOU MADE A GREAT

  • COUPLE, DON'T YOU THINK?

  • >> WE WERE JUST FRIENDS.

  • >> Dave: JUST FRIENDS?

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • IS THIS YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT HERE?

  • >> YES, IT IS.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: JUST FRIENDS.

  • THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS.

  • >> JUST FRIENDS.

  • >> Dave: RELAX.

  • NOTHING HAPPENED.

  • >> I GOT THE BETTER JACK.

  • >> Dave: YOU GOT THE BETTER

  • JACK.

  • THERE'S DINNER FOR TWO AT

  • GALLAGERS, SOME MUSE FRICK THE

  • LATE SHOW AND POPCORN,

  • EXPLODE-O-POP, AMERICA'S ONLY

  • EXPLODING POPPING CORN.

  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • NICE MEETING YOU.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • TIME FOR ONE MORE.

  • WE'RE LOOKING FOR A HUGH

  • O'BRIEN.

  • IS THERE A HUGH O'BRIEN.

  • HI, HUGH, HOW ARE YOU?

  • >> GOOD.

  • >> Dave: NICE TO SEE YOU.

  • WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • WHERE YOU FROM

  • >>

  • >> MINNEAPOLIS.

  • >> Dave: MINNEAPOLIS IS A GREAT

  • TOWN.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Dave: WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A

  • LIVING?

  • >> MY PARTNERS AND I CREATED A

  • POLITICAL BOARD GAME WE JUST

  • RELEASED.

  • >> Dave: PERFECT TIMING.

  • COULDN'T BE BETTER.

  • IT'S LIKE YOU DRAW CARDS AND

  • MOVE THINGS AROUND THE BOARD.

  • >> IT'S LIKE LAND SLOOISMTED

  • IT'S A POLITICAL BOARD GAME

  • BASED ON MONOPOLY MORE OR LESS.

  • >> Dave: AT THE END YOU GOAT BE

  • PRESIDENT?

  • >> YES, EXACTLY.

  • >> Dave: HOW MUCH WOULD THAT

  • COST?

  • >> FOR YOU, FREE.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: WOW.

  • WHOA.

  • MAKING OUT LIKE A BANDIT.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT, HUGH.

  • LET'S SEE, YOU'RE IN NEW YORK

  • CITY DOING WHAT?

  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

  • >> VISITING A FRIEND.

  • >> Dave: YOU'RE SHOWING US OR

  • TELLING US TONIGHT?

  • >> I AM SHOWING.

  • >> Dave: WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE,

  • HUGH?

  • >> I AM GOING TO SAW MY TONGUE

  • WITH A STEAK KNIFE.

  • >> Dave: SAW YOUR TONGUE WITH A

  • STEAK KNIFE.

  • >> AND TO PROVE IT'S SHARP...

  • >> Dave: WAIT, WAIT.

  • HOW MANY OF YOU FOLKS WANT TO

  • SEE THAT?

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: ALL RIGHT.

  • IS IT DANGEROUS?

  • >> I CAN ONLY DO IT ONCE A

  • MONTH.

  • >> Dave: WILL YOU ACTUALLY SEVER

  • YOUR TONGUE?

  • >>, NO I WON'T.

  • >> Dave: WILL THERE BE BLOOD?

  • >> THERE MIGHT BE.

  • >> Dave: I DON'T THINK WE WANT

  • THAT.

  • YOU HAVE THE APPLE TO...

  • >> TO PROVE THE STEAK KNIFE IS

  • ACTUALLY SHARP.

  • >> Dave: THIS IS THE IMPLEMENT

  • WITH WHICH HE WILL BE SAWING HIS

  • TONGUE.

  • YOU GET A GOOD LOOK AT, THAT

  • BETTY?

  • >> I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE.

  • >> Dave: SHE'S SEEN IT BEFORE,

  • SHE SAYS.

  • YOU WANT LIKE A DRUM ROLL OR

  • ANYTHING?

  • >> THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

  • >> Dave: AN ON THE, HERE WE GO.

  • HUGH O'BRIEN IS GOING TO SAW HIS

  • TONGUE.

  • ARGGGG...

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • WHOA.

  • WHOA.

  • WHY DID YOU START DOING THAT?

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> AS A KID.

  • >> Dave: AS A KID?

  • >> I WOULD DO IT FREAK OUT MY

  • BROTHERS AND IT WORKED EVERY

  • TIME.

  • >> Dave: MOM AND DAD WERE OKAY

  • WITH THIS?

  • >> THEAPPL

  • ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT, WHAT A

  • FANTASTIC SHOW.

  • BILLY CRYSTAL IS JOINING US THIS

  • EVENING.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.

  • >> Paul: SURE IS.

  • >> Dave: AND MAYBE YOU DON'T

  • KNOW THIS, MAYBE YOU DO KNOW

  • THIS, I BELIEVE LAST TIME BILLY

  • WAS HERE HE MENTIONED HE WAS

  • GETTING READY DO THIS, BUT IT'S

  • GOING TO BE AN UNBELIEVABLE

  • SENSATION AND ALREADY HE'S

  • SETTING BOX OFFICE RECORDS, I'M

  • TALKING ABOUT HIS ONE-MAN SHOW

  • HE'LL BE DOING ON BROADWAY

  • CALLING "700 SUNDAYS."

  • IT OPENS NOVEMBER 12th.

  • THEY'VE SOLD... SORRY?

  • >> PREVIEWS.

  • >> Dave: PREVIEWS?

  • >> Paul: PREVIEWS START, I

  • SUPPOSE, NOVEMBER 12th.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • SEE, ON BROADWAY, THEY HAVE

  • PREVIEWS FOR A WHILE, THEN THEY

  • HAVE AN OPENING.

  • THE PREVIEWS...

  • >> Dave: THIS IS THE EXPLANATION

  • I WAS HOPING TO AVOID.

  • >> Paul: KINKS.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • WORK OUT THE KINKS.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: ANYWAY... THE SHOW

  • HASN'T OPENED YET AND IT'S

  • ALREADY A TREMENDOUS HIT.

  • THEY'VE SOLD IN ADVANCE SIX

  • MILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF

  • TICKETS.

  • >> Paul: NO KIDDING?

  • >> Dave: PHENOMENAL.

  • >> Paul: WOW.

  • >> Dave: $6 MILLION WORTH OF

  • TICKETS.

  • >> Paul: THE MONEY YOU PEOPLE

  • CALL WITH YOUR CALL, THAT'S PART

  • OF THE TOTAL.

  • THAT'S NOT THE CORPORATE MONEY.

  • THE CORPORATE MONEY FROM THE

  • GOOD FOLKS AT 7-11, YOU KNOW,

  • THAT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT, BUT

  • YOUR CALS, AND BY THE WAY, PICK

  • UP A PHONE.

  • >> Dave: OKAY.

  • THANK YOU.

  • PAUL, DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD IN

  • THE TUB AGAIN?

  • ALSO ON THE PROGRAM, RALPH

  • NADER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

  • RALPH NADER.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • DO YOU HAVE ANY THINK OF THAT.

  • >> Dave: IN SUMMER YOU DON'T

  • NEED THE A.KRVMENT THAT'S A GOOD

  • IDEA.

  • AND NOW, NOW THAT THE DEBATES

  • ARE OVER, WE HAVE FOR YOU THE

  • PRESIDENTIAL, THAT WOULD BE

  • GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENTIAL

  • DEBATE BLINK COUNT.

  • PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE BLINK COUNT.

  • TAKE A LOOK.

  • >> WE'RE GOING TO SHUT THAT

  • LOOPHOLE IN A NANOSECOND AND USE

  • THAT MONEY TO LOWER CORPORATE

  • TAX RATES IN AMERICA FOR ALL

  • CORPORATIONS, 5% AND THEN WE'LL

  • HAVE A MANUFACTURING JOBS CREDIT

  • AND A JOB HIRING CREDIT TO HELP

  • PEOPLE DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM.

  • THE SECOND THING WE CAN DO IS

  • PROVIDE A FAIR TRADE...

  • >> Dave: THE BLINK COUNT.

  • >> Paul: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED

  • TO MEAN?

  • DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING?

  • >> Dave: I DON'T KNOW.

  • IT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS

  • WHAT THAT MEANS.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • ALTHOUGH

  • >> I BECAME THE CHAIR.

  • OH, BOY.

  • >> Dave: LOOK AT THIS.

  • I'LL TELL YOU, I'M EXCITED ABOUT

  • THIS ONE-MAN THING FAR COUPLE

  • REASONS, NOT THE LEAST OF WHICH

  • YOU'LL BE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

  • FOR A WHILE NOW.

  • >> YES,LY, ANDLY STOP BY.

  • >> Dave: EXCELLENT.

  • THAT WOULD BE TERRIFIC.

  • THE NEW $6 MILLION MAN.

  • ADVANCED SALES, $6 MILLION.

  • >> I'M NOT HERE TALKING ABOUT...

  • I KNOW.

  • >> Dave: THAT'S TERRIFIC.

  • >> BOFFO WAS THE FIFTH MARKS

  • BROTHER.

  • GUMMO, SDEFO, ABOVEO.

  • I'M HUMBLED AND MOVED BY THIS

  • KIND OF STUFF.

  • I'M... WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A

  • GREAT SHOW, A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT

  • OF FUN.

  • WE'LL BE HERE FOR... I'M GOING

  • TO RUN UNTIL 2009 AND THEN CONAN

  • WILL TAKE OVER.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave: HE'LL DO A GOOD JOB FOR

  • YOU.

  • HE'S A GOOD BOY.

  • >> HE WILL.

  • >> I COULDN'T RESIST.

  • >> Dave: WAS I TRIINGT LAST TIME

  • YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, YOU WERE

  • SORT OF WORKING THIS UP.

  • YOU'D BEEN PREPARING THIS FOR

  • THE LAST YEAR OR MAYBE LONGER?

  • ECHLT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON IT

  • SINCE 1948.

  • I HAVE A NUTTY FAMILY AND GREAT

  • THINGS HAPPENED IN OUR FAMILY

  • HERITAGE.

  • THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

  • I WORK SHOPD IT LAST YEAR.

  • AT THE LA JOLLA PLAYHOUSE.

  • I SAID, LET'S DO IT.

  • I CAN'T BE MORE EXCITED THAN

  • BEING HERE, MY HOMETOWN, DOING

  • IT, BEING PART OF THE BROADWAY

  • COMMUNITY AND RUNNING THE SHOW.

  • >> Dave: WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT,

  • THE TITLE, "700 SUNDAYS."

  • TELL PEOPLE WHAT THAT REFERS TO.

  • >> WELL, MY FATHER HAD TWO JOBS.

  • ALL OF OUR LIVES.

  • THE ONLY DAY OFF HE HAD WAS

  • SUNDAY.

  • HE DIED WHEN I WAS A KID.

  • SO I FIGURED OUT THAT I HAD

  • ROUGHLY 700 OF THEM WITH HIM TO

  • SORT OF GET MY LIFE MOVING

  • FORWARD.

  • NOW, THIS IS A COMEDY SHOW.

  • AND IT'S REALLY FUNNY, BUT HE

  • WAS AN AMAZING GUY AND GAVE ME A

  • GREAT PUSH IN THE RIGHT

  • DIRECTION.

  • THE SHOW IS ABOUT OUR

  • RELATIONSHIP.

  • >> Dave: VERY SWEET AND A

  • WONDERFUL TRIBUTE TO YOUR FATHER

  • AND THE RELATIONSHIP THE TWO OF

  • YOU HAD.

  • YAISMT, BECAUSE HE SENT ME INTO

  • SUCH GREAT THINGS IN MY LIFE,

  • THE JAZZ WORLD BECAUSE HE WAS A

  • PROMOTEOR, A CONCERT PROMOTEOR.

  • THAT'S ALL IN THE SHOW.

  • I GOT TO PLAY CASH TWHORS

  • INFLUENCED ME AND GUYS THAT TALK

  • LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.

  • (ISM AT THE PRESENT TIMING JAZZ

  • SINGER)

  • >> Dave: THE PREVIEWS BEGIN

  • NOVEMBER 12th.

  • >> AND WE OPEN DECEMBER 5th.

  • I WANT YOU TO COME OHMNING

  • NIGHT.

  • >> Dave: I'LL BE THERE.

  • >> AND PAUL, TOO.

  • >> Paul: I'LL CERTAINLY BE

  • THERE.

  • >> I KNOW.

  • >> Dave: WE'LL BE THERE.

  • HOW IS THE SUMMER, HOW'S THE

  • FAMILY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

  • >> BECAUSE I KNEW I WAS LEAVING,

  • ININGED AS MUCH "TIMES" A I

  • COULD WITH MY DWRANDAUGHTER.

  • >> Dave: HOW OLD IS SHE?

  • >> 16 MONTHS NOW.

  • (APPLAUSE)

  • THANK YOU.

  • LIKE I HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH

  • IT.

  • HARRY, WHAT WE SHOULD DO IS

  • ARRANGE A PLAY DATE.

  • >> Dave: ALL RIGHT.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • I THINK YOU AND I SHOULD TAKE

  • THE KIDS TO THE PARK AND JUST

  • THE TWO OF US WITH THE TWO KIDS

  • AND WE'LL LOOK LIKE A GAY COUPLE

  • WITH OUR ADOPTINGED KIDS.

  • DON'T YOU ANY

  • >> Dave: YES, I THINK WE'D HAVE

  • A GREAT TIME.

  • >> WHEN IT'S NAP TIME, YOU CAN

  • TAKE YOUR NAP AND I'LL WATCH THE

  • KIDS.

  • YOU DO THE BABY TALK.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

  • THEN YOU HAND HER BACK AND GO TO

  • A MOVIE.

  • BECAUSE... WE HAD HER... THE

  • KIDS... THIS WAS A TRUE TEST.

  • WE HAD HER ALONE FOR A WEEK.

  • >> Dave: THE FOLKS TOOK A TRIP

  • OR SOMETHING?

  • >> JENNY AND MIKE WENT OFF TO A

  • WEDDING IN MEXICO.

  • WE HAD ELLA FOR A WEEK.

  • YOU FORGET HOW HARD IT IS, HOW

  • HIRING IT IS.

  • ANYBODY WHO HAS A BABY WHEN

  • YOU'RE OVER 50 IS OUT OF YOUR

  • MIND.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> Dave: YES.

  • I THINK THAT'S TRUE.

  • >> YOU'RE SO TIRED.

  • IT TAKES OUT SO MUCH OF YOU

  • BECAUSE IT'S SO TIRING.

  • AREN'T YOU POOPED IN

  • >> ALL THE TIME.

  • NEVER BEEN THIS TIRED IN MY

  • LIFE.

  • (LAUGHTER)

  • >> DO SOME BABY TALK FOR ME?

  • >> NO, NO.

  • >> HOW DO YOU TALK TO HARRY?

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • >> Dave:, NO I'M NOT.

  • >> BUT ISN'T IT... ISN'T IT

  • ULTIMATELY THE MOST INCREDIBLE

  • THING IN THE WORLD TO WATCH 'EM

  • GROW?

  • >> Dave: IT'S JUST CRAZY.

  • I MENTIONED THIS TO SOMEBODY THE

  • OTHER NIGHT.

  • I BELIEVE IT'S THE FIRST TIME

  • I'VE ACTUALLY EXPEERNSD JOY.

  • THAT'S ALL IT IS.

  • JUST JOY.

  • (AUDIENCE OOH IS

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • PAUL, WOULD-BE BIT NICE TO HAVE

  • BILLY...

  • >> IT SURE WILL.

  • >> Dave: YOU ANDLY GO.

  • >> Dave: I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE

  • THEATER IN YEARS AND YEARS AND

(APPLAUSE)

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レイトショー with デイヴィッド・レターマン 2004年10月 (Late Show with David Letterman Oct.2004)

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