♪ HEY, WOW... ♪

♪ HERE'S HOW ♪

♪ COME AND READ ♪

♪ BETWEEN THE LIONS ♪

Chorus: ♪ COME ON ♪

♪ COME IN ♪

♪ BEGIN ♪

♪ THE WORLD AWAITS ♪

Woman: ♪ BETWEEN THE LIONS ♪

♪ BETWEEN THE COVERS OF A BOOK ♪

♪ IT'S TIME TO LOOK BETWEEN THE LIONS ♪

♪ BEHOLD THE TALES BEYOND THE TAILS ♪

Chorus: ♪ BEHIND THE DOOR ♪

♪ BECOME, EXPLORE ♪

♪ COME IN BETWEEN THE LIONS ♪

♪ BEGIN BETWEEN THE LIONS ♪

♪ BE HERE BETWEEN THE LIONS! ♪

( woman squealing with delight )

OH! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

OH, IT IS WHO I THINK IT IS!

IT IS! IT IS!

Theo: WHOA!

( crash )

UH... OH, OH, EXCUSE ME.

IS THAT... OH... BABS CAPLAN, THE AUTHOR?

Click: AFFIRMATIVE.

THAT IS BABS CAPLAN.

OH, DO YOU THINK SHE'D MIND IF I WATCHED HER WRITE

WITH MY BEAK RESTING ON HER SHOULDER

JUST FOR AN HOUR OR TWO?

YES, SHE POSTED A "DO NOT DISTURB" SIGN ON MY HARD DRIVE.

( Lionel yelling )

GOTCHA!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

YEAH, THAT'S HOW YOU SNEAK UP ON SOMEBODY.

COME HERE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

( Lionel and Leona talking loudly )

LIONEL, LEONA, PLEASE DON'T BOTHER MISS CAPLAN

WHILE SHE'S WRITING.

WRITERS ARE VERY IMPORTANT CREATURES.

WHY, WITHOUT WRITERS, WE WOULDN'T HAVE LIBRARIES.

Both: WE'RE SORRY.

OH, I'M NOT UPSET WITH YOU.

IT'S THIS... IT'S THIS STORY.

IT SHOULD BE GREAT, LIKE, WELL, EVERYTHING ELSE I WRITE, BUT...

( grumbling )

( all gasp )

PICK IT UP, LIONEL.

( Caplan sighs )

HERE YOU GO.

OH, OH, THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT THE CAP WOULD BRING ME INSPIRATION.

MM-HMM.

BUT INSTEAD I WROTE BADNESS.

ME!

IT'S SHOCKING!

( whispers ): HOW BAD COULD IT BE?

( grunts "I don't know" )

HOW BAD?

IF I READ IT TO YOU, IT WOULD GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD

AND YOU BRAIN WOULD GO

( screams )

Leona: OOH! OOH!

OOH! READ IT, PLEASE.

I WANT MY BRAIN TO GO

( hollers )

YEAH, YEAH, ME, TOO.

( sighs ): ALL RIGHT

IF YOU INSIST.

YEAH!

THE CHAPS WITH CAPS

BY BABS CAPLAN.

OH, BOY.

( chap snoring )

( monkeys chattering )

"THE END."

Both: WHAT?!

WHAT?!

HOW COULD BABS CAPLAN

HAVE WRITTEN THIS?

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO BRILLIANT BEFORE!

AH... WELL, I LOVED THE MONKEYS.

( Leona imitates monkey )

( chattering )

THAT'S VERY NICE

BUT A STORY'S GOT TO BE MORE THAN CHATTERING MONKEYS

AT LEAST UNTIL IT'S MADE INTO A MOVIE.

NOW, BABS, IT'S A GREAT BEGINNING FOR A STORY.

ISN'T IT, THEO?

HUH?

OH, YES, MA'AM, A FINE BEGINNING.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

BEGINNING?

THIS IS THE WHOLE THING?

ISN'T HE GOING TO TRY AND GET HIS CAPS BACK?

AHA!

HEY, BABS, DID YOU HEAR WHAT LIONEL SAID?

NO.

ISN'T HE GOING TO TRY AND GET HIS CAPS BACK?

I JUST HAD AN IDEA.

WHOA.

WHAT IF I COULD ADD TO THE STORY

ABOUT HOW THE CHAP TRIES TO GET HIS CAPS BACK.

YES!

SCATTER! SCATTER!

ARTISTE AT WORK!

YOU'RE BLOCKING MY LIGHT.

OH! OH, YES, MA'AM.

Cleo: ABSOLUTELY.

Theo: WHAT'S AN ARTISTE?

Cleo: UH, IT'S A FANCY FRENCH PASTRY.

( chattering )

SORRY.

THERE'S NO LIGHT!

( chattering )

( grunting )

Announcer: AND NOW, WALTER AND CLAY PIGEON TRAP A CAP!

WHAT?

BUSTER, YOU'D LOOK BETTER IN A CAP.

SO WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU ONE.

MM-HMM.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S A CAP TRAP.

MM-HMM.

NONSENSE.

( boing )

WE GOT ONE, WALTER!

WE GOT ONE!

YEAH, I WILL NOT WEAR THAT CAP!

AH, STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.

I WILL NOT WEAR THAT CAP!

Announcer: AND NOW, LOVERS OF THE VOWELS "A," "E," "I," "O," "U"

AND SOMETIMES "Y"

MARTHA READER AND THE VOWELLES SING THE SHORT "A" SOUND

FROM THEIR SNAPPY HIT WORD, "TAP."

( singing repeated short "a" sound to soul tune )

( song ends; cheering and applause )

OH!

( chuckles )

( imitates sliding and thud )

( sounds out "n" )

AP... AP.

N... AP... NAP...

NAP.

NAP.

( yawning ): NAP.

( yawns )

NAP.

AND NOW ARTY SMARTYPANTS WILL READ FOUR WORDS

WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE WHATSOEVER!

( applause )

THANK YOU.

MAY I HAVE A "BUILD THE EXCITEMENT" DRUM ROLL PLEASE?

( drum roll, applause )

THANK YOU.

"LAP"...

"CLAP"...

"FLAP"...

"FLAPJACK."

"LAP," "CLAP," "FLAP" AND "FLAPJACK."

THANK YOU.

( applause )

Audience: LOOK OUT!

OH, NO.

WHOA!

( thud )

OOH!

OH, MY ACHING SMARTYPANTS!

ARTY! ARTY! ARTY!

AND NOW THE WORD DOCTOR WITH DR. RUTH WORDHEIMER.

HELLO.

HERE'S DR. RUTH.

( creature shrieking )

IT MUST BE TIME FOR ANOTHER "LONG WORD FREAK-OUT."

( yelling )

WHOA, OOH, LOOK AT THIS WORD!

OH, DR. RUTH!

DR. RUTH

YOU GOT TO HELP ME!

YOU GOT TO HELP ME!

ALL RIGHT, NOW, CALM DOWN.

LET'S TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE WORD IS

ONE PART AT A TIME.

ONE PART AT A TIME.

OKAY, OKAY, YEAH.

THUN...

DER...

CLAP...

GOOD.

NOW PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER.

THUN-DER-CLAP...

THUNDERCLAP?

EXACTLY!

OOH! OOH! THUNDERCLAP!

OH! OH, THANK YOU, DR. RUTH.

OH, THANK YOU!

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHOO! I AM GOOD.

( thunder claps )

I THINK IT'S GOING TO RAIN.

AND NOW A LITTLE POEM IN WHICH LETTERS CHANGE

AND MAKE SOMETHING VERY INTERESTING HAPPEN.

( music begins playing )

♪ THERE ONCE WAS A CARELESS YOUNG CLAM ♪

♪ WHO FORGOT TO LOOK OUT WHERE HE SWAM. ♪

♪ A BIG WAVE FROM THE SEA MADE "S-W" "D" ♪

♪ AND WASHED THE CLAM OVER THE DAM, OH, YEAH ♪

♪ IT WASHED THE CLAM OVER THE DAM. ♪

( song ends )

( crowd cheering )

EXCELLENT!

GAWAIN HERE ONCE AGAIN AT BLENDING FIELDS

WHERE TWO BRAVE KNIGHTS IN ARMOR

WILL CHARGE TOGETHER AT HIGH SPEED AND MAKE A WORD.

COMPETING TODAY, WE HAVE SIR "CR"...

( crowd cheers )

AND ON YOUR RIGHT, SIR "ASH."

( cheering )

BLEND ON, DUDES!

Gawain: EXCELLENT!

THAT'S GAWAIN'S WORD FOR TODAY.

AND THIS IS GAWAIN SAYING SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON...

( sighing happily )

AH, YES, THE LIGHT IS BETTER...

BUT IT DIDN'T HELP.

HORRIBLE!

TERRIBLE!

NOT GOOD!

OH, MISS CAPLAN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

OH, IT CAN'T?

WELL, YOU THOUGHT THE FIRST ONE WAS BAD...

Cleo: WELL, IT WAS...

WELL, HOLD ONTO YOUR BRAINS.

I CAN'T.

MY HEAD'S IN THE WAY.

OH, LEONA!

( clearing throat )

FOCUS, FOCUS!

"THE CHAP THOUGHT

( monkeys chattering )

( chattering )

Monkeys: HUH?

OH, WHAT'S THAT, HUH?

Monkey: WE'RE NOT FALLING FOR THAT OLD TRICK.

( chattering )

I'M SO ASHAMED.

WELL, IT'S STILL GOT GOOD MONKEYS.

( chattering )

LEONA, STOP IT.

NOW, BABS, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT.

IT'S A FINE MIDDLE OF THE STORY, ISN'T IT, THEO?

HUH?

OOH! YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT YOU ARE

CLEO MY DEAR.

NOW YOU HAVE A BEGINNING

YOU HAVE A MIDDLE, AND WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

NEXT?

WELL, THERE IS NO NEXT.

IT'S OVER.

IT'S ALL OVER.

THOSE MONKEYS.

( growls )

I'LL BET THAT CHAP IS REALLY ANGRY AT THEM

FOR TAKING HIS CAPS.

I KNOW I WOULD BE.

I KNOW I WOULD BE.

( imitating monkey )

STOP IT!

BRAINSTORM!

WHAT IF IT'S NOT THE END?

WHAT IF... WHAT IF THE CHAP GETS REALLY ANGRY AT THE MONKEYS

FOR TAKING HIS CAPS?

( squeals with delight )

YEAH, YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING.

AWAY! AWAY!

OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

GENIUS NEEDS ROOM TO FLOURISH.

OF COURSE.

A LOT OF ROOM.

AND NOW, ONCE AGAIN, IT'S TIME FOR THE ADVENTURES OF SAM SPUD

PARBOILED POTATO DETECTIVE.

Potato: THE NAME IS SPUD, SAME SPUD.

SAME?

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

"S-A-M-E"

THAT SILENT "E" AT THE END MAKES IT "SAME."

S-A-M, SAM SPUD.

THE CRACKLE, CRACKLE OF THE NEON SIGN

OUTSIDE WAS ABOUT TO DRIVE ME CRAZY

WHEN THERE WAS A KNOCK AT MY DOOR.

WHO'S THERE?

TOOTOO.

TOOTOO WHO?

"OH, THAT THIS TOO, TOO SOLID FLESH WOULD MELT..."

WHOEVER HE WAS, HE SOUNDED LIKE A REAL HAM.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS A REAL HAM

AND I SAW WHAT HE MEANT--

HE'D BEEN BUTCHERING HIS PARTS SO THE COPS HAD PUT HIM ON ICE.

I KNEW JUST THE ANSWER.

HELLO, BOYS...

HER NAME WAS "HONEY," "HONEY GLAZE."

IF ANYONE COULD MELT THE OLD HAM IT WAS HONEY.