Name: 水曜日のQ&A - アジャーン・ブラームの2013年10月9日間のリトリート (Wednesday Q&A - Ajahn Brahm's October 2013 9 Day Retreat)
Uploaded: 2021-01-14T05:41:10.000Z
Duration: 1 h 17 min
Description: VoiceTubeの動画で発音を聞きながら英語表現を覚えよう！学べる英語：

動名詞

Question: Dear Ajahn, when it comes to letting go, how do you ask people who think you owe them a

to 不定詞

duty to make them happy to let you go? This would mainly be a personal relative since

法助動詞 A2

one can more easily tell an outsider to go away. How does one apply loving kindness to

solve this, how to find enough loving kindness to do it? So somebody else think you owe them

a duty to make them happy? I don't know where that really comes from, sometimes kids think

their parents have a duty to make them happy and look after them...up to a certain time,

but remember I compare human beings to birds. We're supposed to be a high level of being.

When it comes to raising children, you cannot beat the birds because the birds will look

after their kids, they'll sit on the eggs first of all. And if ever you've got a sore

bottom sitting meditation, think of those poor birds. [laughs] Hour after hour after

hour after hour, and as soon as those chicks are hatched, they feed and feed and feed them

all day and they always want more food. It's not like your kids, sometimes they sleep,

sometimes they've had enough. But birds have got their beak open always asking for more.

and then the birds teach their young how to fly. When I did 6 months solitary retreat,

I used to watch a pair of eagles who were nesting and you saw them take their kid, their

baby after their first flight, which is really, really cute to watch that. When you're on

retreat for 6 months you can actually watch nature, become so sensitive and see a pair

of eagles raise their young. And after that, once a bird can fly, what do mum and dad do?

They're off! They kick the bird out the nest. The son and daughter, they just go. You're

out of here, mate. Now wouldn't that be wonderful if parents could do that. Cos all you owe

them is just bringing them up, looking after them, caring for them but the point is, I like

to impress upon parents, they're not _your_ kids. These are beings who come into your

life, where they come from you don't know and what previous birth or previous realm

and now they're here in your life and you look after them, care for them, and you really

sacrifice a lot, you get a lot of fun out of that. You always know they are not yours.

Later on they will go into their own careers, their own life, go and get married, live in

another country, means bye bye children, that's as it should be. So your job is never to

think they are your children, that's a problem. They are just children, you look after them for

a while and then you let them go. So you don't owe them, past giving them an education, and

getting them started. And please don't leave your inheritance to your kids [laughs] because

it is such a stupid thing to do because the kids get very lazy. Maybe give them a little

bit of a start but don't give them too much. You give them too much, then they will never

appreciate anything and they usually waste it. So just give them enough to get them going

and then, okay off you go. And if it's like your partner in life, remember what I always

said, I mentioned this earlier, when I do any marriage ceremony, I always look at one

person, then the other person, then to say in a marriage, in a relationship, you should

never think of yourself, nor should you think of the partner, it's all about us. So if it's a

case that you think of yourself and the partner as being different, of course there is duties

of owing - I helped you, now you have to help me back. When it's us, your duty is to the

partnership, not to one person. It's to us, not me, not him, not her. That makes it a

lot different. But if you owe them a duty to make them happy, to let you go, then after

a while that, you cannot own anybody, you can't own your children, you can't own your

parents, you have to let them go sooner or later. As I've often that's the greatest act

of love is to let somebody go. Remember we had a wonderful time together, now is the

time you go to Singapore, I go somewhere else, you spend 9 days together, bye, bye [laughs]

and that's as it should be, we let each other go. We have not have no more duties than that.

When we know what our duties are in life, one of the duties is to let go of things.

And you don't owe anything. For example, that sometimes people are very grateful for the

teachings and example which I have done and given you and sometimes people say, I owe

you Ajahn Brahm. I always remember Ajahn Chah teaching me, cos he helped me so much and

I asked him how can I ever repay your debt, the debt I have to you? He said, you can never

repay the debt which you owe me except by helping others. So you don't pay it back,

you pay it on. If I have helped you, the only way to pay off what you owe me is to give

all these teachings and kindness to somebody else. That's why teaching you and teaching

people in Malaysia and Australia and all over the world is the way I'm paying off my debt

to Ajahn Chah. He helped me, so I help you, now you're in debt to me. [laughs] Now you

got to go and help somebody else and then you've paid off your debt to your teacher.

That's how owing and letting go happens. It's quite beautiful. See what else we got here.

Question: Sorry to ask you to repeat, please elaborate the donkey and the 2 jokes relating to listless.

Thank you very much. There's only one durian. Sometimes people are so greedy [laughter]

they want two, an extra one. So the old story, donkey, durian stick on the donkey's back,

string on the end of a stick, durian on the end of the string. So when the donkey goes

after the durian, the durian is always in front of the donkey's mouth and can never

catch it. That's why we're always running somewhere, that's what listlessness is

we're always running somewhere, always going somewhere, always doing something and

we think by going here, going there, we're going to catch something. Get the durian,

get satisfaction, happiness or whatever else you're after in life. And you find that the

whole meaning of your life is always running after something and you can never catch it.

You get close many times. But it's always in front of you, it's within reach but when

you go towards it, it disappears. Remember when you were children and you saw a rainbow

and you could see where the rainbow was striking the ground, maybe in some field or garden

somewhere. You went over to the end of the rainbow and as soon as you approach where

the rainbow met the ground, the rainbow moved away from you. You can never catch the foot

of the rainbow. In Western culture they always said there's a pot of gold at the end of the

rainbow. But of course, you can never catch it, when you go towards it, it moves away

from you. That's like so many things in life, that's a durian in front of the donkey. But

you find a way of catching of that durian, you just stop, you let go. Now I've told many

people in their interviews, don't try to let go. You let go of trying. It's not a funny,

it's not a smart aleck statement, it's actually very deep. Don't try to let go, let go of

trying which means you stop and then the durian comes towards you. So that's how you stop

listlessness. Cos listlessness, restlessness is always wanting something and thinking that

moving, scratching will get rid of the itch, but it never does. So after a while, you

just stop and then everything which all that movement promised you, comes to you, rather

than you chasing it. I used to tell the monks one of my stories that when I was a young

monk in Thailand, it was very tough, not only with food but you hardly ever see any tea

or coffee or anything like that, except when you were dyeing your robes. Cos to make dye

you had to work maybe 24, 36 hours so it was acceptable. If you were dyeing a robe you

can have some tea and coffee in the dyeing shed, as much as you like because you got

to keep up all night. And one day some of my friends, they were in the dyeing shed,

dyeing their robes all night and I happened to wake up a little bit early. The bell went

at 3 o'clock in the morning and I was up about 2.45 and I thought if I go to the dyeing shed,

I'm sure my friends will give me a cup of tea or coffee. I'm up early enough, there'll

be some there, and it will help with my morning meditation. I'll have good meditation

that morning. And I thought, no, that's just following your craving, that's not the sort

of thing a monk, good monk should do. And before I knew it, I was off walking towards

the dyeing shed [laughter], I just couldn't resist. And when I got to... actually half

way towards the dyeing shed, I heard the 3 o'clock bell ring and that's important to

notice. When I got to the shed a couple of minutes later, it was cleaned up, they'd finished.

They'd finished early, so no monks were there, no tea, no coffee but it was all still warm.

I thought never mind, so I went into the hall and did my meditation which was quite sleepy.

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水曜日のQ&A - アジャーン・ブラームの2013年10月9日間のリトリート (Wednesday Q&A - Ajahn Brahm's October 2013 9 Day Retreat)

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