Near Twolegplace, a bunch of apparently extremely poorly trained Rottweilers dig their way out of their fenced in enclosure.

Thunderclan has no idea and is having a collective heart attack about Tigerstar being leader of ShadowClan.

"Just trust me" says Tigerstar. "What have you got to lose?"

Later Graystripe acts like the wishy-washiest traitor to ever ignore his deputy for 3 minutes while Fireheart and Sandstorm watch.

Afterwards, Fireheart goes to check on Cinderpelt.

She's been having nightmares.

Even though she's the prophet healer and spiritual guide of the Clan,

Fireheart assumes that goth for now. Thanks Starclan again for sharing your wisdom.

He then decides it's time for all these apprentices to become warriors, seeing as they're all huge and muscley now.

But before going to see Bluestar, he takes some time to be bothered by the Prince of Darkness, even after what happened last book.

While in the nursery Brackenfur notices there's something off about Snowkit, which keeps letting himself get beat up.

Fireheart doesn't pay it too much attention,

and goes to tell Bluestar its time to let the apprentices become men.

Bluestar looks at him funny until he assumes this is a bad idea.

CInderpelt and Fireheart go to see the rock and learn Littlecloud has decided to start practicing white magic.

We also learn about how Tigerstar just waltzed right into ShadowClan without anyone having a problem with it.........

Fireheart and Sandstorm were on another walk when Graystripe betrays his Clan further by telling them about how Tigerstar and Leopardfur have been flirting.

Mistyfoot's elderly ( not Bluestar's mother) goes missing, so obviously it's all up to the Thunderclan cats to find her.

Graypool has been meeting up with Tigerstar in secret to roleplay Warrior Cats.

Tigerstars character is Oakheart.

He doesn't like the way the roleplay is going and shoves her off a cliff.

Fireheart decides that for some reason Bluestar's secret is more important than letting anyone know what Tigerstar just did and lies entirely about Graypool's death.

When he gets back, BrAmBlEkIt CaTcHeS a MoUsE!

"That would be great if you weren't going to grow up and kill me." says Fireheart, in front of the kit's mother.

Then they learned that Snowkit is deaf after he tells them that his favorite band is Nickelback.

On patrol, Thornclaw scents like three thousand dogs.

"Seems safe to me."

Fireheart tells Bluestar about the dogs, but he's being ridiculous...

Dogs would never live in the wild, what a stupid concept.

He goes outside just in time to see Snowkit get dragged off by a hawk.

Bye I guess....

Bluestar decides this is because the sky hates Thunderclan.

"The sky isn't real!" says Cloudpaw.

"I don't believe in anything that I can't touch."

At the Gathering were specifically introduced to Gorsepaw, for some reason.

Hmm.. Leopardstar is the new leader of WaterClan with Manly Bluestar as her deputy.

Graystripe tells Fireheart all about her battle plans.What a great, noble, and honest warrior.

Your'e really honoring Silverstream's memory there, friend. Uh, tell me again how you're looking after your kits....

Bluestar screeches for 45 seconds instead of presenting any news.

Leopardstar tries to threaten her, but she responds with "Thanks, RiverClan is my favorite clan."

Instead, Bluestar decides to attack Windclan because they're the only clan that smells like dogs.

That night Fireheart TRIES to dream about his online girlfriend, Spottedleaf, but instead gets Yellowfang.

Then he wakes up to Darkstripe taking Tigerstar's kits on a hiking trip.

Fireheart just passively allows two kittens to be presented to Tigerstar, and then doesn't tell anyone about it.

Great job, again...

He then goes and tells Windclan that Bluestar has plans to attack them, seemingly disinterested in never trying to talk with her again.

Then he tells the rest of the clan, who respond with

"What the heck Fireheart??"

After some shenanigans involving Ravenpaw and note-passing,

Bluestar agrees to meet with Tallstar behind the school bleachers.

"I didn't do it." Says Tallstar. Bluestar decides not to attack Tallstar.

They get back and TenelleFlowers yells at their husband.

Then Longtail is upset because his apprentice is sitting in his basement, and eating Cheetos instead of getting a job.

Soon after, we learned that Riverclan is taking Sunningrocks back.

I mean, took you guys long enough.. its been what, two years?

Bluestar lays down and lets her children beat her up.

"Why won't you fight?" the Riverclan cats ask.

"She's distantly related to all of you thanks to retcon and familial connections!" replies Fireheart.

No-loyalty Graystripe betrays River clan in battle this time, and gets absorbed right back into Thunderclan.

Then Bluestar decides that Cloudpaw can be a warrior now. Just Cloudpaw because he's an atheist!

Swiftpaw is upset. Brightpaw is upset. Thornpaw wants to join the dawn patrol.

Later Fernpaw tells her cool college boyfriend that Brightpaw and Swiftpaw took off in the night.

Thanks Fernpaw.

As it turns out, dogs killed both of them.

Except not Brightpaw.

They asked Brightpaw who did this but all she could say is, "Woof Woof. Bark Bark."

Cloudtail insists she become a warrior after this, so Bluestar gives her her new name:

Dog Food.

"Thats a bad name." says everyone. "OKAY but we've also got cats named One-eye and Halftail." says Bluestar.

Nobody responds.

Fireheart tells Bluestar that its about time they apprentice Tigerstar's demon spawn.

"How about we just throw the whole clan in the trash instead?" says Bluestar.

Sandstorm is reasonably upset Fireheart AGAIN didn't give her an apprentice.

Fireheart proceeds to immediately tell Tigerstar's kits the dark and terrible truth about their daddy.

"Wait, heck, that's why you keep freaking out every time you see me!" shouts Bramblepaw.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about.." he responds, slowly back away from teenage troubleclaws.

At the gathering, Tigerstar shouts to the whole forest every bad thing that's gone down in ThunderClan for months, as if that's going to make them give his kittens back.

Darkstripe told him.

"Maybe later'' says Bluestar.

The next day, Longtail comes to Fireheart to warn him about dogs and Tigerstar.

Fireheart doesn't trust him because clearly Darkstripe and Longtail are the same guy.

He changes his mind about this immediately.

"There's these dogs," says Longtail.

"And they keep going 'Woof Woof. Bark Bark.'"

Everyone is shocked. It was the DOGS saying, "Woof Woof. Bark Bark."!

In the three seconds it took between this and going to look for the dogs,

Fireheart proposes to Sandstorm.

ShE sAiD yEs

They find rabbits suspiciously leading to the ThunderClan camp.

They spend 300 years making a pile and turn around to see Brindleface's dead body.

But can you blame Tigerstar for mistaking her for a rabbit?

She's just SO soft.

They very quickly just send her kids off to bury her.

Wow, I'm sure that's not traumatizing..

Fireheart sends all the cats to the mall while they deal with the dogs.

Darkstripe then kidnaps Bramblepaw and Tawnypaw for 13 seconds before getting caught.

They then organize a relay race.

Whoever wins gets to eat the losers. The dogs agree immediately.

He has Ashpaw and Fernpaw participate,

teaching them in their formative teenage years that revenge is a good way to solve your emotional problems.

But just as the race is about to end, Tigerstar attacks Fireheart and the dogs take the lead.

But at the very last second, Bluestar takes his place gaining on the dogs in an incredible pace with the form of an Olympic champion!

She wins the race, but doesn't stop, running right off of RiverClans favorite cliff.

Fireheart jumps in after her.

"W-Wait.. I never learned how to swim." says Fireheart, drowning.

Suddenly Bluestar Two and Bluestar Three use their waterbending powers to save both of them.

But Bluestar's sick of this, so she dies anyways.

Tigerstar watches their entire family reunion. This couldn't go bad in any way..