Victor Knudsen, was hit by an epidemic.

And we're not talking about your everyday epidemic like chicken pox.

Or the flu. Nope, we're talking a case of total, incurable...

"Anya-itis".

Hello, gorgeous.

It's not so much the fact

that she's the most beautiful girl in the history of the world.

It's that... well...

- Whassup, ladies? - Hey, Peter!

Why don't you boys go park my precious?

Sure thing, Peter.

If you scratch her, you die.

Open house this evening. Please come by.

Nothing feels quite like expensive wheels. Not even sex.

You ladies should stop by Nick and Ernie's party tonight.

It's gonna be off the hook.

Especially you mama. I'll make sure you're on the VIP list.

Take a hike, losers.

They'd never set foot at your retarded little party.

Yo, Vic!

Hey, Vic!

Is he even alive?

Come on, this is your big chance.

Never mind the fact that she's the world's most unattainable girl.

And that's... maybe her boyfriend.

Just walk on up to her and invite her to Ernie's party tonight.

So what if she's a Senior? Nothing. It means nothing.

Oh my god, what a smile!

I don't think we've been introduced.

Huh, no we haven't.

Those eyes...

My name's Vic...

"Viccup"?

That sure looks like your geek brother trying to score.

How freaking stupid can you be, trying to score a Senior?

Must run in the family. You wrote Paris Hilton, didn't you?

She's not a Senior now, is she?

Besides, she's much more mature than high school chicks.

Right.

We could make the catastrophic film of the century

about Victor and Anya.

"What not to do when one wants to get some ass".

We're gonna win Sundance!

You do the directing, I'll cast the floozies.

- Score! - Yeah!

I think Esmeralda is just about ready...

Adios, mamacita.

Now there's pussy in the air, boys.

- She sure does slide nicely. - Why Esmeralda?

We can name her Anya if you prefer.

What do you think Ernest?

This is America. We can all dream, right?

- Do you think she'll come? - Not the first few times.

Victor, my man, she's a Senior.

You'd have a better chance trying to score Angelina Jolie.

I don't exactly think she walks around dreaming about a 15 year old

who's never had any, except his own right hand.

- Get lost, you little rug rat! - Alright, fine. I'll leave.

I'm sorry,

I thought you were my hideous little brother and his stupid camera.

I don't think Brian looks this great in a dress.

Very sexy. You're out for some trouble tonight, aren't you?

- Aren't I always? - Yeah.

- Anya's bedroom, take four. - Marker!

Brian and Zack, that's it!! Get the hell out of my room!

One more time from the top, Sis.

And maybe you could lose the bathrobe in this take?

Out now!

Keep that expression, Anya.

You're totally challenging Uma Thurman in Kill Bill!

Get out! Scram!

Come on Anya, get dressed.

The Froshes are having a party and we're crashing it!

What, Freshmen?

Sure you'll fit right in. They don't have sex either.

Thanks.

- Hey, Ernie! - What's up, baby?

No sandals next time, buddy. We're running a classy joint here.

Luckily, I'm in a good mood. Hello.

Wearing dancing shoes.

So, have you seen her yet?

If you are referring to your lady friend Anya, she was just here.

- I told her to take a hike. - You did what?

She didn't have an invitation, man. What do you want from me?

But she doesn't, she doesn't need a...a...

Bu, bu, but... Okay, geez, I'm just joking.

That broad has totally ruined your sense of humor.

Madames, proceed to the Garden of Eden.

Nice!

Yo, this place is packed with hotties.

Forget about Anya and just grab whatever you can get.

Which isn't a whole lot,

but, you know, there's gotta be someone desperate enough.

Man, you are a lost cause. Go make sure Ernie's still standing, will you?

Come on, lets just try to get into Avalon instead.

Peter just texted me and said it'd be happening tonight.

Peter should just be happy you are practicing on some toddlers.

Thanks for the confidence.

- Are you still scared? - Of what?

Of actually doing it with Peter.

No.

I mean, when we're alone together he's really nice,

and he says all the right things, it's just...

Anya, if you don't wanna do it, you shouldn't do it.

I do want to, I'm ready!

I don't know. I guess I'm just not sure if he's the right one.

Listen, you can't just throw away a woman's greatest treasure,

just because he wants you to.

You have to wait for your one true love.

The one you're gonna marry.

- What was that? - It's in the Bible.

You guys ever hear of role playing?

You got it, doll.

Two of Ernie's famous home juice.

Get lost girls, Hanna Montana starts in 5 minutes.

What was that?

Hi...

Such a lovely dress you're wearing, Anya.

Nice fabric. They don't make them like that anymore.

I just bought it, so I guess they do.

Okay, Tom Ford, fashion week is over.

- I'm Victor. - Hi.

Are you coming or what?

It's the nicest dress I've seen all night.

Okay.

That freshie really liked your dress.

Hey, let's make a bet, whoever gets a freshie hooked first,

has to pick up the tab later on at Avalon.

You're on.

It's the nicest dress I've seen all night?

That's the dumbest thing I've said in my entire life!

Ooooh!

Freak out time!

Just, just, just walk up to her and say

"Anya, baby, let's, let's groove.

I got some... R-rated moves for ya."

Dude, what are you doing in here, boy?

Okay. Don't mind me.

Hey, come on, close the door, it's not that big.

Or, is it?

Come on, you guys, walk!

You can do it. One foot after the other.

Don't tell me you're talking to your feet, Vic?

- No, I, I.... - Just go on up to her, man. Come on.

Just do it, Vic.

Do it, man,

Here comes your lover boy to comment on your dress again.

I sense your credit card's gonna hit the limit tonight.

Victor, my man, you obviously have something important to say.

I'm, I'm sorry, what was that?

Any hiccup experts in the house?

I know a good trick.

Come on, you've tortured Victor long enough.

So Victor, do you want me to try to fix these hiccups of yours?

I'll give you a great, big kiss if you can do one more hiccup for me.

Victor?

Victor?

Victor!

So, what will it be, big boy?

Go, buddy!

I, I can't do it.

But the most important thing is that your hiccups are cured, right?

Guess I'm stuck paying the tab tonight.

That's the price you have to pay for having such a "lovely dress".

- Hey, I got the hiccups too! - No, no, no, no, I do!

She would have kissed me!

Zachary Jaaaaaaaaames!!!!

That's my name, don't wear it out. I got the copyright, lady.

You know I can't stand spiders!

Then it's a good thing it's made out of licorice.

Where did I go wrong?

- When you and Dad were getting.... - Yes, thank you, young man.

Sounds like you woke up your mom, Zachary.

- Good morning. - Hi, Dad.

What about Victor? Is he up yet?

The old booze hound is hung over.

Oh, don't be silly. Your brother doesn't drink.

Yeah, and I don't dig girls over 18.

Victor, breakfast is ready!

Oh, good morning.

So son, any nice-looking girls there last night?

- Yeah, did you get any pussy? - Zachary!

You need to use a different language, young man!

Yes, Mom. Hizole consigue coño?

Did you get to bump into any big jugs?

Stop it!

Back in my day, we called them melons.

Christian!

Well, some people did, but, no, no, not me.

You know, I better get back to work.

- Oh, don't forget this one. - Thank you, son.

See you.

So, what kind of trouble are you boys planning on getting into today?

Nothing out of the ordinary,

Maybe knock over a liquor store, hit the titty bar.

Oh, that's great!

Hey, Mom, did anyone call?

No. Who would have called?

Oh, I don't know.

What if she's crazy about me, but just doesn't know it yet?

In theory she already kissed me. It's all subconscious.

She even smiled at me this morning.

Anya's the type who'd smile at a child molester.

If she likes you so much, why don't you go over and talk to her?

Well, she's sitting with all the Seniors.

What about that smart-ass Peter? Is she dating him or what?

No, I'm sure they're just really good friends.

Is Victor Knudsen really gonna go down in history

as the Kentucky fried chicken who didn't dare fight for his own woman?

You're right.

No, time out, time out. Are you sure there are no hiccups on their way up?

I got it covered.

I didn't drink a single sip of water today, or yesterday.

Good luck, Titanic!

Can't you faint from dehydration?

What's up ladies?

Is this Candid Camera or did you just say "what's up ladies"?

I just wanted to say how great it was to see you at the party.

Me and my dress?

Don't you know little Freshmen aren't allowed at the Senior table?

Last I checked there was no reservation sign.

Listen, you punk, I don't know what you're trying to pull here,

but don't ever talk to any of us ever again

or I'll split your skull in two!

Go buy yourself a Hershey's kiss, kid.

No one in their right mind would ever give such a loser one for free.

- Nice one! - Huh? You like that? Like that?

Well done.

"Go buy yourself a Hershey's kiss, kid".

- Hurry up. - Relax already.

Check the stalls, will ya?

Clear. Make this quick.

I seem to remember you never liked it when I was too quick about it.

Look, I'm sick and tired of Anya and her unspoiled, virgin bullshit.

What is she trying to prove?

Don't worry, she knows she can't graduate a virgin.

She said that?

She said she wants to do it soon,

and I told her the best way is to do it with someone with experience.

Someone who know's what he's doing.

Thanks for the compliment. Can't you...

Prepare her a bit?

- Prepare her, are you crazy?! - Just give her a few tips.

I'm going to her house on Wednesday while her parents are playing Bridge.

Seriously Peter, that's between you two.

I wanna see my girl happy and I am not pushing her to do it.

It was a lot easier with you back in the day.