>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M 6' 2."

♪♪[BACKGROUND MUSIC]♪♪♪

[ Applause and cheering ]

>> Dave: I'M SO HAPPY YOU FOLKS

ARE HERE TONIGHT.

YOU SEEM LIKE A WONDERFUL

AUDIENCE, AND LAST NIGHT'S

CROWD, OH, THEY WERE HORRIBLE.

AND I HATE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE

WHEN THEY'RE NOT HERE, BUT FIST

FIGHTS, HONEST TO GOD, FIST

FIGHTS BROKE OUT.

THEY WERE UPSET WHEN THEY

REALIZED OPRAH WASN'T GIVING

AWAY CARS.

SO UPSET.

( Cheers and applause )IT

PROVES WE'RE WINNING THE WAR ON

EVER GREENS.

.

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: I WEIGH 180.

( Laug

( Laughter )

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING

TO GO TO THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT

TO PLAY AMERICA'S FASTEST

GROWING QUIZ SENSATION, KNOW

YOUR CURRENT EVENTS -- NO, WAIT

A MINUTE, I'M NERVOUS BECAUSE A

GUY FROM SEATTLE WANTED TO KNOW

HOW TALL I WAS.

I'M THINKING I'LL GO OUT THERE

AND HE MAY COLD-COCK ME.

IT IS TIME TO PLAY THE FASTEST

GROWING QUIZ SENSATION, KNOW

YOUR CURRENT EVENTS.

♪♪ KNOW, KNOW, KNOW, KNOW♪♪

♪♪ KNOW, KNOW, KNOW, KNOW♪♪

♪♪ KNOW, KNOW, KNOW, KNOW♪♪

>> Dave: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,

YEAH, YEAH!!

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: LET'S GO, LET'S PLAY.

LEGISLATOR

>> Dave: WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SIR?

>> KEVIN.

>> Dave: YOU'RE FROM SEATTLE,

RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> Dave: HOW TALL ARE YOU?

>> 6' 5."

>> Dave: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN SEATTLE?

>> I'M A STUDENT.

>> Dave: WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING?

>> POLITICAL SCIENCE.

>> Dave: AND WHEN YOU GET OUT,

YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT?

>> GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: HOW DO YOU LIKE NEW

YORK CITY?

>> IT IS FUN.

WARM.

>> Dave: SEATTLE IS BEAUTIFUL.

>> YEAH.

>> Dave: WHAT ABOUT THE

SEAHAWKS.

THEY BEAT THE GIANTS.

THAT WAS UGLY.

>> YEAH.

WE'LL TAKE IT, THOUGH.

>> Dave: YOU'RE HAPPY WITH THE

WAY THAT CAME, A GUY BLOWS

THREE EASY FIELD GOALS, AND YOU

GUYS WIN?

>> WE'LL TAKE IT.

>> Dave: WE'RE PLAYING KNOW

YOUR CURRENT EVENTS.

I'LL ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS AND

YOU LOOK AT THING AND HERE WE

GO: WHAT DID OPRAH DO

YESTERDAY, THERE IS OPRAH RIGHT

THERE.

WHAT DID OPRAH DO YESTERDAY?

THINK ABOUT THAT.

WHAT DID OPRAH DO YESTERDAY.

SHE WAS ON THE SHOW YESTERDAY,

RIGHT HERE ON OUR SHOW.

( Laughter )

WHAT DID OPRAH DO YESTERDAY?

>> SHE ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION?

>> Dave: NO.

SHE BEGAN A NEW 20-YEAR STREAK

OF HATING MY GUTS.

LOVELY WOMAN.

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: DO YOU LIKE BEING 6'

5."

>> YEAH, I ENJOY IT

>> Dave: I WOULD LIKE TO 6' 5."

YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT ME OR

ANYTHING?

>> NO.

>> Dave: HOW DO WE KNOW IT WAS

NICK, NOT JESSICA WHO FILED FOR

DIVORCE.

THIS IS SAD NEWS, JESSICA

SIMPSON AND NICK LACHEY, HOW

DO WE KNOW IT WAS NICK, AND NOT

JESSICA, CITING IRRECONCILABLE

DIFFERENCES?

IT IS A TOUGH ONE.

YOU'RE LIKE THE REST OF US,

YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE DEALING

WITH YOUR GRIEF.

BECAUSE SHE

>> Dave: MY FRIEND, VICKI, HI,

VICKI, HOW IS IT GOING

>> HOW WAS YOUR THANKSGIVING?

>> Dave: I HAD A GREAT

THANKSGIVING.

I DROVE UP TO MAINE TO VISIT MY

AUNT, IT WAS A LOVELY TIME.

>> BANGOR?

THE

( Laughter )

>> Dave: OF COURSE NOT.

IT WAS MY ELDERLY AUNT.

BANGOR, OF COURSE NOT, SHE IS

ALMOST 90.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF

YOURSELF. THE

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

>> I AM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER.

>> Dave: WHAT GRADE DO YOU

TEACH?

>> JUNIORS AND SENIORS.

>> Dave: AND YOU'RE IN THE

CRADLE OF HISTORY IN NEW

ENGLAND , THEY LOVE THAT?

>> THEY DON'T CARE.

>> Dave: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE

PART OF THE AMERICAN HISTORY?

>> THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION AND

THE AMERICAN WAR.

>> Dave: DID YOU EVER COVER THE

TIME WHEN I

>> Dave: AND THAT PART OF THE

STATE YOU DIDN'T SUFFER ANY OF

THE RAVAGES OF THE HURRICANE?

>> WE DID NOT.

>> Dave: YOU'RE BLESSED.

WHAT DO YOU DO DOWN THERE?

>> I HAVE A GIFT SHOP.

WE SELL HOME ACCESSORIES.

>> Dave: WHAT IS AN ACCESSORY?

>> LAMPS, AND GIFTS AND ITEMS.

>> Dave: IS IT NEW OR ANTIQUE?

>> NO, IT IS NEW.

>> Dave: TELL ME, WHEN YOU BUY

A LAMP OR SOMETHING FROM A

SUPPLIER, WHAT MARKUP ARE WE

TALKING ABOUT?

WHEN I GO INTO YOUR STORE AND I

SEE A LAMP, IT MIGHT BE $100

FOR A LAMP.

>> TRUE.

>> Dave: WHAT ARE YOU PAYING

FOR THAT LAMP?

>> ABOUT $50.

>> Dave: SO IT IS LIKE DOUBLE?

>> 100%.

>> Dave: SO YOU'RE REALLY DOING

QUITE WELL, AREN'T YOU?

EVEN DOUBLING THE PRICE YOU'RE

NOT DOING WELL.

IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO COVER THE

OVERHEAD.

>> WE LIVE IN A DIFFERENT AREA

THAN NEW YORK CITY.

>> Dave: WHAT IS THE MOST

POPULAR ITEM THERE?

>> PROBABLY BRIDAL GIFTS, CHINA.

>> Dave: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE

A NICE ITEM, A SET OF MY

DISHWARE WITH MY FACE ON THE

IMPLICATES.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED.

SOME WITH PAUL AND THE BAND AND

THE DESSERT PLATES?

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: THANK YOU.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN NEW

YORK, HAVING FUN?

>> WE'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME.

>> Dave: DO YOU COME HERE A LOT?

>> NO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.

>> Dave: I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE

AND YOU CAME AT A NICE TIME OF

THE YEAR.

LET'S PLAY KNOW YOUR CURRENT

EVENTS.

GEORGE W. BUSH IS SAID TO SEE

HIS RATINGS STILL STUCK AT 39.

WHAT RATING ARE WE TALKING

ABOUT?

WHAT RATING, GWYNN ARE WE

TALKING ABOUT?

>> POPULARITY?

MET HIM, BUT I'M GUESSING HE'S

BEEN STEPPED ON, KICKED, HAD

HIS LOUNGS PUNCTURED, BECAUSE

WHEN YOU SEE HIM, IT IS LIKE

STRAPPING YOURSELF ON TO LIKE A

CRAZY HORSE.

>> Paul: A HORSE, YEAH.

>> Dave: THEN GO HUTS.

FIVE-TIME WORLD CHAMPION.

>> Paul: I WONDER IF THEY PUT A

BUR UNDER THE SADDLE?

>> Dave: I THINK THAT IS

ILLEGAL.

IT IS BUCKING HORSES AND A

SPECIAL BUCKING BELT THAT THE

HORSE WEARS.

>> Paul: THE HORSE WEARS A

BUCKING BELT?

>> Dave: YEAH, TO KEEP UP HIS

BUCKING PANTS.

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: NIGHT AFTER NIGHT

AFTER NIGHT.

WE MET DURING -- KNOW YOUR

CURRENT EVENTS, WE MET A LOVELY

WOMAN FROM MISSISSIPPI WHO HAS

A GIFT SHOP, AND I WAS THINKING

MAYBE THIS WOULD BE PERFECT:

THIS IS A CHRISTMAS TREE LIKE A

LED GRASS STAINED GLASS --

>> Paul: THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

>> Dave: OF ME.

( Cheers and applause )

>> Paul: THAT'S GLASS -- WHAT

DOES THAT COST?

>> Dave: $2500.

>> Paul: IS THAT WHOLESALE OR

RETAIL?

>> Dave: SHE'LL GET THIS WHEN

SHE SELLS THIS.

>> Paul: THAT'S RETAIL PRICE.

>> Dave: THIS IS RETAIL.

IT WILL BE A VERY POPULAR ITEM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

$2500, RIGHT THERE.

THERE IS NO OVERHEAD.

>> Paul: SHE IS GETTING IT FOR

FREE.

( Cheers and applause )

>> Dave: SHE'LL GET TO KEEP ALL

OF THAT.

>> Paul: 2500 PERCENT MARKUP.

>> Dave: THEY'LL BE LINING

AROUND THE BLOCK WHEN SHE PUTS

THAT IN THE WINDOW.

LAST NIGHT SOMETHING WONDERFUL

HAPPENED, OPRAH WINFREY WAS ON

THE PROGRAM.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THAT?

>> Paul: JUST LAST NIGHT.

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL -- WHAT DID

WE USE TO CALL IT, A CAROSEL OF

LOVE.

IT WAS THE SUPER BOWL OF LOVE.

>> Dave: NOW THE NETWORK, CBS

IS ALL OVER IT.

>> Paul: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> Dave: THIS IS WHAT THE

NETWORK IS RUNNING.

SHE HASN'T BEEN ON THE SHOW FOR

16 YEARS.

>> Announcer: AMERICA IS

TALKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S LATE

SHOW WITH VERY SPECIAL GUEST,

OPRAH WINFREY.

DON'T MISS OPRAH'S NEXT LATE

SHOW APPEARANCE IN 2021.

( Cheers and applause )eers and)

>> Dave: TONIGHT'S TOP TEN LIST

IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

SPIT-ROASTED MEATS, AMERICA'S

FAVORITE MEAT, ROASTED TREATS

SINCE THE DISCOVERY OF FIRE.

HEY, MOM, SPIT ROASTED MAKES IT

MORE FLAVORABLE AND NUTRITIOUS,

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WHY NOT

TREAT YOUR FAMILY TO

SPIT-ROASTED MEATS.

YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID.

>> Dave: (laughing) OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW.

( Cheers and applause )