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  • HEY, YOU GUYS, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ELECTION FOR A SECOND?

  • I KNOW, AS THE LATE SHOW HOST, I HAVE HUGE RESPONSIBILITIES.

  • AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVE JEB BUSH ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, I PROMISE

  • YOU THAT, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE MEDIA, I WILL BE COVERING

  • ALL OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES, WHO ARE....

  • DONALD TRUMP. AND DONALD-- NO, NO, PLEASE, LET

  • IT GO. WE ALL LOVE HIM.

  • AND DONALD "THE TRUMP" IS AT IT AGAIN.

  • AND DONALD "THE TRUMP" IS AT IT AGAIN.

  • THIS TIME, HE MADE NEWS WITH WHAT CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH AND

  • WHAT GOES IN IT. >> THE OTHER DAY, NABISCO--

  • NABISCO. OREOS, RIGHT?

  • OREOS. I LOVE OREOS.

  • I'LL NEVER EAT THEM AGAIN, OKAY? I'LL NEVER EAT THEM AGAIN.

  • NO, NABISCO CLOSES A PLANT, THEY JUST ANNOUNCED A COUPLE OF DAYS

  • AGO, IN CHICAGO, AND THEY'RE MOVING THE PLANT TO MEXICO.

  • NOW, WHY? WHY?

  • >> I'M NEVER EATING OREOS AGAIN. EVER, EVER.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, DONALD TRUMP IS SWEARING OFF OREOS.

  • HE CLAIMS MEXICO IS TAKING OUR ECONOMY, RIPPING IT IN TWO,

  • SCRAPING OUT THE CREAMY CENTER AND THEN DUNKING IT IN MILK!

  • SO GOOD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • I'VE LOST TRACK OF THE METAPHOR. LET'S SAY THE MILK IS CHINA.

  • NOW, I'M NOT SURPRISED TRUMP IS WILLING TO STAND UP TO BIG

  • COOKIE. HE'S THE ONLY CANDIDATE BRAVE

  • ENOUGH TO DEPORT THE KEEBLER ELVES.

  • "HEY, TREE FREAKS! GET YOUR FILTHY FUDGY FINGERS

  • OFF OUR JOBS!" OF COURSE, TRUMP'S ANTI-OREO

  • STANCE PUTS OTHER REPUBLICANS IN A TOUGH SPOT.

  • HE'S FORCING THEM TO DECIDE BETWEEN ALIENATING LATINO VOTERS

  • AND EATING A HYDROX. ( LAUGHTER )

  • JIMMY, PLEASE. A FAMILY SHOW.

  • TAKE IT DOWN. ONE IS ENOUGH.

  • THAT IS THAT IS THE ONLY TRUMP STORY

  • I'LL BE TREATING MYSELF TO TONIGHT.

  • WELL, MAYBE JUST ONE MORE. >> THE QUESTION IS, HOW ARE YOU

  • GOING TO BUILD A 1,900-MILE WALL?

  • >> VERY EASY. I'M A BUILDER.

  • THAT'S EASY. I BUILD BUILDINGS THAT ARE-- CAN

  • I TELL YOU WHAT'S MORE COMPLICATED?

  • WHAT'S MORE COMPLICATED IS BUILDING A BUILDING THAT'S 95

  • STORIES TALL. >> Stephen: YES, A BORDER WALL

  • COULDN'T BE SIMPLER. JUST BUILD A 95-STORY BUILDING

  • AND KNOCK IT OVER 10,000 TIMES. THEN,...

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEN YOU KEEP THE MEXICANS OUT

  • WITH A DOOR MAN. ( LAUGHTER )

  • OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH. THAT'S ENOUGH.

  • OKAY. YOU KNOW, IT'S THE FIRST NIGHT.

  • I DESERVE ONE MORE. >> THERE'S SUPPORT FOR YOU AMONG

  • MEMBERS OF WHITE SUPREMACIST GROUPS.

  • WHITE SUPREMACIST GROUPS TALKING EBULLIENTLY ABOUT YOU, TALKING

  • WHY THEY ABOUT-- WHY THEY LIKE YOU SO MUCH.

  • WOULD THAT TROUBLE YOU AT ALL? >> A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE ME.

  • >> Stephen: I KNOW, IT'S THE FIRST NIGHT.

  • YES, EVERYBODY LIKES TRUMP, EVEN WHITE SUPREMACISTS.

  • WHICH IS AMAZING BECAUSE TRUMP'S NOT EVEN WHITE.

  • HE'S MORE "OOMPA-LOOMP- AMERICAN."

  • OKAY, THAT WAS DEFINITELY THE LAST ONE!

  • AFTER THIS ONE. >> COME.

  • COME. IS IT MINE?

  • LOOK. >> YES.

  • >> IT IS. SAY IT, PLEASE.

  • >> YES, I BELIEVE IT IS. >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: SEE? WHAT'S ON TOP OF HIS HEAD IS

  • DEFINITELY HIS. NOW IT'S UP TO SCIENCE TO DECIDE

  • WHETHER OR NOT IT'S HAIR. NO, NO, NO.

  • GOT TO EXERCISE SOME DISCIPLINE. YOU DON'T OWN ME, AND I DON'T

  • NEED TO PLAY TAPE OF YOU TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL TV SHOW!

  • >> BARBARA WALTERS NAMED ME THE MOST WHATEVER-IT-IS OF THE YEAR!

  • >> Stephen: I AGREE WITH BARBARA.

  • YOU ARE THE MOST WHATEVER-IT-IS OF ALL-TIME.

  • BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT YOU!

  • SOMEONE ON TELEVISION SHOULD HAVE A MODICUM OF DIGNITY, AND

  • IT COULD BE ME! >> HE'S A CLOWN.

  • WHAT A STIFF. TOTAL LIGHTWEIGHT.

  • STUPID. STUPID.

  • STUPID. VERY STUPID.

  • YOU CAN'T BE BOOM, BOOM. TOTAL CONTROL.

  • BING, BING, BONG, BONG, BING, BING, BING.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, RIGHT? YOU KNOW THE LITTLE BING, BING,

  • BING, BONG, BONG. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

  • >> Stephen: I LOVE YOU, TOO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH!

  • OH, DONALD, I LOVE YOU, TOO. BUT I THINK-- I THINK I'M GOING

  • TO HATE MYSELF IN THE MORNING. STAY TUNED.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GEORGE CLOONEY.

  • OH, GET IN MY MOUTH! ♪ ♪ ♪

HEY, YOU GUYS, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ELECTION FOR A SECOND?

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トランプビュッフェ食べ放題 (All You Can Trump Buffet)

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    VoiceTube に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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