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( BAND PLAYING
"LATE SHOW" THEME )
>> FROM NEW YORK,
THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORL,
IT'S THE "LATE SHOW" WITH
DAVID LETTERMAN.
TONIGHT...
PLUS PAUL SHAFFER AND THE
CBS ORCHESTRA.
AND NOW, MILLIONAIRE GERM
FREAK, DAVID LETTERMAN!
Captioning sponsored by
WORLDWIDE PANTS and CBS
IT'S PROBABLY JUST AS WELL
THAT FELL THROUGH BECAUSE IT
WAS A VERY COMPLICATED DEAL,
IT WOULD HAVE ACCEPT RANDY
JOHNSON TO THE YANKEES, THREE
PITCHERS TO ARIZONA, AND ME TO
THE TONIGHT SHOW.TMAS
MORNING AND FINDS A SPREELS
UNDER BILL.
A A SURPRISE UNDER BILL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
WELCOME TO 700 DAYS.
FOR THE NEXT 90 MINUTES I'M
GOING TO TELL YOU SOME STORIES
ABOUT MY LIFE AND MY FAMILY
THAT I THINK WILL BE AMUSING --.
>> Dave: BILLY, HI.
HI, BILLY.
>> DAVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
>> Dave: IT THINK YOU'RE ON
THE WRONG THEATER.
>> OH, I WAS WONDERING WHY I
WAS FREEZING MY ASS OFF.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: I THINK YOU'RE
ACTUALLY DOWN THE STREET.
>> WE'RE ON 44th STREET, WHICH
BRINGS UP A POINT DAVE, THAT'S
EXACTLY WHY I CAME HERE.
BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I WAS
HERE, I PERSONALLY INVITED YOU,
AND HIM, I FORGOT HIS NAME, TO
MY OPENING NIGHT, AND YOU SAID
YOU WERE GOING TO COME, DID
YOU SAY THAT DIDN'T YOU?
>> Dave: YES, DAY, DAY SAY
THAT.
>> AND DID YOU COME TO THE
SHOW?
>> Dave: NO.
>> NO, WHAT.
>> Dave: NO, I DIDN'T COME TO
YOUR SHOW.
>> AND ARE YOU GOING TO COME
TO THE SHOW?
>> Dave: YES, YES, I AM.
>> WILL YOU BRING HIM?
>> Dave: PAUL AND I WILL BE
THERE.
>> AND WHAT IS THE SHOW CALL?
>> Dave: BROADWAY BILLY'S
BROADWAY BIG TOP.
>> ALWAYS SO WITTY.
DID YOUR WRITERS WORK ON THAT
WITH YOU?
>> Dave: WELL, I CAME UP WITH
PART OF IT.
>> AND THE OTHER 12 DIVIDES
GOT THE REST OF IT.
>> Dave: THAT'S RIGHT, HI A
LITTLE HELP SURE.
>> DAVE, THE CALLED THE SHOW
IS CALLED 700 SUNDAYS.
>> Dave: SURE.
700 SUNDAYS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK
HERE AGAIN.
>> Dave: NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT,
NO, SIR.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: BILLY CRYSTAL!
HOW ABOUT THAT BILLY CRYSTAL.
>> Paul: YEAH.
>> Dave: VERY NICE OF BILLY TO
STOP BY, AND HE'S DOING HIS
PROGRAM AND IT'S SOLD OUT FOR
THE NEXT NINE YEARS OR HOWEVER
LONG THE RUN IS.
IT'S GOTTEN FANTASTIC REVIEWS
AND IT'S LIKE A ONE-MAN SHOW.
IT'S BILLY'S LIFE AND PEOPLE
LOVE IT.
WHEN HE WAS HERE BEFORE THE
THING OPENED, YOU AND I SAID
OF COURSE WE'LL BE THERE ON
OPENING NIGHT.
>> Paul: WE PROMISED HIM.
>> Dave: WE COULDN'T BE THERE
OPENING NIGHT.
WE HAD THINGS GOING ON.
I WAS OUT OF TOWN.
>> Paul: AND I WANTED TO WAIT
UNTIL YOU COULD COME.
>> Dave: BUT THE DEAL IS WE'RE
GOING FIRST OF THE YEAR.
WHEN WE'RE BACK AND READY TO
GO WE'LL BE OVER TO THE SHOW.
>> Paul: WE CAN'T VIEW THIS UP
THIS TIME, WE GOTTA SHOW UP.
>> Dave: NO, BECAUSE I DON'T
WANT HIM WALKING IN HERE ANY
MORE.
BUT HOW ABOUT THAT LITTLE SKIT
WITH BILLY CRYSTAL RIGHT OFF
THE BAT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Paul: HE'S THE KING OF
BROADWAY, HE'S ABSOLUTELY THE
KING.
>> Dave: IT'S AT THE BROAD
HURST THEATER, WEST 44th
STREET, OPENED DECEMBER 5th,
ONE EVERY YEAR.
>> Dave: IT'S VERY CLOSE TO
CHRISTMAS, AND WE TRY TO DO
SOMETHING FESTIVE EACH DAY AS
WE GET CLOSER TO THE HOLIDAY,
AND TONIGHT I DON'T THINK
WE'VE DONE THIS IN A LONG
TIME.
IT'S SOMETHING CALLED THE LATE
SHOW NOG CAM.
NOG CAM.
ARE YOU READY FOR THE NOG CAM?
TURN IT ON, HERE IT IS.
( APPLAUSE )
>> THANKS, DAVE.
>> Dave: NOG.
LOOK AT THAT.
LATE SHOW NOG CAM.
THANKS, DAVE.
DAVE DORSET BY THE WAY, BEEN
WITH CBS 39 YEARS, THAT MAN
RIGHT THERE, CELEBRATING HIS
39th ANNIVERSARY WITH CBS.
( APPLAUSE )
CAN WE JUST LEAVE THAT IN
THERE LIKE THAT, DAVE?
>> WE COULD TAKE IT OUT IF
YOU'D LIKE.
>> Dave: LET'S LEAVE IT IN FOR
A WHILE AND SEE HOW TIRED WE
GROW OF IT.
I DON'T WANT TO CHASE PEOPLE
AWAY UNNECESSARILY, BUT IT'S
KIND OF NICE TO HAVE IT THERE,
DON'T YOU THINK?
>> Paul: YEAH.
>> Dave: ALL RIGHT.
HAVE YOU SEEN THESE...
( LAUGHTER )
SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE TV!
I LIKE THAT.
REMEMBER THEY USED TO HAVE
BEER COMMERCIALS AND THEY
WOULD USE JOHN WAYNE, THEY
WOULD GET JOHN WAYNE, OLD JOHN
WAYNE MOVIES AND HE WOULD BE
IN BEER COMMERCIALS, WOULDN'T
BE THE REAL JOHN WAYNE BECAUSE
HE HAD PASSED AWAY, BUT THEY'D
GET HIS WORK IN FILM AND PUT
IT IN A BEER COMMERCIAL.
NOW THEY'VE DONE THE SAME
THING WITH STEVE McQUEEN, HE
COMES OUT OF A CORN FIELD AND
HOPS IN A BRAND NEW FORD
MUSTANG AND HE E DRIVES LIKE
HE DROVE THE CAR IN BULLETS,
THE BIG CHASE SCENE.
SO THEY USE THESE LATE DEAD
MOVIE STARS, AND NOW, I DON'T
KNOW IF I SHOULD BE UPSET OR
FLATTERED BY THIS.
WELL, SOME THINGS HAPPEN AND I
JUST SAW IT THE OTHER DAY, AND
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT
IT.
>> Paul: REALLY?
>> Dave: I DON'T KNOW IF THE
NORTH OG CAM IS GOING TO
INTERFERE.
THIS SHOULD BE ALL RIGHT.
WATCH. THIS.
>> IF YOUR RELAXING MOMENT
TURNS INTO THE RIGHT MOMENT,
WILL YOU BE READY?
INTRODUCING CIALIS, THE FIRST
TABLET FOR ERECTILE
DYSFUNCTION THAT GIVES YOU UP
TO 36 HOURS...
( APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: NOW, THE DIFFERENCE
THERE IS OF COURSE I'M NOT
DEAD.
I'M NOT DEAD.
BUT IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.
>> Paul: OH, RIGHT.
>> Dave: FIRST OF ALL, THERE
WAS THE TROUBLE WITH THE
VIOXX.
I CAN REMEMBER LIKE YEARS AND
YEARS AGO, OH NO NO TAKE THE
VIOXX, THEY SAID NO, YOU
BETTER NOT TAKE THE VIOXX
BECAUSE YOU'LL JUST DROP DEAD
ONE DAY, THEN IT WAS CELEBREX
AND EVERYBODY SAID TAKE THE
CELEBREX IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE
VIOXX, NO NO NO, THAT STUFF
WILL KILL YOU NOW TOO MUCH SO
BECAUSE OF ALL THE PROBLEMS,
THEY SAID WELL HOW ABOUT A
NONPRESCRIPTION, TRY THE
ALEVE.
NO NO.
SO BECAUSE ALL OF THESE
MEDICINES THAT WE CAN'T TAKE,
HERE IS A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM THE F.D.A..
WATCH THIS.
>> DUE TO THE NEWLY DISCOVERED
RISKS ASSOCIATED WITH VARIOUS
MEDICATIONS, THE F.D.A. NOW
RECOMMENDS THAT AMERICANS WITH
ANY ILLNESS OR JURY SIMPLY LIE
DOWN AND TRY TO EVENTUALLY GET
BETTER WITHOUT MEDICINE.
A COOL WASH CLOTH MAY BE
PLACED ON THE FOREHEAD.
GOOD LUCK, AMERICA.
A MESSAGE FROM THE F.D.A..
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: PUT A LITTLE MORE IN
THERE, DAVE.
ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOOD.
( APPLAUSE )
EVERY DUMB GUY IN AMERICA IS
AT HOME DOING THIS TO HIS SET.
( LAUGHTER )
LOOK WHAT I HAVE HERE, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, SOME BRAND NEW
HOLIDAY GREETING CARDS!
( APPLAUSE )
♪ HOLIDAY GREETING CARDS ♪.
HOLIDAY CARDS.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Paul: THIS I GOTTA SEE.
YOU COULD PUT THE CARD UP IN
THAT, IN THE UPPER LEFT.
>> Dave: OH, THIS CAMERA DOES
NOT HAVE THE NOG CAM.
WE'RE SAVED.
OH, THANK GOD.
HOLIDAY CARDS, HERE'S OUR
FIRST CARD, I WENT DOWN TO THE
BOUGHT A FISTFUL OF CARDS,
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SUCH
THESE.
THIS ONE SAYS
( APPLAUSE )
THIS, BY THE WAY, THIS
TECHNOLOGY RIGHT HEREIES THE
TREFS WORLD IS ENVIOUS OF US.
THINGS LIKE THE NOG CAM.
THIS IS WHY WE'RE HATED AROUND
THE WORLD.
THEY DON'T HAVE THE KIND OF
BRAIN POWER IT TAKES TO COME
UP WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
AND THEY SEE THAT WE'RE HAVING
ALL THE FUN IN THE WORLD AND
THEY RESENT THAT. NARROW
MINDED, DOESN'T IT?
( APPLAUSE )
GOT ANY MORE NOG, DAVE?
ALL RIGHT, TOP IT OFF.
A SHRILL SPLASH.
DAVE, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC BY THE
WAY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Dave: OH, WAIT A MICHIGAN,
YOU'VE GONE CRAZY!
YOU STARTED OUT 39 YEARS AGO
TO GET THE CAMERAS TO WORK YOU
WOULD HAVE TO DO THAT
PERIODICALLY, WOULD YOU HAVE
TO FORCE SOMETHING A INTO THE
LENS, EXACTLY.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S A CARD.
LOOK AT THIS ONE, PAUL.
FELL IS AND A HALF I DAD, TO
THE BEST ILLEGAL HOUSE KEEPER
A FAMILY COULD ASK FOR.
I KIND OF LIKE. THIS IT'S A
LOVELY SENTIMENT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, RABBI.
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, IS
THERE?
( APPLAUSE )
>> Paul: THAT'S NICE.
>> Dave: AND FINALLY, HOW
ABOUT THIS ONE.
RON ARTEST HAS KICKED A DRUNK
FAN'S ASS IN YOUR NAME.
( APPLAUSE )
♪ HOLIDAY, HOLIDAY CARDS ♪.
>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
PAUL.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO USE
THIS OTHER ONE, BECAUSE WE'VE
MONKEYED UP THE -- WOULD IT BE
TOO MUCH TROUBLE FOR YOU TO
SKAUT UNDER A DIFFERENT CAMERA
TONIGHT?
KRISTIN JOHNSTON IS ON THE
PROGRAM AND TOM DREESEN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TONIGHT TPS TOP TEN LIST,
EVERYBODY.
>> Dave: KRISTEN JOHNSTON IS
BACK WITH US ON THE PROGRAM
AND ALSO OUR GOOD FRIEND TOM
DREESEN.
YOU'RE GOING TO THINK I'M
STUPID, I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE
EVER HAD EGG NOG.
THERE'S SOME KIND OF
DISSTILLED SPIRITS GO INTO IT,
DOESN'T IT.
DISSPILLED SPIRITS.
>> Paul: ARE YOU SURE YOU
DIDN'T HAVE SOMETHING --.
>> Dave: I WISH TO GOD I WAS
STILL DRINKING.
RIGHT AWAY I'M SUSPICIOUS
BECAUSE IT'S MADE BY THE LAND
OF LAKES PEOPLE, AND I THINK
TO MYSELF WHAL THAT DO THEY
KNOW ABOUT EGG NOG, ARM THEY
THE BUTTER FOLKS?
SO NORMALLY YOU WOULD TAKE
THIS AND WHAT WOULD YOU ADD TO
IT, RUM.
>> Paul: YOU'D ADD RUM.
YOU'D PUT IN MOSTLY RUM AND
TOP IT OFF WITH A LITTLE
EGGNOG.
>> Dave: IS IT ALL RIGHT TO
DRINK IT THIS WAY?
THERE'S NO RUM IN IT.
>> Paul: IT'S DELICIOUS STUFF.
>> Dave: SO THERE'S NO NOG IN
THIS, IT'S JUST EGG.
>> Paul: I SUPPOSE.
UH-OH!
>> Dave: MAN, THAT WAS SMOOTH.
( APPLAUSE )
I'M TELLING YOU, THIS WOULD BE
GREAT WITH RUM, BUT THEN AGAIN
WHAT WOULDN'T, FOR GOD'S
SAKES! APPLAUSE )
THE HOLIDAY SEASON, I WISH I
COULD DRINK.
I USED TO DRINK FOR YEARS AND
YEARS AND HAD TO QUIT BECAUSE
MY LIVER WAS THE SIDE OF AN IS
YOU SUE.
BUT THE TROUBLE IS I'D HAVE
THIS.
>> Paul: I GOT MY FINGERS
CROSSED TONIGHT IT WILL BE A
BIG HIT TOO.
>> Dave: PLEASE WELCOME THE
LATE SHOW CAROLERS, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
( APPLAUSE )
THE CATEGORY AGAIN, LEAST
POPULAR, LEAST POPULAR, THESE
ARE NOT POPULAR CHRISTMAS
CAROLS.
HERE WE GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GOD BLESS YOU, MARTHA.
NOW, THE NUMBER ONE LEAST
POPULAR CHRISTMAS CAROL.
THERE YOU GO.
OUR LATE SHOW CAROLERS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT WAS LOVELY, PAUL, AS
ALWAYS.
>> Paul: I HOPE IT WAS AS BIG
A HIT THIS YEAR, AS, YOU KNOW,
THEY HATE US FOR EVERY YEAR,
THE OTHER, THERE'S
SOMETHING EXTRA SPECIAL.
>> IT'S THE BEST.
IT'S THE BEST PLACE IN THE
WORLD TO BE FOR CHRISTMAS,
EXCEPT IF YOU WERE TO GET
MUGGED.
WHICH ACTUALLY DID HAPPEN TO
ME.
YEAH, A FEW YEARS AGO.
>> Dave: OH, MY GOD.
>> IT WAS INITIALLY VERY
TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE, BUT
NOW I FOUND IT A REALLY KIND
OF HEART WARMING HOLIDAY
ANECDOTE.
>> Dave: DO YOU MIND SHARING
IT?
>> I'D LOW LOVE TO. IT WAS FEW
YEARS AGO, I DON'T KNOW IF
THIS HAS HAPPENED TO YOU NO
NEW YORK, PEOPLE IN NEW YORK
SOMETIMES THINK IT'S FUNNY TO
PRETEND TO MUG YOU LIKE OH, I
WAS JUST KIDDING I WENT TO
COLLEGE WITH YOU.
SOMEHOW IT'S NOT THAT AMUSING.
ANYWAY I WAS COMING HOME FROM
A KRAERS PARTY AT 10:30, I
HEARD THIS VOICE BEHIND ME SAY
GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY, I WAS
LIKE THAT IS NOT FUNNY.
I TURNED AROUND AND REALIZED I
DIDN'T KNOW WHO IT WAS.
AND THIS GUY GOES, OH, MY GOD
YOU'RE THAT LADY FROM THAT TV
SHOW.
AND THEN PROCEEDED TO MUG ME.
>> Dave: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
SITE WAS SORT OF THE DOUBLE
HUMILIATION OF ACTUALLY HE DID
RECOGNIZE ME, AND STILL WANTED
TO TORMENT ME.
>> Dave: WHEN YOU SAY MUGGING,
WHAT WAS THAT PROCESS LIKE,
DID HE HURT YOU?
HOW DID HE GET MONEY FROM YOU?
>> THAT IS WHAT PREVENTS IT
FROM BEING AS HEART WARMING AN
ANECDOTE AS I WANTED.
HE THREW ME ON THE GROUND,
TOOK MY MONEY.
BUT ABOUT THREE WEEKS LATER
THIS COP CALLS ME AND HE
SOUNDS LITERALLY LIKE THE NYPD
COP.
I WAS LIKE I LIKE THIS GUY, SO
I CAME DOWNTOWN AND THEY DID
THE LINEUP.
AND I PICKED HIM OUT, BECAUSE
KEEN OBSERVATION POWERS.
E WRM TO A GRAND JURY AND HE
WAS CONVICTED.
JUST A GOOD HOLIDAY STORY.
>> Dave: YES IT IS.
>> I LIKE TO TELL IT AS OFTEN
AS I CAN.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: THAT'S A VERY
FRIGHTENING THING, THOUGH.
>> IT IS.
>> Dave: AND I GUESS IT WOULD
TAKE YOU A WHILE TO KIND OF
SETTLE DOWN AFTER AN EPISODE
LIKE THAT.
>> YES.
>> Dave: BECAUSE THE ASSAULT,
AND WHAT THAT COULD HAVE LED
TO IS REALLY BEYOND --
>> YEAH, IT IS SCARY.
THE WEIRDEST THING WAS A FEW
DAYS LATER WALKING DOWN THE
STREET I WAS STILL SO SHAKEN
UP THAT A DOG BARKED AT ME
BECAUSE I THINK HE COULD TELL
THAT I WAS WALKING AROUND IN
FEAR.
BUT NOW I'M OVER IT.
>> Dave: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
PAUL SHAFFER AND THE CBS
HOLIDAY STRINGS.
PAUL AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT THIS IDEA FOR A LONG
TIME.
THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW, HOW
MANY OF YOU FOLKS WATCH THE
OPRAH WINFREY SHOW?
( APPLAUSE )
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
GIVEN A CAR BY OPRAH WINFREY,
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE RECEIVED
A CAR FROM OPRAH WINFREY?
GREAT.
OPRAH DID SD THIS PROGRAM
EVERY AFTERNOON AND SHE HAS
BIG BIG STARS ON, CAN AND THEY
TALK ALL MANNER OF THINGS THAT
BIG STARS LIKE TO TALK ABOUT,
THEN WHEN THE PROGRAM IS DONE
THEY HAVE AN AFTER SHOW
PROGRAM.
THAT YOU DON'T GET TO SEE
EXCEPT FOR, HAVE YOU TO DIAL
IT UP ON THE OXYGEN NETWORK,
AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I
DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO THAT.
BUT IT'S OPRAH'S AFTER SHOW.
SO YOU GET TO SEE EVEN MORE OF
OPRAH.
( LAUGHTER )
SO WHEN I TOLD THIS TO PAUL,
HE LOVED THE IDEA, AND YOU
BEGGED ME, YOU SAID, DAVE,
LET'S DO AN AFTER SHOW LATE
SHOW.
WHERE YOU GET TO SEE -- YEAH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND THE AUDIENCE CAN STAY THEY
WANT TO STAY, THEY CAN GO IF
DAY WANT TO GO.
IT'S VERY INFORMAL, VERY
CASUAL, AND YOU GET THE REAL
FLAVOR OF WHAT GOES ON HERE
AFTER THE SHOW.
>> Paul: THAT'S WHAT I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED.
>> Dave: SO WE'RE GOING TO
GIVE YOU A SAMPLE OF OUR FIRST
ONE TONIGHT.
HERE IT IS, THE LATE SHOW
AFTER SHOW SHOW.
( LAUGHTER )
WE'RE GOING, WE HAVE LITTLE
FINE TUNING.
.
>> AND I'D GO TO MIDNIGHT
MASS.
>> Dave: THAT'S A LOVELY
TRADITION, MIDNIGHT MASS.
>> AND I STILL DO IT EVERY
YEAR.
I ALSO, I FEED THE HOMELESS,
ALL THE COMEDIANS IN LOS
ANGELES WE FEED THE COMEDIANS.
( LAUGHTER )
WHICH BY THE WAY --.
>> Dave: THE HOMELESS PEOPLE
PUT OUT A NICE VED FOR THE
COMICS, THAT'S A GOOD THING.
>> FIVE MENTION SOMETHING LIKE,
YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE FEEDING
US, WE'RE NOT WORKING THAT
MUCH.
BUT EVERY YEAR THE COMEDIANS
PERFORM FOR HOMELESS AND WE
ALSO FEED THEM.
AND IT WAS VERY FUNNY, LAST
YEAR PAUL MOONEY, YOU REMEMBER
PAUL MOONEY,, WE WERE FEEDING
PEOPLE, AND TWO HOMELESS GUYS
GOT TO THE END OF THE LINE AND
ONE LOOKED AT THE OTHER ONE
AND SAID THEY HAD BIGGER NAMES
HERE LAST YEAR.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Dave: WELL...
>> BUT.
>> Dave: YOU STILL GOING TO
THE MIDNIGHT MASS, HAVE YOU
NOTICED SINCE YOU WERE A KID,
PROBABLY ALTAR BOYS?
>> YEAH, I WAS AN ALTAR BOY.
>> Dave: HAS THE CHURCH
CHANGED?
WE KNOW IN PRACTICAL WAYS IT'S
CHANGED.
>> EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH
DIFFERENT.
WE DID THE MASS IN LATIN, THEY
DON'T DO THAT ANY MORE.
WHEN I WAS A KID YOU WERE NOT
ALLOWED AS A CATHOLIC, YOU
WERE NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO ANY
BUT TODAY NOT ONLY THAT DO
THEY NOT MIND, THEY ALSO ASK
YOU IF YOU'D BRING OTHER --