It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World | S1 E13 | Full Episode | Phineas and Ferb

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♪ THERE'S 104 DAYS OF SUMMER VACATION ♪
♪ THEN SCHOOL COMES ALONG JUST TO END IT ♪
♪ SO THE ANNUAL PROBLEM FOR OUR GENERATION ♪
♪ IS FINDING A GOOD WAY TO SPEND IT ♪
♪ LIKE, MAYBE ♪
♪ BUILDING A ROCKET OR FIGHTING A MUMMY ♪
♪ OR CLIMBING UP THE EIFFEL TOWER ♪
♪ DISCOVERING SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST ♪
HEY!
♪ OR GIVING A MONKEY A SHOWER ♪
♪ SURFING TIDAL WAVES, CREATING NANOBOTS ♪
♪ OR LOCATING FRANKENSTEIN'S BRAIN ♪
IT'S OVER HERE!
♪ FINDING A DODO BIRD, PAINTING A CONTINENT ♪
♪ OR DRIVING OUR SISTER INSANE ♪
PHINEAS!
♪ AS YOU CAN SEE ♪
♪ THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF STUFF TO DO ♪
♪ BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS THIS FALL ♪
COME ON, PERRY!
♪ SO STICK WITH US 'CAUSE PHINEAS AND FERB ♪
♪ ARE GONNA DO IT ALL ♪
♪ SO STICK WITH US 'CAUSE PHINEAS AND FERB ♪
♪ ARE GONNA DO IT ALL ♪
MOM!
PHINEAS AND FERB ARE MAKING A TITLE SEQUENCE!
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DISNEY-ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
HEY, BOYS.
Phineas: HI, MOM.
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TODAY?
WE'RE RACING OUR REMOTE-CONTROL MONSTER TRUCKS.
[CLICKING] I DON'T SEE ANY MONSTER TRUCKS.
OH, THAT'S 'CAUSE WE RIGGED THEM TO GO LIGHT SPEED.
YOU KNOW HOW THOSE STOCK MOTORS ARE--
THEY NEVER GIVE YOU ENOUGH ACTION.
YOU BOYS HAVE SUCH ACTIVE IMAGINATIONS.
YOU MUST GET IT FROM YOUR FATHER.
LET'S SEE. GREEN GOES TO...
NUMBER 5.
HA HA HA! I'M PAINTING.
OH, CHARLENE'S HERE. I'M OFF TO MY COOKING CLASS.
BYE, MOM. FINAL LAP, FERB.
AW, ANOTHER PHOTO FINISH.
I'M NEVER WATCHING CLOSELY ENOUGH TO SEE WHO WON.
[PHONE RINGS]
DESPAIR SPEAKING.
CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY "DESPAIR" ISN'T PICKING UP HER CELL PHONE THIS MORNING?
BECAUSE OF A LITTLE THING CALLED PARALLEL PARKING!
SEE, YESTERDAY, DAD WAS TEACHING ME HOW TO DRIVE...
OK, CANDACE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS PARK BETWEEN THIS PLASTIC TRASH CAN
AND THAT PLASTIC TRASH CAN.
Candace: SO, I PUT IT IN REVERSE...
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! [SOBBING]
THEN DAD SAID MY PARALLEL PARKING "NEEDS A LITTLE WORK."
HE MEANS I'LL NEVER GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!
I'M SUCH A LOSER.
OH, MY GOSH, FERB, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I'VE NEVER NOTICED HOW SOFT OUR CARPETS ARE.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WE HAVE TO HELP CANDACE GET HER CONFIDENCE BACK.
ANY IDEAS?
THIS IS PERFECT--
THE CANDACE CRUSHER!
NOTHING SAYS CONFIDENCE LIKE A MONSTER TRUCK.
HEY, WHERE'S PERRY?
[CLICKING]
[SQUEAKING]
OH, HEY, AGENT P. SO, GET THIS.
I GOT THIS MEMO THIS MORNING ON DOOFENSHMIRTZ,
AND SOMEBODY ABBREVIATED HIS NAME IN IT. GUESS HOW THEY WROTE IT.
"DOOF." HA HA HA!
"THE DOOF." HOO HOO HOO!
IT'S TIMES LIKE THESE WHEN YOU REALLY APPRECIATE
HAVING A COOL NAME LIKE MONOGRAM.
Karl: AND KARL.
I ALREADY TOLD YOU YOUR NAME'S NOT THAT COOL.
ANYWAY, DO YOUR STUFF, AGENT P., AND STOP THAT...DOOF.
HA HA HA!
TAKE IT ALL THE WAY BACK.
KEEP IT MOVING--
WATERFALL, THE ORANGE CONES,
PARTS, LEFT TO THE GARAGE.
BLEACHERS, RIGHT. UM, [COOING]
GIANT BABY HEAD-- ANYWHERE IS GOOD.
[WHIRRING]
[FANFARE PLAYING]
[KISSES]
[RUMBLING AND WHIRRING OUTSIDE]
[HONKING]
OH. HEY, BOYS.
DAD, YOU MIGHT WANT TO WIPE THE QUEEN OFF YOUR FACE.
OH. OH, YEAH, THANKS.
CRIKEY! A MONSTER TRUCK!
YEAH, ISN'T IT SWEET?
IT'S TO HELP TEACH CANDACE HOW TO PARALLEL PARK AND STUFF.
WE FIGURED IF SHE LEARNED HOW TO DRIVE ONE OF THESE MONSTERS,
SHE'D HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO DRIVE ANYTHING.
OH, YEAH, BRILLIANT.
BUT I BETTER CHECK WITH MUM ABOUT THIS.
EH, HELLO, HONEY.
YES, YES. OH, GOSH, I LOVE YOU, TOO, DARLING.
UH, ARE YOU AWARE THE BOYS HAVE A MONSTER TRUCK IN THE BACKYARD?
HONESTLY, YOU'RE AS BAD AS CANDACE.
OK, OK, JUST CHECKING.
IT'S A GO, BOYS. I'LL GET YOUR SISTER.
AHEM! MADAME FLYNN,
I HAVE TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES,
NO PHONE CALLS IN CLASS!
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HEH HEH HEH. HELLO?
IT IS FOR YOU.
HELLO?
MOM, I THINK THE BOYS ARE BUILDING A MONSTER TRUCK.
UM, HONEY, I'VE GOTTA GO.
NO--BIG CHEF, BIG MEAT TENDERIZER IN FRONT OF MOMMY.
BYE-BYE!
OH, THIS SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA.
Phineas: I'VE GOT YOU.
OH, WHAT'S THE POINT? I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO PARALLEL PARK.
DON'T WORRY, SIS. IT'S JUST TO BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE.
OK, DON'T FORGET TO BUCKLE UP.
BUT WE CAN'T DRIVE HERE. IT'S JUST THE BACKYARD.
[CLANKING]
[FANFARE PLAYING]
MEEP.
♪ DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL, INCORPORATED ♪
GENTLEMEN, I HAVE A UNIQUE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.
I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL AWARE OF THE POPULARITY OF MONSTER TRUCKS, RIGHT?
BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY ARE NOT REALLY MONSTERS-- JUST BIG, STUPID TRUCKS.
SO...
I CAME UP WITH MY OWN LINE OF MONSTER TRUCKS. BEHOLD!
VERY EVIL, DON'T YOU THINK? THERE'S EVEN ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE ME.
LOOK! LOOK! HA HA HA!
WE'LL CORNER THE MARKETS!
AND JUST TO BE SURE, I HAVE CREATED
THE MONSTER TRUCK AWAYINATOR!
YOU KNOW, TO DO AWAY WITH THE COMPETITION.
BUT IS IT SAFE TO USE?
SURE. LET ME DEMONSTRATE.
[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]
SEE? IT DOESN'T AFFECT PEOPLE AT ALL.
EXCEPT MAYBE A LITTLE SWELLING-- BUT DON'T WORRY. IT WILL GO DOWN...
YOU KNOW, PROBABLY.
NOW, WATCH WHAT IT DOES TO THIS MINIATURE MONSTER TRUCK.
[MEN TALK AT ONCE]
I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT SENDS THEM-- MAYBE ANOTHER DIMENSION.
OOH!
HEH HEH HEH! [MUNCHES]
OF COURSE, THAT WAS JUST A TOY.
LET'S TRY IT OUT ON A REAL MONSTER TRUCK HUH?
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT INVENTION...
THE MONSTER TRUCK LOCATINATOR!
PERRY THE PLATYPUS? GUESS WHAT?
THAT'S NOT A MONSTER TRUCK LOCATINATOR AT ALL.
IT'S A CHINESE PLATYPUS TRAP!
HEE HEE HEE! HA HA HA! I GOT YOU.
HERE'S THE REAL LOCATINATOR.
OK, NOW. WHERE IS THE NEAREST MONSTER TRUCK?
YES! RIGHT HERE IN DANVILLE.
OK, EVERYBODY, GET IN ME, AND WE'LL GO.
[ENGINE ROARS]
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BRING HIM?
Doofenshmirtz: PERRY THE PLATYPUS? WELL, YES, OF COURSE.
HE'S MY NEMESIS. I HAVE TO SHOW HIM EVERYTHING.
GOOD AFTERNOON, DANVILLE.
DINK WINKERSON HERE, AND THIS IS LITTLE ISABELLA GARCIA-SHAPIRO
FROM FIRESIDE GIRL TROOP 46231.
AND SHE'S GOT A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
[MAN'S VOICE] WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY!
GIANT MONSTER TRUCK RALLY RIGHT HERE IN DANVILLE!
CANDACE THE CRUSHER TAKES ON ALL COMERS!
BE THERE, BE THERE, BE THERE!
WE'LL GIVE YOU THE WHOLE SEAT, BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE.
[NORMAL VOICE] THANKS, DINK.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
ALL RIGHT, CANDACE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS MANEUVER THROUGH THIS TRAFFIC CONE COURSE.
OH. SO, I PUT IT INTO DRIVE--
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
I DON'T THINK WE'RE GONNA GET THE DEPOSIT BACK
ON THOSE CONES.
OK, CANDACE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO ON THIS TEST
IS GO UP THIS GENTLE INCLINE.
DAD, YOU LOOK NERVOUS.
NO, OF COURSE NOT. I--I HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE IN YOU.
PHINEAS, THIS INCLINE IS GETTING KIND OF STEEP!
Phineas: DON'T WORRY, CANDACE.
IT GETS STEEPER.
[ENGINE REVS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
NEXT, THE BRAKE PORTION OF THE TEST.
[SQUEAKING]
[CANDACE GASPS] I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT!
OH, WELL DONE.
Doofenshmirtz: OK, LEFT ONTO MAPLE DRIVE,
AND HERE WE ARE!
OH, GREAT. THERE'S NO PARKING SPOTS.
I SHOULD HAVE INVENTED A PARKED CAR AWAYINATOR.
OH, JA! THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD BUY.
OH, LOOK AT HIM. HE'S GOT A BIG HEAD--
SUDDENLY SOME SORT OF MARKETING GENIUS.
WELL DONE, CANDACE. NEXT, WE'LL--
[ENGINES REVVING]
YOU'RE CANDACE THE CRUSHER?
YES...
I'VE HEARD PIGS COULD FLY, BUT NOW I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING! HA HA HA!
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO. I GOT A MONSTER TRUCK.
WHOO-HOO!
CANDACE, THOSE DUDES NEED TO SUCK OUR MUD!
[ENGINE REVVING]
♪ NOW, LET ME TELL YOU ALL A STORY OF A TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL ♪
♪ IN A CUSTOM-MADE MONSTER TRUCK SHE TOOK FOR A WHIRL ♪
♪ THAT LITTLE SPEED DEMON GONNA BE A STAR ♪
♪ WITH A LEARNER'S PERMIT AND AN ADULT IN THE CAR ♪
♪ SHE MAY BE OUT FOR A LOT BUT SHE CAN STARE AT A BAR ♪
♪ SHE'S A TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL, SHE'S A TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL ♪
[ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO PLAYING]
[CRASHING]
AAH!
♪ WELL, SOMEDAY SHE'LL GET HER LICENSE AND SHE'LL HAVE IT ALL ♪
♪ SHE CAN PICK UP HER FRIENDS AND TAKE A DRIVE TO THE MALL ♪
♪ THAT LITTLE REDHEAD GONNA ROCK MY WORLD ♪
♪ SHE'S A TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL, SHE'S A TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL ♪
♪ SHE'S A TIRE-SPINNIN', GEAR-GRINDIN' ♪
♪ CLUTCH-BURNIN', BACKFIRIN' ♪
♪ PAINT-TRADIN', RED-LININ' ♪
♪ OVERHEATIN', THROTTLE-STOPIN' ♪
♪ TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL ♪
Phineas: IT'S A PHOTO FINISH!
THE WINNER WILL NOW BE DECIDED BY OUR FINAL EVENT--
THE PARALLEL PARKING CHALLENGE!
PARALLEL PARKING?
HA HA! YOU'RE GOING DOWN, GIRLIE.
CHECK OUT THE FINESSE.
[ENGINE REVS]
[CLANG]
AAH!
AAH! AAH! [SCREAMING]
SEE, CANDACE? EVEN A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL
HAS TROUBLE FROM TIME TO TIME.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO JUST RELAX
AND PARK THIS CAR.
[ENGINE REVS]
YES!
PERFECT!
[PLAYS FANFARE]
TIME FOR SOME MONSTER TRUCK AWAYINATING!
[CLICKING]
OK, STEADY NOW. HERE WE--
♪ PERRY ♪
PERRY THE PLATYPUS? BUT--
BUT HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE CHINESE PLATYPUS TRAP?
ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET.
I DON'T REMEMBER INVITING HIM.
NO, WAIT! PERRY THE PLATYPUS, NO, NO, PLEASE!
DON'T TURN THAT DIAL TO THE DOOFENSHMIRTZ-MOBILE AND EVIL INVESTORS AWAYINATOR!
[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]
I HAVE TO RETHINK MY DIALS.
OOH! HEY, LOOK, GUYS.
MY SWELLING WENT DOWN.
OH, SHUT UP.
[BURPS]
Doofenshmirtz: CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
I DID IT!
I'M PROUD OF YOU, DARLING.
YOU REALLY MADE THEM EAT MUD.
AAH! UHH!
[SQUISHING]
GOTTA ADMIT IT, GIRL-- YOU'RE GOOD.
HEY, AREN'T YOU BUCK BUCKERSON,
THE FAMOUS MONSTER TRUCK RALLY PROMOTER?
THAT'S RIGHT. ME AND MY BOYS ARE HEADED TO A RALLY
UP IN BADGERTOWN.
ONLY, THE TRACK UP THERE AIN'T NEAR AS GOOD AS THIS ONE.
YOU CAN HAVE OURS. WE'RE THROUGH WITH IT.
WELL, THAT'S MIGHTY NICE OF YOU. HAUL HER AWAY, BOYS.
THANKS FOR THE RIDE, CHARLENE.
[HONK HONK]
[BEEP]
[CLICKING]
HI, MOM.
CANDACE, WHY ON EARTH
ARE YOU ALL COVERED IN MUD?
BECAUSE SHE'S A TIRE-SPINNING, GEAR-GRINDING,
CLUTCH-BURNING, BACKFIRING, PAINT-TRADIN', RED-LININ',
OVERHEATIN', THROTTLE-STOPIN', TRUCK-DRIVIN' GIRL.
AND I LEARNED HOW TO PARALLEL PARK!
GREAT!
[CAWING]
[PLAYING OFF-KEY]
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY IS STRANGLING A CAT.
IT MUST BE GRANDPA!
WAKEY-WAKEY, EGGS AND BAKEY!
[COUGHS]
I CANNOT BELIEVE WE EAT THE SAME FOOD.
[BURPS] BELIEVE IT.
GRANDMA, WOULD YOU SHOW ME WHERE THE SHOWER IS?
SHOWER? WHY, SURE, HONEY.
WOULD YOU LIKE A MASSAGE AND A FRUITY DRINK, TOO?
HOW ABOUT A MANICURE AND A MUD FACIAL
WHY YOU LAY BY THE POOL EATING CRAB CAKES?
I CAN DO WITHOUT THE SARCASM.
CHOW TIME IS OVER, CAMPERS.
TIME FOR OUR NATURE WALK TO BADBEARD LAKE.
WHY DO THEY CALL IT BADBEARD LAKE?
WELL, IT'S A BODY OF FRESH WATER SURROUNDED BY LAND--
NO, THE "BADBEARD" PART.
OH, RIGHT. IT WAS NAMED AFTER BADBEARD,
THE MOST RUTHLESS FRESHWATER PIRATE EVER TO PLUNDER A LAKESIDE COMMUNITY.
Kids: COOL!
AND IN THE MIDDLE OF BADBEARD LAKE LIES SPLEEN ISLAND,
WHERE LEGEND HAS IT BADBEARD BURIED HIS BOUNTIFUL BOOTY. HEH!
BOOTY?
YOU KNOW, TREASURE.
TREASURE? [GASPS] TREASURE?
AYE, MATIES. OH, JUST A SEC.
ARG!
WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE A PIRATE, GRANDPA?
ARG! I'M TRYING TO TELL THE STORY OF BADBEARD THE PIRATE.
THERE'S A SONG ABOUT IT. SAY, DOES ANYONE HAVE A CONCERTINA?
BUFORD?
ME?
YES.
[PLAYING]
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG, THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG, THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
THAT'S IT?
WELL, I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS MUCH OF A SONG.
SO, MEET ME AT THE TRAILHEAD IN 5 MINUTES.
Kids: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN GRANDPA!
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
OH, DEAR. I SEEM TO BE MISSING MY UNDERPANTS.
HEH HEH HEH!
Grandpa: YOU SEE KIDS, WHEREVER YOU GO, THE FOREST IS TEEMING WITH LIFE
FOR US TO STEP ON.
REMEMBER, ALWAYS STICK TO THE TRAIL SO YOU WON'T GET LOST.
AND WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER TOUCH THE ORANGE MOSS
THAT GROWS ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE JUM-JUM TREE.
BORING. I'M CALLING STACEY.
Grandpa: LEFT IS RIGHT. RIGHT IS WRONG.
I CAN'T GET ANY RECEPTION UP HERE.
SO, STAY CLEAR OF THE MOSS. THE SLIGHTEST TOUCH,
AND THE ORANGE MOSS WILL ABSORB THROUGH THE SKIN,
CAUSING WILD HALLUCINATIONS.
HUH? OH, NO!
WAS THAT THE RIGHT SIDE OR THE WRONG SIDE?
NO, WAIT. THE LEFT SIDE WAS THE RIGHT SIDE.
[GASPS] MOSS! ORANGE!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
THAR SHE BLOWS, MATIES--
BADBEARD LAKE.
Kids: OOH!
AND THAR BE SPLEEN ISLAND.
THE BONES OF THEM THAT HUNTED THE TREASURE
ALL BE LYIN' BELOW IN DAVY JONES'S LOCKER.
COOL.
LET'S GO!
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG, THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG ♪
CANDACE? WHERE'S CANDACE?
♪ THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
[CAWING]
[CRACKING]
GOOD MORNING, AGENT P. AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP, AGENT E.
SORRY IF WE ALARMED YOU, AGENT P. WE'RE REMODELING OUR REGULAR BASE HERE.
ACTUALLY MY WIFE IS DOING IT MEXICAN COUNTRY STYLE--
DISTRESSED WOOD, WROUGHT IRON, IT SHOULD ALL BE VERY--
WHOA, HEY, WHOA! HEY, AGENT E., BACK OFF.
UH, ANYWAY, AGENT E. SPOTTED DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ ON SPLEEN ISLAND.
HE'S MOVING BOXES AND EQUIPMENT INTO WHAT'S KNOWN AS
THE HAUNTED CAVE OF THE OLD SEA HAG.
HONESTLY, I'M NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP.
BUT ANYWAY, WE BELIEVE HE'S CREATING A NEW HIDEOUT THERE,
AND WE WANT YOU TO FOIL HIS PLANS.
GOOD LUCK, AGENT P.
NO WAY. THIS IS SO WEIRD.
I SEE PERRY WITH AN EAGLE, AND THEIR BOTH DRESSED UP LIKE SECRET AGENTS
AND THEY'RE TALKING TO MAN INSIDE AN EGG. HA!
THAT IS SO MESSED UP. IT MUST BE THE MOSS.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. HOW DID I GET WAY UP HERE?
WHOA! AAH! EEE! OOH! AAH! OW!
[COUGHS]
[CAWING]
NOW PERRY HAS A WET-SKI?
[GASPS] HOW STRANGE CAN THIS GET?
OH, IT GETS MUCH STRANGER, KEVIN.
AAH!
EN GARDE, YOU SCURVY DOG!
HA HA! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SCURVY IS!
HEY, I KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO TODAY.
LET'S BE REAL PIRATES
AND GO FIND BADBEARD'S TREASURE.
HA HA! SURE, KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT.
I WAS JUST ABOUT YOUR AGE WHEN I FIRST HEARD ABOUT BADBEARD'S TREASURE.
I'D COME UP HERE EVERY SUMMER AND SEARCH FOR IT.
BUT I FELT DRAWN BY THE EXCITEMENT AND ADVENTURE.
OF COURSE, THEN I DISCOVERED GIRLS AND THE REST IS A BLUR.
I NEVER FOUND THE TREASURE, BUT I DID FIND A TREASURE MAP.
TREASURE MAP? HEY!
[WHAP]
HA HA. WHOA!
BUT BE WARNED, MATIES.
THEY SAY BADBEARD'S TREASURE COMES WITH A CURSE!
Kids: A CURSE?
AYE. THEM WHO DISTURB THE TREASURE OF BADBEARD
SHALL BE CURSED WITH BAD BEARDS FOR THE REST OF THEIR DAYS.
YOU MEAN WE'LL BE STUCK WITH A BIG, UGLY BEARD ON OUR FACE
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?
THAT'S GNARLY.
WELL, WHILE YOU KIDS SEARCH FOR TREASURE,
I'D BETTER GO SEARCH FOR GRANDMA. WISH THERE WAS A MAP FOR THAT.
[CLASSIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
AAH!
[ENGINE REVVING]
OK, TROOPS. WE SET SAIL FROM POINT PLOTS,
SAIL THROUGH THE STONES OF GALL,
AND INTO THE COVE OF INCONTINENCE,
AND THEN CONTINUE ON FOOT INTO THE DARK TUNNEL OF DOOM.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL.
AND "X" MARKS THE SPOT. EASY-PEASY.
FIRST THING WE GOTTA DO IS, WE MAKE GRANDPA'S SECONDHAND DINGHY
INTO A FIRST-RATE PIRATE SHIP. FERB, ANY IDEAS?
WHOA. IMPRESSIVE.
[GIGGLING]
Doofenshmirtz: IS THAT THE CABLE COMPANY?
SO, MR. CABLE MAN, YOU DON'T CARRY THE EVIL SCIENCE CHANNEL?
WHAT'S UP WITH--
PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!
OH, GIVE ME A BREAK. I'M MOVING, LEGALLY.
I BOUGHT THIS PLACE-- AND CHEAP, TOO.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HAUNTED BY A TERRIFYING OLD SEA HAG.
HEH HEH HEH.
LOOK, PERRY THE PLATYPUS, JUST BECAUSE I'M EVIL
DOESN'T MEAN EVERYTHING I DO IS EVIL.
FINE. YOU WANT EVIL, PERRY THE PLATYPUS?
I'LL GIVE YOU EVIL.
AVAST, ME 'ARTIES!
♪ WE'RE SAILING FOR THE ISLE OF SPLEEN ♪
♪ TO SEARCH FOR THE TREASURE OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ I'M FEELING SICK ♪
♪ YOU'RE LOOKING GREEN ♪
Kids: ♪ WE SEARCH FOR THE TREASURE OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ WE'LL PLUNDER AND PILLAGE ♪
♪ AND DO SOME MATH ♪
♪ AND ALL REFUSE TO TAKE A BATH ♪
♪ WE SEEK ADVENTURE AND ROMANCE ♪
♪ I'M RUNNING OUT OF UNDERPANTS ♪
♪ THERE'S GHOSTS WHO HAUNT THE CAVE AND WORSE ♪
♪ DISCARDED BY A PIRATE'S CURSE ♪
♪ WHY DO MY NOSTRILS WHISPER TO ME? ♪
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG, THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG, THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
THIS IS IT-- THE TUNNEL OF DOOM,
JUST LIKE ON THE MAP. [CHIRPS]
ARE YOU SURE WE'RE GOING THE RIGHT WAY?
SURE I'M SURE. WE JUST FOLLOW FERB.
HE'S GOT THE MAP.
[WIND WHISTLING]
Phineas: UH-OH. OH, WELL.
I'M SURE IT'S PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD FROM HERE.
HEH HEH.
Isabella: IT DOESN'T LOOK VERY SAFE.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER TEST IT.
NO PROBLEM. IT'LL HOLD US.
[CREAKING]
NO, WAIT! NOT ALL AT ONCE!
[KIDS SCREAM]
[GROWLING]
Phineas: RUN FOR IT! [ROARING]
OH, MY GOSH! BUFORD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LOOK! I FOUND THESE NIFTY HAND PUPPETS.
WELL, STOP FOOLING AROUND AND LET'S GO.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
THIS PLACE IS CREEPING ME OUT.
IF I HAD ANY UNDERPANTS LEFT, I AM SURE THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN SOILED.
PHINEAS, WE'RE NOT GETTING LOST, ARE WE?
YEAH, DINNER BELL. WHAT IF THERE IS NO TREASURE?
PERHAPS THE REAL TREASURE IS TRUE FRIENDSHIP AND THE SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE.
NAH. THERE IT IS OVER THERE.
Phineas: "X" MARKS THE SPOT.
LOOK. THERE'S THE CHEST.
BUT WHO D-DARE OPEN IT?
I'LL OPEN IT.
BUT PHINEAS, WHAT ABOUT THE CURSE?
BAD BEARDS FOREVER, DUDE.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A CHIN.
THAT'S A CHANCE I'LL HAVE TO TAKE.
SHIVER ME TIMBERS! THE CURSE IS TRUE.
WE WILL HAVE BAD BEARDS FOREVER!
OH, NO!
IT'S FULL OF BAD FAKE BEARDS.
NOW, PERRY THE PLATYPUS,
WHY DON'T YOU SAY HELLO TO MY NEW PET CROCODILES--
SUSAN AND SUSAN? I NAMED THEM AFTER EACH OTHER.
NOW, PREPARE TO BE DELICIOUS!
[CACKLING]
[GASPS] THE SEA HAG! THE PHARMACIST!
[BEEP]
HEY, PERRY, I'M GONNA GET A SNACK FROM THE VENDING MACHINE.
YOU WANT SOMETHING? SUIT YOURSELF.
I'M GONNA HAVE ME SOME BEEF JERKY.
Man's voice: ISLAND SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED.
[ALARM SOUNDING]
WAIT! MY BEEF JERKY!
AAH! SOMEONE ALWAYS FINDS MY SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON!
OHH. CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS,
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.
THESE ARE THE BEST BAD BEARS EVER.
[RUMBLING]
QUICK!
GRAB AS MANY BEARDS AS YOU CAN CARRY AND LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[ROARING]
[CRASH]
CAST OFF!
PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT, MATIES!
WHEE!
[CAWING]
Kids: OH, MAN! WHOA! ASTONISHING!
HEY, BY THE WAY, WHERE'S P--
OH, NEVER MIND.
HEY, PERRY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CUTE LITTLE SECRET AGENT HAT?
WELL, FERBIE, OLD MATIE, OUR FIRST TIME OUT AS PIRATES,
AND WE COME HOME WITH A BOUNTY OF BEARDS.
Ferb: AND PERHAPS THE GREATEST PIRATE STORY EVER TOLD.
WOW! THAT'S THE GREATEST PIRATE STORY EVER TOLD!
OH. HOW YOU FEELING, HONEY?
OHH, BETTER. THANKS, GRANDMA.
CAN YOU BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT PERRY WAS A SECRET AGENT?
[TWITTERS]
WELL, I LEARNED MY LESSON-- STAY AWAY FROM THE ORANGE MOSS.
THE ORANGE MOSS? IS THAT WHAT YOUR GRANDPA SAID?
OH, HE ALWAYS GETS THAT WRONG.
IT'S THE BLUE MOSS YOU GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR.
WH-WHAT? I GUESS IT WAS ALL IN YOUR HEAD.
WELL, THAT'S THE POWER OF SUGGESTION FOR YOU.
YOU GET SOME REST NOW, SWEETIE.
THE BLUE MOSS...
WHAT? OHH.
LOVE THE BEARD, KEVIN.
AVAST, ME 'ARTIES! ♪ WE'RE SAILING FOR THE ISLE OF SPLEEN ♪
♪ TO SEARCH FOR THE TREASURE OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ I'M FEELING SICK ♪
♪ YOU'RE LOOKING GREEN ♪
Kids: ♪ WE SEARCH FOR THE TREASURE OF BADBEARD ♪
♪ WE'LL PLUNDER AND PILLAGE ♪
♪ AND DO SOME MATH ♪
♪ AND ALL REFUSE TO TAKE A BATH ♪
♪ WE SEEK ADVENTURE AND ROMANCE ♪
♪ I'M RUNNING OUT OF UNDERPANTS ♪
♪ THERE'S GHOSTS WHO HAUNT THE CAVE AND WORSE ♪
♪ DISCARDED BY A PIRATE'S CURSE ♪
♪ ARG, ARG, ARG, ARG, THIS IS THE BALLAD OF BADBEARD ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DISNEY-ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
Buford: BAD BEARDS FOREVER, DUDE.

It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World | S1 E13 | Full Episode | Phineas and Ferb | @disneyxd