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  • (male announcer) At Fallbrook Middle School...

  • [together] Mr. Stormin' Norman Warner!

  • (announcer) Norman Warner was a legendary teacher.

  • [people gasping]

  • Somebody get a doctor.

  • (Dylan) No teacher will ever compare to Gramps.

  • Hey, well, you know, I'll be there.

  • (Dylan) You're a biology teacher.

  • You're not...

  • Stormin' Norman?

  • (announcer) Filling the big man's shoes...

  • (girl) What a geek.

  • Oh, that's the stuff.

  • (announcer) Would take a very special person.

  • How you doing?

  • My name is Michael D'Angelo.

  • I was once a student here.

  • (announcer) Ryan Reynolds is Mr. D.

  • He's the new guy on the block.

  • (announcer) In his class...

  • Everybody up, please.

  • (announcer) Every day...

  • (Mr. D) Jurassic period.

  • (announcer) Is an adventure.

  • I just think the guy's a showboat.

  • Emancipation!

  • (announcer) Every student...

  • Do you think I need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

  • (announcer) A hero.

  • And every lesson...

  • How much time do we have?

  • (boys) Not a lot.

  • (announcer) An inspiration.

  • Time!

  • Mr. D is a genius.

  • (announcer) His name is on everyone's lips.

  • Mr. D.

  • What did you say?

  • (announcer) Now the Warner legacy is at risk.

  • A Warner has won Teacher of the Year

  • for 43 years.

  • (Bass) I want you to decide

  • whether you want to be an educator.

  • I'm taking you out.

  • What do you mean?

  • Mr. D.

  • [all cheering]

  • Mr. D for Teacher of the Year!

  • Michael, you do something to me.

  • He's so shy.

  • I think I'm attracted to that.

  • Oh!

  • (announcer) But the real lessons would take place...

  • (Matt) He's not going to let any sickness get in his way.

  • (announcer) At the greatest school of all.

  • Education is truly a hero's journey.

  • Let me take this journey with you.

  • [applause]

  • Do one thing every day that scares you.

  • (Matt) You don't just teach the students;

  • you teach the teachers too.

  • Yeah!

  • [cheering]

  • [light instrumental music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • (Untyde) ♪ Whatever makes you shine. ♪

  • There's a star in your eyes, ♪

  • but it's started to fade out lately. ♪

  • All the things that you've done

  • don't seem to make much difference, ♪

  • don't seem to make you happy anymore. ♪

  • Always searching, always wanting more. ♪

  • Why don't you take it? ♪

  • Why don't you make it? ♪

  • Don't stand there looking for excuses, ♪

  • ♪ 'cause you won't get them. ♪

  • No, you won't get them from me. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • (Dylan) This is Fallbrook Middle School.

  • My name is Dylan, and I'm a student here.

  • My grandfather teaches here.

  • My father teaches here.

  • Talk about pressure.

  • Next year at my graduation,

  • they'll expect me to be valedictorian

  • and give one of those inspirational speeches,

  • like the one Susie Jessop did that day.

  • Anguish, torment, ridicule.

  • For some of us, these have been our companions.

  • Their faces have reared their ugly heads

  • in forms of lab partners, teammates, and carpools

  • shared reluctantly.

  • So now we are moving on

  • where it will be an equally treacherous road

  • with nothing to look forward to except for the inevitable:

  • alienation from the cool people, who, if there is any justice

  • in this cruel world,

  • will be waiting on us someday in our local restaurants,

  • assuming we have enough money to pay for our meals

  • after spending

  • our hard-earned wages on therapy.

  • So with this,

  • let us step forth into high school.

  • Good luck.

  • (Dylan) That's my grandfather and my dad.

  • [applause]

  • What seemed like the norm turned out to be a day

  • that would change our lives forever.

  • That was a little bit of sunshine.

  • [laughter and applause]

  • You're welcome.

  • This is very inappropriate.

  • Matty, will you just relax?

  • I think we ought to take a moment

  • to feel inspired by the words

  • from our valedictorian, Susie Jessop.

  • (Dylan) Madman and Howard, the self-appointed school MCs,

  • were asked to take over.

  • You'd have thought they were opening in Vegas.

  • We are here to present

  • the student-elected Teacher of the Year award.

  • (Howard) This year's award comes

  • as no surprise to any of us.

  • I mean, he's been at the school since...

  • The Lincoln presidency.

  • [laughter]

  • And who can forget

  • all those legendary stories, like when he was caught

  • in the custodial quarters with that phys. ed. instructor?

  • What was her name?

  • Margaret McGillicuddy!

  • That was very inappropriate.

  • She was a babe.

  • He's a man

  • who's taught me how to get the most

  • out of the 7th grade,

  • even if it takes me a couple of years.

  • [laughter]

  • Ladies and gentlemen,

  • it is our adolescent honor to present...

  • For the 43rd consecutive year...

  • The student-elected Teacher of the Year award...

  • [together] To Mr. Stormin' Norman Warner!

  • Give it up!

  • [applause]

  • Thank you.

  • Well, after so many years,

  • I don't know what to say anymore,

  • mainly because, at my age,

  • I have forgotten most of the English language.

  • [laughter]

  • There is one thing that even old age can't take away,

  • and that is the gift of teaching,

  • the miracles that we see every day

  • in the eyes of those who open their minds

  • to the world of knowledge.

  • Miracles can happen if you let them.

  • [applause]

  • Take your--

  • [people gasping]

  • Dad, Dad.

  • Hey, get back.

  • Let him breathe. Let him breathe.

  • Dad? Dad!

  • [whispers] It's okay, Matty.

  • Somebody get a doctor.

  • Get a doctor!

  • (Bass) Call 911!

  • Hurry!

  • It's okay, Dad. I'm here.

  • I'm here, Dad.

  • I'm here.

  • It takes less than death

  • to kill a man.

  • What, Dad?

  • Calm down.

  • Where--where's my trophy?

  • Somebody get the trophy.

  • It's here.

  • You'll be okay.

  • Here it is.

  • Here's your trophy.

  • Matty?

  • Don't die on me.

  • What?

  • Don't die on me.

  • I don't understand.

  • Take--take your shot.

  • What shot, Dad?

  • Dad, what shot?

  • Dad!

  • Dad.

  • Dad.

  • Daddy.

  • (Dylan) I still wonder

  • what it would have been like to be there that day.

  • Dad says Mom and I were spared a bitter memory.

  • The worst part of not being there

  • is the feeling that you could have helped in some way,

  • maybe even changed the outcome.

  • I'll always remember what Gramps used to say:

  • "Life is tiny, so don't ever miss the opportunity

  • to spread your wings, to soar."

  • But at times like this, I wonder if Maggie Little said it best.

  • Life sucks, and then you die.

  • Thank you. That really helps.

  • You okay, honey?

  • I'm okay, Ellie.

  • Hey, where's Dylan?

  • I learned a lot from you, Gramps.

  • I'll miss you.

  • I made a decision that day.

  • No matter how old I got, I'd stop by and see him,

  • bring him flowers

  • or those chocolate-covered coffee beans he loved

  • so he'd know I remembered how important he was to me.

  • Hi.

  • Hi.

  • Just like this guy was doing for someone he cared about.

  • It didn't take me long to realize

  • that when it came to paying tribute to Gramps,

  • I'd better be prepared to stand in line.

  • [door squeaks]

  • Hey.

  • You're still awake.

  • Couldn't sleep.

  • You okay?

  • Next year, I was supposed to be in Gramps' class.

  • I know you were, and I'm sorry.

  • I was looking forward to that too.

  • Yeah.

  • No teacher will ever compare to Gramps.

  • Hey, well, you know, I'll be there.

  • I mean, if you need me.

  • Yeah, but you're a biology teacher.

  • So?

  • It's just different.

  • Why?

  • Well, you're not...

  • Stormin' Norman?

  • Let me tell you something, kiddo.

  • A Warner has won Teacher of the Year at Fallbrook

  • for 43 years.

  • Yeah, but that was Gramps.

  • Well, here's a little secret.

  • Number 44 is gonna be a Warner too.

  • You just watch and see.

  • Dad, that's not important.

  • You bet it's important.

  • Now get some sleep, okay, kiddo?

  • (Ellie) Matty, come to bed.

  • I'm already in the room.

  • You just can't see me; I'm in a shadow.

  • [bell rings]

  • (Dylan) I'm convinced my parents didn't even know

  • we got the paper.

  • Hey, Mom, are we religious?

  • Why?

  • I think I just heard Dad praying.

  • All right, this is my year.

  • I am relaxed, and my eyes are open.

  • Where's my lunch?

  • [clears throat]

  • Oh. I saw it. Just testing.

  • You're going to be great, honey.

  • Thanks.

  • Hey, 8th grade, kiddo.

  • You all set?

  • Uh-huh.

  • Bye.

  • Bye, honey.

  • Okay, ready for a new school year.

  • You got everything?

  • Uh-huh.

  • Me too. Come on.

  • Honey?

  • You might need this.

  • Love you.

  • Hey, honey.

  • Relax.

  • (boy) Wow, look at everybody.

  • (girl) Laura, wow, I haven't seen you all year.

  • Morning, everyone.

  • Good morning, kids.

  • Good morning.

  • (Dylan) Probably one of the most amazing things

  • I learned from my dad was how to make myself invisible.

  • It's a great day, huh?

  • Just keep walking. Just ignore him.

  • (Matt) It's going to be a great year.

  • (Dylan) See? I'm gone, vanished.

  • Hey, what are you doing?

  • Uh, nothing.

  • Just stretching out.

  • Okay.

  • Okay, kiddo.

  • Let's see who goes first.

  • Call it.

  • (Dylan) The coin toss was my idea.

  • Tails.

  • You know, how you don't want

  • to be seen hanging with your dad.

  • Good luck, Dad.

  • Hey, who needs luck?

  • This is my year.

  • (Dylan) Especially if he's a teacher...

  • at your school.

  • [rock music]

  • (The YoYos) ♪ Whoa. ♪

  • Welcome to the time of your life. ♪

  • Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪

  • Welcome to the time of your life. ♪

  • Whoa. ♪

  • Welcome to the time... ♪

  • (Dylan) The first day of the new school year

  • is always a little awkward.

  • People you know, people you don't know,

  • and the ones you only dream about.

  • Chase Witherspoon.

  • I was way too shy to even look at her.

  • But, hey, if it was my dad's lucky day,

  • why not mine too, right?

  • Hi, Chase.

  • Hi.

  • Wrong.

  • Guys.

  • What a geek.

  • (Dylan) The one chance I had, and I had blown it big-time.

  • thud!

  • Hi.

  • Hi.

  • How you doing?

  • I've been better.

  • Let me tell you something.

  • In order to impress a woman,

  • when you fall...

  • Mm-hmm?

  • It's got to make a louder thunk, you know?

  • Like this.

  • [groans]

  • Oh, that's the stuff.

  • You got it?

  • That really works, huh?

  • Hey, with women, there are no guarantees.

  • But I can tell you this: it's worked for me.

  • And I've fallen for a lot of women.

  • Hey, I know you.

  • You're--

  • History.

  • Well, I see many familiar faces out there.

  • And for those of you I already know, hello.

  • And for all you new students,

  • well, how about a nice big Fallbrook welcome?

  • [cheers and applause]

  • I'm Principal Bass.

  • And I look forward to getting reacquainted with you.

  • Hopefully, these acquaintances will take place

  • in the hallways and at breaks and not down at my office,

  • if you understand what I'm saying.

  • [laughter]

  • Now, it's my privilege to introduce you

  • to a fine group of educators, your department heads.

  • If you could just stand when I call your name, please.

  • Um, mathematics, Maggie Little.

  • Welcome back, Maggie.

  • [applause]

  • Miserable little bastards.

  • (Bass) For English,

  • Don Parks.

  • Don?

  • [applause]

  • (kids) Boring!

  • (Bass) For physical education,

  • Vern Cote.

  • Hi, Coach.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • (boy) Go, Coach!

  • For art, Ms. Denise Davies.

  • Good morning, Ms. Davies.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • All right, fellas. Come on.

  • For science, the son

  • of our late, great Stormin' Norman Warner...

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Matt Warner.

  • Matt?

  • [Bass applauding]

  • [clears throat]

  • It's not an easy job to replace an icon.

  • So we are fortunate

  • to have an alumni of Fallbrook.

  • For history, would you please make him feel welcome

  • in his first year...

  • Mr. Michael D'Angelo.

  • [applause]

  • Sir, can I say a few words?

  • Sure, of course.

  • Mr. D'Angelo would like to offer

  • some introductory remarks.

  • That's the guy I was telling you about.

  • C-c-cool.

  • I think it's important that you all know

  • I'm only here until a good fast-food job opens up.

  • You know what I'm saying?

  • [laughter]

  • My name is Michael D'Angelo.

  • And as Principal Bass mentioned, I was once a student here.

  • And if any of you managed to flunk, oh, say,

  • 15 grades, you may remember me.

  • I was the shy, underdeveloped girl with braces.

  • [laughter]

  • That's very inappropriate.

  • (Mr. D) You know,

  • education is truly a hero's journey.

  • And it seems to me that going to school

  • is a lot like a Star Wars movie.

  • You're all Luke Skywalkers.

  • Or Lucy Skywalkers,

  • whichever applies.

  • And school is just one of the many places

  • that you're going to receive your Jedi training.

  • 'Cause we need to get ready to go do battle

  • against the evil empire.

  • [laughter]

  • Now, the evil empire is not our school, our parents,

  • or even the questionable meat products in the cafeteria.

  • No.

  • You see, the evil empire is a belief.

  • It's believing

  • that we have limitations.

  • You don't.

  • Whether you realize it or not,

  • every single one of you is perfect.

  • Norman Warner was my Jedi master.

  • And the greatest lesson that he taught me

  • was that I was my own teacher,

  • I was my own master.

  • And the lesson that I hope to teach all of you

  • is to not worry

  • about what you're doing, 'cause it doesn't matter.

  • Worry about who you're being.

  • You do that, and there is absolutely nothing stopping you

  • from going out in this world and kicking some serious ass.

  • [laughter]

  • He said "ass."

  • Oh, relax, Warner.

  • This is your light saber.

  • Put it to a simple piece of paper,

  • add heart and a little courage,

  • and together we can make this world a better place.

  • Let me take this journey with you.

  • Thank you.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Mr. D! Mr. D!

  • [kids chanting]

  • (Dylan) Uh-oh, there it was,

  • the dreaded shadow falling over my dad.

  • Mr. D, yes!

  • Mr. D! Mr. D!

  • (Dylan) Those of us in Mr. D's class felt blessed,

  • the envy of all others.

  • (girl) Where do we sit?

  • (Dylan) After all, if he could turn a dull assembly

  • into a rock-the-house rally,

  • just think what he might do with history class.

  • This guy was nothing like the other teachers.

  • Hey, S-S-Seth.

  • Aren't you g-g-gonna get

  • your m-mail?

  • Back off, Brad.

  • (Dylan) Or was he?

  • What if he turned out to be one of those dark side Jedis?

  • He had singled out my good buddy Seth

  • to do the one thing he feared most.

  • I-I-I'm supposed to read aloud?

  • [laughter]

  • It says

  • there is no

  • s-s-seating chart.

  • (Dylan) Whew, that was close.

  • You see, a seating chart is the first thing

  • that separates the cool teachers from the, well,

  • you know.

  • Everyone, please note the seating chart

  • on the blackboard.

  • (boy) Where are the shackles?

  • People, the seating chart exists

  • so that I can learn your names faster

  • and open the lines of communication between us.

  • Um, Mr. Warner?

  • Can I have a seat at the front?

  • Of course you can.

  • Hey, can I have a seat at the back?

  • Of course you can't.

  • (Mr. D) Good morning, class.

  • Well, I'm glad to see everyone so happy

  • with where they're sitting.

  • Thank you, Seth.

  • That wasn't so hard, was it?

  • But don't get too comfortable yet.

  • Okay.

  • Can someone tell me the origin of this word?

  • Chase.

  • (girl) Mr. D?

  • How do you know her name already?

  • (boy) Yeah, you're not already picking favorites, are you?

  • Okay.

  • People, I have one very simple rule in this class.

  • You do my homework, and I'll do yours.

  • [laughter]

  • Scratch that.

  • I'll do your homework, and you do mine.

  • No, that's not it.

  • Can someone tell me what I'm trying to say?

  • Dylan.

  • We do our homework, and you do yours?

  • Yes, that's it!

  • Thank you very much.

  • You do your homework, and you do mine.

  • [laughter]

  • You guys ready to have some fun?

  • [clears throat]

  • What is life science?

  • Well, I'll tell you.

  • Life science is the greatest mystery in the universe.

  • Now, who can tell me why that is?

  • Uh...Devon.

  • Because in the vastness of the universe,

  • the only evidence

  • of any real life is here on planet Earth.

  • Very good.

  • Uh...

  • Patty.

  • But what about Mars?

  • I heard they found some Martians.

  • Well, Patty, what they actually found

  • was a meteorite

  • that they believe broke off from Mars

  • millions of years ago.

  • And they think that it might contain

  • fossilized microorganisms.

  • But, now, whether or not that is proof of life

  • is still a mystery.

  • Yes, uh...

  • Clyde.

  • One of the greatest mysteries I know

  • has been unsolved for ages.

  • Not one man has come even close to solving this one.

  • Well, this sounds very interesting, Clyde.

  • So what is it?

  • What is this mystery?

  • Why we have to take this boring class.

  • [laughter]

  • [sighs]

  • Chase?

  • You were about to tell me

  • about the origin of the word "history."

  • It means "his story,"

  • stories where how people used to tell their kids

  • about what happened in the past.

  • Nice moves.

  • Ssss!

  • You're on fire.

  • Okay.

  • But what's wrong with that word?

  • Brad?

  • I don't know.

  • Yes, you do.

  • Okay, let me help you out.

  • Heather?

  • What did you do this summer?

  • Huh?

  • Anything; you can make it up if you want.

  • Um, well, Kylie, Chase, and me

  • took my dad's car and drove to Las Vegas.

  • There you go.

  • I'm going to have to report you

  • to the proper authorities, but good nonetheless.

  • Now, Seth.

  • What's wrong with Chase's explanation

  • of the word "history"?

  • Um, g-girls have stories too?

  • Oh, yeah.

  • Now,

  • how would you redefine what we're going to study here?

  • Um...

  • H-h-his

  • and h-h-her story.

  • Do you actually have a stutter, Brad,

  • or is it just a mouthful for you?

  • [laughter]

  • You're different and special in your own way.

  • Live it. Own it.

  • Okay, guys, what we're going to do

  • is combine the two words,

  • his- and herstory.

  • Now,

  • as Chase mentioned before,

  • the way in which his- and herstory was recorded

  • before we started writing it down

  • was simply by telling it.

  • People would gather round,

  • and a storyteller would entertain

  • and educate.

  • Since I know you all

  • to be true his- and herstorians,

  • let's do just that.

  • Everybody up, please. Let's go.

  • Everybody's desk in a circle.

  • It'll be like PE and history all in one.

  • There you go.

  • I apologize for the interruption.

  • Now, where were we?

  • [rock music]

  • (Dylan) Mr. D had disappeared into his closet,

  • leaving us sitting in a circle

  • and me sitting right next to Chase Witherspoon.

  • (Mr. D.) I believe

  • it was Moses, yes, Moses that said,

  • as he looked out onto the Red Sea,

  • "Part. I've got to get to an NRA meeting."

  • [laughter]

  • All right.

  • [sighs]

  • That's nice.

  • How much time do we have?

  • The answer to that question,

  • my friends, is not on that clock.

  • How much time do we have?

  • Not a lot.

  • That's how much time we have: not a lot.

  • (Dylan) This guy was cool.

  • And when he looked at you, well, you felt cool too.

  • Now that we know the answer to this question,

  • I would like you all to understand

  • that from this moment forward, each and every minute,

  • every second is precious

  • for each and every one of you.

  • But most importantly,

  • if Principal Bass comes in here

  • looking for a brown leather antique high-backed chair,

  • I was never here.

  • [laughter]

  • (Dylan) They could have served squid eyes for lunch,

  • and no one would have noticed.

  • The only thing on everybody's mind was Mr. D.

  • (girl) ...so much fun.

  • (girl) No way, you got Mr. D?

  • [sighs]

  • Miserable little bastards.

  • And a good morning to you too, Maggie.

  • Piss off, Parks.

  • Hey, everyone!

  • Hello, fellow educators.

  • Hey, I got some learners out there.

  • Really good first morning.

  • (Little) Is it my imagination,

  • or are these kids reaching puberty sooner

  • than they used to?

  • (Parks) It's television, Maggie.

  • Pretty soon, 3rd graders will be getting boob jobs.

  • As far as language skills,

  • English is officially dead.

  • Word up, dude.

  • My kids are great.

  • Of course they're great; you teach art.

  • I think I'm offended by that.

  • Should I be?

  • Mm-hmm.

  • (Matt) Hey, come on, you guys.

  • The day's only half over.

  • Besides, these kids are easy to reach.

  • You just have to relate to them on their own level.

  • Speaking of that,

  • was Mr. D's speech this morning amazing, or what?

  • All hail. The metaphor lives on.

  • Never in all my years have I seen a teacher

  • so quickly embraced by the students...

  • with the exception

  • of your father, Matt.

  • (Coach) Mr. D...

  • rules.

  • Hey, wait a minute.

  • I don't understand this.

  • Why are we calling him Mr. D?

  • (Davies) I don't know.

  • It's just--

  • It seems so--

  • He's just--

  • He's just Mr. D.

  • Morning, everyone.

  • Say, has anyone seen Mr. D?

  • gulp

  • [bell rings]

  • (Dylan) By the end of the day,

  • Mr. D was the talk of the entire school.

  • Stories told at lunch had grown to almost legendary proportion.

  • Mr. D is so cool.

  • I know.

  • Having no seating chart is awesome.

  • (Dylan) Even kids that weren't in Mr. D's class

  • acted like they were.

  • Mr. D is so cute.

  • (Dylan) Or wished they were.

  • Man, I wish I was in Mr. D's class.

  • [rock music]

  • Let's go! We're almost done!

  • ♪ ♪

  • Come on, boys!

  • Let's keep it going!

  • Keep it going. Keep it going.

  • I'm right behind you.

  • Come on; you don't see me slowing down, do you?

  • Hi.

  • Hey, you're Mr. Warner.

  • Oh, hi.

  • Michael D'Angelo.

  • We didn't get a chance to--

  • To meet.

  • To meet, yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • After the assembly.

  • No.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah, boy, I'm sorry about your father.

  • Yeah.

  • You're a very lucky man.

  • Excuse me?

  • That didn't sound right at all.

  • What I meant to say

  • was that it must have been something

  • growing up under Stormin' Norman Warner.

  • Oh, yes, it was. It was.

  • Yeah, man, he cast quite a shadow.

  • You know, I forgot something.

  • I'm going to--I'm late. I gotta go.

  • But it was nice meeting you, Mr.--

  • Matt.

  • Mr. Matt. Mr. Warner.

  • Matt.

  • Matt.

  • (Matt) He brushed me off.

  • He doesn't even know you.

  • Oh, so you're saying that if he did know me,

  • then he would brush me off?

  • I am not even going to have

  • this conversation.

  • I just think the guy's a showboat.

  • He's the new guy on the block.

  • That's not easy.

  • Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're right.

  • Hey, Dyl.

  • Hey, Dylan.

  • Hey, kiddo, not out of the carton.

  • How was practice?

  • Let's just say that if we win a game

  • at any sport this year, it'll be a miracle.

  • That bad?

  • I wish we were bad.

  • We just flat-out suck.

  • Wait a minute.

  • I think Vern Cote is a pretty great coach.

  • Dad, I can't even address that.

  • So did you fall for any new girls?

  • Mom, what are you doing to me?

  • Your mother just wanted to know

  • what kind of day you had.

  • (Dylan) Let me give you

  • the Cliff Note version.

  • If it weren't for Mr. D,

  • this would have been

  • the most embarrassing day of my life.

  • [bicycle bell rings]

  • See ya, Dad.

  • Have a good one.

  • What I want all of you to do is to imagine that you are free

  • to study any aspect of life science that you choose.

  • Anything?

  • Anything, as long as it relates to life science.

  • It can be an interesting plant

  • or an animal that you've been wondering about.

  • What about the female anatomy?

  • [laughter]

  • Class, there's nothing funny about the female anatomy.

  • Clyde, if you can take

  • that topic seriously,

  • then that would certainly qualify.

  • Awesome.

  • (Matt) All right, class.

  • All right.

  • Now, once you make your pick, I want each of you

  • to write a description of your respective topics.

  • What are respective topics?

  • Well, they're the ones that you choose.

  • I mean, you know, each of you individually.

  • I mean, they're--you know, they're all of your--

  • each of your topics.

  • Well, that clears it up.

  • Good.

  • Now, then I want you to explain why you chose--

  • [bugle fanfare]

  • Charge!

  • [children yelling]

  • [fife playing]

  • [bugle fanfare]

  • Hey, Dad!

  • I'm going to free the slaves.

  • I'm going to free the slaves.

  • Uh, it's nothing, class.

  • Just stay in your seats.

  • I've been killed.

  • No, it's not that bad.

  • It just looks bad.

  • Not that you look bad.

  • It is serious.

  • Serious?

  • Do you think I need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

  • (Dylan) Oh, this was tempting.

  • (Mr. D) Private Warner!

  • The first recorded use

  • of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

  • on the battlefield

  • was March 4, 1944.

  • World War II, mister!

  • Nice try, though.

  • Make love, not war.

  • On your own time!

  • Freedom is at stake.

  • The fall of racism is in your hands,

  • and you two are flirting around.

  • He was saving me.

  • Well, then you'd better save her for later, solider!

  • How much time do we have?

  • Not a lot, Mr. D.

  • (Chase) Not a lot.

  • Then help her up, man.

  • I got to get to the theater.

  • That didn't sound right.

  • Emancipation!

  • [bugle fanfare]

  • Ha ha!

  • Mr. Warner?

  • Yes, Timmy?

  • I was wondering if you could nuke my MoonPie.

  • Excuse me?

  • My MoonPie.

  • Can you put it in the microwave?

  • Timmy, if I nuke your MoonPie,

  • then every student will want to use the microwave.

  • Now, do you think that's the purpose

  • of the faculty lounge?

  • I guess not.

  • Okay, then.

  • Hey, Matt. Glad you're here.

  • I know. I know.

  • Look, the way I see it,

  • nobody should tell anybody else how to teach,

  • but obviously, he needs to understand the parameters

  • in which we work here, right?

  • What the hell are you talking about?

  • D'Angelo.

  • What about him?

  • What do you mean, what about him?

  • We were just talking about how creative

  • Mr. D's methods are

  • and how maybe we could all be

  • a little more creative with our own.

  • Creative?

  • Oh, well, that's one way of looking at it.

  • Hey.

  • Here he is.

  • Hi.

  • (Dylan) Okay, this is where the craziness starts.

  • Mr. D had taken the ball

  • and was going all the way into the end zone.

  • All he needed now was a cheerleader.

  • That's not a very healthy lunch.

  • Oh.

  • That's not really my lunch.

  • (Matt) Of course it isn't.

  • I know what that is.

  • You want to know what that is?

  • Christ, Warner, it's a MoonPie.

  • What is your problem?

  • [microwave beeps]

  • Excuse me.

  • See you, Mr. D.

  • He's so shy.

  • I think I'm attracted to that.

  • (woman) Yeah, just set that there.

  • [telephone rings]

  • Good morning, crisis center.

  • I have a crisis.

  • Matt, honey, honey, take a deep breath.

  • Just--

  • Don't say it.

  • I didn't say it.

  • What's going on?

  • It's not a shadow anymore.

  • It's an eclipse. It's a total eclipse.

  • I could have lived with a shadow.

  • Matt, slow down.

  • What are you talking about?

  • Mr. D.

  • Who's going in? Anybody.

  • I'll do your homework for a month.

  • [whistle blows]

  • (Dylan) I think I was being kind

  • when I said we were just bad.

  • Ow!

  • Are you all right?

  • Okay, so who wants to go in? You?

  • You.

  • What about you?

  • You.

  • You know, I'm better at calling the game, Coach.

  • (Dylan) We were about to make history:

  • the first junior high team to ever go on strike.

  • So let me guess.

  • You didn't nuke the pie.

  • Of course I didn't.

  • What?

  • Mr. D would have nuked the pie.

  • He did.

  • Oh. [laughs]

  • Hey, could you do me one favor?

  • Anything.

  • Could you not say Mr. D?

  • Because that's all I ever hear.

  • Mr. D, Mr. D, Mr. D.

  • I'm beginning to hate the letter.

  • How do those shoes feel?

  • Large.

  • They're the right size for you.

  • You think so?

  • I know.

  • Don't feel guilty.

  • About what?

  • About stepping out of his shadow.

  • I still hear him telling me to relax.

  • I know.

  • To not judge something even before I've seen it.

  • I know.

  • How do you always know exactly what I'm feeling?

  • I don't know.

  • (Dylan) The next morning,

  • my dad took the trophy back to the school.

  • He had finally emerged from the shadow.

  • Free at last.

  • Mr. Warner, for the record, would you like to comment

  • on a rumor spreading around the school?

  • What rumor?

  • It would appear that Mr. D has emerged

  • as the frontrunner in this year's race

  • for Teacher of the Year.

  • Look, I don't really want to comment about that, okay?

  • If rumor becomes truth,

  • then this will be the first time in 44 years

  • that the name "Warner" does not appear on the trophy.

  • Look, I really don't--

  • I don't want to speculate about that.

  • Whoa, 44 years.

  • Must be an enormous amount of pressure.

  • I mean, how does that feel,

  • a family tradition, an unprecedented record

  • left in your hands

  • and hanging by a delicate thread?

  • And Mr. D is standing on top of you

  • with a pair of giant scissors.

  • Care to comment, sir?

  • Look, let me just say that the year is far from over

  • and that change is in the air.

  • Okay, that's all I got to say here.

  • In the air?

  • Do you smell something?

  • [sniffs]

  • [farting noise blaring]

  • Oh, dude, that was so wrong.

  • [dramatic music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • Let's see what we have in here.

  • Okay.

  • Jurassic period.

  • Tyrannosaurus rex.

  • Middle finger.

  • [laughter]

  • Okay.

  • Leg bone.

  • Early man.

  • Extra crispy.

  • We have here doggy bone.

  • June.

  • [laughter]

  • Of last year.

  • Oh, this is the greatest find of all time.

  • Ladies and gentlemen,

  • swimsuit edition, March, no articles.

  • This is going to go in Dr. D's private collection.

  • [rock music]

  • (GOB) ♪ Take a chance on me. ♪

  • But I know, I know

  • these feelings that I have inside of me, ♪

  • in me. ♪

  • My belly's burning, and it's turning. ♪

  • Don't you see? ♪

  • ♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets. ♪

  • If there ever was a time

  • when I could go back and make it all fine

  • with you, I wanna pursue. ♪

  • All the blood and tears I've sweated. ♪

  • All the work, we can't forget it. ♪

  • You'll see. Take a chance on me. ♪

  • But I know, I know

  • these feelings that I have inside of me, ♪

  • in me. ♪

  • My belly's burning, and it's turning. ♪

  • Don't you see? ♪

  • ♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • Hey, guys.

  • Hey.

  • I could bring it up or leave it down here.

  • She said, "Bring it up; bring it up."

  • Hey, girls.

  • Want to hear about the mystery of science?

  • ...that she would turn

  • that entire hotel upside down.

  • She's screaming and telling him

  • that he's so stupid.

  • [laughter]

  • Lipstick, eye shadow...

  • ♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets. ♪

  • ♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets. ♪

  • ♪ I'm upset. As yet no regrets. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • That's number seven for the teachers,

  • and it looks like we're on our way

  • to another student victory.

  • Thanks in part to Matt Warner,

  • who continues on his way to capturing the LVP award,

  • least valuable player:

  • 11 errors and 7 strike-outs.

  • It's not a good day for the Biology Basher.

  • Okay, Warner, you've been throwing me

  • nothing but meatballs all day.

  • If you don't throw me something I can hit,

  • your grades may be seriously affected.

  • [cheering]

  • Lucky for you,

  • Warner!

  • Uh, Matt, Matt?

  • Matt, I'm taking you out.

  • What do you mean?

  • Mr. D.

  • I'm ready to go.

  • Coach, I am telling you--

  • (Coach) I know. Come on. Come on.

  • And now a bold but not surprising move

  • by Coach Vern Cote.

  • Pinch-hitting for Matt Warner is Mr. D.

  • Big hit, Mr. D!

  • Big hit!

  • Okay, Mr. D!

  • Drive us home!

  • Okay, bring on the heat, Dylan.

  • And be gentle on me;

  • I'm old.

  • Warner winds up, and here's the pitch.

  • He's done it!

  • (Dylan) Students and teachers alike were swirled up

  • into the whirlwind of Mr. D.

  • You gave me that one, Dylan.

  • It's not my birthday.

  • Thank you.

  • Whoo hoo-hoo!

  • I love you, Mr. D.

  • (Dylan) Okay, almost everybody.

  • Mom, Mom.

  • You wouldn't have believed the game today.

  • You won?

  • No, we lost.

  • But you should have seen Mr. D.

  • He was unbelievable.

  • Bottom of the ninth.

  • And boom!

  • He was like Barry Bonds.

  • Wow, I bet your dad's excited.

  • [sighs]

  • Who needs a hug?

  • You're working late.

  • Hi.

  • Hi.

  • Hi.

  • I know you keep to yourself, Mr. D.

  • Michael.

  • Please, call me Michael.

  • Michael.

  • I'm pretty sure I don't want to bother you,

  • but you do something to me.

  • And then I started thinking

  • that I can only be feeling that sort of, you know, whatever,

  • unless the other person

  • who's doing it to me is also feeling

  • that kind of something.

  • Does that make any sense to you?

  • It makes all the sense in the world.

  • Really?

  • Yeah, it really does.

  • And I would--I would really,

  • really like to go have coffee with you sometime.

  • Or go bowling.

  • Bowling?

  • Yeah.

  • Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure I like bowling.

  • I love bowling.

  • But the fact is,

  • I can't.

  • And I'm sorry.

  • Oh, yeah, me too.

  • Yeah.

  • Ms. Davies?

  • You are very attractive.

  • Call me Denise.

  • I would love nothing more than to call you...

  • Denise.

  • Mm, Ellie.

  • Mm, Matty.

  • (Dylan) I'm not claiming to know any specifics

  • that go on in my parents' bedroom,

  • but something happened that night.

  • Matty.

  • Ellie.

  • Mr. D.

  • What did you say?

  • Why are you stopping?

  • You said, "Mr. D."

  • Why on Earth would I say "Mr. D"?

  • I don't know. You tell me.

  • Oh, how did you know?

  • I've hidden my feelings

  • for a man I've never even met,

  • and somehow you knew.

  • Well, I can't hide them anymore, Matt.

  • I'm in love with Mr. D.

  • I distinctly heard you say--

  • Oh, are you losing your mind?

  • Hey, I'm not the one who's being unfaithful.

  • Oh, great, now you're going to go sleep on the couch?

  • (Dylan) Well, I guess if you're going to go crazy,

  • you might as well dress for it.

  • I don't think my dad even knew what he was looking for.

  • But that didn't stop him.

  • He was a man on a mission.

  • Unrelenting, obsessed.

  • I got you.

  • Huh.

  • Nice chair.

  • Oh, Carl wants to know what characterizes sarcodines.

  • Can anyone help out?

  • [children clamoring]

  • I know it. I know the answer.

  • I know the answer.

  • Everyone knows the answer? Wow.

  • Pick me, Mr. Warner. Pick me.

  • Devon.

  • Sarcodines are characterized

  • by extensions of the cell membranes.

  • (girl) Can we have school every day of the week?

  • I can't teach classes after school

  • or on weekends.

  • [school bell rings]

  • Oh, my God, come on.

  • You guys have got to see this.

  • [snoring]

  • [children laughing]

  • Uh, Mr. D'Angelo wanted you all to prepare your lesson.

  • Do--go do that.

  • (boy) Nice jammies, Mr. Warner.

  • So I'll talk to you tomorrow, then.

  • Faculty emergency.

  • Mr. Warner!

  • She'll have to call you back.

  • Hey!

  • That's a physical impossibility.

  • [cell phone rings]

  • Hello.

  • Ellie, I'm so glad that I caught you.

  • I've been worried sick.

  • I came down this morning to apologize,

  • and you were gone.

  • I'm already at school.

  • I was trying to locate a grade book that I forgot.

  • Well, we've got your lunch and your briefcase,

  • which you also forgot.

  • I know, I know, I know.

  • Listen, could you bring me a change of clothes

  • and some shoes and some socks too?

  • We're already on the road,

  • and what part of this are you not telling me?

  • Ellie, believe me, everything is going to be okay.

  • I got him.

  • Got who? Matt--

  • D'Angelo. I'll tell you about it when you get here.

  • Bye.

  • Geek.

  • Honey, I need to ask you a serious question.

  • Sure, Mom.

  • Why does Mr. D have the effect he does

  • on everybody?

  • And I thought it was going to be a tough one.

  • Humor me.

  • Well, he treats us like we're his friends.

  • I mean, his lessons aren't lessons.

  • They're mysteries that the whole class has to solve.

  • Do you know what I mean?

  • All I understand is that "mystery"

  • is the key word here.

  • What am I saying, sir?

  • With all due respect,

  • it's right here in his roll book.

  • It's the secret of his popularity.

  • Look at this.

  • Straight As across the board,

  • without exception.

  • I mean, who wouldn't love this guy?

  • They're all going to Harvard.

  • Matilda, would you contact Mr. D

  • and have him come in here, please?

  • (Matilda) Okay.

  • Thank you.

  • So, Matt, can I--

  • can I get you anything?

  • Cup of coffee?

  • No.

  • A shower?

  • Bowl of Froot Loops?

  • [laughs] Very good.

  • This is a delicate situation.

  • I know it is.

  • And I need to handle this in a manner

  • which will prevent you further embarrassment.

  • I know you do.

  • I know you don't.

  • You're confused.

  • But don't worry; clarity is just around the corner.

  • [knocking at door]

  • Come in.

  • Ah.

  • You wanted to see me?

  • Mr. D, I wanted to be the first to congratulate you.

  • It seems you've made a little bit of history

  • down at the National Board of Education.

  • Really?

  • (Bass) Yes, you're the first teacher

  • to ever have an entire class receive straight As,

  • using the standardized test system.

  • (Mr. D) Oh, wow.

  • Oh, and they've sent over this little token

  • of their appreciation and gratitude.

  • Well, well, I'm very proud of those kids, sir.

  • (Bass) Oh, well, we're very proud of you.

  • Keep up the good work.

  • Congratulations.

  • Thank you, sir.

  • Matt?

  • Oh, oh.

  • Well, congratulations.

  • Thank you.

  • Hey, nice.

  • Oh, thank you.

  • Oh!

  • I think this belongs to you as well.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • Thank you.

  • Bye, now.

  • Standardized tests?

  • Standardized test systems.

  • You can't cheat on standardized tests.

  • I know.

  • Sweetheart, go to class.

  • Okay. Bye, Mom.

  • Matilda, the only reason Dylan is late

  • is because his father called and needed--

  • Don't tell me.

  • A robe and a teddy bear.

  • Uh, hi, honey.

  • I got the day off.

  • You want to do something?

  • Honey, please.

  • I'm sorry.

  • Don't you "honey" me, Matt.

  • Look, I was just doing a last-minute

  • lesson plan checking situation,

  • and I fell asleep.

  • Honey, please.

  • I need you right now.

  • Ellie, I'm sorry, okay?

  • I work with people on a daily basis

  • who have nothing.

  • You have everything,

  • and yet you seem determined to turn it into nothing.

  • That's not true.

  • I just--

  • This is your job, our life.

  • And you show up in your pajamas.

  • Thank God Dylan didn't see you.

  • Ellie?

  • Ellie, don't go.

  • Ellie.

  • Ellie!

  • Ellie, slow down.

  • It's a school zone!

  • Happy Casual Tuesday, Matt.

  • What a geek.

  • (Dylan) That's it.

  • Game over.

  • Complete shut-out.

  • Why did I even think I had a chance?

  • Excuse me, Mr. D!

  • Afternoon, Coach.

  • Afternoon.

  • I'm not a very good athlete.

  • I'm not a very good coach, either.

  • Why they keep me here on staff, I'm not sure.

  • We haven't won a game in any sport

  • since I started three years ago.

  • We got basketball season coming up,

  • and judging by your performance at the softball game,

  • you're quite an athlete.

  • And you can walk really fast too.

  • [panting]

  • Okay.

  • Okay?

  • Okay.

  • Okay.

  • I think you're really going to enjoy this.

  • Take that there.

  • That one's heavy.

  • Just plop that on top.

  • Should I be confused?

  • No, not at all.

  • We'll go for coffee after.

  • After what?

  • Bowling.

  • I love bowling.

  • (Sam Roberts) ♪ And your life is deceiving. ♪

  • My eyes are seeing. ♪

  • Oh!

  • ♪ ...is believing. ♪

  • Ready?

  • Rock and roll.

  • And your love is deceiving. ♪

  • Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • ♪ ...are seeing. ♪

  • And seeing is believing. ♪

  • Your shot, darlin'.

  • And your life is deceiving. ♪

  • It's getting late.

  • Do you have to go?

  • How much time do you have?

  • [laughs]

  • Not a lot.

  • I know what you mean.

  • I've got a montage materials marathon at home.

  • Chop, chop, snip, snip.

  • Basically shred everything in my apartment I don't want,

  • including, in case you were wondering,

  • a picture of my old boyfriend.

  • Hmm, then you and the kids,

  • you guys cut and paste them onto--

  • Papier-mâché farm animals.

  • Cool.

  • Is there a petting zoo I should know about?

  • Want to come back to my place,

  • do some papier-mâché things?

  • It could be messy.

  • You know, Denise,

  • I should tell you that I'm spoken for.

  • Actions speak louder than words.

  • And your life is deceiving. ♪

  • Your eyes are seeing. ♪

  • And seeing is believing. ♪

  • My love is freeing. ♪

  • And your life is deceiving. ♪

  • I don't have everything unless I have you.

  • [romantic classical music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • I'm Ellie Warner.

  • I'm Matt Warner, jackass.

  • You're my jackass.

  • Your dinner awaits.

  • Am I in the right house?

  • Hey, what's wrong?

  • Chase thinks we're the Addams family.

  • I'll be in my room.

  • Dylan?

  • And, Dad, please try

  • not to come to school in your pajamas.

  • It makes my life a living hell,

  • and it's bad enough already.

  • Jackass?

  • Major.

  • I'll be right here.

  • Hey, kiddo.

  • Listen, I'm sorry I embarrassed you

  • in front of your girlfriend.

  • She's not my girlfriend.

  • She'll never be my girlfriend.

  • Dad?

  • My heart hurts.

  • Well, it's not really your heart, Dylan.

  • It sure feels like it.

  • I know it does, and it'll go away.

  • I don't want it to.

  • What do you mean?

  • It hurts, but I feel...alive.

  • Mr. D said that sometimes in order to be truly alive,

  • sometimes you need to feel things,

  • even if it hurts.

  • Well, that's just one way of looking at it.

  • But remember how you told me to solve my problems

  • by putting them on a linear branching logic tree?

  • The logic tree, yeah, absolutely.

  • Yeah, well, I tried that.

  • That's great.

  • But then Mr. D's logic seemed

  • to make a lot more sense to me.

  • So I think I'm going to go with that.

  • Oh.

  • Hey, thanks, Dad.

  • I feel better.

  • All right.

  • Have a good night.

  • He cut down my tree.

  • [bicycle bell rings]

  • Now, class, in honor of the beginning of our study

  • of the human anatomy--

  • Hey, Mr. Warner, no pajamas?

  • No, Clyde, no pajamas today.

  • But I do have something

  • that I think you're going to enjoy.

  • snap!

  • Now, class, everyone come on up here

  • and gather around my desk.

  • And everyone take a look at this.

  • Ew.

  • Now, can anyone tell me

  • what this fleshy mass is?

  • Something from the cafeteria?

  • It's a lung.

  • Left side.

  • Most likely male.

  • Very good, Devon. That's right.

  • Mr. Warner, what's that tube thingy?

  • Let me show you.

  • Watch this.

  • Awesome!

  • That is pretty awesome, isn't it?

  • And that is going on

  • inside every one of you right now.

  • Now, let's try it all together, all right?

  • Deep breaths together.

  • Follow me.

  • [knocking at door]

  • Hi, I'm sorry to bother you.

  • I just need to borrow a piece of chalk.

  • Oh, I'll get you a new box.

  • Thank you.

  • Hey, guys.

  • Hey!

  • Sushi.

  • Sweet.

  • That's good.

  • Okay, then.

  • In, out.

  • And a one.

  • And a two.

  • Feel the stretch now.

  • Okay, that's good. Stop.

  • All right, everybody.

  • Jazzercise. There we go.

  • I'm sorry.

  • Sorry.

  • We were just studying the lung.

  • Thank you for the... chalk.

  • Let's try that again.

  • Okay, here we go.

  • thump!

  • (all) Mr. D. Mr. D.

  • Everybody, shut up!

  • Can anybody give me--

  • Can anybody tell me what that was an example of?

  • A dictator?

  • Thank you, Chase.

  • [bell rings]

  • Okay, people,

  • we have a pop quiz this Thursday.

  • Chase, Dylan, I need you to stay for a second, okay?

  • (boy) Ooh!

  • "Ooh," yeah, yourselves.

  • Beat it. Have a good lunch.

  • Eat a carrot.

  • Will you guys put your desks together for me?

  • You know, one of the great humanitarians of the world,

  • Eleanor Roosevelt, she once said,

  • "Do one thing every day that scares you."

  • You guys comfortable?

  • Thank you for your time.

  • (Dylan) Here it is, the moment of truth.

  • Do I do what my heart is telling me?

  • Roll over like a puppy, grovel, beg for forgiveness?

  • No.

  • You think I'm a geek.

  • No.

  • I think your dad's a geek.

  • Yeah, well, he's not.

  • And I'm not my dad.

  • Mr. Warner, what are you doing?

  • I'm nuking your MoonPie.

  • Cool.

  • [sighs]

  • What? What?

  • Nothing.

  • (Bass) Good morning, everyone.

  • Matt, I--

  • I just got a phone call from Hugh Evans' parents.

  • A very unpleasant call.

  • Made me feel a little tense.

  • Wondered if you could come down to my office

  • after class.

  • I'd like to share this tension with you.

  • Yes, sir.

  • Good.

  • Unbelievable.

  • Miserable little bastards.

  • Show any sign of weakness,

  • and they trounce on your nuts like an African rhino.

  • Here.

  • What's this?

  • My therapist.

  • If it weren't for him, I'd be in prison.

  • Hey, Matt, you forgot your MoonPie.

  • Oh, right.

  • Oh!

  • [chuckles]

  • [stifled laughter]

  • Is it done?

  • [laughter]

  • Go ahead, laugh.

  • Laugh all you want. I don't care.

  • I owe you a MoonPie.

  • [laughs]

  • (Dylan) After the pajama incident,

  • Mom made sure Dad always had an extra change of clothes.

  • The oxygen-rich blood leaves the heart.

  • Uh, no, wait a second, Mr. Warner.

  • That's not what you said before.

  • You've got it all wrong.

  • It isn't?

  • (Patty) No, the oxygen-rich blood

  • returns to the heart via the capillaries

  • surrounding the alveoli after we inhale.

  • Oh, well, that's probably right.

  • I mean, that's definitely right.

  • I mean, very good, Patty. That's good.

  • Look, if anyone else has any idea what I'm talking about,

  • just let me in on it, okay?

  • Hey, Mr. Warner, your ride's here.

  • [laughter]

  • Excuse me, is this the room for--

  • No, no, no, no.

  • Don't tell me. I already know.

  • The guy you're looking for,

  • he's across the hall

  • on planet D.

  • That's one small step for man,

  • one giant pain in the a--

  • (man) Somebody help me up?

  • [bell rings]

  • And don't forget, tomorrow we dissect basketballs,

  • and good luck to the frog team.

  • Sir, about the Evans boy.

  • I was demonstrating

  • the function of the lungs in the human body,

  • and he evidently became

  • overly enthusiastic about the lesson.

  • And he, um, well, he, you know.

  • Passed out.

  • Well, he hyperventilated.

  • And then he passed out.

  • [clears throat]

  • Matt, I didn't call you in here

  • to talk about the Evans boy

  • or the fact that you pushed over

  • a national space hero.

  • We have a problem here, Matt.

  • And I'll tell you what.

  • Now, I knew your father for a long time.

  • And that's probably the only reason

  • why you're not on suspension.

  • But if this keeps up, my loyalty won't stand

  • in the way of what needs to happen

  • to keep this school running

  • the way I believe we all want it to run.

  • I know that, sir, and I'm sorry.

  • I'm not looking for an apology, Matt.

  • I want a decision.

  • I want you to decide whether or not

  • you want to be an educator.

  • Well, I can answer that right now, sir.

  • No, no, I don't think you can.

  • Why don't you take the weekend?

  • (Matilda) Principal Bass.

  • Hugh Evans' father is on one.

  • You got NASA holding on two.

  • [Bass sighs]

  • (Dylan) Things were as low as they could get.

  • Any thought about winning Teacher of the Year

  • had completely evaporated.

  • [distant cheering]

  • [applause]

  • Hi, Mr. Warner.

  • Timmy, are you okay?

  • Sure, look at the score.

  • (woman) Way to go, boys!

  • Unbelievable!

  • Never before have I seen such an atrocious performance

  • from an athletic franchise.

  • It's brilliant!

  • Hey, Coach.

  • Oh, hey, Warner.

  • Wait a minute, Coach.

  • What are you doing in the stands?

  • And why is everybody cheering like this?

  • We're getting killed out there.

  • I know. Isn't it great?

  • Mr. D has taught me to redefine the term "winning."

  • You don't have to win to be a winner.

  • Winning isn't just "winning."

  • Winning is losing with a winning attitude,

  • because if you lose like a winner,

  • then a loss is a victory, no matter who wins,

  • especially if you lose.

  • Or something like that.

  • (Dylan) Now, this might seem confusing, but it's really quite simple.

  • The opposing team scores.

  • We cheer.

  • They steal the ball away.

  • We cheer.

  • Hoo yeah!

  • (Dylan) We miss a shot.

  • We cheer.

  • Yeah!

  • (Dylan) Oh, on the off chance

  • we got a basket, we'd also cheer.

  • Mr. D said it was only fair,

  • and it showed good sportsmanship.

  • Mr. D is a genius.

  • But I don't understand.

  • Who is coaching?

  • Time!

  • Time out.

  • Come in, guys. Let's go.

  • Huddle up.

  • Who hasn't gone in yet?

  • A!

  • N!

  • G!

  • [together] E-L-S.

  • Go, girls!

  • We can't shoot or get a four.

  • Fallbrook, Fallbrook, hear our cheer.

  • Mr. D for Teacher of the Year.

  • What is the dealio, guys?

  • We're down by about 30 goals here.

  • That's 30 points, Coach.

  • 30 goals and 30 points?

  • Okay, so basically, we have no chance of winning this game.

  • But is everybody having a good time?

  • (boys) Yeah!

  • Everybody trying their hardest?

  • How much time do we have?

  • (boys) Not a lot.

  • Get your hands in here.

  • Who's got the best war cry in the league?

  • [all yelling]

  • All right!

  • Now get out there, and lose this game.

  • I need to get home.

  • [together] Huh!

  • Mr. D for Teacher of the Year!

  • Mr. D for Teacher of the Year!

  • Whoo! Yeah.

  • We're the worst.

  • (Nelly Furtado) ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge... ♪

  • (Dylan) By comparison, amateur detectives

  • were suddenly elevated to professional status.

  • ♪ I heard about it from the mouth of a man. ♪

  • (Dylan) I mean, who uses a turn signal when you're tailing someone?

  • And if you're going to follow this close,

  • why not just splay yourself across Mr. D's hood

  • and save the gas money?

  • And it lies, it lies in the picket fence call. ♪

  • It was my own paradise with my own private corridor. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • (Dylan) Even nature was telling my dad to relax,

  • go home where it's warm and dry.

  • But no.

  • He was on a roll.

  • Blind to what he was seeing, he pushed forward.

  • (man) Man, you're a saint.

  • You got anything to eat?

  • Oh, thanks, brother.

  • Love you, man.

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • Can I have your attention, please? ♪

  • (Dylan) Oh, right, like my dad was going to climb a fire escape ladder,

  • the guy who'd get a nosebleed

  • stepping up onto a bathroom scale?

  • Hey, what you doing there, Chief?

  • Uh, uh.

  • I lost my key.

  • Oh, so you live here.

  • Yeah, that's right.

  • I--yeah, I live here.

  • Yeah, what number you live at, punk?

  • I don't think that's any of your business,

  • actually.

  • Hey, shut your punk ass up.

  • He axed you a question.

  • Yo, he axed you what number you live at, fool.

  • Uh, number 201.

  • I live at number 201.

  • Wait, 201?

  • Yo, homie.

  • He trying to rob Mr. D.

  • Uh, which one of you is Homie?

  • Oh, God. Oh, God.

  • Yo, get his ass!

  • Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

  • Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

  • Lightning speed.

  • Trynna finda way. ♪

  • Trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • Hey, hey, wait a minute.

  • Those are my clothes.

  • You stole my--

  • I bought those fair and square.

  • From who?

  • Our nation is founded on the principle

  • of democracy and free trade.

  • What do you got?

  • Wait a minute.

  • You're telling me you want me

  • to trade something for my own clothes?

  • Assuming you, like myself,

  • have experienced social financial reversal,

  • it is only proper we continue to negotiate

  • in the spirit of capitalism.

  • What do you got?

  • Oh, oh, here, here.

  • What about these?

  • How about that watch?

  • Oh, no, no, no, that's a family heirloom.

  • You see, my great-grandfather gave it to my grandfather

  • and--why am I telling you this?

  • Okay, deal.

  • Wait, that's not even mine.

  • This for that. Take it or leave it.

  • If Mr. D taught me anything,

  • it's that a fair deal is a fair deal.

  • Wait, did you say Mr. D?

  • I'll do it. Come on, deal.

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • (Dylan) Just when it looked like things couldn't get any stranger,

  • they did.

  • ♪ ♪

  • Hello, you have my attention. ♪

  • Do I have your attention? ♪

  • Can I have your attention, please? ♪

  • [knocking]

  • Mrs. Warner.

  • I'm Michael D'Angelo.

  • I work with--

  • My husband.

  • Do you have any idea where he is?

  • You know, I wouldn't worry about him too much.

  • He's been following me since yesterday afternoon.

  • Following you?

  • You know, he's pretty stressed out right now,

  • and I have something that might help clear things up.

  • Do you mind if I come in for a moment?

  • So this is your yearbook.

  • Yeah.

  • Then you must have known Mr. Warner, Sr.

  • Oh, I didn't just know Stormin' Norman Warner.

  • I wanted to be him.

  • That's Matt's problem too.

  • Right there.

  • I should get going.

  • Yes, thank you.

  • (Dylan) Well, at least Dad learned we were still getting the paper.

  • (Ellie) Thank you

  • for showing me that.

  • It felt good for me too.

  • Bye, Michael.

  • Bye, Ellie.

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda way. ♪

  • ♪ I'm trynna finda right. ♪

  • If I budge, I just might. ♪

  • [woman over intercom] Mrs. Anderson,

  • please pick up line two.

  • Mrs. Anderson, please pick up line two.

  • Dr. Frank to Oncology. Dr. Frank to Oncology.

  • (woman) Okay, Michael, a little pinch.

  • [sighs]

  • Okay, all set.

  • Here's your basin,

  • in case you feel a little queasy,

  • and I'll be back to check up on you

  • in a little while.

  • Excuse me.

  • Why don't you wait right here,

  • and I'll get someone to help you?

  • Security.

  • (Norman) "Michael,

  • "not since my own son, Matty, have I had the privilege

  • "of knowing a young man so empowered

  • "by the spirit of knowledge that he invites miracles.

  • Norman Warner."

  • I'm sorry, Ellie.

  • I met Mr. D today.

  • So did I.

  • Hi, Dad.

  • You know, as a scientist,

  • I don't think that you've been watching me,

  • because if you had been,

  • you probably would have told me to relax.

  • Well, I understand now, Dad.

  • The shadows are gone.

  • You told me it takes less than death to kill a man.

  • Well, I don't want to keep dying, Dad.

  • And I won't.

  • Thanks for listening.

  • Hello, class.

  • Today I want you to close your textbooks

  • and put away your pens and papers.

  • 'Cause today is a free period.

  • I want to know

  • what you guys want to do.

  • Anything at all. Who's got an idea?

  • Patty.

  • Can we sit in on Mr. D's class?

  • Okay.

  • Come on, everyone.

  • Out of your seats.

  • Let's go. Come on.

  • Come on.

  • [drum beating, flute playing]

  • ♪ ♪

  • (Dylan) The obsession with Mr. D seemed to vanish

  • almost as fast as it had appeared.

  • I guess my dad figured if you can't beat 'em...

  • Do you mind if we join you?

  • All tribes welcome.

  • Okay, come on, kids.

  • [whispers] Hi, Dad.

  • Hear me, my chiefs.

  • My heart is weak and sick.

  • Though the flesh may turn to dust,

  • my soul will stand strong

  • and soar higher than ever before,

  • like the distant echo of a beating drum

  • breathing life like the wind,

  • part of all living things.

  • Now...

  • and forever.

  • Now I need volunteers.

  • I'd like a construction worker, a cowboy, and a biker.

  • [bell rings]

  • (boy) Wait up!

  • Hello, Ms. Witherspoon.

  • Dylan, just give me a minute.

  • I want to say something to Mr. D'Angelo.

  • I mean to Mr. D.

  • And then we'll head out, kiddo.

  • (Dylan) Great work, Dad.

  • In front of Chase, you call me...

  • Kiddo.

  • I kind of like that.

  • You do?

  • Yeah, but I like "Dylan" better.

  • I've got cheerleading practice.

  • Maybe I'll see you there.

  • Okay, yeah.

  • I'll be there.

  • Bye.

  • Dad?

  • Yeah, I guess I missed him.

  • I just wanted to thank him for today.

  • You'll have plenty of time for that.

  • I think he's going to be here for a while.

  • Dylan, uh, you know, even if Mr. D moved on

  • to another school,

  • he'd always be a part of Fallbrook.

  • Just like Grandpa is.

  • You know, when Mr. D was telling us his story,

  • it made me think of Gramps.

  • Me too.

  • I mean, Grandpa never put on a headdress.

  • But he was always telling me to take my shot,

  • to make every moment count, to--

  • Soar.

  • Yeah.

  • I guess I never really understood what he meant

  • until I met Mr. D.

  • (Untyde) ♪ Whatever makes you shine. ♪

  • There's a star in your eyes, ♪

  • but it's started to fade out lately. ♪

  • All the things that you've done

  • don't seem to make much difference, ♪

  • don't seem to make you happy anymore. ♪

  • Always searching, always wanting more. ♪

  • Why don't you take it? ♪

  • Why don't you make it? ♪

  • Don't stand there looking for excuses. ♪

  • ♪ 'Cause you won't get them. ♪

  • No, you won't get them from me. ♪

  • [Howard over P.A.] For the first time, I'm almost speechless.

  • I must say, it has been spectacularly masterminded

  • by our very own Mr. D.

  • What a job he's done

  • with this group of fledgling ballplayers.

  • (Howard) Transforming a total absence of talent

  • into one of the most dynamic displays of athletic ineptitude

  • I've ever witnessed.

  • (Dylan) Okay, here we are again,

  • cheering the other team's baskets...

  • cheering our mistakes.

  • [cheering]

  • (cheerleaders) Stomp your feet!

  • Pound your chest!

  • Who cares if we lose? 'Cause we're doing our best!

  • (Dylan) But something was happening.

  • I don't know if it's because we were just having a good time,

  • but every once in a while,

  • we'd pull off a pretty good play.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Way to go, Dylan!

  • [buzzer buzzes]

  • That's my kid. That's my kid.

  • High five. A little higher, now.

  • Swing and a miss.

  • [bicycle bell rings]

  • Good morning, class.

  • [children greeting]

  • I have test scores.

  • [children groaning]

  • No, no groaning.

  • You all did extremely well.

  • We did?

  • All of us?

  • Everyone?

  • Yes.

  • Now, when I call your names, you come up here,

  • and you get your tests.

  • [Bass over P.A.] Good morning, everyone.

  • This is your principal.

  • I--I'm not really sure how to--

  • Well, Mr. D is sick,

  • and he's in the hospital.

  • At this point, we're not really sure

  • if he'll be able to return to school.

  • We're going to send a card over to Mr. D

  • as soon as everyone signs it.

  • So please stop by the trophy case

  • in the main hall at lunch

  • so that we can get this over to him as soon as possible.

  • I'm sure Mr. D would want all of you not to worry,

  • and I know he's thinking about all of you.

  • So let's all think about him and send our prayers,

  • because he will get them.

  • Your substitute history teacher will be Miss Hunt.

  • Please give her a big Fallbrook welcome

  • in Mr. D's absence.

  • Hey, what's this?

  • Who are you?

  • Can you not read?

  • Yeah, and you've completely spelled

  • the name of this class wrong.

  • I take it you're familiar with the principal's office.

  • I'm on my way.

  • [laughter]

  • [rapping]

  • Any other comedians?

  • Okay, class.

  • I--I know we're all feel--

  • Let me just tell you something about Mr. D.

  • He's not going to let any sickness

  • get in his way.

  • You watch and see.

  • You just watch and--

  • Mr. Warner, are you okay?

  • I'm good, Patty.

  • Oh, and so are you,

  • with your first A of the year.

  • Congratulations, Patty.

  • Oh, and, Clyde,

  • you didn't do so bad yourself.

  • Come on down.

  • Come on, you guys.

  • Let's do this for Mr. D.

  • (girl) Oh, I want to sign.

  • (Clyde) Take your time; we have plenty of pencils.

  • I want everybody to sign all around.

  • Say something nice.

  • Good work, Clyde.

  • Thanks, Mr. Warner.

  • [crying]

  • It's going to be okay.

  • He tried to tell me.

  • I heard he has leukemia.

  • I heard he has cancer.

  • Leukemia is cancer, you idiots.

  • Who's going to coach the g-g-game tomorrow?

  • What d-d-does it m-m-matter, Seth?

  • Why don't you shut up, Brad?

  • Why don't you make me?

  • Why don't I make you?

  • Hey, hey, what's the problem here?

  • Oh, there's no problem, Mr. Warner.

  • Hey, you know, Mr. D wouldn't be very happy

  • if he saw you guys fighting, you know?

  • Mr. D isn't here.

  • Oh, yes, he is.

  • What are you talking about, Dad?

  • Well, you don't have to be here to actually be here.

  • I-I d-don't follow.

  • Guys, look.

  • Every single day,

  • your teachers stand up in front of your classes,

  • and they give you things.

  • Mostly Cs.

  • No, not just grades. They give you knowledge.

  • What they've learned,

  • they give to you.

  • And every time you give something to someone,

  • you give just a little part of yourself.

  • Which means that all of you have a little bit of me,

  • of Ms. Davies, of Mr. Parks,

  • and all of you have a little bit of Mr. D.

  • He's here, guys.

  • You just got to know where to look for him.

  • I'll see you in science.

  • Hey, Dylan.

  • Your old man's all right.

  • Yeah, he is.

  • See you.

  • (Dylan) She likes me.

  • She really likes me.

  • Hey, Coach.

  • Can I have a word with you?

  • Of course.

  • Here's what I'm thinking.

  • Honey, where you going?

  • I'll be back.

  • Well, just remember if you go out

  • to put your clothes on.

  • Hello, Michael.

  • I seem to be having a lot of one-way conversations lately.

  • But I figured out why you're such a great teacher.

  • Because you don't just teach the students;

  • you teach the teachers too.

  • You know, my dad used to always talk

  • about the miracles of education.

  • He was Teacher of the Year 43 times.

  • But you taught me one or two things

  • that even he couldn't.

  • And I just wanted to thank you for that, Michael.

  • Mr. D.

  • Hey, Matt?

  • I learned a couple of things from you too.

  • (Matt) Ow!

  • [medieval men's choral music]

  • ♪ ♪

  • So?

  • Who am I?

  • This isn't going to involve a human sacrifice, is it?

  • I'll give you a hint.

  • I am the father of genetics.

  • Devon?

  • Gregor Mendel?

  • That's right. That's absolutely right.

  • I am Gregor Mendel, and I have a big problem.

  • Yeah, your wardrobe.

  • Actually, you know what?

  • That is a problem.

  • But I also have a bigger problem that I was hoping

  • that my apprentices could help me out with.

  • I need to conduct several experiments,

  • and I need to use a particular plant.

  • Now, which plant should I use?

  • String beans?

  • Fava beans. [slurps]

  • Pea plants?

  • And the winner is...

  • pea plants!

  • Very good, Patty.

  • In 1929, the nation's economy was cut to its knees

  • by what devastating event?

  • Nobody?

  • Nobody knows this?

  • Who has been teaching you this year?

  • This is history, isn't it?

  • No, Miss Hunt, it isn't.

  • You need to redefine your terms.

  • That's right.

  • Haven't you ever told a story?

  • The proper term is his- and herstory.

  • What?

  • His- and herstory.

  • One more word, and all of you

  • will be telling your stories to the principal.

  • I'm on my way.

  • Who's coming with me?

  • Plan B.

  • So what Mendel-- I mean what I--

  • [knocking at door]

  • May we join you?

  • Come on in.

  • Come on, kids. Right back there.

  • Hey, good afternoon, Timmy.

  • Good afternoon, Mr. Warner.

  • Good afternoon, everybody.

  • Good afternoon, Matt.

  • MoonPie.

  • Oh. [chuckles]

  • You must have seen my shrink.

  • No, but I've seen a lot.

  • You have a good day.

  • You too.

  • Going to the game, Warner?

  • Of course; it's our last game of the season, right?

  • Hey, heads up, Timmy.

  • I owed you one.

  • Thanks, Mr. Warner.

  • Better suit up for the game.

  • I will.

  • Hey, guys, I don't think

  • Mr. D would like this pregame attitude.

  • Well, who's going to tell him?

  • I will.

  • Now, listen, guys.

  • I got a little addition for your uniforms

  • that I think you're going to like.

  • Come here. Come here.

  • I want you to take these wristbands,

  • put them on.

  • Come on, all of you.

  • Now, look, guys.

  • I know that there's a big part of this team

  • that isn't here right now.

  • But we know where to find it, don't we?

  • Now, we owe it to Mr. D to get out there

  • and have a great time.

  • Now, who's got the best war cry in basketball?

  • Come on, hands in.

  • One, two, three!

  • [all yelling]

  • I'm almost speechless for the first time.

  • I mean,

  • we actually could win.

  • (Dylan) Yup, that's us playing.

  • Rebounding, scoring, almost winning.

  • [cheering]

  • Time out! Time out!

  • [whistle blows]

  • Come on, guys. Come on.

  • (Dylan) The team had a new confidence.

  • Take it on the chin.

  • It doesn't matter if you win.

  • Play the game for fun.

  • Win or lose, you've won.

  • (Dylan) And so did I.

  • How you doing?

  • I've been better.

  • Well, if you're going to fall in front of a crowd this size,

  • at the biggest game of the year,

  • you've got to make a louder thunk.

  • Like this.

  • That's the stuff.

  • That really works?

  • I don't know.

  • You're the first girl I've ever fallen for.

  • [whistle blows]

  • [cheering]

  • Come on, you guys. We got to do this.

  • Okay, this is good. This is really good.

  • I mean, we could win this thing.

  • We could really win this thing.

  • But, you know, winning doesn't really matter,

  • because you guys are so unbelievable.

  • I mean, I'm really proud--

  • Mr. Warner, take it easy.

  • Oh, right, right, right.

  • (Dylan) Dad, what's the play?

  • What are we going to do?

  • Okay, okay, here's what we're going to do.

  • We got about 30 seconds left.

  • I want you to hang on to the ball for as long as you can

  • before you shoot, okay?

  • What if we lose the ball?

  • Seth, what's your strength?

  • Footwork.

  • Fred Astaire defense.

  • Give me your foot.

  • Who's Fred Astaire?

  • How much time do we have?

  • Enough.

  • Well, then, you take us home, Matt.

  • Okay.

  • Hey, we're playing a game here.

  • Okay, Seth.

  • It's time to step up.

  • I'm ready.

  • Then you're our man.

  • Come on, guys. Let's go.

  • [cheering]

  • Fred Astaire defense!

  • [tapping]

  • [When the Saints Come Marching In]

  • ♪ ♪

  • (Matt) Come on; that's your ball!

  • Get it back!

  • (crowd) Ten, nine...

  • eight, seven, six,

  • five, four, three, two...

  • Take your shot!

  • One!

  • [cheering]

  • Come on!

  • High five!

  • Hey, how about one more bite, little man, huh?

  • Let me finish up here, Matty.

  • You got to get going.

  • Oh, okay.

  • See you later, kiddo.

  • Hey, Dad, you walking up?

  • Yeah.

  • Got everything?

  • Got everything.

  • Bye, Michael.

  • Love you, honey.

  • Love you too. Now scram.

  • You want a bite?

  • Ooh.

  • Oh, good boy.

  • All right, junior year.

  • You know what that means.

  • Next year, this will be a car?

  • Morning, Mr. Warner.

  • Hey, Chase.

  • This is your year, Dad.

  • Hey, it's going to be a great year.

  • And I'm ready.

  • What do you think?

  • It might be important.

  • What would I do without my girls?

  • Bye.

  • Bye.

  • (Dylan) Dad was right.

  • We all had a little bit of Mr. D in our hearts.

  • Oh, and Ms. Davies had a little more;

  • she inherited his car.

  • (Matt) Welcome to life science, everybody.

  • The first order of business is the seating chart.

  • We're not having one this year.

  • Now, the mysteries of science are happening all around us

  • all the time.

  • They're happening inside us right now.

  • Okay, what I'd like you all to do

  • is to look at the person to your left.

  • Now, each one of you is looking at another human being.

  • They may have red hair. They may have brown eyes.

  • They may not smell that good.

  • [laughter]

  • But you know what?

  • Each one of you is looking at a miracle.

  • [rock music]

  • (Dylan) This might sound silly,

  • but it was like Gramps had sent Mr. D down

  • to help us all relax, believe in ourselves,

  • take our shots.

  • ♪ ♪

  • Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com

  • (The YoYos) ♪ Hello, hello. ♪

  • ♪ I'll bring you letters

  • from the man you used to know. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • Give in; let go

  • to the words that made you feel

  • you weren't alone. ♪

  • Now, it's funny how we find out

  • time can solve the mystery, ♪

  • but love is only temporary. ♪

  • Hello, hello. ♪

  • The smile on your face is just for show. ♪

  • Inside, you're screaming, "Let me go." ♪

  • Hello, hello. ♪

  • Loneliness doesn't make a sound

  • till I head back underground. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • Hello, hello. ♪

  • ♪ I bring you pictures

  • from the man you used to know. ♪

  • Give in; let go

  • to the images that made you feel at home. ♪

  • Now, it's funny how we find out

  • how age can change a man. ♪

  • Confused but now I understand. ♪

  • Hello, hello. ♪

  • You're swimming faster than you know, ♪

  • but you can't fight the undertow. ♪

  • Hello, hello. ♪

  • Loneliness doesn't make a sound

  • till I head back underground. ♪

  • ♪ ♪

  • Hello, hello. ♪

  • Maybe I'll just say good-bye. ♪

(male announcer) At Fallbrook Middle School...

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A2 初級

スクール・オブ・ライフ - ライアン・レイノルズ主演のフルムービー (School of Life - Full Movie starring Ryan Reynolds)

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    沐曦 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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