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  • DOING EVERYBODY'S... EVERYBODY'S

  • DOING A LITTLE BELT-TIGHT.

  • MUSE APPLAUSE BY THE WAY, HAVE

  • YOU BEEN FOLLOWING THIS ROBERT

  • BLAKE SITUATION?

  • YOU KNOW ROBERT BLAKE IS AN

  • ACTOR OUT THERE IN HOLLYWOOD.

  • ISN'T IT A SHAME THAT IN THIS

  • DAY AND AGE MOST OF OUR BIG

  • STAR, MANY OF OUR TOP STARS ARE

  • IN PRISON.

  • ISN'T IT SAD?

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • AND SO ROBERT BLAKE IS STANDING

  • TRIAL, AND PROSECUTORS SAY THAT

  • AT ONE POINT BUSH HIRED A STUNT

  • MAN TO KILL HIS WIFE.

  • OH, WOW.

  • HIRED A STUNT MAN TO KILL HIS

  • WIFE.

  • WELL, SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT

  • O.SCWMENT, BUT THAT GUY DID HIS

  • OWN STUNTS.

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • PAUL SHAFFER!

  • (BAND PLAYING)

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • PAUL SHAFFER, LADIES AND

  • GENTLEMEN.

  • >> Paul: OH, YEAH.

  • >> Dave: LET ME... LET ME HAVE

  • THAT CARD.

  • I'VE BEEN TOLD NOW I MADE A

  • TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

  • >> Paul: WHAT?

  • >> Dave: I MADE A HORRIBLE

  • MISTAKE.

  • LET ME SEE THE CARD THERE,

  • ZIPPY.

  • >> Paul: WHAT COULD IT BE NOW.

  • >> Dave: THERE'S THE JOKE

  • THERE.

  • APPARENTLY DOWN HERE WHERE THE

  • WORD IS SUPPOSED TO BE "BLAKE,"

  • I APPARENTLY SAID BUSH.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • I SAID "BUSH."

  • COMPLETELY RUINING THE JOKE.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • IT MUST HAVE BUSH ON THE MIND.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • SO BLAKE, ROBERT BLAKE, THE SAME

  • ROBERT BLAKE IS MENTIONED UP

  • HERE, NOT THE PRESIDENT, GEORGE

  • BUSH.

  • PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH HAS

  • NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

  • ACTIVITY.

  • NOT INVOLVED IN THIS PROCEEDING

  • WHATSOEVER.

  • >> Paul: GLAD YOU'RE CLEAR

  • ABOUT THAT.

  • >> Dave: SO BLAKE TRIERD TO

  • HIRE A STUNTMAN AND KILL HIS

  • WIFE.

  • SAY WHAT YOU WILL, HE ALWAYS DID

  • HIS OWN STUNTS?

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • (BAND PLAYING)

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • I'M GLAD I GOT THAT OUT OF THE

  • WAY.

  • >> Paul: YEAH.

  • NOW WE CAN START WITH A CLEAN

  • SLATE.

  • >> Dave: EXACTLY.

  • I'D HAVE GONE UPSTAIRS AND THE

  • E-MAILS WOULD HAVE DRIVEN MEET,.

  • HERE'S NEW YORK CITY IN THE

  • HOLIDAY SEASON.

  • COLD.

  • HI, FOLKS.

  • HEY, MAN, WAS THAT... IS THAT

  • HAT ACTUALLY... MA'AM, CAN YOU

  • HEAR ME?

  • IS THAT HAT ACTUALLY LIGHTING

  • UP?

  • OKAY, FINE, LET'S KEEP MOVING. ?

  • >> Rupert: AND YEAH, AND

  • SANDWICHES.

  • >> Dave: AND SANDWICHES.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • DID YOU HEAR THAT THAT GEORGE W.

  • BUSH HIRED SOMEONE TO KILL

  • ROBERT BLAKE'S WIFE?

  • ( APPLAUSE ) PLEASE?

  • MAY WE SEE YOUR DIGITAL PHOTOS

  • PLEASE ♪♪

  • >> Dave: I WANT YOU TO GET A

  • CONTESTANT, AND IF YOU CAN, I'D

  • LIKE TO TALK TO THE WOMAN WITH

  • THE ELECTRIC HAT.

  • >> Rupert: OKAY.

  • WE NEED HER TO HAVE PHOTOS WE

  • CAN LOOK AT FOR THE HOLIDAYS,

  • AND WE'LL VEIGH CARELY IS SHARE

  • THE FUN SHE'S HAVING FOR THE

  • HOLIDAYS.

  • >> Rupert: GREAT.

  • >> Dave: AND THEREBY INCREASE

  • OUR OWN PERSONAL FUN.

  • YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THAT WORKS,

  • RIGHT?

  • >> Rupert: YEAH.

  • >> Dave: OKAY.

  • RUPERT, ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME?

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Rupert: NO.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Dave: OKAY. DIGITAL PHOTOS

  • PLEASE.

  • MAY WE SEE YOUR DIGITAL PHOTOS

  • PLEASE ♪♪

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

  • RUPERT.

  • RUPERT, CAN YOU INTRODUCE YOUR

  • CONTESTANT THERE?

  • >> Rupert: YES, THIS IS DIANE,

  • A ANGEL.

  • >> Dave: DIANE, A ANGEL?

  • >> THAT'S ONE WORD.

  • >> Dave: IS THAT YOUR HAT

  • MAKING THAT NOISE?

  • >> THAT IS MY HAT.

  • IT ALSO PLAYS AND LIGHTS UP.

  • >> Dave: WHERE YOU FROM,

  • DIANE?

  • >> HOUSTON, WHERE IT WAS 78

  • DEGREES WHEN I LEFT.

  • >> Dave: HOWKING ABOUT THAT, 7

  • DEGREES.

  • YOU CAME TO NEW YORK CITY FOR

  • THE HOLIDAYS?

  • >> I DID, SIGHTSEEING.

  • >> Dave: FANTASTIC HERE, ISN'T

  • IT?

  • >>

  • (LAUGHS)

  • >> Dave: MA'AM, I'M GOING TO

  • HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN YOUR HAT

  • DOWN.

  • HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN TOWN?

  • >> SINCE THE WEEKEND.

  • >> Dave: HAVING A GOOD TIME?

  • >> YES.

  • LIKE YOU SAY, DAVE, NO PLACE

  • LIKE NEW YORK AT CHRISTMAS.

  • >> Dave: ABSOLUTELY.

  • HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU.

  • TELL ME ABOUT THAT HAT.

  • WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ITEM?

  • >> I BOUGHT THIS, LET'S SEE,

  • TIMES SQUARE.

  • >> Dave: UH-HUH, THAT SEEMS

  • ABOUT RIGHT.

  • AND IS IT... IT MUST BE BATTERY

  • OPERATED, IS THAT RIGHT?

  • >> IT IS BATTERY OPERATED.

  • >> Dave: OR GENERATOR.

  • I GUESS YOU COULD HAVE A

  • GENERATOR ON THERE.

  • HOW LONG DOES IT DO THAT

  • LIGHTING AND SING STUFF?

  • >> ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

  • IT JUST GETS ON YOUR NERVES.

  • >> Dave: IT WOULD PROBABLY,

  • SURE, YEAH.

  • AND WILL YOU BE TAKING IT OFF IN

  • THE NEXT FEW DAYS?

  • >> ONLY IF I WANT TO SLEEP.

  • >> Dave: QAI. WOULD IT WILL

  • ALL RIGHT IF RUPERT TRIED IT ON?

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> I THINK HE WANTS YOU TO TRY

  • IT ON, RUPERT.

  • >> Dave: IF YOU DON'T MIND,

  • DIANE, JUST FOR FUN.

  • >> SURE, TRY IT FOR RUPERT.

  • RAFT LAUGHTER

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  • >> Rupert: YOU'RE WELCOME,

  • DAVE.

  • >> Dave: ALL RIGHT, DIANE.

  • WE'RE HERE TO PLAY MAY WE SEE

  • YOUR DIGITAL PHOTO, PLEASE.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Dave: SCARED THE HELL OUT

  • OF ME, PAUL.

  • DO YOU HAVE A ALL RIGHT OF

  • DIGITAL TOENSINGS IN THERE?

  • >> DAVE

  • >> ABOUT 330 SOMETHING.

  • >> Dave: I'LL PULL UP A CHAIR.

  • YOU TAKE US THROUGH THEM AND

  • GIVE US A LITTLE NARRATIVE AS WE

  • TAKE A LOOK AND STUFF AND SEE

  • WHAT WE GOT HERE.

  • >> ALL RIGHT.

  • LET ME SEE.

  • OH, WOULDN'T YOU KNOW, IT'S GONE

  • OFF.

  • ( LAUGHTER )

  • >> Dave: YOUR BATTERIES FOR

  • THE HAT, WE COULD USE THEM.

  • >> THERE WE GO.

  • MACY'S WINDOW.

  • >> Dave: VERY NICE.

  • >> THERE'S RUPERTS RIGHT THERE.

  • >> THERE'S RUPERT'S.

  • WE'RE GOING BACK.

  • >> Dave: EVERYONE IN THE

  • AUDIENCE THINKS THAT ONE MAY BE

  • UPSIDE DOWN.

  • THAT'S TIMES SQUARE.

  • WHAT IS... YOU KNOW, I CAN'T

  • THINK STRAIGHT BECAUSE OF THAT

  • DAMN HAT.

  • (HAT PLAYS CHRISTMAS MUSIC)

  • >> IT IS ANNOYING, ISN'T IT?

  • NO ONE SLEEPS AROUND ME, THAT'S

  • FOR SURE.

  • ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> Dave: OKAY.

  • WELL, THAT'S PLENTY.

  • WE GET THE IDEA.

  • AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR

  • APPEARING IN MAY WE SEE YOUR

  • DIGITAL PHOTO, PLEASE.

  • WHAT DO WE HAVE FOR HER, GIRLS?

  • >> OH, WONDERFUL.

  • >> Dave: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DELI

  • PLATTER FROM RUPERT JEE'S.

  • WHAT WITH WERE WE PLAYING FOR

  • TONIGHT?

  • >> Alan: DAVE, WE WERE PLAYING

  • FOR A BRAND-NEW KOREA SPECTRA.

  • BACK TO DAVE.

  • >> Dave: HAVE FUN, DIANE.

  • BE CAREFUL.

  • SAY HELLO TO THE FOLKS BACK IN

  • HOUSTON.

  • >> THANK YOU, DAVE, SO MUCH.

  • >> Dave: THERE YOU GO, LADIES

  • AND GENTLEMEN.

  • DE

  • THE CATEGORY: TOP TEN SIGNS

  • YOUR NOT THE MOST POPULAR SIGNS

  • IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL.

  • PAUL, WERE YOU THE MOST POPULAR

  • GUY IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL?

  • >> Paul: PLEASE, FAR FROM IT.

  • >> Dave: ME NEITHER.

  • NEVER BEEN VERY POPULAR ANYWHERE

  • I GO

  • >> Paul: SAME HERE.

  • >> Dave: TOP TEN SIGN YOURSELF

  • NOT NOSE POPULAR GUY IN HIGH

  • SCHOOL.

  • HERE NOW TO PRESENT TONIGHT'S

  • TOP TEN LIST, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

  • HERE HE IS.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )